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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:05:06 PM | If you are not getting anywhere, it's possible your profile is saying some things women may not find attractive.
Purely speculative but here are some things I thought about your profile:
Your main pic is as a best man and labeled as such-some women may think, what's wrong with this guy, not good enough to be the groom?
Your description of yourself is very busy, talking about all the places you have been- may make women think this guys attention is elsewhere and he may not have time for me.
just my two cents- not meant to flame you, just sometimes we can't think what others might see.
Also, I would suggest adding a few things about what you are looking for in a woman- people want to feel a sense of connection or compatibility, and a road map may make that easier for some.
Good luck | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:56:57 PM | I have no idea how to provide links, and I didn't suggest there was a study to quote from, but you could try looking at some other sites as I suggested doing, then doing some reading in the forums, as I suggested earlier in this thread.
I doubt the folks who run this board would like somebody splashing competitor's names all over the place, but I'm sure your positive approach to new ideas will guide you in your search for love...
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LBA26
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Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 28 | |
| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:59:33 PM |
I doubt the folks who run this board would like somebody splashing competor's names all over the place
ummm no, actually if u looked around there are ads all over the place for competitors. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:59:58 PM | here is a hint
work on one person that you like
and that is it
be a man
stop whining
stop scoping
focus
invest your energy | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 10:11:48 PM | In my case 90% of my dates are from people that I meet offline and 10 % are from here. Dating sites are more of a Plan B option. They are mainly for people that are to busy, to shy to talk face to face and etc. Even though dating site have tons of single people them produce a low success rate when it comes to dating and long term relationships. Unfortunately, a lot of people on here are shy, have to high of standards, emotionally damage, or something else.
In my case my standards to me are not high but I know what I want and what I don't want. Even though I have dated a lot I find a lot of women talking about marrying me or having my kids on a first date, too soon. I would love to be married and to have kids someday but telling someone that you want to marry them or want to have their kids on a first date is scary. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 10:44:29 PM | | My advice is not to take it to heart. I've had 0% luck with it but I don't give it a second thought. I think if you invest yourself in this, that's when you'll get disappointed and it seems that's what's happening to you. No? | |
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bub84
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Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 32 | |
| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 10:59:01 PM | One of the main problems I personally find with dating sites is that people typically tend to take the experience as a candy store shopping spree. Realistically, you can't choose who you fall in love with, which is a huge cliche but absolutely true.
Now consider this: what if you were that kid in the candy store and you load up on jelly beans cause it's your favorite candy in the whole world, then you take one of everything else. You leave the candy store and for some reason decide to take a bite of one of the miscelaneous candies you've never tried before. Suddenly your tongue is dancing in flavour. You experience a taste bud you never even realized you had. You try to turn back but it's too late. Your pockets are empty, the shards of Mister Piggy lay scattered on your bedroom floor and you're standing in the middle of the street, holding a bag of jelly beans, which just don't taste the same anymore.
This whole picture is just a clear cut human tragedy in my eyes. Not so much the part of being the kid suddenly feeling empty handed, but not realizing that those experiences are ALL PART OF LIFE.
My older brother is married to a really good woman, who he loves deeply and they have two kids. They met on a dating site. The oddest couple. I'm willing to have patience and a bit of faith.
My point is if things were really about picking and choosing... if life was really that easy then we might as well petition our respective governments to put all our names into a system and pair us off randomly. It would be so much more efficient.
Imagine that happening in the candy stores.... Imagine a world where all the candies are pre-bagged and you can just grab it, pay and leave....lol... oh wait... I think they actually do that now.... UH OH watch out! | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:20:21 PM | Meeting someone from any online website is a big crapshoot. In my mind the whole thing boils down to risk vs. reward. If you want to take a little bit of a risk, and talk to just one or two people, then your reward ain't gonna be very big. If you take more risks, invest some time in talking to MORE people, then your reward might well be bigger.
Online dating isn't dating online. It's just a tool that might connect you with someone you otherwise wouldn't stumble across in real life.
Yes, this and other sites are full of people you DON'T want. And I personally think the pay sites are better. YMMV. It's up to you if you want to spend any time looking online. It doesn't hurt to look right? Obviously you shouldn't invest a huge amount of time chatting up/emailing/texting a perfect stranger. Plan on doing a few coffee meets if you really want this thing to work. You won't know how great they are until you meet. I won't waste a lot of time on someone until I meet them. Why bother?
This isn't the only way to meet someone. If someone starts to think this is it...well they're going to be very lonely. Or get carpal tunnel syndrome. Take your pick. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:20:57 PM | Yes! I feel the same way. I feel this site attracts the quality of people it does. Great idea to do meet and greet type of things, that's what I started doing. I hid my profile.
You seem like a nice guy. I know you will be drawn to the right woman and she to you.
Keep the faith! :) | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:24:47 PM | One of the main problems I personally find with dating sites is that people typically tend to take the experience as a candy store shopping spree.
OP, (BUB84) I agree. There are people here who have the plenty of fish concept and therefore never do make a choice and focus on one person. Or they expect perfection and continue on their quest for that when perfection doesnt exist in any one. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:35:48 PM | | Dude, don't worry about it about the responses. First love will comes naturally, it always does. I agree with you. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:24:26 AM | If you expect an online dating site to be a panacea for your being single, you'll stay disheartened. It is but a tool. One way in which to meet people. For some, it works very well and for others, it doesn't.
I have met the man I plan to marry on this site, thanks to the forums. I also have friends who have met their S/Os on this site and they are now in exclusive relationships, engaged or married. Sounds pretty successful to me.
Most of us who have been successful didn't EXPECT to find the love of our lives on here. If we did, we were open to the idea, but it wasn't EXPECTED. Most of us have met and dated others from here who weren't a great match, but we didn't give up and say, "Why bother?". It's the same as in TRW. Not every person you meet is going to be the one for you. Why should meeting someone online be any different?
It took me almost two years to meet the man in my life. So what? Would it make any difference if it had taken 3 years or if it only took one? It doesn't matter how long it took. We did meet and that's what's important. And without meeting online, we would never have had the opportunity of being together.
So join clubs, go to meet and greets, see if there are any POF activities in your area, and continue writing to women who interest you. Don't count on just one venue to work. The more avenues you take, the better chance you have of arriving at your destination.
Good luck! | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:30:36 AM | | It's plenty of frustration, or plenty of friends, or plenty of fantasies, or plenty of fish to catch and throw back, or plenty of flapjacks to flip, according to your wants and as it suits your mood, whatever it is that you come to find, there is plenty of it. Just keep clicking, whatever else you do. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 5:01:14 AM |
If you expect an online dating site to be a panacea for your being single, you'll stay disheartened. It is but a tool. One way in which to meet people. For some, it works very well and for others, it doesn't.
I agree *Filly*.
Too many, have too many high expectations that they place on themselves and others, thus, leading to a lot of the 'disheartening' that one sees around here. Not all, but, a lot. As with anything in life........everything doesn't work for everyone.
I have met the man I plan to marry on this site, thanks to the forums.
That's wonderful *Filly*, congrats.
You know we all wish the very best for you and whomever snapped you up.
When this happens it's always a great day at the Pond.....I don't think anyone would disagree with me on that. 
I also have friends who have met their S/Os on this site and they are now in exclusive relationships, engaged or married. Sounds pretty successful to me.
Yes, and a lot of us know who some of these couples are.
I'm a thinkin', they too, measure this site a success............what's successful for some won't be for others OP......see? Just as anything in life. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 5:19:50 AM | I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 7 26 AM
If you expect an online dating site to be a panacea for your being single, you'll stay disheartened. It is but a tool. One way in which to meet people. For some, it works very well and for others, it doesn't.
I have met the man I plan to marry on this site, thanks to the forums. I also have friends who have met their S/Os on this site and they are now in exclusive relationships, engaged or married. Sounds pretty successful to me.
Most of us who have been successful didn't EXPECT to find the love of our lives on here. If we did, we were open to the idea, but it wasn't EXPECTED. Most of us have met and dated others from here who weren't a great match, but we didn't give up and say, "Why bother?". It's the same as in TRW. Not every person you meet is going to be the one for you. Why should meeting someone online be any different?
It took me almost two years to meet the man in my life. So what? Would it make any difference if it had taken 3 years or if it only took one? It doesn't matter how long it took. We did meet and that's what's important. And without meeting online, we would never have had the opportunity of being together.
So join clubs, go to meet and greets, see if there are any POF activities in your area, and continue writing to women who interest you. Don't count on just one venue to work. The more avenues you take, the better chance you have of arriving at your destination.
Good luck!
Likes this post....Good for you!!!! Best of luck to you.... | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 7:04:05 AM | | I've been on and off this site a few times. After the first try I only ever came here for the forums. Far too many liars and players here, and I just don't have the time to try to weed them all out. This site works great for some, and not at all for others. I purposely put up a rather negative profile this time around, and no photo, but I still get an occasional email from guys who either don't read the profile, or think they can change my mind. I don't get it, but it is amusing. Like you I don't do the bar scene as I found by the end of the night I was just being harrassed by some drunk. I wouldn't bother with the paid dating sites as most of the faces you see aren't paid members and you can't even contact them. Do a search for complaints filed against a couple of the bigger sites and you will be shocked. You have to have a thick skin if you come to the forums because, as someone else mentioned, there are people who come here just to 'dump' on others. Because this site if free you are going to find a lot of trolls, liars, losers etc. because it costs them nothing, and their lives are devoid of anything constructive to do. But, it can still be amusing if you come here with low expectations, and a thick skin. In real life just find something you like to do and join a local club, or try a site called meetup.com, lots of people there looking for others with similar interests. | |
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PeatL
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Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 42 | |
| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 7:08:01 AM | Sometimes I do. Sometimes its quite uplifting.
The main thing here is to be philosophical. Accept people you thought you'd bonded with felt nothing, or that people will message and lost interest or many other little irritations. Just try to enjoy the good moments, shrug off the bad and remember that in this game one good payoff will cover all previous losses and then some. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 7:32:13 AM | Perhaps you're expecting too much from the site, OP? IMO, it's just a means of broadening the possibility of encountering like minded people.
Ignore the bitterness/shallowness you come across. It's their reality, not yours, and you don't have to become part of it...
If you're doing just fine IRL, I shouldn't attach much importance to any lack of success here :-)
Good luck. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 8:25:50 AM | OP-
A dating site is but one tool in the toolbox. Its good to have an assortment
of tools.
Not only that, a profile and/or posts give you a glimpse of the angry, bitter,
jaded types to weed out immediately. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:08:10 AM | | The real life is better. women on here they're just testing their looks. I dont really know what they're looking for maybe mr perfect. it's a pure lotto game. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:14:01 AM |
.....I've been a member here for a while but I haven't always used it. I am only here because I am trying to find someone that I share common interest with. I am not much into bars because I really don't drink so I figured this would be a good way to meet someone special. However, I get very few responses maybe an email or two a week. I am not really sure why because in real life I do just fine. Also, I notice a lot of terrible profiles that appear to be filled with lies, bitterness, or just pure shallowness.
I think that it may be time for me to delete my profile and maybe try to find meet and greet type of events instead. Or join some type of club.
Does anyone else feel the same way?
Nmaccari,
It seems you've received numerous insightful replies ranging from brutally honest to "let me be gentle to this guy".
So, I'll touch on a more sensitive side of things, YOU. I read your profile and have no idea who you are. Do you know who you are? If you don't, it is VERY hard to convey that bit of information on your profile. Once this is established, you can go into WHO you are looking for. Yes, I know that it is written "I am looking for someone special" in your first paragraph - but, how do you mean "special"? Special in a short blue bus kind of way? So, once you define YOU, it will be easier to define "special".
Now, onto more esoteric and existential side of things; that little box with the title "About Me" is not so easy to fill in, is it? So, take a weekend away and find out who you really are. If you have about 5-7 minutes, I highly recommend listening to a song by Baz Lurhmann titled "Sunscreen".
As for PoF...well, like a few wise people before me posted, it is ONLY a tool. Its rate of success is only equal to, if not worse than, going to the gym. To be perfectly honest, I don't like singles bars because everybody and their married brothers are there. However, even a small town has a gym, no? How about a grocery store? Starbuck?
There are quite a bit of truth when guys comment that they get more attention when they are with another women. The reason could be that women want what they can't have...might also be you are more attractive when you are not desperate. I say, who cares??? Have a female friend or 5? Take them out, have fun. If you don't get any phone numbers that night, at least you will have had an excellent time, right?
So, delete your profile if you feel that it will help with your situation....or take a moment to find out who you really are and come back with a new outlook on things, PoF or real life. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:25:23 AM | I don't drink. Like you I may get an e-mail or 2 a month. Men tell me what I would want to hear like "let's go to lunch or breakfast, or meet for coffee.
Then seems like they cancel out and just want to "hang out" at my place. When that suggestion is made it's a real deal breaker for me. Either he's cheap, has something to hide, or maybe just too lazy to date the right way.
If he was someone I knew for awhile and trusted, then sure spend a little time here, but not a stranger I just met online. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 10:00:12 AM | Well first off, how do you know the profiles are filled with lies if you're just reading them without talking/meeting the girls?
Being filled with bitterness/shallowness, though, I can understand.
Second, maybe it's your area. I hear some areas/locations aren't as popular as others to be on POF. Honestly, like you, I used to get hardly any replies too. I got on here late last year with my best friend (He signed us up); at first, we both were lucky to get one message every few days. But now, I get quite a few replies to messages I send out. In fact, now most of the time when I send out a message I get a positive reply back. Not all of them are long - some are -, but they're positive and not "deny" emails.
My friend, though, gave up awhile ago. He's on Datehookup.com now. He says it's better. I think it sucks. I signed up with him also, and every message I've gotten the chick is either an ogre and/or just wants sex. This site the girls actually want to talk, meet, and are looking to find/have something real.
Anyway, if the site isn't working for you AND you do just fine in "real life," then by all means - don't waste your time. Stick to the honeys in the real world. | |
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| I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 10:10:01 AM | [QUOTE]Your main pic is as a best man and labeled as such-some women may think, what's wrong with this guy, not good enough to be the groom?[/QUOTE]
OMG, would a woman ACTUALLY think this way? That's ridiculous!
Not good enough to be the groom? Oh yeah, I can see the convo between two engaged couples.
"Honey, I think I want my best man to be my pal nmacc."
"No, babe. I think he should be the GROOOOM!"
Come on, being a best man has no reflection on being good enough or not to be a groom. LMAO. It's an honor; it shows you have good friends who you are really close to.
If a woman would actually look at that pic and ask "why isn't he a groom?" then she has issues. EVERY GUY ON HERE ISN'T A GROOM! (Or I hope not!)
And if she actually thinks that way, she should instead be asking herself why isn't she a bride yet?! | |
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