| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:16:00 PM |
OP, your "motivation" for telling the betrayed wife is irrelevant. I don't understand why some people question your motives for telling his wife - what do your feelings have to do with the betrayed wife being able to know the TRUTH about her marriage? Even if there IS a degree of revenge in your intentions, does that mean she doesn't have the right to know about her husband just because your motives aren't completely "pure?" That's not even logical and makes no sense.
+1
I have no problem ratting out any slime lower than a snakes belly. And if I was being betrayed, I'd want to know.
So, there's Karma for ya.
Keeping the secret of your soon to be ex-wife and her sleazy married lover's affair is like condoning the affair and helping them to hide it. You're a party to their duplicity if you do nothing about it.
+1
Guilty by association.
IMO, anybody who'll sit there with their mouth shut, is simply a pvssy. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:19:17 PM |
I Divorced my wife who was cheating on me.
Good for you. That was the right decision for you.
I came to grips and put everything behind me.
I say bull crap too. Good call Savona...
The man she was cheating on me with is also married to a disabled woman.
So this makes it worse? Perhaps only in your mind.
You divorced your wife because she cheated. It shouldn't matter with who and the circumstances. It was the act itself that was the deal breaker.
Their tawdry affair still continues and he's still married.
Tawdry? This is telling. If you come to grips and put everything behind you, you wouldn't care one way or the other. You'd be blissfully indifferent.
I know, if I tell his wife, she would probably be hurt but, I also think she has a right to know.
Are you sure you don't want her to hurt as you have been hurt? These three people are none of your business. She may very well have a right to know but give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she turns a blind eye and doesn't give a rat's azz, or perhaps she's having an affair too, or she could be so devastated by your moral benevolence that she committs suicide.
What would you do?
I'd keep working on putting it behind me...and I would live and let live.
All the best to you.
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:21:21 PM | mrmike,
you say you came to grips and put everything behind me.
whoa....buddy, right there you have to examine that.
if you came to grips and put EVERYTHING behind me then you need to only take care of yourself and your children, your job and the rest of your world and stay out of other peoples worlds.
i understand what you've gone through but you did the right thing for yourself and your family so leave this other family alone regardless of the situation and let it all catch up with them for them to deal with it whenever they do.
you know of course that if you inform the guys wife then you're going to stir up the pot and create some hell for your ex.....right? if this is the way you think then you're not done with it and you haven't come to grips with it but have rather gone through all the motions and emotions of betrayal and divorce.
leave it alone, be happy and move on....otherwise, you're not happy and have not moved on.
they say, "every dog has it's day", so for them, let it happen when it does and i'm pretty sure somewhere down the line you'll hear something about it. i hope that when you do hear something about it that you're life is pulled together 100% and you'll be able to sit back and smile.... | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:30:14 PM | I too divorced my wife because she cheated on me.
I'm going to chime in and (as others have done) suggest that you back away and leave it alone.
For you, I don't see anything worthwhile to be gained from your blowing the whistle on those two.
For you, I do see the the potential for some pretty ugly backlash (from possibly as many as three different quarters), resulting from your doing the same.
Just walk away. It isn't worth it.
Peace | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:46:26 PM | | If you are going to tell someone, you tell them when you find out, not months or years after you found out. Not sure why you are concerned now, seems like being single isn't what you thought it would be and regret divorcing your wife. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:47:22 PM | It's none of your business.
Spouses usually highly suspect. But if for some reason they don't want their suspicions confirmed by going on their own fact finding mission, it's not your place to force them to see the truth. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:51:06 PM | Firstly, ask yourself the real reason you want to tell her...
Secondly, she possibly knows and won't thank you for telling her. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:58:58 PM | I suspect that his wife already knows, and that your ex would probably not be the first that he's even had an affair with.
I know you want to tell....and in some situations, I'm all about doing the right thing......but you also HAVE to know that people like your ex and her lover generally trip themselves up eventually......(Look what happened to John Edwards.....his wife had cancer while he was making an illegitimate kid).... If they're stupid enough to have done what they're doing, then they'll eventually be stupid enough to get caught even if the wife of the lover DOESN'T know. They really ARE that stupid and brazen. So for this one time, I would say just let THEM be the ones to make the mistakes, get caught in their own web of deceit and then have to untangle the mess. Once it happens, you can sit back and have a good laugh at them. You telling the wife now only makes things easier for them in the end. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:13:49 PM | Probably be hurt? Come on....
That's just evil. You are not over your ex or you would not know or care what she is doing
" if you're plotting revenge dig 2 graves..." Well said 
Her having a right to know is valid, but not from you.
She probably has an idea and if not..Karma is a biotch. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:15:19 PM | OP - I tend to disagree with most people here. Wouldn't anyone in her position want to know, in the event that they don't have an open relationship?
So many profess disgust towards cheaters, yet here OP has one and can be the "come around that goes around" yet everyone says back off. Nope! Not me, I say the woman has a right to know.
If her and her husband have an arrangement, then no harm done.
If they don't, then you've just empowered her to make her own decision and she won't be the fool anymore.
I say tell her, revenge or not, think about her. .. wouldn't she want to know? Doesn't she deserve to know? Doesn't she deserve better, in the event he is cheating? | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:26:12 PM | | Tell her but If I was you I would get to know her and tell her what happened to you and ask her if she would like to know if it was her husband cheating . If she says no then do not do it You can then live with a clean conscious . You wanted to tell but she did not want to know,If she said yes do and be there as a friend. Help her find someone else. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:30:06 PM | You know what, maybe karma does not solve everything, maybe it is indeed karma that he be the one to tell his wife about the affair.
maybe the dirtbag does not deserve to take another mans wife scott free.
have any of you thought that, i have seen so called karma fail me many times especially when it deals with humans
i have seen pretty raunchy evil pricks both male and female and they live just fine because karma has not come a knockin for them but karma has been on me like the IRS and i haven't done half of what others have done so yeah leaving things to an imaginary mechanism is what i think leaves millions of americans unwilling to do a thing about anything now a days.
Don't worry karma will deal with it! | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:32:25 PM | OP, she may already know and like many women, she is tolerating it.
You wrote that she is disabled, perhaps she stays because she is dependant on him. Have you stopped to think that, as a disabled person, her life may actually be WORSE if he leaves her? I am not making excuses for the cheater in any way, but you need to be mindful of your motives and the consequences of your actions.
It's unfortunate that your wife and this man entangled so many lives and caused hurt to several people. You got divorced, which is an appropriate response to your cheating wife. That's where it ends - now walk away and take the high road.
Please don't make it worse by taking it upon yourself to "do the right thing." Alternatively, you could think of it this way - if you confront the disabled wife and she confronts her husband, he may leave and you'll have given him the out he was looking for - an excuse to abandon his disabled wife.
Be well....... | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:38:49 PM | should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Yes. If you know about it and don't tell her that makes you an accomplice. What if he gives her an incurable STD? Cheating can have dreadful, destructive consequences. It's not a game. What if your wife was cheating on you? Would you want someone to tell you about it? Hell yes, you would.
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:39:40 PM | I am sorry but if you think that her being disabled is the reason this guy has to put on kiddy gloves on this situation then i don't think many of you give the disabled credit where credit is due.
would this be any better if the wife was not disabled?
would you want a family member to put up with a cheating spouse?
if someone in your family was getting cheated on would you not tell them for fear of the outsider getting the hell out?
would you be willing to admit that you need your relatives spouse to stay with them because they are disabled and because you couldn't help them in the dirtbags place?
if you think his actions are offensive then maybe you should think about your own way of dealing with this! | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:43:48 PM | OH Come ON! CheshireCat
OP, she may already know and like many women, she is tolerating it.
You don't know the wife is tolerating it. You're assuming.
You wrote that she is disabled, perhaps she stays because she is dependant on him. Have you stopped to think that her life may actually be WORSE if he leaves her? I am not making excuses for the cheater in any way, but you need to be mindful of your motives and the consequences of your actions.
Jesus... Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps. Yeah, let's do the poor disabled woman a favor and NOT tell her about her cheating husband because she's obviously dependent on him. This is just silly talk and if I was an overweight lesbian with a crew cut I'd yell "SEXIST!" You assume all these things and you make her even more of a victim by your reasoning. Yeal, let's do her a favor.
Please don't make it worse by taking it upon yourself to "do the right thing." Alternatively, you could think of it this way - if you confront the disabled wife and she confronts her husband, he may leave and you'll have given him the out he was looking for - an excuse to abandon his disabled wife.
I can't take it! How the hell do you know it'll make things worse? Is there anything you don't assume? Jesus. You got it alllll planned out, save the cripple by keeping her dumb and dependent!
Tell the woman, if she doesn't like the news she can take the guy to the cleaners. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:44:20 PM | Can you SAVOR the irony, here? You just got done telling everyone that your ex wife cheated on you and you put everything behind you, and now you want to tell the wife of the husband that cheated with your wife that her husband is cheating on her?
Why would you do that? you think by telling her she's going to embrace you and say thank you for telling me that her husband is scumbag?
Im sure its not the first time this prick has cheated, believe me, he's got his lies down pat, and he's got a Plan A, B ,C and D if he gets busted. You want no part of that. Just let it be. Hopefully she'll figure it out sooner than later - before she gets some disease from him, or some girl who gets knocked up by him shows up at her front door. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:46:11 PM |
Yes. If you know about it and don't tell her that makes you an accomplice
There is no such thing as an accomplice to an affair. There is only the affair and the people engaging in it.
No one mentioned putting on kid gloves. Many people suggested he steer clear of the situation. It would make no difference if the wife was not disabled, but it could make it worse. Perhaps the wife is covered by the husband's health care plan and would be disadvantaged if she did not have access to it?
The woman is not a family member, so your point is moot. I do not involve myself in the affairs of anyone, including family members, unless they are injured or sick. How they conduct their marriages is none of my business.
I have thought about how to deal with this - many times. I would not tell anybody about being cheated on unless they ask me directly and I have absolute proof, as it is none of my business. People who have never confronted someone about cheating do not realize that often the spouse being cheated will not side with you!
How the hell do you know it'll make things worse?
And how the hell do you know it'll make it right? Divining rod perhaps? And I loooovee how you portray the woman as a "cripple." How flattering for her. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:46:18 PM | "I say tell her, revenge or not, think about her. .. wouldn't she want to know? Doesn't she deserve to know? Doesn't she deserve better, in the event he is cheating?"
And who appointed you, me, or anyone else as Guardian and Button Pusher over these people's hearts, their lives, and their futures?
This is some life altering guano we're discussing here - in the worst of such cases (and you can see those reported on just about any six o'clock news broadcast) it ends lives.
I certainly wouldn't want to be the one to get a ball like that rolling - not in anyone's direction.
Peace | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:49:02 PM |
Hopefully she'll figure it
yeah Mahogany... let's all sit back and hope. Hope that.. .maybe... just maybe *clasps hands, looks up to stars* maybe someone [other than the one who has intimate knowledge on the subject] anyone can have the baIIs to go up to that poor woman .... and... *sniff* ... and... tell her the truth... but... but it better not be the one who has more knowledge on the subject than anyone else.
OP stated it wasn't for revenge. He's thinking of her.
You go ahead and hope Mahogany.. .. quick OP here's a quarter, dial the number. Go brotha go! | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:50:45 PM | Revenge is sweet.
She deserves everything she gets for being a cheater.
Once a cheater always a cheater and people have a right to know.
Cheating is not jus twrong but also can spread diseases around.
Shop her now........... | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:51:49 PM | There is no such thing as an accomplice to an affair. There is only the affair and the people engaging in it.
Yeah, just tell that to his wife when she gets an STD and it could have been prevented by informing the wife.
Nonsense. If you knew someone committed a murder and you don't tell the police, you are criminally liable and can be prosecuted. Why? Because the murderer might strike again, for one reason, and you failed to help get him off the street.
This situation is similar. Cheating can have dreadful, destructive consequences. Ever hear of AIDS, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C?
Cheating is not a game. It used to be a crime. It still should be.
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:54:16 PM | ^^^ A murder is a crime and is in no way comparable to an affair. Your analogy doesn't work, sorry.
But try calling up the police and telling them......."Uh officer, I'd like to report an "accomplice to an affair'......yeah, you heard me right, please send the paddy wagon and SWAT team asap.........yeah, I'm worried the guy might just fvck again"
Here's a clue - all those STDs out there? They ain't all being passed around by married peeps having affairs. You're not going to end STD infection rates by cracking down on "accomplices to affairs."
Yeah......... | |
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