| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:08:17 AM |
... has me thinking that maybe I should've shown more appreciation for one of my past relationships and worked harder to keep it going. Oh, I do hear that. I wonder how many of us there are. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:20:11 AM | Nah, you don't want to let bitterness take a hold of you. This has probably already been said, but you hurt no one else but yourself in the long run by being bitter. It eats away at you.
That, and it could very well push away any other potential partners. It's not exactly an attractive trait. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:26:00 AM | Bitter.....no.......Frustrated.......absolutely!!
Let me put it this way..........Think of how you feel when you have a car that is no longer functioning properly, and all you do is spend time and money trying to fix it and keep it running, so you know it is now time to look for a new car.
Are you bitter about the old car breaking down? Maybe, if it is newer, not paid for yet, or you spent a fortune trying to maintain it, but over all frustration is what you feel.
You were hoping to have that car for a much longer time, spent the time and money to keep it up to date and running smoothly, and yet, it keeps breaking down, so you head out and search for what you need.
That search can be very difficult indeed with deciding on a new car, or a used one, what kind you want, compared to what kind you need, and in the end, do you really need one at all?
Now, the search will include friends, family, dealerships, advertisements, public and private offerings, on and on, and what happens is a level of frustration as you try your best to get what you want and need.
So many models, so many choices, so many desires, and in the end, what it comes down to, is being in the right place, at the right time, with all the right conditions, that you can not only afford that choice, but enjoy it as well.........and hope that you made the right decision, and that this one lasts a long long time.
So, bitter no, frustrated yes.........and in the end, after all the smoke and mirrors are dealt with, what it ends up being.......the best shopper, that has the time, money, and energy, to find that right fit........and until then.........."lease"...........  
Just my opinion.........   | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:28:39 AM | Not bitter... oh please, most people are full of sh1t!!
{"Failed relations have made many bitter, Just look at many who
post how bitter and frustrated they are"}
^^^ ^^^ ^^^
Thank you Inpune (msg 49)... someone had to say it!!
I never had the thought that it would be easy to "find someone" or had the fairy tale idea installed in my head to begin with so if I'm alone in the end, then so be it. Sh1t Im alone now, whats so bad about it??
I agree with farceur, I too get bitter when I'm frustrated about something in a relationship. I then have to step back and reevaluate things and make necessary changes. I deffinalty take what has happend in the past and LEARN from it.
By its self, being single does not make one bitter. The effort, time, thought and emotions one puts into "finding" a SO or whatever you want to call it, IS frustrating I suppose, but In a completely different way. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:30:05 AM | No each one is a learning curve, in its own right.
No matter who ended it or why it ended you learned lots about yourself and are a better person for it, you learn weaknesses and strengths. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:36:47 AM |
And that's why you're on this site... as well as myself and every other person here; because as you said - adult love is very conditional; translation - no one is going to be good enough for you. As long as it remains that way, you can forget about ever finding Mr or Miss Right. I can do my part to love someone unconditionally even though I'm an adult; if you can't do the same then that's your own shortcoming. Unconditional love is not just for infants, children and those who can't care for themselves; you're 100% dead on wrong about that... but you are at least in good company, as the majority would certainly agree with you.
youcantimagine: Difference of opinion and the way we operate. I also think that the definition of conditional maybe different. I am a giver in a relationship, not a doormat, nor do I bend over backwards in a relationship. I have had two relationships in my lifetime, and the ending of both, while quite painful, and life changing, in varying degrees I learned from. How could I not? One was 15 years, and the other two. I am also the mom of four. I understand conditional and unconditional, in my own terms. I expect an adult male that I choose to be in my life, to behave in an responsible and accountable manner. To me, that is a condition.
And I also understand that I do not have the dating history that most on here have. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:44:52 AM |
I am having a hard time believing that all of you have completely benefited from all of your relationships. I personally think that many of the answers here very much candy coated. As a previous poster mentioned we don't all live on Cloud 9 after these experiences and many of us have become distrusting if not cautious about their relationships.
It may just be the lack of given details. I may have walked away bitter in the first place but after looking back at any situation and doing a "personal" inventory about what my part was, the bitterness goes away.
It takes an effort to work through issues, it doesn't just come to me when I snap my fingers. But when it all comes to being done and over with, I come out better not bitter! Benefiting from every relationship I have been in.
1. Why are women attracted to the bad boys? Why do good guys finish last? Yeah most women here will say that they want a guy who is nice and confident and well established but that a whole lot of BS. They may be smart enough to realize that these guys are marriage material, but they are "attracted" to these tough guys who treat them like dirt.
Now that's nothing more the a nice guy whine... Boo fecking hoooooo.
2. Why can't guys just say something sensible and endearing, instead of trying to "pick up" woman by trying to impress them with things that will make their insecurities come front and center.
Definitely a nice guy whine.
3. Like this site itself. In a fairy tale world, the men would completely read each girls profile and then write them something honest and charming that shows they are genuinely interested. But instead we have a site where horny guys immediately click a girls profile and click to message them to say nice pics or wanna chat sometime. The girls can a load of messages and don't even bother to respond. While even the most genuine messages from guys get read and deleted while girls look for that ultimate out of reach guy that will still never live of to their expectations.
Ubber whinny nice guy thread.. Cheese and rice.
Ofcourse we all have that need to be with someone, but things like this make you say you'd rather be alone then deal with all the this BS.
Well if you can't get a reply mail much less a date, I don't think you have much say in the matter. So you can do one of two things.
1. Learn to accept things the way they are and be single.
2.Continue to be bitter and single.
With all the whine you poured out in this post, I am left to wonder if you might have a drinking problem.  | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:54:51 AM | Nope contrary to your opinion, not a nice guy whine. I've had five dates on this little site and well they sucked. But as far as experiences I think if I had to choose those dates over being single, I'd go with the bachelor theme.
I am just a little sick of hypocrisies that are the things I mentioned before. I've played both the nice guy and the bad guy but games and people that play these games make me a little frustrated with dating. I'd just like it to have more respect and chivalry involved.
Blah, Blah, Blah...Mr. Cowboy... I'll take a shot of Jack now for my drinking problem 
Tye | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:04:04 AM | majyk1
Yes I did. Look at all the relationship threads many are very negative. Like you stated full
of $h!te Men and women alike we tend to go through bad
experiences and as we get older and a little wiser we tend not to
tolerate all that bull.
It`s part of us and our right to get frustrated aggressive or mad when
we see all that $h!te all over again from someone else, our defence
mechanism kicks in.
Not bitter or frustrated, many failed relationships have made us wiser
an less tolerant.
Like 3 weeks ago I meet a women after few dates she tells me she's
looking for someone that will give her security and support Her and
the 2 kids.
I told her get a job and work like the so many women I know, then I
called the waiter payed the bill got up and left. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:14:24 AM | "1. Why are women attracted to the bad boys? Why do good guys finish last? Yeah most women here will say that they want a guy who is nice and confident and well established but that a whole lot of BS. They may be smart enough to realize that these guys are marriage material, but they are "attracted" to these tough guys who treat them like dirt.
Now that's nothing more the a nice guy whine... Boo fecking hoooooo. "
He might be whining...but he's absolutely right, 85% of the time! Women piss and moan about the jerks they left behind all the time. That's why a vast majority of them are here. Looking for Mr. Right after being with Mr. Wrong! | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:18:29 AM | Relationships have not made me bitter. This is because I have not reached the plural of the noun "relationship" yet.
The only relationship I have ever been in had to end and I knew it. She always preferred someone else to me - something she explained when we first got together - and eventually she made her choice and moved on. I understood this. I was certainly unhappy but she was happier without me, so what can you do?
I am bitter, however, about dating etc in general. It never seems to bear any relationship to the way it is presented. As I have written elsewhere here, there are so very few people who seem remotely interested in me. Despite my full efforts over the summer (writing to almost everyone I could in my area here on plentyoffish) I got one response and, with full respect to the lady I met, I did not feel in my heart of hearts that she was the one for me. I also filled out the questions for the much advertised "e-harmony" dating site and was told that I could not join because they had no one on their system who fitted my details.
"Dating", were I given the responsibility of writing the dictionary, ought to be defined as follows: "A process that occurs over a period of geological time. Several years of stasis interspersed by a couple of hours of light chat over a pleasant meal".
Yes, I am a little down and bitter about the fact that "dating" barely ever happens and that no one seems interested in me. But what can you do? | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:36:44 AM |
Perhaps I'm one of the minority who will admit to being bitter...and cynical... and jaded. You make an assumption that others actually feel the way you do but just aren't admiting it. I can't speak for anyone else, but I do know for myself, I absolutely am not and have nothing to be bitter, cynical or jaded about relationships. Not lying to myself or anyone else. It just isn't there. I've had some problems in relationships, sure, but not that bad and very long ago. My more recent relationships have been positive, just neither was the man to spend my life with. Not everyone has been damaged, not everyone has been though many years of unhappy marriage and miserable divorce. So, please, speak for yourself and let others speak for themselves. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:46:09 AM |
People have been disappointing. Marriage and children were poor investments that didn't pay off. My joy is in my work, my toys, my material comforts, and limiting myself to superficial relationships that cost me nothing, involve no future investment on my part, and that I can easily terminate at will.
And yet your profile says you are looking for 'long term'. So presumbaly you are leaving a trail of bitter and disillusioned women behind you. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:58:55 AM | OP, I look at relationships like a bear looks for food.
-A bear picks up a rock....sees there's no food and moves on.
-A bear picks up a rock....sees rotten food and moves on.
-A bear picks up a rock...sees food, smiles and knows his persistence finally paid off. (Disregarding the fact that your best friend is still missing 12 days later after camping in the wilds of Oregon. )
Simple, isn't it? If you allow every failed relationship to affect you in a bitter way then when you find the right one why would they want what's left over especially if you come off like a bitter, jilted victim? Learn from your mistakes (in all walks of life) then move the hell on.
Hope this helps.
Sans | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:19:53 AM |
He might be whining...but he's absolutely right, 85% of the time! Women piss and moan about the jerks they left behind all the time. That's why a vast majority of them are here. Looking for Mr. Right after being with Mr. Wrong!
Nice guy lesson 123 in the Rock man hand book: Better then shet!
There is a guy out there that I consider a genius, and he often comes to mind when I read "nice guy" whines and excuses.
This guy started selling specialty "dog biscuits". "Specialty" dog biscuits so he can charge more for them. Now if a dog will eat shit and love it, how high on the flavor list does he have to go to satisfy his customers? .. ( which are dogs)
So then you have the "rough" "jerks" who treat them like shet. And you feel you can do better and would be a great guy for them compared to their last one. But just how high on the "great guy" list do you have to go to satisfy that woman?
One answer to both questions: All you have to do is be better then shet.
85% just says that you have picked alot of injured birds trying to play the hero. But as soon as they heal they fly away. It's like ambulance chasing in the dating word.
It's only the "nice guys" that use the standard of "how bad the others guys where" to point out how good they are. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:22:18 AM | | It hasn't made me bitter in life... it did, temporarily, make me bitter about dating. Too many games... We're (I'm) too old for it. Internet dating can be exhausting with all the game players. It's just not worth the effort anymore. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:38:03 AM | | Past relationships have taught me to never be shocked by what some are capable of and that the basic qualities we look for in a relationship like honesty and communication are rare. I'm not bitter but more careful and guarded now. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:53:23 PM | | msg 48 I have dated women far less than stunningly beautiful. I certainly don't have the looks to turn heads. But I do agree that all should focus on character than looks. It's just that the more physically attractive you are the more potential suitors you have. That's just a fact of life. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:59:57 PM | | Past relationships are experiences. Experience is what allows me to say "nope, that will never work" or "yes, that may work" or even "not sure, let's give a whirl". It allows me to fast track the selection process. Afterall, there is no need to make the same mistakes over again. There is no need to be bitter when you have gained wisdom from the experience. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:03:00 PM | Not bitter, smarter, but not bitter, wiser, but not bitter.
There have been times when things have gone wrong and I just took myself out of the game, because I knew I had work to do on ME and there was no way when I felt like that could I have a good relationship.
For the last year I have made a lot of progress and even though I didn't hit it out of the park, at least I still get up to the plate and take a swing. In order to step up to the plate, you must be in the right mind set and that mind set cannot be bitter. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:14:07 PM |
Just wondering if relationships, online dating, POF, or just trying to date in general has made you bitter about life.
OP -- Nope. None of those have made me bitter.
However...
Women in general with their Princess Entitlement complexes, double talk, weird mood swings, unrealistic behavior patterns and expectations, and abstract logic when trying to justify things that only they would understand, their "me me me all about me wah wah wah" tirades and constant penchant to play the "equality" card ONLY when it suits their need has made me bitter.
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:21:37 PM |
Not bitter, smarter, but not bitter, wiser, but not bitter.
Ditto.
Smarter and wiser, at weeding out the...
Women in general with their Princess Entitlement complexes, double talk, weird mood swings, unrealistic behavior patterns and expectations, and abstract logic when trying to justify things that only they would understand, their "me me me all about me wah wah wah" tirades and constant penchant to play the "equality" card ONLY when it suits their need | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:03:36 PM |
I am having a hard time believing that all of you have completely benefited from all of your relationships. I personally think that many of the answers here very much candy coated. As a previous poster mentioned we don't all live on Cloud 9 after these experiences and many of us have become distrusting if not cautious about their relationships.
Yes. I was amazed too by all of the optimistic and cheery "No" answers. Slight disconnect happening in alot of POFers?
Because:
Just chat with the separated/divorced women on this site and you'll have the answer...
And chat with the separated/divorced men on this site and you'll have the answer.
I have had dates with quite a few very decent men, but most of them were carrying the scars from previous relationships and it showed up especially in trust, expectations and money issues.
No matter how you colour it, it is bitterness.
Edit: The above poster is an example. Their criteria for a partner gets so unrealistic.
Looking for the perfect woman. She/He doesn't exist.
Or, they go the total opposite. Their standards hit the mud because they can't feel anymore than just the basics needed for daily living. Emotionally damaged. | |
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| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:32:21 PM | | Oh Tye, you are way too young to even think of being bitter. Handsome and smart too... you will find your match eventually. My advice is take people as they are, don't expect perfection, and don't count on them for things that you should be giving yourself, and things usually work out alot better. Now, finding the soulmate.. I haven't figured that one out yet either.. | |
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