| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:02:55 PM | If your partner was cheating on you - would you want to know?
Would you want to know that your health and possibly even your life was being risked by some jerk/jerkette who only cared about their own slimey self?
IMO - the Right thing to do is to tell her. What she does with the information from there is up to her. I don't think it is about 'revenge' or anything But doing the right thing.
Interesting the number of people on this site who would hide, lie for the cheater, turn a blind eye ..blahblahbla .. and the same # who think you shouldn't dance with anyone but your spouse!!! lmao ..
I figure Anyone who is honest, Anyone who wouldn't cheat, Anyone with Nothing to hide would have no issues with telling her the truth.
That said .. there's nothing in it for me . .no points, no revenge .. nadda .. but if you (OP) can't bring yourself to do the Right thing - send me her contact info and I'll give her the bad news .. sure it may hurt her feelings .. or she may even know already .. whatever .. IF she doesn't know and if he is the dirty dog he sounds like - he could bring home something incurable .. the Information "may" actually save her life. Regardless - she deserves the truth.
 .. lotta people in here pretty defensive about outting a cheater .. interesting ..
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:06:26 PM |
I Divorced my wife who was cheating on me. I came to grips and put everything behind me. The man she was cheating on me with is also married to a disabled woman.
Enough of a backstory to say your motivation is for you. The grips you think you came to, you're gripping alright, the key is letting go, which it doesn't appear you have.
Depending on what your realtionship is with either of these people, more often than not, if you do say something, you won't have one with either.
If you choose to place yourself in that position, then just know that's a likely result. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:07:42 PM | I have always felt that if you know something about a spouse being unfaithful you should tell.
There are those who say mind your own business, however I am one for being blunt and honest and calling black black.
If you KNOW it - for certain? Then tell. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:08:05 PM |
yeah Mahogany... let's all sit back and hope. Hope that.. .maybe... just maybe *clasps hands, looks up to stars* maybe someone [other than the one who has intimate knowledge on the subject] anyone can have the baIIs to go up to that poor woman .... and... *sniff* ... and... tell her the truth... but... but it better not be the one who has more knowledge on the subject than anyone else.
OP stated it wasn't for revenge. He's thinking of her. Oh booohooooo hooooo Oh really Appollo, Well lets consider the source ? praise be gawddddddddddddddd
enough said.
NEXT | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:15:57 PM |
send me her contact info and I'll give her the bad news
Yeah, you do that. Send an email to someone you don't bloody well know, because you KNOW it's all true, 'cuz you read it on a forum on the intarwebs. I'm sure she'll consider you a reliable source of intel.
Honestly, I don't know when I've last read anything so blatantly stupid and meddlesome on PoF. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:19:42 PM |
OP stated it wasn't for revenge. He's thinking of her.
That combined with the "poor woman"...looks good on paper. It's the exception that a spouse of a cheating partner either doesn't have evidence, or any suspicions whatsoever or had them over a period of time.
Read the OP again, it "sniffs" like a cheated spouse who'd love to call out another suspected cheating spouse. The cheated on spouse is a fact, it was stated as such.
Great, I'm in the MOOD for popcorn! Sounds tasty.
"Well lets consider the source ?" Ahh...someone else picked up on that. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:23:35 PM |
If he doesnt listen warn him of the consequences
Yeah, that PoF posters will be emailin' or callin' the wronged wife to set her straight. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:40:51 PM | Firstly I am sorry for your pain, I know that it hurts to find out that the person you are married to is finding solace with another man. As for the other woman involved in this tangled web of deceit, I am sure she suspects or probably already knows. People are not dumb, they may play the blind eye victim but in the reality of it they'll have to face the light one day....WHEN THEY ARE READY, and not because someone pointed it at them.
People act out their pain in different ways, I understand your wanting to let the other vic.,know. That thought would cross my mind as well out of anger, but would I do it? Not out of anger or hurt I wouldn't.
Before you do I would just ask yourself WHY you want to tell them. And if your answers are selfless based on complete human compassion then do it. But if they are based on selfish reasons from hurt and anger then don't.
The outcome of something is based on the intent from which it was created ~ | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 7:27:49 PM | | The responses to my query are quite interesting. I know all about him and his wife also. It's amazing what you can find out about someone on the web with just a phone number. My ex admitted to me that the information I found was true. As for his wife, she hasn't figured it out yet and it's been going on for years. The reasons I didn't tell her sooner are 1- I didn't want to act out of anger and 2-To protect myself during the divorce. She's disabled but, not an invalid. As for financial or medical support, a good lawyer will take care of that and he'll pay for the lawyer too. As for my revenge, I got that by divorcing her without being a jerk. She now knows what she gave up and her life is a mess (her words). I think the best advice I've heard was to contact him and tell him to admit what he's done or I will have no choice but to do it for him. I'm sure I'll hear about it from my ex but, she's irrelevant to me. Thanks. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 7:38:50 PM | | So what if you tell this woman her husband is cheating and she is so bereft she commits suicide? That may be far-fetched, but you ought to examine your motives. What is she to you? Do you have a friendship/relationship with her? Does your ex-wife have a nasty STD that you need to warn her about? Or are you still smarting from being cheated on and think that outing this guy will make you feel better? | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 7:51:24 PM |
I think the best advice I've heard was to contact him and tell him to admit what he's done or I will have no choice but to do it for him.
BS! You have a lot of other choices, many of which were suggested on this thread. That you think the above quote is the best advice you've heard is downright creepy.
There's no way that you've put this broken marriage behind you and moved on. You're still very much engaged in it -
I know all about him and his wife also. It's amazing what you can find out about someone on the web with just a phone number.
You're cyber stalking them!
Rejection through infidelity is one of the most painful feelings leaving one near-crazy and irrational. How about going to see a counsellor to get some professional feedback on your ideas and plan? | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 7:56:03 PM |
Rejection through infidelity is one of the most painful feelings leaving one near-crazy and irrational. How about going to see a counsellor to get some professional feedback on your ideas and plan? Now, IMO THAT'S the best advice you've been given in your thread..
Please let us know what your councilor advises op (should you decide to take LB up on her suggestion .. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 8:02:36 PM |
I think the best advice I've heard was to contact him and tell him to admit what he's done or I will have no choice but to do it for him.
Admit what he's done? You meant doing, didn't you?
Still angry huh? Oh well... denial ain't just a river in Eygpt...
How sad that you absoulutely feel the necessity to do this since you weren't all that concerned in spilling the beans at the onset before your divorce was final.
You want your pound of flesh. You're going to be sorry you didn't honestly put this behind you sooner. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 8:10:23 PM |
contact him and tell him to admit what he's done or I will have no choice but to do it for him
OP, you do have a choice. When you approach someone and say "You do this, or else...." you are basically threatening the man. You are threatening him with the financial dissolution of his marriage, which may be hundreds of thousands of dollars once you include house, alimony etc. That kind of threat is likely not to be taken very well. This could be very dangerous for you.
Conflicts are much easier to start than they are to stop. Please think of the things your angry ex-wife could say to your children as well. Lies told to children by an angry ex-spouse are difficult to undo, if they can be at all. Please also remember that your children could be spending time with this man as well.
Once you set in place a chain of events such as this, it will no longer matter that you were the victim.
It's not worth it - for all of the reasons that you can think of now , and then a 100 more that you can't think of. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 8:33:57 PM | you said you know his wife would probably be hurt if you told her. it is a tough call, but, to really get past your wife's infidelity, you should just stop looking at what she and her lover are doing. let his wife and he go down whatever path is theirs.
you don' t have to be a hero or fix anyone's problems. just look past your ex, her boyfriend, and all concerned with them, and move on to something for you.
or you could befriend the wife and make your ex and her lover nervous.... | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 8:40:40 PM | It seems to me you're still angry with your ex-wife's lover. Now that you've dealt with your wife by divorcing her, it's payback time for him.
If the anger is still so strong that it's playing on your mind, be a man and make that phone call to him, but leave his wife out of it. Tell him what you think of him and then move on...leave her out of it. This is between you and him. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 8:43:07 PM |
amazing what you can find out about someone on the web with just a phone number Cyber stalking isn't kewl ever! Dude you have issues, deal with them. Let this go!
My ex admitted to me that the information I found was true. 1. Why did you find it, because you have issues, your are obsessed. You wouldn't have wasted, or spent time or effort doing it if you weren't!
2. Don't believe for a second your ex just said that the information was true. Why don't you leave her alone? I can hear the discussion now. Ex wife, "MYOB" OP "You just confirmed it."
You want the dude's wife to divorce him. Then you will feel like you got what you wanted, your wife's bf ruined, his just desserts for what he did to you...yeah, we have seen revenge on the forums quite a bit today. It is none of your business and unless you are messing around with this guy, you DON'T know. Unless you are best buds with the dude or his wife, myob. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 8:52:42 PM | Sorry you have been so hurt, and are still hurting.
But I feel that you are an active participant in your own emotional death, which will kill you faster than any lie.
G'Luck......... | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:19:15 PM | There's no way that you've put this broken marriage behind you and moved on. You're still very much engaged in it -
And what's your POINT lady? What are you trying to say? That he is NOT allowed to feel if he is, that he is not allowed to hurt? Where is your sympothy for others emotions of pain?
You're cyber stalking them!
WHAT are you flipping kidding me???? He is CYBER stalking THEM??? What do you mean THEM you say that as though the 'victim' has no value? THEM was the one's who were married....the other idiots are the one's who betrayed their martrimonial oaths. Infidelity does NOT form a THEM it creates two ppl who went against the law and in a spiritual sense went against the laws that govern love from the universe's prosective.
And who's side are you on exactly? I am a little confused with the frigid comments you are casting oh forgive me I assumed that most people were righteous. I had to re-read the OP's post to remind myself I was wrong!!
OP you WERE NOT cyber stalking so ignore the messages especially MSG 98...good lord everything that one said she'd have to pay me to help her see a little light on humanity because that one is so messed up I don't know where to start....
I will start with saying that I would have done the same damn investigation ish if I had a husband that cheated.....so just laugh this BS off...... Some people need to experience this lesson in life in order to understand the relation in the process of greiving. And if they did go through it then obviously it didn't hit hard enough in the core of the rock but one day it will....after comments like that!!
I am happy to read your last post and sounds like you did an awesome job in how you handled your situation. I respect that. It does not suprise me that your 'ex' (wooo hooo) now has regrets. They always do and the great thing about revenge is when you learn of this because it is at that moment that you can say you finally have the satisfaction you deserve.....But because we are build with red beating hearts it is also at that time when we have rid ourselves of our pain that we do feel a bit of sorry for them because they are now going through what they put you through. Funny isn't it....
Good thing is however is that the next step is forgiveness but in the taste of releasing in order to look fwd to something/someone better :)
GL
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:27:59 PM |
WHAT are you flipping kidding me???? He is CYBER stalking THEM??? He is divorced and said he went on the net to find out information on them! That sure as heck is cyber stalking! He is divorced. Her life is her life. He is not part of it. He said he is past it etc. etc. His actions speak total stalking and issues. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:38:45 PM |
And what's your POINT lady? What are you trying to say? That he is NOT allowed to feel if he is, that he is not allowed to hurt? Where is your sympothy for others emotions of pain? Her point is quite obvious to me.. that being that OP perports to be over his relationship demise yet his actions clearly show that he is not. "Her" point has absolutely nothing to do with your interpretation of
The he is not allowed to feel if he is, that he is not allowed to hurt where is your sympothy for others emotions of pain? Huh? BT clearly points out in her post that she understands the pain of infidelity and suggests he gets counciling to get past it..
IMO.. Oobaby.. you're displaying anger at BT because you've totally mis-understood the intention of her post. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:43:59 PM |
He is divorced and said he went on the net to find out information on them! That sure as heck is cyber stalking! He is divorced. Her life is her life. He is not part of it. He said he is past it etc. etc. His actions speak total stalking and issues.
That is funny I never read where he said he did this AFTER he was divorced?? What are you reading?
Regardless your judgements are harsh, hateful and sickening to say the least....get educated on human empathy that is a start~ | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:47:50 PM |
Regardless your judgements are harsh, hateful and sickening to say the least....get educated on human empathy that is a start~ your perception of the post is harsh, hateful and while not quite "sickening" it is a little over-the-top.. You've mis-read somewhere I think.. | |
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