| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:35:33 AM |
Mature adults recognize that there are no pristine packages, not in ourselves or others.
youcan'timagine:I agree with this statement. And mature adults are way okay with this. It's just part of life. The bitterness part? Not at all. How relationships effects us are a personal choice. Part of being in adult relationships, is to understand personal boundaries, parameters and respect one's own fundamental core values. We learn these about ourselves as we age and mature, and through this maturity understand that adult love is very conditional. Unconditional love is shown to infants, children, and those who are ill in ways that cannot care for themselves. If these things are not recognizes, and the other person is always to blame, then bitterness ensues.
Attitude is everything.
Just my two cents worth.
T.
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:40:50 AM |
Just wondering if relationships, online dating, POF, or just trying to date in general has made you bitter about life.
When we are all young, guy or girl, we always think that we'd easily find someone special to complete us and have that fairy tale ending. But I feel like cheating, people's prides, and little annoyances have made us get more wiser but more bitter at the thought of finding their "soulmate" or whatever that person maybe.
Your thoughts please. Relationships, online dating, & dating in general have not made me bitter about life. I do think when we are young we have a very romantic notion of love, finding a soul mate, the whole fairy tale. Certainly life experiences have taught me that that is unrealistic, but it hasn't made me bitter. I have not been in relationships that have been damaging to my psychi or have given me a bitter perspective about relationship or men. I look for and hope for someone who is the right guy for me, but don't expect a soul mate. I think that is a concept that is imposed on us, and we impose it on the other person--it gives unrealistic expectations. How many people have met, married and divorced their 'soul mate'? So, I feel perhaps wiser, but definitely not bitter. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:42:15 AM |
through this maturity understand that adult love is very conditional
And that's why you're on this site... as well as myself and every other person here; because as you said - adult love is very conditional; translation - no one is going to be good enough for you. As long as it remains that way, you can forget about ever finding Mr or Miss Right. I can do my part to love someone unconditionally even though I'm an adult; if you can't do the same then that's your own shortcoming. Unconditional love is not just for infants, children and those who can't care for themselves; you're 100% dead on wrong about that... but you are at least in good company, as the majority would certainly agree with you. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:47:38 AM | | Not me...I have learned a lot, but never bitter. Even if it implies a lot of pain past relationships always enrich me and I feel blesses I had them. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 4:34:31 AM |
When we are all young, guy or girl, we always think that we'd easily find someone special to complete us and have that fairy tale ending. But I feel like cheating, people's prides, and little annoyances have made us get more wiser but more bitter at the thought of finding their "soulmate" or whatever that person maybe. No, relationships have not made me bitter. I allow myself to go through whatever emotions that I need to put the matter behind me. If I am hurt, then I allow myself to feel hurt. If I am disappointed, then I allow myself to feel disappointed. I find that when I deal with MY feelings instead of rehearsing wounds, bitterness has less chance to set in.
Vash | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:17:43 AM |
Just wondering if relationships, online dating, POF, or just trying to date in general has made you bitter about life
Not bitter about life, but bitter about trusting men! | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:21:02 AM | | Marial and Eastman made a lot of sense to me. I'm not so much bitter as sometimes tired. Tired of the bullsh!t that can go along with a relationship. The drama. Can't be all bad because I keep doing it! | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:52:11 AM | When we are all young, guy or girl, we always think that we'd easily find someone special to complete us and have that fairy tale ending. But I feel like cheating, people's prides, and little annoyances have made us get more wiser but more bitter at the thought of finding their "soulmate" or whatever that person maybe.
if having relationships has made you bitter, it's only because you've got problems that you either don't know you have or aren't willing to face, that cause you to repeatedly accept relationships that take a flaming dysfunctional path to ending badly.
therefore a pattern is established.... a pattern that you're at least 50% responsible for creating, and maybe more. the only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.
being wiser has absolutely nothing to do with being more bitter. what you are referring to as "wiser" is really something like "more jaded".... which is just a less caustic and more complacent form of bitterness, lol. oh and btw, part of gaining wisdom is realizing that no one but “you” can “complete you”…
some people get so caught up in being bitter, they can't even recognize the option exists in this universe that the exact opposite pattern is available to them... a pattern where their relationships do not end in trainwrecks.... a pattern where there is something of great value to be learned about yourself in every relationship, and therefore the next one will inevitably be better than the last. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:12:39 AM | Nah....not bitter at all. Life is about learning through negative re-enforcement.....which is how a guided missile operates. It veers off course, zigs a little...comes back on course....zags a little.... back on course....over and over until it hits the target. All the past relationships wound up sharpening my picker. Besides, life by myself far from 'sucks'.....
I will say though that, more than ever, I AM completely stupified as to how so many people choose to live their lives these days the way I see in these forums..... Maybe we all have to learn from the mistakes.....but it still astounds me how many people don't. Maybe in time, I guess. All I know is....I don't want to be the guinea pig.... | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:14:47 AM | | Whats irritated me about the whole of it - is the huge variety thats offered.. In some ways its a good thing, but in other ways its bad. Its so vast and massive that its easy to just dump someone and find a new someone. You take a gal out on the 1st date and she finds you cheap - she finds someone else the next day When, your really not cheap - your just testing the waters to see if she maybe looking for a free meal. The audience is massive now - The variety is massive - many are confused, misguilded, and overwhelmed.. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:17:05 AM | | I am 53 years old andhave had a few relationships. the last one was for 9 years. You just have to go through the emotions as they come to you . iethe pain ,anger, loss, guilt?once you do then you can start to try Loveing someone again. It might take longer in the trust department but it can happen . | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:37:25 AM | | Well relationships have made me bitter for a little while but a bitter pill is the hardest to swallow. Instead of allowing bitterness to settle in I worked on forgiveness. The most difficult person I have had to forgive is myself. I am pretty good at that now and I see that there is really no such thing as a mistake. We are with people because there is something we need to learn and grow from. Bitterness just stops the growth process. Bitter people become stumped. I would rather blossom. I believe we all have a choice in the matter. Forgiveness is the key; besides being non-judgmental. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:04:16 AM | | We are what we perceive..... I knew a 44 year old man who never was in a long-term relationship. He is bitter, Although this guy is middle-aged, he is now as he was when he was a teenager. I like to analyze about the human nature. When this guy told me that he was a bum, a loser, no good, I was wondering why anyone would say such things about oneself. He liked to tell and he gave me too much information about himself. The most complex man I have ever met. He always wanted the girls who were not interested in him. He used girls who wanted to love him and later disrespected them. So, the girls dumped him. That is why he is still single at 44. He sounds judgmental, calling himself a magnet for women with problems, saying that all women, he was involved with, cheated. Yet, he told me that he never was faithful. He resents women and feels like punishing them. Some would say - he hates his mother. No, he loves her very much. He hated his father who was controling. And he inherited his genes. I believe, he is angry at the women who dumped him and not the ones he was in love with, even though those ones did not want him. Because his beautiful, wonderful mother never left his horrible father, unlike the women in his life. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:09:33 AM | I might have thought that relationships 'complete us' when I was around your age and engaged to be married. But now....after a couple more decades...I easily see that this is definitely one viewpoint that's changed. And yup, there was likely a bit of bitterness thrown in spurts around the demise of a few relationships. But ask youreslf...how's assigning blame to something external to ourselves a fruitful introspective exercise if one doesn't seek out our own role in whatever happened? People who tend to think that 'things happen to them'...as if they are cursed...will generate that reality for their life. Truthfully, I also know that there was also a heck of a lot of good that came out of all of those couplings...some that made me better as a person and some that made me better as a parent. No regrets.
So to answer...relationships have not made me bitter and online dating does not make me bitter.
People that think that they are a kind of good sort---perhaps not the best---but certainly not the worst and who generally feel that they are as deserving as anyone else out there...will find a small slice of happypie for themselves somewhere at some point. It almost is a given.
POFF has a lot of people that are living right back where the scene of the crime happened...oh so long ago....everyone is guilty until proven innocent feels awfully harsh for some of us and it turns people off rather quickly...luckily, one can get a whiff of it usually right on a profile. It's this kind of thing that spells failure in dating...but I'd be surprised if other parts of one's world wouldn't also be flailing around too; because this kind of negativity is poisonous in so many other applications. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:15:37 AM | Thank you all for your great opinions.
I am having a hard time believing that all of you have completely benefited from all of your relationships. I personally think that many of the answers here very much candy coated. As a previous poster mentioned we don't all live on Cloud 9 after these experiences and many of us have become distrusting if not cautious about their relationships.
I personally am not completely bitter about life's experiences, but like I mentioned before I used to think finding someone would involve more chivalry and charm.
Some things I find bitter about relationships are.
1. Why are women attracted to the bad boys? Why do good guys finish last? Yeah most women here will say that they want a guy who is nice and confident and well established but that a whole lot of BS. They may be smart enough to realize that these guys are marriage material, but they are "attracted" to these tough guys who treat them like dirt.
2. Why can't guys just say something sensible and endearing, instead of trying to "pick up" woman by trying to impress them with things that will make their insecurities come front and center.
3. Like this site itself. In a fairy tale world, the men would completely read each girls profile and then write them something honest and charming that shows they are genuinely interested. But instead we have a site where horny guys immediately click a girls profile and click to message them to say nice pics or wanna chat sometime. The girls can a load of messages and don't even bother to respond. While even the most genuine messages from guys get read and deleted while girls look for that ultimate out of reach guy that will still never live of to their expectations.
Ofcourse we all have that need to be with someone, but things like this make you say you'd rather be alone then deal with all the this BS.
Tye | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:34:08 AM | | Bitterness is a kind of pessimism, in that it slants everything to the bad side. That may be necessary for a while, to figure out problems, but there are other ways to look at things. You can be sad, disappointed, confused, reluctant to try again, disillusioned, hurt, and so on. Bitterness is more about dwelling on what is bad and being upset by it or constrained by it. It's anger done daily. Being bitter may have good cause, but it leads nowhere, and it's optional. To be able to think about what happened and see the good as well as the bad, to understand it better, to learn from it and then recover a balanced and hopeful view is a lot better than to work toward confirming the validity of the bitterness, becoming cynical, and then walking around under a cloud and snarling whenever something reminds you of the broken promise or the dream betrayed. Bitterness or sweetness, I know which I prefer. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:36:33 AM |
Just wondering if relationships, online dating, POF, or just trying to date in general has made you bitter about life.
Relationships and dating (online or otherwise) are two entirely separate issues, at least they are to me. Anyway, no, relationships and/or dating in general haven't made me "bitter about life".
When we are all young, guy or girl, we always think that we'd easily find someone special to complete us and have that fairy tale ending.
Growing up usually means you're a little wiser and a little more realistic, none of which equals to bitterness in my opinion. An adult person claiming to still be looking for a fairy tale ending, a "soul mate" or someone to "complete them" sounds as irrational and illogical (to me) as if they claimed to still believe in santa or the tooth fairy.
No...I'm not bitter. I'm a little sadder perhaps, a little more tired...feeling a little more naked and (a whole lot more) vulnerable than I did years ago when I first started out and santa still existed. But, as the song says, the child is grown, the dream is gone...what else was/is to be expected?
Finally, and to answer your question directly, almost all of my relationships have been good, positive, enriching, loving (and humbling) experiences...starting with the one I had/still have with my parents/family, to a couple of long term romantic relationships (7 and 20 years), to the one I had/still have with my own children and grandchildren, all the way to the "relationships" I had/have with friends, lovers, neighbors, co-workers, acquaintances, and with the hundreds of people I "relate" to each day.
So, I'm neither bitter nor sweet; I'm simply a sum of my experiences...it's all (or mostly:) good.
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:36:43 AM |
It's anger done daily.
Being bitter may have good cause, but it leads nowhere, and it's optional.
Oooo... I may borrow these, if you don't mind. I promise to return them in only slightly soiled condition. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:48:04 AM | | It's really difficult somedays to fight off the feelings of bitterness after all these years. I have been able to see the patterns of the mistakes I've made with dating. A woman who's not emotionally available due to not being over past relationships is not a good catch no matter how good looking she may be. You get to the point when you wonder when you're luck will change. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:59:49 AM | Failed relations have made many bitter, Just look at many who
post how bitter and frustrated they are  
Lmaooooooo | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:00:03 AM | Interesting question...
I have been working on my family tree. I noticed that three generations ago, people's life expectancy was much lower than it is now.
1900 around 60 for men and 63 for women... Than I had an idea... It happens sometimes... (In Canada...)
Is it possible that because the life expectancy was much lower, it was easier to marry until death do us part?
Today's life expectancy is around 78 for men and 85 for women. The life span alone and the explosion of all kinds of communications device, we meet so much more people than one would have in the late 1800's per say...
So, by meeting so many people, it would be natural to meet and be ATTRACTED to different men and women in your life span.
Also, the more information we are subjected to, the more our views change, the more we evolve... Sooooo, it is only natural that the partner we were attracted to in our early twenties is no longer the partner we need in our fourties... (example only...)
Anyway.... just ideas....
For me it has been a hell of a roller coaster ride!!! 
Some experiences were fun, some sad, some insanely interesting... I have no regrets...
Not sure if I am bitter, but I suspect that if ever I did meet a prince on a white horse, I'd most likely turf the prince and go for the horse...
I LOVE horses and I KNOW he would be a cool companion to have around me.
Anyway... just my take on it...  | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:06:05 AM | | Have relationships made me bitter? Nope. It's trying to begin a new one in this day age that has me thinking that maybe I should've shown more appreciation for one of my past relationships and worked harder to keep it going. | |
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