| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/22/2009 11:01:58 PM |
Which assumes everyone believes as you do
And you dont make that same assumption? At least Varinia said she would give her the option, before she told her. You didn't give her that courtesy.
If you read the post there were a lot of people that would want to know and a lot of people that wouldn't. So let's just say there is a 50/50 chance that you would be right or wrong whatever you decided to do.
I left this thread 6-7 pages ago, because people were just so stuck on their opinion all they wanted to do is force their opinion on others. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:34:10 AM |
I left this thread 6-7 pages ago, because people were just so stuck on their opinion all they wanted to do is force their opinion on others.
Yeah, my fun meter peaked when someone made the analogy of rapist, child-molesters and thieves to someone having an affair.
I think OP has more than enough to make up his mind. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 5:35:06 AM |
And you dont make that same assumption? At least Varinia said she would give her the option, before she told her. You didn't give her that courtesy.
I think that a lot of people have approached the issue as being somewhat similar to the "Hippocratic Oath," which is traditionally taken by doctors when practicing ethical medicine. The phrase attributed to it - "first, do no harm" is easily likened to the necessity to avoid hurting other people. While we're unsure whether it would hurt the disabled wife, because both we and the OP don't know her, many people, including myself, advocate avoidance.
If you don't tell her, you are certainly not directly causing her pain. Maybe she knows and has already experienced her pain. On the other hand, if you do tell, you are not telling her because you think she should know, otherwise, that would have been done a very long time ago. So where is the "courtesy?" There isn't any when your motive is self-serving. So, you really aren't that concerned with her pain, and since she lives several states/time zones away from the OP, I'm sure he won't be there to console her if she needed it. An anonymous phone call or any phone call with bad intent is pretty cruel IMHO.
So personally, I'll avoid this type of "courtesy." I hope others will avoid practicing it with me as well.
Be well.... | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:07:34 AM | You're entitled to your Opinion of course .. just as those of us who differ are entitled to our own..
I base my opinion on how I would like to be treated myself. IF I were in a relationship and he was cheating - I would want to know.
Therefore - Yep - you bet I'd tell her. "maybe" she knows .. "maybe" she doesn't .. doesn't really matter to me..
OT - Tell her. She deserves the truth, the information that will allow her to make an educated decision - that way 'she' can get std tested and perhaps avoid getting something that could end or drastically alter her life. AND - I don't say this 'because' she's (apparently) disabled .. doesn't have any bearing on my opinion.
"Mind your own business???" - I much prefer the sort of world where we actually watch out for and help each other. Thankfully where I live .. we still do that .. IF someone is down on their luck - we step in (as a community). IF we witness someone causing another harm - "we" aren't afraid to speak up. This "noseyness" helps to keep the number of "home invasions", destruction and theft of property down. Also .. our 'community' "noseyness" cough .. means that IF someone needs healthcare taht they can't afford - they don't have to be afraid, stressed - We hold "benefits" to raise money .. We support our soup kitchen .. "We" do for each other ..
We believe it IS our business to be our "brothers (and sisters) keeper". I know there are places in this world where a person can be attacked in broad daylight while people actually turn their heads and walk on by - "Minding their own business". Thank God I don't live in any of those places! Where I come from - We stop and help.
I also know there are places where it isn't 'safe' to stop and provide "First Aid" because 'you' could be sued for doing so -Again - Not Here - We are Free to Help each other out and we are not liable for doing so. "Good Samaritans" are covered in Canada, by the "Good Samaritan Act".
Now I know my examples stray (somewhat) from the topic, but since "mind your own business" appears to have become the mantra for some, I've extended my opinion to cover that 'notion'.
>> I would want to know. I believe in treating others exactly as I would want to be treated.
Cheaters do what they do And get away with it because they are 'good' liars and because Some people are willing to aide and abet - ie: keep the secret. Nope .. ya can't convince me to Help a cheater! noooo waaaay. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:30:28 AM | A.S. I generally like what you normally post but I think this time you're way off , look....... we are discussing this guy( the OP) finding out his wife cheated on him, and knows who the guy is and the fact he has a wife , and is considering telling his wife.
When people are saying to him " mind your own business" it wasn't meant to be taken literally and in all aspect of life
Mind your own business???" - I much prefer the sort of world where we actually watch out for and help each other. Thankfully where I live .. we still do that .. IF someone is down on their luck - we step in (as a community). IF we witness someone causing another harm - "we" aren't afraid to speak up. This "noseyness" helps to keep the number of "home invasions", destruction and theft of property down. Also .. our 'community' "noseyness" cough .. means that IF someone needs healthcare taht they can't afford - they don't have to be afraid, stressed - We hold "benefits" to raise money .. We support our soup kitchen .. "We" do for each other .. that has nothing to do with the OP's Plight can we stick to the question. Helping the community or witnessing Criminal acts is a different matter.
Im not sure why some people feel the need to bring up criminal acts for comparisons? Infidelity isnt a criminal act ( well in Michigan it is), having said that why do you feel the need to inform the person who you dont know that the love of their life is fooling around on them, what good would it do? look at the responses so far on this thread, some women would ignore or even shoot the messenger, and some said they would want to know, to that I find a little hard to believe, because once you've become emotionally attached to someone and some stranger informs you that your partner is cheating ( unless they have irrefutable proof) you're more likely to accept the word of your partner ( under suspicion) vs heeding the advice from a stranger.
Maybe im wrong, and Im open enough to listen, but some one point out that im wrong. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:32:44 AM | I'd say tell her but at the same time I'd say forget it, let your ex suffer trying to keep his attention and fail at it.
So I'm neutral on it. I know if I was the one being cheated on, I'd want to know. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:47:44 AM | I am not trying to change your mind mahogany .. even if I believe you are wrong. All I am doing is voicing MY OPINION on the topic. As I stated I strayed "somewhat" from teh topic because others were tossing around the "mind your own business" line .. blahblahblah .. I have opinions on that as well ..
I base my opinion on the OP's question on Exactly what I said: "IF I were the spouse being cheated on - I would want to know." I treat others as I would want to be treated - that extends to ALL aspects of my life, including those I cited - regardless of whether or not "you" see any correlation - I DO. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:11:49 AM | Your corner of the world is rather lovely.
What seems to belie this charming image..not so much.
Your description of the motivations of some of the residents therein....people willy-nilly moving through life...launching themselves into the lives of others...without restraint...cloaked under the umbrellas of 'being a brother's keeper'...and 'community noseyness' ..suggest a rationale with no consideration of consequences....or of responsibility about the impact of their actions on others.
I was raised to understand that it's wrong to deliberately hurt someone.
Everything that can be done that is wrong in thought, action or in deed springs from that.
Nothing else is actually as important in each of our lives than protecting ourselves from individual harm. Every aspect of it...especially modern life....designed to keep us safe.
But who would have thought that curtain twitchers run amok and their rather 'sticky' rationale for existence and righteousness could be harmful....??
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I could never choose to willingly go and deliberately hurt another soul. And that is the singular most important statement anyone need ever understand about me.
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AND ON EDIT
Blowing the whistle on this sounds like something you could easily regret in the future. How would you feel if someone in this love triangle killed or seriously injured another, or killed themselves as a result? My guess is not too good.
^^^Completely agree.
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:13:17 AM |
I Divorced my wife who was cheating on me. I came to grips and put everything behind me. The man she was cheating on me with is also married to a disabled woman. Their tawdry affair still continues and he's still married. I know, if I tell his wife, she would probably be hurt but, I also think she has a right to know. What would you do?
You should have blown the whistle while you were still married, but not now after the fact. Just wash your hands and continue walking away.
Revenge can be quite satisfying if it is warranted, legal and has minimal impact on anyone other than the target. However, be sure of what you do and want to achieve. Make sure you don't do something you will regret.
Blowing the whistle on this sounds like something you could easily regret in the future. How would you feel if someone in this love triangle killed or seriously injured another, or killed themselves as a result? My guess is not too good. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:41:03 PM |
curtain twitchers run amok Ya gotta love THAT 
So, lets recap: We, Me an' by beau, are devestated: Our barn and all the animals therein have perished in a fire.. I've been left disabled after trying to save my favorite horse.. All the fine folk in my community have a barn raising and during the barn raising, Some stranger I've never met but is the type "who would want to know" takes it upon themselves to tell me: "Excuse me, but the reason your barn burnt down is because Bubba (my beau) was havin relations with "Daisy" (the strangers wife) and the coleman lamp tipped over" ..
Please.. continue to be neighbourly and helpful to people in your community.. help them when you KNOW they need help.. other than that... why would you want to take a chance on breaking their heart even further.. particularily when you don't even know who they are and you won't be in a position to continue your neighbourliness by comforting them in their further grief .. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:45:18 PM | | I would leave it alone ....you will be opening up a big Pandora's box with this one and it is not up to you to tell her.....believe that nothing ever stays secret forever and that the law of karma is always at play .....let it unfold on it's own....Something like this can't be kept a secret that long and I wouldn't be surprised if she suspected anyway and is just turning a blind eye to it. Let this go and move on with your own life | |
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| yes you should tell!!!!!!!
Posted: 9/23/2009 3:05:53 PM | | if i found my partener cheating i would want to hear it Especially if it was my friend who knew bout it!!!!!!! i know that when i found my first husband cheatin threw a friend i was thankful they told me as i had suspitions and well devorce followed. if people choose to cheat then that is not love it is selfishness and disrespect for the one you love and also they chance to bring other probs home with them ie desease and getting other person pregnant!!!!!!!! also one can liken this to mental abuse and if imputancey due to leasons is proven they can be charged for cheeting!!!!!!!! | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/4/2009 6:35:54 AM | | Absolutely, especially when they travel a lot, If I were the wife, I would want to know, you know the old saying" once a cheat always a cheat".Then she could decide whether she wants to stay with the loser or not.I'd get rid of him so fast! | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/4/2009 6:59:45 AM | Nonsense. If you knew someone committed a murder and you don't tell the police, you are criminally liable and can be prosecuted. Why? Because the murderer might strike again, for one reason, and you failed to help get him off the street.
well if you are with the person when the crime is committed then you can be prosecuted... if you know from from hearing it... it is hearsay and in most cases not admissible in court...
but should you freely offer this information... and it turns out to be wrong. then you can be prosecuted for slander! reality bites. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/4/2009 7:04:03 AM | | Dogslife, the difference between telling police some one committed a murder vs cheating is Cheating isnt a criminal offense, Murder is. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/4/2009 7:16:13 AM | | let it go man. move on with your life and don't think one second more behind it and find someone else and concentrate on your life. that's of course unless god has somehow given you extra time on this earth to waste thinking about your ex wife and her boyfriends affair. it's not your problem anymore. the only problem you have now is your life and what you're going to do with the rest of it. let it all go, think nothing more of it. concentrate on your future. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/4/2009 7:50:11 AM | | I have been married twice to cheaters and the whistle was blown with both of them. With the first marriage one of his relatives told me and at this time I was pregnant with our third child, not a good time. With the second marriage someone I didn't know called me. This person knew too much about me and while I had her on the phone I called my (now ex) on his cell phone and asked where he was at and it wasn't where he told me he would be. We stayed together for about two years until I found out he was cheating again and I caught him myself. This man cheated numerous times with his first wife too. I found out he attempted to ask other s out but when we separated the women approached me to tell me that he had asked them out but they knew about me and refused, which every decent woman should do. He moved out that night and moved in with the other person and became engaged a month later but the relationship hit the rocks a month after that andhe wanted to move back in with me. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:00:37 AM | | she knows. we know when things are not right and we know when things change. women especially know. we feel.... the only time we dont know is when we pretend the signs are not there.. when we ignore the red flags...... THINGS THAT ARE DONE IN THE DARK WILL COME TO LIGHT! | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:02:29 AM | | Gosh, don't ya just hate it when an OP gets on all the time, but never posts an update. This thread is almost a month old and he hasn't updated us. I think maybe he stopped stalking his ex-wife...ok, hoping. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/4/2009 12:04:56 PM | as an ex who was cheated on, these pollyanna-ish posts kind of annoy me. yes, tell her. hopefully, your motive isn't revenge or to break up the spouses, but even if it is, the cheated on spouse needs to know asap. you're not doing her any favor by keeping it from her. this is the kind of thing she needs to act on as quickly as possible...one way or the other. if she elects to stay in the marriage, the sooner she finds out, the better chance she has of saving the marriage. if she elects to divorce, the sooner she can get on with her life. (also, the sooner she knows, the better she can prepare legally for a divorce.) gee, you folks act like it's the wise thing to just let a problem of this magnitude fester. not the case!
for those of you who think you're wreaking havoc on the marriage by speaking up, no you're not. the havoc is already there whether the cheated on spouse knows or not. as i said, she needs to know so she can do whatever is ultimately in her best interest. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/6/2009 9:16:05 AM | Not so much as wrecking havoc on the marriage, but crumbling a disabled woman's life.
Come on, we know with OP's cyber stalking and revenge talk, this isnt being done in the best interest of the victim, the OP's, boyfriends wife. He's doing it to cause pain to his ex, and the boyfriend. No other reason. If he were "over it" as he claims, he wouldnt intertain the thought of bringing an innocent person's world down over their head. He is just trying to validate his actions.
So, what now? Are we all so morally conscious, that we have to report everything we see wrong? In that case, there are a few thousand pot smokers on this site alone. Work on that , if you want to do good.
Sure, there are times in your life when you do have to step up to the plate. But if it hurts an innocent, disabled, person, how can this be right?
Besides, the cheating wife, probably isnt too happy either. Boyfriend isnt leaving his wife for her. Maybe he and his wife do have an agreement, lots of paraplegics are married and unable to perform sexually, Though, we dont know how the wife is disabled. We can surmise all we want, bottom line, nothing good comes from revenge. Op is on the road to regaining his life, best not to take one step back for every two steps forward. Op is only putting off his own recovery, dwelling on this. Maybe he gets off on having some sort of control/threat, over his ex and her boyfriend. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/6/2009 10:31:37 AM | Just imagine if people actually took responsibilty for their fellow man.
I'm sure the world would be a better place.
There sure are many spineless, weak, morally bankrupt life forms on this planet.
Anyone here who would not want to know the truth themselves has personal issues.
Imagine that, there are actually people out there that can't deal in truth and honesty
so they feel it's alright to keep truth from others.
Wow, sad commentary on mankind.
Get a spine, tell the truth, take some responsiblity, and just maybe cheaters and such
will think twice about betraying someone that devoted their life to them. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/7/2009 5:13:02 PM | | She might already know. Not your place to tell her. If a person asks you then you should tell the truth but going out of your way to do this is not the right thing to do. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 10/7/2009 5:51:20 PM | | It is not your business. You are divorced from this woman and should not meddle in her affairs (play off words...haha). You should be living your life independently from her and her affairs (I did it again). Honestly dude, get a grip. Leave it alone. | |
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