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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:38:37 AM |
I prefer kittens to cats, puppies to dogs...
Take this a step further and add the human element and you prefer young things to adults. In other words, once someone is mature and confident in themselves you would lose interest. That says a lot about you and not in a positive way. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 10:33:32 AM |
Take this a step further and add the human element and you prefer young things to adults. In other words, once someone is mature and confident in themselves you would lose interest. That says a lot about you and not in a positive way.
Ummm no.... good try, but I was taking the analogy of NEW not Age...
In other words, once someone is mature and confident in themselves you would lose interest. That says a lot about you and not in a positive way.
No.... not at all....my cut off is about 10 years below my own age....which pretty much assures me of an older mature woman
If you had bothered to also read that part also, I prefer women no less than 10 years younger than me... ideally even closer to my age... due to the fact that I do like maturity, and confidence....
Cherry picking only parts of posts is a very poor way to debate.... | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 2:01:22 PM |
Ummm no.... good try, but I was taking the analogy of NEW not Age...
Which bodes poorly for the longevity of you relationships as well as newness quickly wears off. Once it's not new anymore, what are you going to do? Trade it in on a new model like you would your car or clothes? | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 2:11:26 PM | I think something like that is irrelevant. Now if she persues only sex and does not care for going out then clearly she is only looking for that and is using the other stuff as a formality. For me having sex on the first date has no bearing on if she is a keeper or not. Having said that if I am interested in her from the get go I would also love to have the chance to learn more about her and not just if she has tan lines or not!
I realize I'm a rare case on this though as apparently a lot of friends I know treat the whole sex thing as sex and dating a girl they like as separate. I like to integrate it as both are important in a relationship for me. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 2:20:16 PM | 
{'It has very little to do with whether or not a woman is or is not a slut or whatever you want to call her...
To me.... it has more to do with me wanting a woman that has not been 'used' (and I don't mean in the sense of "used and abused" either...) I prefer a new or relatively newish woman..."}
WTF does that mean?? Your looking for a 18 year old virgin with no experience (but you'd want some BJ's and the fvck of a lifetime I bet)
Only on the forums can you find sh1t this funny!! | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 2:29:57 PM |
Which bodes poorly for the longevity of you relationships as well as newness quickly wears off. Once it's not new anymore, what are you going to do? Trade it in on a new model like you would your car or clothes?
No, you're mixing metaphors... Once something is mine I hang onto it, particularly if I ascribed a high value to it such as if it was new when I acquired it. The same with relationships.... If it was worth making an effort for, then it's worth keeping... I only throw away those things that have little value, or were easy or cheap to acquire... | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 4:55:09 PM | | funny how the woman are picking on the op. experienced it myself, and talked to a girl about it this summer. she said she'll do a guy on the first date if he's hot, but doesn't expect a relationship out of it, and guys that she's interested in, she'll make wait. it's kinda weird, but typical of women. some things you just gotta accept as being the way it is. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/19/2009 11:45:00 PM |
It has very little to do with whether or not a woman is or is not a slut or whatever you want to call her...
To me.... it has more to do with me wanting a woman that has not been 'used' (and I don't mean in the sense of "used and abused" either...) I prefer a new or relatively newish woman…
Unfortunately the guy making this statement does not stand by his words for his SO is a former swinger. Does not make her a lesser person in my eyes but apparently it does in his. I cannot help but wonder why he is not with someone more closely attuned to his requirements. Could it be that he is a hypocrite?
So why this diatribe? Is it to make women here whom admit to giving in to their carnal desires and emotional connections early on feel badly? Or is he jealous because no worthy woman has ever felt this connection for him early on. He admits that even the former “swinger” did not desire him initially.
I think this guy needs to practice what he preaches or STHU.
As for his list and used shyt, who goes to or mostly benefits from the Salvation Army?
This poster is so off base with his analogies.
Who makes shopping successful?
Whom are most clothing shops designed to address?
Who are most of the shops in any given mall trying to attract?
Who purchases the most clothing, shoes?
Compare makeup counters to ?
Which sex spends the most money on dresses, shoes, any attire?
When was the last time you saw a man’s clothing suit comparable in price to a woman’s designer gown?
Who buys designer furniture most?
Women, in all the above.
If m church’s analogies were accurate we’d have to close down most shops and malls.
Get a clue……..m
Women, are way more particular to clothing, furniture and almost everything than you are.
Although very appreciative of new some of us do love antiques. Yes, that even applies to older homes. The architecture of old is sometimes incomparable.
M’s thinking defies logic; it is more old than new. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:25:25 AM | OKAY, I have seen several truths masqueraded as other things on this subject.
1. First off, I saw the comment if she is not having sex with you and still going out with you, she doesn't want to have sex, period. I find this disturbing, if she is wanting more from the relationship and she is not having sex with him, then why is she still dating him? She wants more but not willing to invest herself as he is willing to do. That really bothers me.
2. Secondly, I have had sex with several ladies on the first date, and have found out that less inhibited women are capable of continuing to see the guy. I am not a hot guy, but I am a good man. Is having sex with him on the first date, loose? I think not, its reacting to their feelings I think, and that is not a bad thing. This is one of those double standards women live by and its totally wrong from my perspective.
3. Are we all consenting adults here, so what is the big deal? I understand the human race as the only species that has intercourse and what goes along with it because it feels good. All others do it to reproduce only, we do too, but thats not all for us.
4. This attitude that men are only wanting sex on the first date is a total crock, I seldom want it on the first date, really most times not. Hell, if I am not compatable with them why in God's name would I hop in the sack with them. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:41:08 AM | | kthyg, I think your making assumptions about the comment "kittens to cats" or "puppies to dogs" That is not a scenario, not neccessarily an analogy about preferring young over older. I am not seeing a lot I really like in this thread, its kind of insulting to be truthful, if this is what you women live by then why the hell are you dating period. If a man isn't sexually attracted to you he isn't going to keep going out with you, and sexually attracted means in most cases he wants more than just sex. I have met and dated several women I was attracted to and sex was a byproduct of seeing her as a nice human being. Gees people, get a life and live it. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:06:56 AM |
Unfortunately the guy making this statement does not stand by his words for his SO is a former swinger. Does not make her a lesser person in my eyes but apparently it does in his. I cannot help but wonder why he is not with someone more closely attuned to his requirements. Could it be that he is a hypocrite?
Actually, the reason I am with her is that she has a lot of wonderful qualities that make me want to stay with her. I would be happier if we didn't have to deal with a few issues that have resulted because of her past. I am not someone who throws a person to the curb because they are not perfect...
So why this diatribe? Is it to make women here whom admit to giving in to their carnal desires and emotional connections early on feel badly? Or is he jealous because no worthy woman has ever felt this connection for him early on.
My diatribe was a response to the line Really....to each thier own but this BS about 'not being LTR materia'l is simply an attempt by MEN to control women's sexuality. So let me get this straight, it's ok for a woman to bash men but its not okay for me to present a counter argument...?
He admits that even the former “swinger” did not desire him initially.
Ummm no... how or where on earth did you come up with that?
As for his list and used shyt, who goes to or mostly benefits from the Salvation Army? Well, last time I looked, it seems that people of both sexes benefit from the Salvation army...they run shelters for women and men and help people regardless of sex. And aside from that, people who receive clothing and used goods from the Salvation Army do so because they HAVE to not because they WANT to....
Women, in all the above.
If m church’s analogies were accurate we’d have to close down most shops and malls.
Only if we were comparing whether women solely bought used goods... I don't think we came to that conclusion... If so, point it out to me I missed it....
Women, are way more particular to clothing, furniture and almost everything than you are.
Possibly, although personally I am very picky when it comes to my clothing. I like to look and dress well. I also have very specific tastes in furniture, cars, and everything else... I don't shop based on what's the latest "fashion trend".
M’s thinking defies logic; it is more old than new.
If my thinking defies logic, then show me where... | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:28:17 AM | At my age, if I make you wait for sex a month, is because I am still trying to figure out if you are worth my time.
If I feel like having sex on a first date then what you should be worrying about is why I didn't call you back the next day. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:13:49 AM | Obviously it doesn't matter what you men think of the woman who will have sex with you and never see you again because obviously she only thinks any worth that you have is only for that moment. It use to only be a "mans" game, well now women got "game" and the men dont' like it. So go ahead with your antiquated judgements of women being "used", "sluts" and "whores".
Everyone is an individual and they have the right to do what they feel is right for them. I see alot of people in these forums who get so caught up in certain topics that they reveal things about their SO's and yet contradict themselves in other forums. Alot of glass houses being shattered, just makes me laugh.
Fact remains, when two people get together, if they are ready for love and all the signs and symptoms are there it will happen, regardless of ones past and regardless of what work may or may not be involved in making sure the relationship is successful and healthy because they feel you are someone worth having in their life. And if you don't think relationships take effort then you shouldn't be in one, your not ready. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:26:49 AM | | busstrm, I am making assumptions with that comparison, however, I am ok with that. This thread is about assumptions and judgements. Actually, any thread that states "why do women" or "why do men" are about assumptions. Besides, the poster I was responding to is very fond of assumptions and generalizations himself so I was playing on his level. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:02:49 AM |
Obviously it doesn't matter what you men think of the woman who will have sex with you and never see you again because obviously she only thinks any worth that you have is only for that moment. It use to only be a "mans" game, well now women got "game" and the men dont' like it. So go ahead with your antiquated judgements of women being "used", "sluts" and "whores".
Bravo!! Well said.
And why don't they like it?
Women have more control over their lives than ever before. They can own property, vote, get credit in their own name, have and raise children out of wedlock, pursue higher education and high-powered careers and obtain birth control and abortions (i.e., they have control over their minds and their bodies). But as we’ve seen in recent years, women are increasingly at risk when it comes to self-determination. To put it more bluntly, strong women (those who control their own lives) scare the hell out of men.
Well, the OP anyway... | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:02:31 PM |
Obviously it doesn't matter what you men think of the woman who will have sex with you and never see you again because obviously she only thinks any worth that you have is only for that moment. It use to only be a "mans" game, well now women got "game" and the men dont' like it. So go ahead with your antiquated judgements of women being "used", "sluts" and "whores".
Actually it doesn’t matter what either thinks. If a first date become sex because they both find themselves so animally and physically attracted to each other it MUST happen…I see no bearing on the relevance in terms of the potential LTR other than the fact that sexual compatability is a huge plus.
If either decides that, while the sex is great, they just are not feeling it. Well…there you go. The problem is when one of them doesn’t take the “well that’s life” perspective and feel animosity. “He’s a user…she’s a slut”. When in fact…neither may have set out to weild their “power of game”.
As far as “men don’t like it” is concerned. Even if I may come out at the other end with hopes of further involvement…and she didn’t…I would not be so emotionally invested that I would consider a night of incrdible sex as an overall positive experience.
Don’t overestimate that “power of game”. It might just go to your head.
Bravo!! Well said.
And why don't they like it?
Women have more control over their lives than ever before. They can own property, vote, get credit in their own name, have and raise children out of wedlock, pursue higher education and high-powered careers and obtain birth control and abortions (i.e., they have control over their minds and their bodies). But as we’ve seen in recent years, women are increasingly at risk when it comes to self-determination. To put it more bluntly, strong women (those who control their own lives) scare the hell out of men.
Well, the OP anyway...
I would never pretend to speak for the masses, but IMO modern men are more apt to be attracted to strong women. I don’t believe a strong woman would consider sex as game play. In fact, I would condiser either gender “using” sex in that manner more of a characteristic of weakness rather than strength. I can be stimulated physically by a dote. The mind, however.... is a terrible thing to waste.
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:45:27 PM | | Revilors, you would hope that would be the case between consenting adults but for some reason a large portion of the population buys into the idea that sex is a power game. They set up this whole scenario that it's up to men to get it and up to women to withold it, but them complain because that's the way people act. Too many men view woman who has sex early on as being somehow less than a woman than withholds. Too many women view sex as something they give in order to get something (including a relationship) rather than an enjoyable time between two adults and something you do because you want to. I wish we could be aduts and stop playing games but I don't see it happening anytime soon. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:16:05 PM |
I would never pretend to speak for the masses, but IMO modern men are more apt to be attracted to strong women. I don’t believe a strong woman would consider sex as game play. In fact, I would condiser either gender “using” sex in that manner more of a characteristic of weakness rather than strength. I can be stimulated physically by a dote. The mind, however.... is a terrible thing to waste.
We see it all the time in here...modern men are not attracted to strong women. It's admirable and encouraging that some do. Thank you ...
Taking "game" out of context, I suppose we could all waste some more brain cells in here. "Game"...as was the context... meaning and being in a place of equal power where we're all hopefully evolving and aspiring in this modern society; to respect. If I gave the impression I meant "game" otherwise; as arrogant and a sportlike... I assure you, I was not.
If either decides that, while the sex is great, they just are not feeling it. Well…there you go. The problem is when one of them doesn’t take the “well that’s life” perspective and feel animosity. “He’s a user…she’s a slut”. When in fact…neither may have set out to weild their “power of game”.
Agreed.
Neither set out to weild their "power of game". | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:44:51 PM |
Revilors, you would hope that would be the case between consenting adults but for some reason a large portion of the population buys into the idea that sex is a power game. They set up this whole scenario that it's up to men to get it and up to women to withhold it, but them complain because that's the way people act. Too many men view woman who has sex early on as being somehow less than a woman than withholds. Too many women view sex as something they give in order to get something (including a relationship) rather than an enjoyable time between two adults and something you do because you want to. I wish we could be aduts and stop playing games but I don't see it happening anytime soon.
I do see where my nirvana and the real word diverge.
We see it all the time in here...modern men are not attracted to strong women. It's admirable and encouraging that some do. Thank you ...
Taking "game" out of context, I suppose we could all waste some more brain cells in here. "Game"...as was the context... meaning and being in a place of equal power where we're all hopefully evolving and aspiring in this modern society; to respect. If I gave the impression I meant "game" otherwise; as arrogant and a sportlike... I assure you, I was not.
I am using the term modern men possibly in a different context than you. Let me clarify that I use the term more as “modern thinking” and not “all men of this era”. I won’t argue percentages with you as I am not qualified. I don’t date men. I consider a man that chooses do date someone considered to be (and specifically because) inferior not to be a “modern thinking” man.
I would like to think there is more to a person than the qualities that seem to be among the highest priority when choosing a SO. I believe both genders are accountable for the “score card” mentality in the “give to get” attitude today.
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:48:42 PM | I never used the word "power" and "game" together and neither did i say all men think that way, obviously they don't. Hell, even some women use those terms towards other women just because its not something that they could do (not having sex without having the love, and thats fine too).
I'm a 46 yo woman who has already done the 18 year marriage, and faithfully I might add, resulting in 4 kids then had the 5 year relationship after that,, also faithfully and was even celibate for 3 years after that one. Now i just want to enjoy a mans company sexually when I want it. So why label me a slut for that.. Neither one of us is getting hurt by each others behavior because its known up front that thats why we are together at that moment, for sexual gratification period. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:25:21 PM |
Now i just want to enjoy a mans company sexually when I want it. So why label me a slut for that.. Neither one of us is getting hurt by each others behavior because its known up front that thats why we are together at that moment, for sexual gratification period.
Well then that would be a fwb. I suppose if one has several dozen F'sWB...there may be a risk of being called a slut or man whore. Are you suggesting they are labeling you a slut?
However...if you are talking about just any dude in the bar or walking down the street and you make a declaration that you want to fuk his brains out but "I want you out by morning and don't be callin' me" then just what would your definition of slut be?
I'm not trying to be mean...but if we have a term...such as slut...it should have a meaning or it's....just meaningless. I'm not a prude either. Behavior tolerances change with time and if promiscuous sex with indiscriminate partners is no longer stigmatized then that makes the term slut impotent. So who cares if they call you it.
In the end...we just have to be "right" with ourselves.
It use to only be a "mans" game, well now women got "game" and the men dont' like it.
Knowing now the "game" by your definition equates sexual prowess without commitment...name one that "don't like it". Or...perhaps "game" means the quality of allure that drives those of the opposite sex wild.....again...name one.
Are you sure that's what you meant?
Back on topic...the OP was asking about two individuals out for the purpose of a sincere date. She decides half way through that there will be no second date...but...he's kinda cute, clean and physically attractive and her "dance card" hasn't exactly been all that full. Why not? It's two healthy consenting adults. Makes neither a bad person. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:12:51 PM |
Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
It isn't okay if she feels she has the right to complain about it after -- because she doesn't have room to talk in that case!
Does anyone here over the age of 16 really think making us wait for sex causes us think "wow, she`s a keeper"?
Some women may be stupid enough to believe stuff like that, but I'm sure many women do not see it that way. It's to test the guy to see if all he wants is sex. If he's pushing for sex on the first or second date, bottom line -- he isn't interested in forming a relationship with her. "Pushing" is the key word. Some women will use this term very very loosely, and think that if a guy is open for sex, he's pushing it... or if he guides her into "making out", he's pushing for sex, and unfortunately that line of thinking negatively influences how women view men. Pushing for sex means he'll be impatient if she cuts him off much past first base on a first date... or him going from kissing trying to unclip her bra in under 60 seconds. Stuff like that. The acceleration of the guy rounding 1st, headed toward second at lightning speed with an impression that he's ignoring the 3rd base coach is an indicator that he's pushing for sex.
With that said, sex can happen very quickly without the guy pushing for it. He could just be rolling with it, and they're both leading the dance... or even the woman being physically assertive, which, if reasonably physically attractive, most guys won't run from that (but some may think she's a ho if it's the first date). Having sex "too early" doesn't mean in the end that he thought less of the woman, if they really clicked and guided each other in rounding the bases to home plate. Having sex "too early" is relative to how "too early" they become a couple. If they skip the prelims and go from phone # to a couple in only a couple weeks, then the first date sex wasn't too early. Some people are affected by the stigma of too-early-sex and it affects any potential relationship... but when a guy really likes a gal, his main goal is to get a "First Down" -- to move the chains and get her solidly interested because he's into her -- not "must score now".
Unfortunately there are women who preach that women should use their bodies as bargaining chips -- which only tells guys "I am a sex object, I play games". | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 10/3/2009 2:36:14 PM | I don't necissarly think that withholding sex on the first date will convince a man that I am a keeper. It is more like if I hold sex from a man on the first date and he still shows interest in me that HE is a keeper. I myself do not agree with going out and meeting someone and having sex (sorry guys), but I will not say anything against those who do. It is just the way I was brought up. I find it neither proper or ladylike.
I know when I meet a man and he is trying to get into my pants so bad that there seems to be nothing else on his mind I think to myself. If it is this easy to get him in bed how easy will it be for another pretty girl to get him in bed if we were to eventually get serious. Now if I was a guy I would be thinking the same thing if it was really something serious I was looking for. If this chick is willing to jump into the sack with me so easily, how do I know she will be faithful if I choose to be with her.
It all depends on what you really want. Somepeople out there are into open relationships. They believe in more than one partner. Then maybe you are looking for the kind of girl that just loves sex with no boundries or visa versa.
But if you are like me and believe in giving yourself completely to one person and one person only... then you would be looking for that kind that is more restraint and does not have sex on the brain constantly.
If you disagree on when sex should be considered then maybe you obviously are not going to work out because you both have different morals. Just something to think about.
I think a big problem is that people are not that honest about what they want. I think if people were more honest about what it is they are looking for they might have better luck finding it without complications. Someone looking for sex may try to tell a person what they want to hear in order to get it and then wonder why they are expecting more after the night of "Fun" is done. Where as if they where to just come out and say I am looking for fun they might have better luck finding someone with similar intrests. Where as someone who is looking for love should not pretend to be interested in anything less and not expect hurt when they just hooked up with someone who wanted to have fun. Honesty is the key people. | |
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| Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again?
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:10:07 AM | erotic_fever,
Interesting name in comparison to what you wrote. :)
Now if I was a guy I would be thinking the same thing if it was really something serious I was looking for. If this chick is willing to jump into the sack with me so easily, how do I know she will be faithful if I choose to be with her.
Well, having sex "early" doesn't -necessarily- imply a lack of faithfulness whatsoever. There are so many other potential factors involved, like what stage they're in (post breakup heart-broken, been celibate-for-god-knows-how-long, etc). Early doesn't necessarily = easy is what I'm saying.
I know when I meet a man and he is trying to get into my pants so bad that there seems to be nothing else on his mind I think to myself.
Maybe change your screen name. :) I say that both honestly and with a smile. I agree with you though, if he's -pushing- to get in your pants right off the bat, yes, he's most likely not into you -- he just has erotic fever. ;)
Where as someone who is looking for love should not pretend to be interested in anything less and not expect hurt when they just hooked up with someone who wanted to have fun. Honesty is the key people.
I disagree with your assessment. Here's something that many people don't understand...
Someone can be looking for love, but that doesn't mean they're going to say NO to things not on the highway to a serious relationship. Many people are willing to be FWB with someone while still on the lookout for "the one". Especially with people who are on the rebound, many people are open to more than one avenue. It's not just "Long Term ONLY" if they say they're looking for a long-term relationship. Just because they are looking for an LTR doesn't mean after getting to know you they're looking for one with YOU after they meet you. It's not serious-relationship-or-bust with everyone. So they can be honest in what they're looking for, but be open to casual situations, too... or some people use casual dating as the stepping stone to a potentially serious relationship. People operate in different ways and means, but not deceptive about an ideal end-point with -someone-. BUT there are people who DO lie to get something... I'm not saying there aren't!
But as a helpful tip, don't entrap people, otherwise you're just as guilty. What I mean by that is, never be in a situation building sexual tension and have a guy panting like a dog sexually, then think "Oh, he just wants sex! He's just a user!", or even worse, never build all that up then say "If we have sex tonight that means we care deeply for each other and it's something serious between us," as the first or second date bill's being paid... whether he's that into you or not, if he's sexually wound up, what else would you expect him to say besides implying that he's cool with that? | |
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