| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:20:30 PM | One od the nicest and most fun people I have met on POF listed her occupation as "Fairy Godmother"
Unfortunately another Pof friend has changed her profile but with the one I first read she got me with "Have large collection of Mr. Potato Head parts. I play on the floor".
She has kept me in stiches ever since. | |
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| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/1/2007 9:33:10 PM | | Yeah I like that one brundle. Makes me wonder what on earth could be going on in the minds of some folks. Maybe some folks need to work through a few issues before bringing some poor unsuspecting fool into it all huh? | |
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| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/1/2007 11:11:10 PM | I love unique profiles and personals.
Fat, flatulent, over 40, cigar-smoking redneck seeks sexy woman with big hair to cook, clean, and pick up unemployment checks.
Former bank robber, now in prison. Communication, intimacy assured. Out soon, financially secure, relocatable. | |
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| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/1/2007 11:24:13 PM | i have a scarey one for you......
i was once in envited by a man in florida, no, he wasn't m0rm0n, to join his siter w!ves group, (look it up, it really exsists)
his goal was to have 100 w!ves.....hahahaha....as if any on m@n could satisfy that many w0men.....he invited me to bring my sisters, friends, my mother, my aunts, cousins, and my grandmothers.....
i put his letter with some of the other "interesting" profiles i've come across.....
there are some strange ones out there..... | |
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| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/8/2007 1:35:33 PM | At the risk of all-too-accurately reflecting how full of myself I am...  my profile (100% original) will make you laugh or I'll eat my hat.
As Dizzy Dean once said, "It aint braggin' if you can do it." (I sure as hell aint posting a similar invitation under the "best looking profile pic" thread...)
I have ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE that I will win this bet! (but just in case...)
Terms and Conditions:
1. I get to select the hat.
2. Condiments (one or multiple) and method of preparation are of my choosing.
(Does anyone know if Rachael has any good recipes for "hat"?)
3. There is no time limit in which the hat must be consumed.
4. No animals will be harmed in the eating of this hat.
5. For a full list of winners, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to: White Castle Haberdashers, P.O. Box 9, New Peoria, West Carolina 99066. (OOPS! Wrote that ZIP Code upside-down!) | |
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| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/9/2007 1:43:02 PM | No takers? I think I know why: I made the hat sound TOO GOOD...
Tell you what - I'll SHARE the hat...
That "White Castle Haberdashers" hat though - well, I guess that one was not so much a "homburg" as a "hamburg" - and if you've ever been to White Castle, you know that there's not enough there to share...
So we'll get a bigger hat. A hat big enough for two healthy appetites... We'll douse it with bearnaise and make it a "chapeau briand"... | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 82 | |
| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/9/2007 9:07:52 PM | I often write to people who have fun profiles to let them know I had a laugh and that I appreciated their effort.  | |
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| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/9/2007 10:39:30 PM | This is my personal profile,I've had it up for a year & a half:
I have a big red nose & long floppy feet. I can jugle three poodles at a time, while I walk the tight rope. I sing like the angels but the shower better be running as I do it.If you like this description feel free to contact me..WARNING! this discription of my self may not be entirly acurate...
Ok,I have to clear something up.In my profile it says" does not want children" & there has been confusion on that. I love kids,I can't produce them.So if your looking for more, then I'm not the one for you. If you have all the children you want, now you can keep them & message me...
I also want to point out chat is ok,but this is a dating site & if your one of those people that only want to chat & waste my time please move on.I'm looking for something that will last,& for that to happen we'll actualy have to meet! | |
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EyeDye
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 85 | |
| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/10/2007 6:45:45 AM |
I don't believe people should put up profiles with
any humor. It may be taken wrong..... and some will maybe take
offense... could run off your soulmate.
I'm firm on that too.........
Whew...im safe then. My soulmate got hit by a bus when I was a child. | |
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| Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the gene-pool
Posted: 7/10/2007 1:55:19 PM | NO SIR! I OBJECT Vehemently! Vehemently and vociferously. With voluminous, venomous, virulent, violent, viola music. (you'll have to excuse me - sometimes random thoughts spill out of my brain and I don't know how to contain them)
And I think Chuck Norris would take my side as well, so you know I've got some credibility here.
It is my firm belief, Mr. Gondolier, if that is your real name, that my profile is at least 12.5% more humorous than yours. Which would make yours NOT the funniest profile on here.
If I got your name wrong, I apologize. My short term memory has suffered since last Tuesday, when I was attacked by my refrigerator for some reason. That's the last time I pick a fight with a heavy appliance. I'll stick to toasters from now on. I know I can kick my toaster's ass. Bytch.
So I shall expect you to eat your hat forthwith.
On second glance, yes, it looks like I got your name wrong. It isn't Mr. Gondolier, it's Mr. Meetaman. Which, I think, is some sort of secret code. Not really sure. There's a hidden meaning in there somewhere, I just can't find it yet - the bump on the head might have something to do with that. My refrigerator's gonna pay. I'll get it back when it least expects it. | |
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| So donkey pimp is hijackin subject lines eh?
Posted: 7/10/2007 2:44:08 PM | I originally decided that it was just too bitter sounding to appropriate the oft quoted-
"I ain't gonna get married again. I'm just gonna find a woman I don't like and buy her a house"
but then I decided I was just too lazy to edit my profile.
Funniest "single add" I saw had a long list of arcane sexual practices followed by
"no wierdos" | |
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| They make these things adjustable for a reason.
Posted: 7/10/2007 3:02:54 PM |
So donkey pimp is hijackin subject lines eh?
The way I see it, it's like a one-size-fits-all pair of underwear - it's built for one, but two can fit if they're skinny enough. Or ... something.
Well played, sir. Your profile is definitely among the more humorous ones.  | |
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| Funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/10/2007 4:14:56 PM | I ran across this one just the other day...
"just think about it,once we get to know each other we can fart around each other and you can bust bumps on my back......."
What self-respecting guy would think this might get him a date? | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 90 | |
| Funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/10/2007 4:32:34 PM |
"just think about it,once we get to know each other we can fart around each other and you can bust bumps on my back......."
What self-respecting guy would think this might get him a date?
Guess I'll be taking that out of my "First Date" write up then.
Since that first lady said ATM was bit to forward on a first date I am running out of ideas.  | |
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| Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the gene-pool
Posted: 7/10/2007 5:24:21 PM | DonkeyPimp:
Alliteration aint always amusing.
Best bet? Break bread, BUT...
Clearly cleverness can't counter cantankerous caterwauling.
DonkeyPimp! Dude! Don't do drugs...
Every elderly elf elevates each early elegy evenly...
You are correct. "meetaman" is not my real name: my REAL name is "Batguano". "meetaman" IS a secret code - and I live by it; feel free to chuck Norris, chuck key, chuck wood, or whomever you would chuck (if you would chuck). ("Wood"?)
My sympathies on your 'War with the Machines'. My own difficulties are with objects of fewer moving parts. I learned last night that my recently-purchased memory foam pillow is suffering from Alzheimer's. I returned from a late night trip to the bathroom and found an indentation in my pillow in the shape of a mantle clock.
And now that I've done my best to encourage camaraderie...
Go on to the next page.
Reading and Interpretation
Question 17
Which of the following statements is most clearly supported by the text in Msg. 80?
a) "meetaman" claims to have the funniest profile on POF
b) "meetaman" believes that his profile will make you laugh
c) "meetaman" believes that for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows
d) the Industrial Revolution did not spread to Scandinavia until the middle of the twentieth century
 STOP! Do not go on to the next page. | |
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| Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the gene-pool
Posted: 7/10/2007 11:48:13 PM |
Which of the following statements is most clearly supported by the text in Msg. 80?
a) "meetaman" claims to have the funniest profile on POF
b) "meetaman" believes that his profile will make you laugh
c) "meetaman" believes that for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows
d) the Industrial Revolution did not spread to Scandinavia until the middle of the twentieth century
I took a test once. But it was administered by the Department of Motor Vehicles so it was really more of a gamble than a test. I'm still not sure who won that gamble. But I got my license so I guess society probably lost.
After the allotted 15 minute edit-window expired, I saw my post, then re-read your post and realized I was about to flunk another test.
See, the first time I read it, I thought the correct answer was a) .
Then, after the 15 minute edit-time expired, I realized I would be hoping it would be an essay question rather than Multiple-choice or true-false.
In summary, it depends on what the meaning of the word batguano is. I did not inhale. And I'm pretty sure bat-poop is flamable, so you've really got me over a barrel here. Either way, as was the case with the Department of Motor Vehicles, society loses. | |
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| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 7/26/2007 9:10:15 PM | Like my ex's granny used to tell her (in front of me) "its just as easy to fall in love with a rich man".  | |
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| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 8/1/2007 3:47:39 PM | A friend of mine put a testimonial on my profile and I swear I get as much mail about it as I do me!!!!
<div class="quote">...................KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A GIRL SMILE WHEN SHES FEELING DOWN AND DUMPED ON, CAN DANCE CIRCLES AROUND THE DANCE FLOOR WITHOUT SPILLING A DRINK, AND IF ANYONE EVER F**KED WITH HIM I'DE HAVE TO TASER GUN THEIR BUTT. ...................... WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT? IF I COULD ROLL HIM UP AND SMOKE HIM I WOULD, BUT I DONT THINK HE'D APPRECIATE THAT TOO MUCH. ................. | |
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| funny online dating profiles
Posted: 8/7/2007 1:58:36 PM | Well I've had some good comments about my profile, I like going this route because
1.gives them something to message me about.
2.obviously she has a sense of humour.
3.there is not much else to do in this padded room but giggle and think of funny things.
I used to have my profile based on being homeless, and boy I was almost peeing my pants while I was writing it.Well time for my meds.... | |
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