| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:11:37 PM | | To tell you the truth.. I've forgiven and forgotten! If you haven't done so you just enclose yourself to opportunities. I don't show a lot of emotion when it ends, therefore I never say anything I regret and I never make social situations awkward in the future. It makes it much easier when you've met someone new. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:27:18 PM | | People can spend a lot of time looking for something and miss it because they imagine it will come all at once like a fire hose knocking them down, when all along it was the patter of a gentle rain. The ear strains to ear the distant shout and the nearby whisper seems too familiar to be important. And that empty feeling as if something is missing, that is already full. It is the openness of a loving heart. No, bittersweet though it may be, just by looking we have already found each other. This we do together, as anything else we might. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:08:35 PM |
Just wondering if relationships, online dating, POF, or just trying to date in general has made you bitter about life.
No. I've obviously been unhappy at times when things haven't worked out but there's nothing to be bitter about.
On thing I find extremely funny is when women rush into a thread claiming that if a man only finds unfit women it must be all his fault,did they ever think that the possibility of that happening on a service such as this is quite high when it's only filled with those type of women and the only reason they state this is because they fear the truth.
When I first came onto POF looking to meet someone I was certainly contacted by some people I thought unfit - some were damaged and some just plain weird. So I agree that the chances of finding unfit people is quite high. But it wasn't all that difficult to identify them and weed them out long before getting to meet them. And I did find other people who were normal and dateable - it didn't seem to be all that difficult. Maybe it's just different in the UK - but I would expect the normal people are there in any country. You just have to sift until you find them and to remember they usually get snapped up pretty quickly. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 3:43:50 PM | | It has made me cynical, but not bitter I no longer expect too much from others since I know most likely they will disappoint me. I am viewing a life without a relationship as something meant for me and it isn’t as scary as it seems. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 5:02:50 PM |
..in fact the best looking ones were the ones with the biggest issues/problems/disorders and no where near genuine.
Well I would have thought anyone good looking who didn't have lots of issues, and who wasn't impossible to please, would be snapped up very quickly. So the ones who remain in the pool are bound to be those with issues or who have requirements that no one is ever going to meet.
the length of their profiles/what they say/smiling faces/pleasant conversations on the phone/etc mean nothing in real life once you meet them...
I've found that the people I've met were very much what I expected from e-mail and phone conversations. But I have spent a bit of time talking (or e-mailing) people before meeting them and people's characters do gradually emerge even if they try to disguise them. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 5:10:32 PM | | Not at all - they have been learning experiences in different ways. However, I also don't believe in anyone "completing" me nor "fairy tale endings". | |
|
Savona
|
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 107 | |
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 5:12:47 PM |
I've never been bitter. Other emotions, yes, but not bitter.
When the most important relationship of my life (to that point) abruptly ended with an affair some eight years ago, I was devastated. Totally. I'm sure other people have had much worse to live through, but the shock of it just laid me out. And it took a long time and huge legal fees to work though the debris of our relationship. It really took a toll on me. Then I was flat for a while, the walking wounded. That phase lasted much longer than I would have expected (I've always been a bit like the Abominable Snowman in the movie Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer... ya know how they bounce? I thought for a long time my bounce was broke. Then I went through another longish period where I figured I was just done with relationships... declared my picker was broke and I had to just face the fact that I sucked at relationships. Gradually I emerged. Some wise friends helped a great deal. I was absolutely determined that the rest of my life was not going to be about "someone cheated on me". No, my story was going to be about thriving. I remember the day when one of my friends said "She's baaaaaack!"
I don't think I'm really all the way back... even eight years later. I used to have a steel trap mind and way more energy... and I find I have less energy and get rattled by stress in a way that didn't phase me before. It does get better, but I have to accept that maybe I'll never get it back the way it was. Maybe it's aging, and I've just aged into the next life phase while I was at work on recovery. Doesn't really matter which, I'm wherever I am now and that's what there is... deal with it.
Bitter? No. A little more battered and weary? Yes. Able to count my blessings? YOU BET!!!!
Great post Margo ... mirror of my past too. 9 years now. I am not bitter, just less energy, yes more easily stresses and allot less money than I had.
I am not bitter, but gawddddd I was so hurt.
As far as dating from on line, it is at a minimum. I don't date any men who are not divorced, fully free like me. I can not and am not able to go through anyone's divorce. I think I am more of a realist. I doubt very much that a man I would meet from on line would be interested in the type of passionate relationship that would be the only thing to bring me out of singledom. I have over time met a few men from on line but they have just not been pashionate about LIFE let alone me.
Savona  | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 5:24:47 PM |
Just wondering if relationships, online dating, POF, or just trying to date in general has made you bitter about life.
No not at all why would they?
They are all life experiences.
Although the experience that does make one bitter would be DIVORCE........ | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 5:26:57 PM | Life is going to happen whether I participate or not... and it's so much more fun when I'm right in the thick of things.
As for bitterness... nah, perhaps a little jaded at times or even exhausted, but not bitter. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 5:32:18 PM | I've been through things that other people would probably give up on finding real love, but I truly believe that just because I have had either bad luck or just picked the wrong men, that I will find a man that is true, sincere, and fall in love with me as I do him.
Bitterness would stop that from ever happening.
Fairy tale endings? Not going to happen. A loving, fulfilled give and take relationship? It CAN happen. Just trust your instincts and believe..
 | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:12:16 PM | | YES! seriously, it has made it harder knowing that I won't settle for anyone who doesnt treat me with the respect I deserve as a human being, guess I'll be alone a loooong time. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:30:37 PM | | No bitter at all about life, life is what you make of it. As far as relationships go, my perception of them has changed as I've gotten older. I don't think that people are as committed to making marriages work as I did when I was younger. Seen too many people leave their spouses when they didn't feel their needs were being met. And I don't mean over years of neglect either. So I'm very reluctant to do much other than date casually with no expectations of anything long-term . . . | |
|
PiggyT
|
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 113 | |
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:33:26 PM | Not Bitter... BETTER.
Each one is a lesson and a learning experience. Each relationship is full of things that were life lessons. I definately am a better man because of my relationships, not despite them.
Still love them all too. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:38:26 PM | Yes it does leave a bitter taste thats because one is still here because he hasnt found the right person yet.While going through all the past relations one starts building up opinion,sometimes starts losing hope,stereotype people ,and makes one weary of people.I dont know what wiser means but definately every one has that ideal soulmate in their minds ..with experience that starts to fade away and you are left with the practical world  | |
|
| |
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:53:58 PM | haha...no...no young Tye....relationships, POF, have not made me bitter about life.
How sad would that be?
Fairy tales?....well, we all probably stopped believing in them a long time ago.
Missteps, blunders in the dating game, the relationship game? who hasn't made them.?
I know that I have.
yet......
I've actually learned a lot from relationships.
Mostly, that none of us 'really' captain our own ships
When we think that we are the captains.....ouch...lookout!
Life throws some heavy shIt at you , from time to time....
people throw you curve balls...
you get sharper
you let go of the fairy tales
and then you go..."Aha"....Guess what?....we all have issues......well, how about that? hmmm.
live, learn, accept, forgive, grow.
regards
Kimbo ~~ | |
|
| |
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 7:01:21 PM | | I am thankful for some of the "not so great" relationships I have had and the "good" ones, it is a way of learning what is good for you and in the end you may make better choices. :) | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 7:39:00 PM | It occurs to me that the more embittered people I have met are not bitter so much because of their past relationships or even the failures of those involvements. Those circumstances all vary greatly. I have been pondering this - it's a fascinating question. And there is only one thing I can think of that those who allow bitterness to linger - even fester, sometimes - tend consistently to have in common. It is that they are disappointed in themselves.
Thoughts? Corollaries? Arguments? This is only my own observation, and I have not encountered a great deal of this, so I am not opining from any very well-informed perspective, more just throwing it out there. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 9:27:09 PM | Helen, even more to what you asked and that I agree with, do people get in relationships knowing they REALLY want to be with that person. I used to be what I call a jumper, and I think I am nowhere near the only one.
Do people really take the time to get to know someone to determine they want to be with that person. JMO, but I don't think most do. I think most people are needy to an extent and jump right in thinking they have found Mr or Mrs right, and soon learn they didn't.
That is the reason I will never jump in again. No thanks, and if one can't accept that I do want to take my time, well there is the door!!!! | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:05:07 PM |
And there is only one thing I can think of that those who allow bitterness to linger - even fester, sometimes - tend consistently to have in common. It is that they are disappointed in themselves. I agree completely. When one is unhappy with oneself, that attitude is projected onto the rest of the world. You can really see it here in the forums, I think. People who blame everything outide themselves for what is wrong in their lives. I deal with kids, teenagers, and one of the main things we try to instill in them is taking responsibility for yourself, your actions, and your beliefs. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:11:14 PM | | Giving to others is where happiness comes from. Being frustrated that nobody is giving you what you want is how to stay bitter. In the course of picking some way to give to others, you step through a door between misanthropy and altruism. As you do, you somehow become attractive to someone else who is looking for someone to love. Scrooge learned that Christmas is for giving, and life is always Christmas when you give each day. Christ had that same idea. Molière seemed to understand this and wrote a play for you. Have faith in your power to put a smile on other peoples' faces. That's how it works. Bitterness on the sidelines feeling left out and unloved, or, get in the game and do your part. Start with a simple act of kindness, get the hang of it, make it a habit, do good works, hang out with people who do that, have something exciting and worthwhile going on in your life, and you will find the love you give comes back many times over. This is such a basic concept that I wonder how people can ever forget it. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:13:31 PM | "I deal with kids, teenagers, and one of the main things we try to instill in them is taking responsibility for yourself, your actions, and your beliefs"
I try teaching my 8 yr old that on a daily basis. Now if other grown adults would do the same thing this world including relationships would be a lot better and wouldn't scare people away from them like it seems to be happening. | |
|
| Have relationships made you bitter?
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:46:21 PM | facuer:
I have said this before on another posting: great healthy relationship, : two givers.
Bowflex: I raised my kids with this phrase: As humans, as we grow and mature we are RESPONSIBLE and ACCOUNTABLE for what goes into our mouth, as well as what comes out.
Having my youngest of four, reach the age of 16, I am yet amazed again at the amount of kids she knows who do not even understand the concept of accountability. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
