| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 8:23:33 AM | How about an ad in the local paper?
I mean that way no one knows who told her....just put it in writing like:
''Mary Smith? Your husband is shacking up with another woman - might want to ask him where he was last Friday night."
The end..
Of course every Mary Smith in Plymouth will be meeting her hubby at the door.
Probably drum up many a lawyer's fee.
Counseling.
Therapy.
Alcohol sales will soar.
Traffic stops - DWI's...
Hey! I just solved the economic crisis and everyone can have a part of it!
One by one rat out the person you know is shacking up, fekking around, lying, steeling etc., put an ad in the local paper (increasing newspaper sales which WERE declining which will also increase readers and subscriptions cuz everyone will want to read who's doing what to whom!) and voila! Money money money!!!!!!
Damn.
I need to run for office.
Rick could be my campaign manager! | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 8:54:58 AM | Oh you're so full of shit Apollo, give your head a friggen shake, do you know this woman the OP is talking about?
Really Mahogany-Rush? .... Who's place is it to tell a woman that her husband is cheating on her? I"d like to know. Who? Its none of your business
Most people who are in love with their spouse if presented from a stranger " oh your loved one is cheating on you" and they confront the cheating spouse most cheating spouse would deny it or end up " shooting the messenger"
Tell me what good is going to come from the OP telling the wife that her hubby is a cheating bast*ard? Do you know How many women would sit there and say " sorry bud but my hubby isnt like that" unless the relationship is on rocky ground, she might heed the warning, but in her mind if she thinks the relationship is on solid ground and this bombshell it, she might go into denial or take the hubby's word.
My philosophy is usually just to stay out of it, unless the person in question is being very open about what s/he is doing. What other people do is not my business and I generally don't go nosing around looking for dirt on other people
I love all you knight and shining armor types, crusading around with your own brand of justice, you don't know this lady you have no idea how she will respond, maybe she's consent to the relationship like the one you have, you don't know, its not your place or your business.
Exceptions to the rule if you direct knowledge and it affects your immediate family and close friends, perhaps you have a case.
A woman posted that her boyfriend's boss told her about the affair, (I think it was on the other cheater thread). She was hurt but grateful to know. so one person on another thread said she was ok, and thats makes it right? maybe she had suspicions about her relationship and this confirmed it , any ways its irrelevant.
Let's see you back up your statement instead of just side stepping it with vacuous rhetoric like so many others do. WTF are you talking about? what are you testifying before a congressional hearing? want to talk about American Teenagers attitude towards subsurface agricultural products too? | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:14:19 AM | Msg 18 nailed it, so I pretty much stopped reading. Those who opposed either cited 'not your business', questioned the motive or ridiculed it by suggesting some public announcement.
It became your business when that other person intruded your life. It's not like you sent a PI after some arbitrary name in the phone book. It's odd how the cheating parties are not cited as making it your business - they enjoy some protection by the coat of silence that is thrown over the betrayed. But telling her is still a far cry from an ad in the paper... Are we to believe that the ridiculous portrayal of an ad proves that telling is wrong? And why is it that cheaters can fvck around all they want, yet they get their feathers ruffled if a guy tells with feelings of revenge? Is THAT crossing the line? "Sorry for doing your wife, but what kind of motivation drives you to inform my wife, you scumbag?"
It was said that she may know, buy if she knows, logic suggests that no harm is done by telling as no information was added. Cheaters thrive on the hush-hush and a false sense of morality. Of course they don't want you to talk. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:17:44 AM |
And why is it that cheaters can fvck around all they want, yet they get their feathers ruffled if a guy tells with feelings of revenge? Is THAT crossing the line? "Sorry for doing your wife, but what kind of motivation drives you to inform my wife, you scumbag?"
^^^Wow, Yet another poster who is not over his divorce. Ya'll are comin' out of the woodwork here. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:43:23 AM |
I am sorry but if you think that her being disabled is the reason this guy has to put on kiddy gloves on this situation then i don't think many of you give the disabled credit where credit is due.
People must be responsible for the consequences of their actions. We don't know the degree of disability, whether this woman can work at all, or work part time or full time. She may be unqualified if she can work, for a job that provides the medical insurance she needs. She could be highly effective and not need him, the point is the OP doesn't know what her situation is.
Here's an example of failing to consider the consequences. If you tell someone about this type of scenario without knowing that they are mentally ill, for example, and they shoot the cheating spouse, are you responsible? Since you volunteered information when the person was happy in their ignorance or chose to ignore the signs, you did put the chain of events in motion.
Jesus... Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps. Yeah, let's do the poor disabled woman a favor and NOT tell her about her cheating husband because she's obviously dependent on him.
Yeah, considering your needs as the outter rather than the wants and needs of the person involved is way better. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:46:16 AM | Honestly you should.
It's disturbing to know people cheat just because their wife is disabled. He made a vow and should stand by it. Let her know what's going on and if they end up divorcing, its for a better cause. Why let a disabled woman suffer more than she already needs too..?
Note:// I'd punch his face till he knows how to treat females like a real man should do. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:58:06 AM | Ulitmately, OP, you have to live by your decision.
Ask yourself:
What is my motivation?
Why?
What do I really hope to accomplish?
Why?
Will my decision elevate me or diminish me?
Now...follow your conscience, if you believe you have one. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 2:19:41 PM | | no...she probably knows...or she will find out...if you were her friend...then it is different...everything will work out...what comes around goes around | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 2:21:02 PM | | i agree with Mahogany rush...but i would give the man a hint...and then he will decide...it is his business and wife's...what will happen will happen...do not fret | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 3:13:36 PM | If I were that wife....I would want to know the truth, and she has a right to know the truth. If someone had irrefutable proof that this was taking place, I wouldnt care who told me. At least that would give me the opportunity to make my own choices that were right for me, including NOT having sex with the cheating b@st@rd and exposing myself to god knows what.
Maybe if more people were committed to revealing the cheaters to their partners, there would be less of them. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 3:20:13 PM | Mahogany-Rush you didn't answer the question. You just blew hot air. Here, let me repeat it for you, though it will do no good.
"Really Mahogany-Rush? .... Who's place is it to tell a woman that her husband is cheating on her? I"d like to know. Who? "
And you say I'm full of Sh!t?? Answer the question. You said it's not OP's place to tell her.
SO WHO'S PLACE IS IT?
Again, "
Let's see you back up your statement instead of just side stepping it with vacuous rhetoric like so many others do." You did as predicted, not answer the question and just beat your chest. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 3:53:37 PM | ^^^ OMG ... It's not some bloody strangers place to tell her. The OP is a total stranger to this women. If a total stranger told me my husband was cheating.. I'd tell them to fvck off and ask them WTH their motive was for interferring in my life when I didn't even know who they were. Why do people expect OP to drop a bomb like that and then just step away.. not being a friend she certainly wouldn't be able to rely on him to support her through any hurt that the revelation caused.
Apollo why are you so adament that a cheater should be told something like that by a complete and utter stranger??? People aren't stupid. Most suspect something is going on when their S/O is stepping out.. they choose to turn a blind eye (denial) for their own reasons and who are any of us to break through someone elses coping mechanism???
Some say that they'd want to know.. well that's your choice.. Op doesn't KNOW that, that is the wife's choice as well??? | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 5:02:49 PM | apollo, are you having trouble with the English language? do you want me to dumb it down for you Slick? Come down off your high horse for a moment . Why is it your job or anyone's job to tell the wife? It's none of your business. Am I clear this time??
I've asked you a question and you ignored it Slick.
To answer your question again, ( I thought I was clear the first time), it's no one's job to tell the wife, unless you're family and/or close friends and you have irrefutable proof ( not rumors, and you've seen it with your own eyes) | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 5:08:36 PM |
I think the best advice I've heard was to contact him and tell him to admit what he's done or I will have no choice but to do it for him.
Wrong, Mike.
Do not give this evil man your power; he’s had plenty of time in which to reveal his infidelity and has not done so. Why would you now put him in a position of trust?
You must tell his wife; it is your duty to do so. What she does with the information is her choice. But she will be making a choice as an informed person.
Not everything we do is easy; it take guts to be the bearer of ill news. I cannot imagine any dignified person not wanting to know that their spouse is making a fool of them. Forget about what others may think motivates you at this time, it does not matter. This is for the betrayed spouse’s benefit. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 5:19:23 PM | Oh God man - what is he going to do - knock on her door,
introduce himself and say " my wife is having an affair with your husband"-
And lets just say her reaction is going to be to her husband -
"some strange man came here and told me you are having an affair"-
and his reaction to his wife - deny deny deny.
Let me tell you one thing about a cheater and being cheated on-
The cheater will never admit it - they will use every excuse-
I need space
I need to think about some things
I need to find myself
They will never admit it.
The cheated on- I will bet my new chanel handbag that her gut
is or already has told her. We usually know even before the
little head leaves the zipper opening.
Its that seventh sense every woman has about her man.
She probably turns a blind eye to it - not because of her disability but
because she will settle to live under intolerable circumstances.
Happens all the time until one day he either leaves or it is staring her
straight in the face. Usually they leave because they cannot wear
the cheating mask any longer.
Trust me- she already knows. Should he tell her?
If he does tell her he is just re-inforcing what she probably already knows.
He should just step away from the drama and start his healing process. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 5:44:18 PM | To my way of looking at things, it all goes back to the OP's motivations, and his timing. Now if he had wanted to inform this guy's wife when he first found out, so as to try and end the affair the guy was having with his wife, then telling her might have made some sense. To do it now, after his divorce and when it really is no longer any of his business who she sees or is involved with, smacks of simple and petty revenge, regardless of how much this woman wronged him and how much she deserves it.
It happened to me, when I found out my wife was cheating on me. I called the guy she was seeing (she wasn't very good at covering her tracks), not the wife, and I flat out warned him (even though I didn't know him), that I knew his name, where he and his wife lived, where he worked (I didn't, other than the name, but in the small town this louse was in that would have been enough info to start), and that he had better not see my wife again. Admittedly, I came on like a heavy, trying to scare the hell out of him. My final words to him were, "You have knowingly involved yourself in my life and my marriage. Pray I don't involve myself in yours." And he never saw or contacted her again. Whether or not his wife ever found out wasn't any of my business, nor should it have been. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 7:21:26 PM | "Wow, Yet another poster who is not over his divorce."
Wow, yet another poster who dodges what was said for a cheap shot at somebody's marital status and some assumption to go with it. Running out of arguments so soon? | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 8:30:51 PM | To all the people who think there is no responsibility to inform victims of infidelity...
check out http://abcnews.go.com/2020
There's a wonderful story about at least 11 women who where infected with HIV by a fellow who was enabled by silence.
So many spineless, morally bankrupt, worthless excuses for human adults.
There truly are devils and monsters among us. Some attractive ones too!
Just imagine if one of your family members was infected by something that could have been prevented by simply informing everyone 'involved'.
Your silence makes you an accomplice. Think about it! | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:29:22 PM | The 20/20 story is a completely different scenerio than the one we are discussing.
Ths man with the HIV was not enabled by silence. He was enabled by older women than himself who paid for his jewlery and his vacations and ignored the red flags because they enjoyed is attentions. They admit this themselves. The first women who couldn't ignore a glaring red flag followed him and when she tracked down the first women he was seeing besides her.. she told her right away what he was doing.
If op is worried that the wife may get aids .. then he should be worried about his ex wife and himself as well.. He didn't mention a concern for anyone's health as his reason for wanting to inform a total stranger that the women he divorced is involved with her husband. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:31:04 PM | If my partner was cheating on me I would want to know.
It wouldn't matter HOW I found out, I'd still want to know.
I'd be thankful if someone who knew about the affair made the decision to tell me. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:31:20 PM | While this is an important message, there is no comparison to the facts in this thread - the man who is the subject of this video is polygamist (clearly the height of danger here folks) who also took advantage of the women for monetary gifts.
This is an issue primarily about using protection in sexual relationships, which is a more appropriate message for ALL PoFers. This issue of intent vs. negligence, bodily injury, and fault lies with the person who knows that he/she has has HIV and engages in unprotected sex. Clearly, no one in this thread would suggest withholding knowledge of a disease. To imply otherwise is just stupid, quite frankly. And the OP never mentioned any concern about disease - if he had, the time to be concerned would be when you first found out about the affair.
Unfortunately, none of these people were baggin' it...and many of the women in the video had multiple partners and event went to swinging parties with this guy – so many of them knew about his lifestyle and indeed, they had their own lifestyle issues.
Furthermore, the video documents a sexual predator who was not married and who knowingly infected his partners with HIV. There was no spouse to blame for not informing the women victims. All parties were single when infected with HIV. Many of the women did not initially know that he was seeing multiple women. Once one woman became sick, she cross-referenced his phone records and called the police, as she should have done.
In both Canada and the United States, courts are imposing heavy criminal sentences for individuals for the transmission of HIV through consensual sex without disclosure to their partners. There are no criminal penalties for the so-called morality issue of informing someone that their spouse is cheating.
Therefore, there are moral limits to consent in criminal law. There is no law that compels us to inform victims of infidelity. | |
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| should I tell His wife he's cheating?
Posted: 9/19/2009 11:30:00 PM |
Ths man with the HIV was not enabled by silence.
He most certainly was.
As soon as it was discovered that he was HIV positive the CDC had a duty to investigate and corral him; it did not.
He was enabled by older women than himself who paid for his jewlery and his vacations and ignored the red flags because they enjoyed is attentions.
Huh? How did any of the women enable him to spread his HIV?
They did not know he carried this deadly disease!
Some of the women were younger than him, not that this should have anything to do with his criminal behavior.
What red flags did they ignore?
They admit this themselves.
What did they admit? That they knew he had aids? You are nonsensical.
The first women who couldn't ignore a glaring red flag followed him and when she tracked down the first women he was seeing besides her.. she told her right away what he was doing.
It was not a red flag. It was a diagnosis of HIV from her doctor.
She then obtained the criminal’s medical records and was able to ascertain that he’d known about his HIV status for some years prior to her becoming infected.
Get the facts straight before you comment incorrectly.
You are merely pouncing on an example by the former poster who correctly gives yet another reason to inform an innocent spouse of her husband’s infidelity.
In your opinion the criminal who knowingly infected many others with HIV is innocent; thank god most are not as morally bankrupt as you for he is currently serving a life sentence for his grievous transgressions.
There is no law that compels us to inform victims of infidelity.~Cheshire cat~
Get over yourself; not really necessary to point this out.
We all know this, yet;
it is a good excuse for morally bankrupt persons to use in a multitude of situations that are difficult to get involved in. Circumstances will often expose persons for their cowardly or brave personas.
We often hear many say when it comes to child abuse, crashes, robberies and even murder……..I am not going to get involved. It is a morally bankrupt person’s way, one whom is not willing to hold others or themselves accountable, easy way out.
Within a society we are morally, not just legally, bound to do right by our fellow man. We do not blame the starving abused child, or the beaten wife. We do our best to inform another of a potentially harmful situation. It is our duty to one another.
In this situation this man has first hand knowledge of ongoing betrayal; he is honor bound to reveal what he knows to the innocent victim. | |
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