| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:03:05 AM |
A lot of a person's mystery (and therefore the other's interest) is lost when you first have sex, for men and women.
I find this statement utterly ridiculous.
Well, a lot of us understand and can relate to that statement. Some of our psychologies around sex operate differently, okay?
Some of us have learned from having both, "early" chemistry, and "delayed" chemistry that there is a distinct difference in the quality of the relationship in the long term.
Just because it's worked that way for you in YOUR experience doesn't mean it's the same way in everyone's. It's worked for you in 2 LTRs, right? Well how many LTRs have you had total?
I had a cousin who slept with her bf on their first date... they were together for 4 years and by the end they didn't find each other that attractive anymore.
Yeah but what if you rope him in early with your sexual skill then he turns out to be a totally lame idiot?
Men run that very same risk as well. Don't kid yourself.
I'm not kidding myself. I think that provides further support for why waiting can be a good idea. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/17/2009 1:57:02 PM | I had my stupid days when i would have sex on the first night with a guy because i was young and naive and thought for some reason that maybe he would enjoy it so much he would never leave me. Then I grew up and realized the ones that stick around are the ones who don`t get what they want so easily. Just from a guys point of view... i would be thinking if it was so easy to get her into bed with me, how will i know she will be faithful to me if i stay with her...
I don`t like easy guys. I know most guys are pretty damn easy, but to me a man who can cantrol his sexual desires with me would be less likely to cheat on me in the future if some pretty girl shakes her behind at him. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:47:37 PM |
I had my stupid days when i would have sex on the first night with a guy because i was young and naive and thought for some reason that maybe he would enjoy it so much he would never leave me. Then I grew up and realized the ones that stick around are the ones who don`t get what they want so easily
Somehow this post makes me very glad I married young and never slept with a guy on the first date thinking I might keep him with my sexual skill. The only reason I have ever slept with a guy on any date was because I was horny and he was horny and we had an attraction and enjoyed each others bodies and company for that night. There is only one reason ever to have sex and that's because you both want it. People need to learn to think of sex as it's own entity, not a way to get or a precursor to something else. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/17/2009 3:29:40 PM |
I had my stupid days when i would have sex on the first night with a guy because i was young and naive and thought for some reason that maybe he would enjoy it so much he would never leave me. Then I grew up and realized the ones that stick around are the ones who don`t get what they want so easily
I've never had a long term relationship with a woman I've slept with on the first date or even the first few dates... Well, I might continue to date them and even continue for months later, but I've already decided to never settle down with her.... it's just she's available for sex, and someone to hang out with... meanwhile I'd be looking for someone to replace her.... | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/17/2009 3:34:21 PM |
The real point is, what is the logic behind banging some guy you know you really don`t want long term yet when you meet someone you see a future with you and you`re attracted to you delay the sex?
There is no logic in your question, the way you put it.
You're suggesting that all women do this. We aren't all built the same way OP, just as all men ought not be lumped together like last weeks porridge.
Isn't it okay to have sex with a man we don't want long term? I think so. Bring on the pitch forks and the torches...lol...
I personally find it much easier on me emotionally if I decide to have sex with someone I don't want rather than with someone I might.
Honestly, it hurts a hell of lot less if we don't work out.
Sex isn't that big a deal for me unless I'm in love. Then it's magical...
To clarify, I don't want sex with men who aren't sexually stimulating to me, or where there is no mutual chemistry. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:06:35 AM |
yet they make someone they like wait and spend more money on her.
How does someone MAKE you spend money….on them?
I assure you i`ve had dates that were supposed to be dutch but they get pissed when i hold them to it
I had an aunt like this; I just let it pass, not that big a deal.
Your statements do make it seem as though you think you are being used by some of the women you date. You need better radar. I know from the profile, photos and his messages to me that I will more than likely be attracted to him when we meet. IRL that chemistry is instant. In the serious relationships I have experienced the sex always happened at the onset.
With the exception of a few weirdoes sex serves to bond us. It is then the revelations of our selves begin. Without passion and carnal discovery of another it is just bland, unexciting companionship.
Whether or not a guy has money, or spends it on me, has absolutely nothing to do with my desire to have sex with him. If the sexual connection is not there for me no amount of fine dining, champagne and caviar is going to make IT happen; nor have I ever felt obligated, and never has a man made me feel that I owe him anything, because he has shared fine dining with me.
The physical connection is not about that.
Therefore your references are a bit immature and one dimensional. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:56:14 AM | Is it that sometimes women just want to get off and doing it with the guy you have no real interest in is easy to do and to forget while doing it with someone you see a future with might ruin your chances because he`ll think you`re "a slut".
How many women are you basing this theory on?
If a guy thinks I'm a 'slut' for giving him what he wants early on, he's a moron and not worthy of MY interest.I don't withhold sex if I am interested in a relationship with someone.Nor do I use men solely for sex.Call me an annomoly.
Generalizations are the root of all evil. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 7:15:29 AM |
I've never had a long term relationship with a woman I've slept with on the first date or even the first few dates... Well, I might continue to date them and even continue for months later, but I've already decided to never settle down with her.... it's just she's available for sex, and someone to hang out with... meanwhile I'd be looking for someone to replace her.
OH....now I see the underlying theme of your attitude towards women and am not at all surprised.How's your relationship with your mother? That's the BEST way to find out if a MAN is a keeper!
Can you guess what this defines? Besides very possibly you?
This term is used to describe an unsatisfiable desire by a man to have his wife or other female partner exhibit both of these mutually exclusive traits. This introduces a dilemma where men may feel unable to love any women who can satisfy them sexually and are unable to be sexually satisfied by any women who they can love. Alternatively, the term is to describe or attempt to justify the behavior of men who pursue multiple women as a way of fulfilling each of these needs.
Feminists and other social commentators use the term to describe a deep dichotomy in modern culture used to oppress women via a sexual double standard, establishing rigid categories for female sexual behavior while permitting male sexual behavior to range from abstinence to promiscuity without similarly disparaging social judgment.
I sure hope for your sake it's not a deep seeded, unchangeable issues for you or you may never be satisfied with one women.
We as women are not....GOOD ENOUGH TO LOVE or not.
According to Freudian psychology, this complex often develops when the sufferer is raised by a cold and distant mother. Such a man will often court women with qualities of his mother, hoping to fulfill a need for intimacy unmet in childhood. Often, the wife begins to be seen as mother to the husband—a "Madonna" figure—and thus not a possible object of sexual attraction. For this reason, in the mind of the sufferer, love and sex cannot be mixed, and the man is reluctant to have sexual relations with his wife, for that, he thinks unconsciously, would be as incest. He will reserve sexuality for "bad" or "dirty" women, and will not develop "normal" feelings of love in these sexual relationships.
but I've already decided to never settle down with her.... it's just she's available for sex, and someone to hang out with... meanwhile I'd be looking for someone to replace her
Why? Because she's not respectable enough for you, because she had sex with you?
That's pretty hypocritical don'tcha think? YOU had sex with her but she isn't worthy of more? Hmmm...what does that say about you?
Maybe it's high time to learn how to integrate women into ONE worthy being of love and sex in your mind.Just saying.And I KNOW you will come back with some defensive commentary for calling it as I see it.It's just way too obvious that you have some issues with sex and love and compartmentalization and until that changes...
NO women will be GOOD ENOUGH.
Thing is....women who have sex with you are FOOLS because you don't even respect them.And eventually,the woman you settle down with,will BORE you silly because she isn't 'dirty enough'...so yeah......good luck with that.
I think way too many men think this way and it makes me sick to think that we are just SL*TS to some if we have sex with them.
Sort it out BEFORE you use women then. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 7:20:43 AM | | I've had long term relationships with women I had sex with on the first date, and short relationships with women who held off awhile. And vice versa. It really makes NO difference to me when we have sex - what DOES make a difference is what I'm looking for at that time in terms of a relationship, and whether or not the woman I'm dating meets my criteria. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 7:45:44 AM | Delayed gratification implies that someone is exercising a self-discipline in order to fully give attention to something outside the physical.
Me putting off sex isn't about me not wanting sex. It's about me recognizing that sex has a way of clouding our judgement and that I'm not trying to fool myself into thinking otherwise.
I also think putting off sex in order to really establish a mental/intellectual bond is a wise choice.
Some of us take relationships seriously.
Don't put the cart before the horse. I want to know who I'm sleeping with. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 8:28:53 AM |
Some of us take relationships seriously.
Don't put the cart before the horse. I want to know who I'm sleeping with.
I completely agree. That's one thing I like about online dating the way I did it - I'd usually spend weeks getting to know someone before meeting, so there was a very high chance we'd be compatible. By then it was mostly about determining chemistry, though of course there was always more to learn. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:39:03 AM |
Delayed gratification implies that someone is exercising a self-discipline in order to fully give attention to something outside the physical.
Beautifully said, Miss Contemplative.
I don't "do" anyone on a first date - whether I want to see them again in the future or not. Quite simply, I don't live for my genitals nor do I have promiscuous sex simply for the sake of having it. LOL..the notion that I'm holding off on sex JUST so I can milk some guy for a few "All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Dinners" at Red Lobster is beyond ridiculous and I won't even address that.
Being very honest, I've asked numerous men over the years what their opinion is when a woman sleeps with them on the first date, and the clear majority of them have all told me they wouldn't consider her "long-term relationship" material. Most of them said, "hell - if she's doing ME on the first date, how many OTHERS has she done on the first date as well????"
JMHO. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:51:12 AM | I so agree "miss".......
Just because I do not have sex with someone immediately, does not mean that I do not want them sexually, it just means that I am thinking with my "large" head first......
Times and situations were different way back when, in college and it was all soooooo situational and temporary, but life and living moves on, and so does having enough maturity to THINK before doing.
I do not sleep with anyone until they have opened up to me enough to know them, and feel good about the both of us being tested before having intercourse. There are no guarantees even with a condom, so the best solution is testing, open communications, and a willingness to treat that person the way you want to be treated.
I do not do one night stands, and if I know someone and we do end up in bed, if we are not compatible sexually, at least we did all the right things to protect each other, and can remain friends that tried.
Just my opinion........   | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 10:11:05 AM | | there is nothing wrong with casual sex with no strings, as long as both people weren't under the impression that was going to be something more. I don't think it's fair to say that women make a guy spend money on her if they like him before having sex. I'd say that comparable to a prostitute. However, If you're spending money on a girl just to have sex with her.. you need a slap upside the head. Usually when a guy spends money on a girl it's because they are dating and he chooses to buy her supper or to pay here and there. It's alright to have expectations at some point, but if you're on say a second date and you're like what the f*** did I just pay for if i'm not getting any, then you should be hanging out at the bars. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 10:51:16 AM | HI!
It's "ok" for us women to "do" whomever we want, whenever we want. Why on Earth would it not be? It's our choice, just as it is the man's. Some of us humans don't "do" anyone at first meeting ever. Some of us do. Some of us have "issues" around all of this, and some of us are very healthy.
Some women, evidently (according to plenty of fellas here), require a man to purchase a steak for us before we'll "do" him. It's some kind of a contract? Apparently, and tacitly agreed upon by both parties. If there is a man willing to buy steak in exchange for the "marital embrace," I guess it's a plus for him when he finds a woman interested in this type of bargain. Is there a problem with this? Not as far as I'm concerned, though personally I have never traded sexual activity for meat.
Maybe it was useful in the caveman days ... caveman sex ... could possibly be exciting and I may have to revisit that some day! I think, though, it would be much more exciting if the man had to procure the meat with his bare hands (and teeth, or whatever) and carry it back to me on his mighty shoulders, and lay it pleadingly at my feet at the mouth of my cave ...
OP, as long as you continue with this mind set, you will continue to be trapped within its parameters. Break free. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:46:26 PM |
Being very honest, I've asked numerous men over the years what their opinion is when a woman sleeps with them on the first date, and the clear majority of them have all told me they wouldn't consider her "long-term relationship" material. Most of them said, "hell - if she's doing ME on the first date, how many OTHERS has she done on the first date as well????"
WHO CARES how many she's done.That doesn't define her or her choices within ALL her sexual relationships.Those numerous men are hypocrits if you ask me.They are more than HAPPY to fvck these women but they don't respect them enough to see them as relationship worthy?As I said before...Madonna/Whore complex!
If women want to exersice thier RIGHT to have sex....no OTHER women or man should feel the right to judge them as unworthy of respect love or care.
Really....to each thier own but this BS about 'not being LTR materia'l is simply an attempt by MEN to control women's sexuality. And if women feel the need to play right into thier hands and perpetuate the 'SHAME'.....they are no better.
I am no slut for enjoying sex...when EVER the hell I want to with whom ever I want to and If I judged men for fvcking anything that walked as "sluts"....there wouldn't be enough of them 'worthy of an LTR' to throw a stick at!
arggghhhh!
I guess WOMEN can have Madonna/Whore Complexes too?
So sad to read.Thankfully,I don't evaluate my sexual status or my worthiness based on what MEN think.Who made THEM god? | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:07:30 PM | | Close2U, calling a woman a slut and having this double standard is something that has been ahppening for ages in order to control women. Throughout history if a woman doesn't "fall into line" she became either a slut or a man hater. It's one of the favored attacks so there is a vested interst in keeping those terms valid rather than acceppting that women have the right to have sex or not to have sex as they chose for themselves. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:50:02 PM | Weard! It's just plain weard! I'm sure others have heard the theory: It's better too gain some experience, rather than get no experience and gain nothing. That said, in this case too gain some pleasurable experience. As well, when people become familiar with others, it may draw more attraction, but will eventually breed certain contempt. Just beacause two people have sex should not imply you can't still get to know and like them just as well as if you were to wait to have sex. We put too much emphesis on patience sometimes. Sometimes waiting just amounts to alot of wasted time. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:06:22 PM |
Really....to each thier own but this BS about 'not being LTR materia'l is simply an attempt by MEN to control women's sexuality. And if women feel the need to play right into thier hands and perpetuate the 'SHAME'.....they are no better.
No...
It has nothing to do with 'controlling' women's sexuality... no matter how much you may think it does... it has more to do with men not wanting a woman that every other guy has had...
I've said this before...
Women will buy and wear used clothing.... not many men will....
Women will trade clothies with each other... I don't know any men who do....
Go to garage sales, most of the people browsing are women... Men prefer to buy new...
If I buy a car, I want a new one... I don't want a used one or one that has had numerous owners...
I buy my clothes new...
I buy my stereos' tv's computers' all new...
I buy everything new... I don't like used anything...
Given the choice, I would buy a new house, not a resale...
If I do have to buy something that's not new, then if I have a choice between really used or gently used, I will choose gently used...
It has very little to do with whether or not a woman is or is not a slut or whatever you want to call her...
To me.... it has more to do with me wanting a woman that has not been 'used' (and I don't mean in the sense of "used and abused" either...) I prefer a new or relatively newish woman... | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:00:26 PM |
Women will buy and wear used clothing.... not many men will....
Women will trade clothies with each other... I don't know any men who do....
Go to garage sales, most of the people browsing are women... Men prefer to buy new...
If I buy a car, I want a new one... I don't want a used one or one that has had numerous owners...
I buy my clothes new...
I buy my stereos' tv's computers' all new...
I buy everything new... I don't like used anything...
Given the choice, I would buy a new house, not a resale...
m church! Have mercy! Please! This analogy between shopping preferences and what you like in a woman is just ... wrong. Do you realize how clearly you've communicated that you view women as comparable to any possession available for you to BUY? How antique. I sure hope that you are not actually looking for a date here; if you are, this post would be your kiss of death.
Even if it weren't so potentially offensive (if I could even take such nonsense seriously enough to bother being offended!), your logic is just a sloppy mess. According to it, we women would prefer to have old, used up, men than "new" ones? We would not mind "trading"? Some women have these preferences I'm sure, but I doubt that it's the general state of affairs.
I prefer a new or relatively newish woman...
This is a little concerning ... at what age is a woman to be considered "new"? At the onset of menses? In this culture, 12 year olds are still legally children. I hope you aren't "shopping" for any of these new women in real life.
m church, please enlighten your mind.
Mme. Chaucer | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:29:58 PM | "had sex with him on the first date even though they knew they`d never see him again yet they make someone they like wait"
Can somebody wake me up when either a positive or negative correlation between first date sex and LTR is established? In my experience it is near zero... | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/18/2009 11:00:44 PM |
Do you realize how clearly you've communicated that you view women as comparable to any possession available for you to BUY? How antique.
Sorry, disagree.... they are not possessions.... simply my preference.... I prefer kittens to cats, puppies to dogs....
I sure hope that you are not actually looking for a date here; if you are, this post would be your kiss of death.
No... I'm not.... and at that, my G/F has had a LOT of past partners.... more than I would prefer, but I do love her regardless...
I hope you aren't "shopping" for any of these new women in real life.
No.... not at all....my cut off is about 10 years below my own age....which pretty much assures me of an older mature woman | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:38:37 AM |
I prefer kittens to cats, puppies to dogs...
Take this a step further and add the human element and you prefer young things to adults. In other words, once someone is mature and confident in themselves you would lose interest. That says a lot about you and not in a positive way. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 10:33:32 AM |
Take this a step further and add the human element and you prefer young things to adults. In other words, once someone is mature and confident in themselves you would lose interest. That says a lot about you and not in a positive way.
Ummm no.... good try, but I was taking the analogy of NEW not Age...
In other words, once someone is mature and confident in themselves you would lose interest. That says a lot about you and not in a positive way.
No.... not at all....my cut off is about 10 years below my own age....which pretty much assures me of an older mature woman
If you had bothered to also read that part also, I prefer women no less than 10 years younger than me... ideally even closer to my age... due to the fact that I do like maturity, and confidence....
Cherry picking only parts of posts is a very poor way to debate.... | |
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