| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:54:45 PM | OP stated it wasn't for revenge. He's thinking of her. Really, he is thinking of her. How long did it take you to get a divorce? Mine took about 2 years and the dude that's wife was spending too much time with my ex knew about it as soon as I had the cell phone records. This guy IS divorced, she is out of his life. How does he even know that she is with him and he is still with his wife etc. unless he is obsessing or stalking? | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:06:48 PM | CC Said:
[quotw] There is no such thing as an accomplice to an affair. There is only the affair and the people engaging in it.
In your opinion maybe.
If you were my friend ( I know that's not the OP's example) and I found out you knew all along that I was being made a fool of while you just smiled and went on with business as usual. We wouldn't be friends any more.
I'd look at you as an accomplice. You allowed the lie to go on. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:10:34 PM |
you knew all along that I was being made a fool of while you just smiled and went on with business as usual. We wouldn't be friends any more.
ChancesR, sometimes that happens. Cheating and divorce cause friends to disappear and/or take side.
If you asked me and I had positive proof, I would tell you. Otherwise, as I've said, I would mind my own business. The reality is that as much as I may like a friend, I don't want the responsibility or burden of keeping tabs on their wife. And please allow the responsibility to lie with the proper parties - those having the affair, not those who think it might be happening.
But what would you do if I told you my "suspicions" and I was dead wrong? | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:12:01 PM |
If you were my friend ( I know that's not the OP's example) and I found out you knew all along that I was being made a fool of while you just smiled and went on with business as usual. We wouldn't be friends any more.
But see, THAT'S a completely different situation. If it were my FRIEND as much as I would hate to, I would tell, in this situation, I would NOT tell.....big difference.
More than likely she is going to find out one way or another, like someone else said, what goes around comes around...However, with her being disabled, she might not WANT to know, it might be easier for her to stay. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:16:42 PM | Op, You dont know, maybe this woman knows her husband is cheating, maybe she doesnt. Either way she probly wouldnt belive you any way, and really it's none of your business now. And I too dont buy the crap that you've put it all behind you!!
Concentrate on your own life!! | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:17:04 PM | well this is a hard one, I dont believe that if you tell her it would ease your own pain. It would carry on the pain into another relationship and remember the Romans and those who brought bad news.
She might well know and has an understanding with him, only her true friends will know this and it should be down to one fo tehm to tell her if THEY see fit.
On the other hand just because shes disabled doesnt mean she cant have a life without him and I hate liars and cheats, not been in the situation of being cheated on but have been lied to and it hurts when its someone you love, so let her friends sort this out and I'm sure it will get sorted out one way or another.
As for you my friend.......move on, dont carry the bitterness with you as I know it can only damage yourself like the lies damaged me till I dealt with them, maybe speaking to someone would help you, but thats your decisions not mine, I know it helped with me
David | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:30:56 PM |
I Divorced my wife who was cheating on me. I came to grips and put everything behind me. The man she was cheating on me with is also married to a disabled woman. Their tawdry affair still continues and he's still married. I know, if I tell his wife, she would probably be hurt but, I also think she has a right to know. What would you do?
He said he has moved on, "put everything behind [him]." ItsMeGirls OP doesn't seem to have any bitterness and clearly stated he's not seeking revenge.
Everyone seems to think it's none of his business yet few consider if it's her right to know and feel that if they just held hands and "hoped" the her friends will somehow stumble on the truth out there. Seems like people have more of an issue of OP telling her than her right to know.
She deserves to know, regardless where the intel came from. That's not budding in, it's not obsessing and it's not revenge. Just as ChancesRMD said... if it happened to me and you knew about it.... tsk tsk.. shame on you for not telling. Sounds like it's ok for others to get their hands dirty but not OP. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:38:52 PM |
I came to grips and put everything behind me. Really, again, how would he know that she is with a married man if he put everything behind him? Why would he care what she is doing.
When you are concerned about others is before the divorce, not after. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:44:34 PM | Depends on what your motivation is. If it's to be vengeful and get back at your ex it's probably not the best idea.
It's hard to know what's going on behind closed doors...especially with his wife being disabled. Perhaps she's not even in a position to do anything about it. IMO I suggest you think long and hard about what you would gain by sharing the news and what the potential consequences of doing so might look like.
I'm sorry OP. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:55:14 PM | I can say this exact thing happened to me with my ex. Everyone knew at the workplace he was seeing this other woman, however no one told me until the director there who was my friend found out and sent me an email. She was sick of him lying to me and treating me that way, sneaking around all the time.
I was glad when I heard it from her as it was it had already been almost a month and I had my suspicions at home as he would say he was going somewhere, but he would actually not be where he said he was. When asked he said he didn't feel guilty and that he didn't love me anymore. Of course I told him what I thought of it and he kicked me out that day, so she could move in within a few days.
I would tell her, as from my own experience I learned about it a month after the time it started, and would have liked to have known sooner. WOuld have saved a lot of problems. He was so upset when my friend told me about his affair, but my theory is if you have to hide it obviously its wrong to do it in the first place. She later left him after he cheated on her not even a month into their relationship.... and so the saying goes it always comes back to haunt them. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:57:12 PM |
But what would you do if I told you my "suspicions" and I was dead wrong?
Again, not the OP's example. He at least said he knew in the post.
If I was only suspicious, than that would be totally different. I wouldn't risk so much for so many people based on a suspicion. To take it even further. I have seen actions that were suspicious, but didn't say anything the SO. I'd go to the offender first and confront them. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:59:07 PM | First, she probably wouldn't believe you unless she knew or suspected it already. People are funny that way; if they don't want to believe something, they just won't. It might work if she knew you already - friend, relative - but especially coming from a stranger, well - ever heard the saying "kill the messenger"?
Second, despite your denial, it does sound like revenge. If she's happy with the status quo for whatever reason, you rocking her boat doesn't do her any favors, but it sure could rock the boat of the people who messed you up. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:08:08 PM |
but it sure could rock the boat of the people who messed you up.
I fail to see how it rocks the other people's boat. How does it rock his wife's boat? Are you more concerned about their boat than the disabled wife? | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:08:13 PM | You ask what I would do? I would just mind my own business. You can do what you want to do. It really does not matter to anyone. We are all really just pieces of dust in the wind anyway.  | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:13:27 PM | WOW! Interesting question since I just came across this account that Im on. It belongs to my boyfriend of over 8 years. Im wondering now what to do with it since I've changed his password and contacting women he's met. I obviously need to go visit my doctor but also wonder if I should just change his entire profile and let the entire world know that he's a cheating b@st@rd. I also wonder if the girls he's already met would like to see the player on match and mate1 also....
As far as your dilemna, it really does depend on your motive. If the wife is handicap maybe she would be okay with it since she can't do things another women can. I don't understand that but at the same time you might just rock her world and not in such a good way. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:13:43 PM |
First, she probably wouldn't believe you
All I hear is maybe, could, possibly.
Some one here tell me they would not want to know if their SO was cheating on them??
Does it matter who it comes from? I'll take a Hallmark Card, as long as I know. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:26:52 PM |
How does it rock his wife's boat?
If she knows or suspects and is happy with the status quo for whatever reason, she isn't going to be pleased by someone coming along and talking about her husband's infidelity. Sometimes people are ok with their partner stepping out as long as they believe nobody knows - but when they think it's no longer a secret, they think they have to do something about it. If that's the disabled wife's reaction, she could make her cheating husband uncomfortable at the very least, which would likely spill over onto the OP's ex-wife.
If she and her husband have an understanding, she'll probably tell him, and he and his lover will view it as revenge by the OP and who knows ... maybe OP'll end up back in court fighting for custody/money/etc.
Are you more concerned about their boat than the disabled wife?
Nope, but I have, in the past, told people things I thought they "ought" to know, and it doesn't usually change anything, other than create a coolness between us. The last time I tried to do someone a favor by letting them know the "truth" of a situation, I ended up on my ass out on the street. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:30:36 PM |
Some one here tell me they would not want to know if their SO was cheating on them??
Raises hand. Assumption is that I cannot figure this out on my own. And unless my spouse tells you directly, or you see him engage in a sexual act with another woman, you don't *know*.
Tell me what you know, not what you *think* might be happening. And tell me ONLY if I ask you point blank, otherwise, be my friend and find other ways to support me, while minding your own business. Because there's a great likelihood that you, my friend, don't know more about my own marriage than I do.
Furthermore, once I'm divorced, I don't care what my ex does or who he does it with. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:38:34 PM | you didn't mention why the wife is disabled.
she may be happy that her huband is getting sex elsewhere and not bothering her...
this does happen.
do you really think that telling the wife will ease the pain of what happened to you?
it would be easy to feel justified by ratting on the scumbag husband...
but i'd keep well out of it...
it's not any of your business now.
people who cheat usually get found out... | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 5:51:40 PM | No way.
It's none of your business anymore.
Think about the old addage "Don't kill the messenger" because chances are that is what some or all of those involved would want to do with you.
He's married to a disabled woman. Depending on the nature of her disability she may be aware of his 'affairs' and is ok with it as long as it's not flaunted in her face. You getting involved would do more harm than good I am afraid.
Only if that woman were to come to you and ask you point blank should you be telling her. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 5:56:18 PM |
she may be happy that her huband is getting sex elsewhere and not bothering her... this does happen.
She MAY be. She also MAY be want to know. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:01:55 PM | Mike,
I know revenge has a sweet taste to it....but just be happy that you got rid of your cheating wife and do not do any harm to the disabled woman ....
Who knows maybe she let the husband go around with other women, maybe she wants to convince herself its not happening. At this point who cares....really.
Focus on restarting your life and meeting new people, that will truly help you in the long term.
And BTW I don't think you have totally have come to terms with the fact your wife cheated. Its a hard event and takes long to absorb it. And the fact that you have this idea in mind just shows me that you need some more time to let go of that ugly event in your life.
Good luck to you! | |
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