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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:24:56 AM |
My question would be what a woman views as the "go/no go" barometer for a man's wages in relation to her own?
A man's wages in relation to my own makes little difference. I've known men who made 5 times+ more than me and not have a pot to pee in, including losing their home, because of their constant ability to self-destruct financially (over spending in order to keep up with the Joneses in combination with poor investment decisions based on the greed factor). Conversely, I've seen those who make less than me who are able to put a roof over their own heads and see to any other of their financial obligations. I'm more interested in a person who can take care of themselves financially, no matter what level of income they make and then meet in the middle with me insofar as what each of us can afford to do with each other under our own steam, without one either feeling tied down because of a lack of funds on the other's part or constantly paying the shot for the other in order to do those things. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 12:06:08 PM | Big daddy jinx or whatever you call yourself...did it ever occur to you that these guys seek my attention and not vice versa? At the end of the night, my purse is filled, your pockets are empty and your wife is waiting at the front door with a baseball bat. :)
I date who I want, and a guy MUST make AT LEAST 65k to keep my interest. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:27:42 PM | Response to message 334 which read:
"So OK this thread got going because the OP got rejected by ONE woman that cited his current financial/career situation. That's certainly not a reflection of ALL women's mindset. My guess would be, if anything, the problem is more that the OP seems to be very passive about the situation, instead of looking for other ways to replace lost income while his industry sorts itself out. "
Hi Cindy,
You are correct that I mentioned only of the women which was the most recent one. Actually, to be completely honest I've been rejected by maybe a half dozen women for financial reasons, over the past 2 to 3 years. I'm not telling them what my yearly income is, but as slow as things are they can probably get an idea, based on the level of dating entertainment I'm in the position to provide.
Although my experience has been more rejection than I would like to admit, I do agree with you that it is not the mindset of all women. I guess I just have a way with picking them. Or actually, in most cases, I was matched with them on another dating site. The other thing I'm not sure if I mentioned was that I live in Southern California where living expenses are higher than in many areas and there are some fairly affluent people in the area. So, it may not be a perfect comparison to the rest of the country.
Being on the outside, it is probably understandable that you would say that the problem is not with the women, but that it has more to do with my being passive in finding other ways to fill in the lost income. While I agree with you that I could have been more proactive in finding other work, that would esentially shut down my business during the business day hours, since I am a one man show.
It is a tough decision to abandon a business that you have spent time, effort, finances preparing for and building over the years, so it is a complex situation I'm in whether to give it up or find a new career. Thankfully, I have a savings to fall back on but it would be much better if I didn't have to.
Although, my profession was once a dignified profession and one of a handful recognized by Congress, I'm realizing that with the regulation and banks/lenders deciding how much we will make, it may not be the place for many appraisers at this time. And, many others have and are in the process of realizing this, so believe me I'm not unique in my situation.
So, in response to your statement, you may be right that my not going out to find other types of work to replace the lost income is my responsibility and my part of the problem. However, with many people in similar financial difficulties, one can not ignore that the dyamic of rejection, at least in my area, does exist. Again, I agree with you that not all women may have this mindset, but my personal opinon is that many do and it is mirrored by some (but not all ) within this forum thread.
As many have said in earlier posts, the original question could have probably been better qualified and framed, to allow for a more specific discussion, but I wasn't trying to make it all about me. I'm more interested in the experiences of all here, so I didn't want to make it more complicated with a lot of details. Also, it was my first thread to start, so admittedly I'm a bit new at this stuff. Please don't laugh, but I still can't figure out how to highlight a quote from an earlier message or entry. I see the cryptic directions on the right of the screen above the happy faces, but haven't figured it out yet. If anyone can be of help, please let us know. If nothing else, hopefully this thread has given each of us a few laughs and things to think about. My only regret is that we couldn't have done it at a coffee shop.
Thank you Cindy and each of you for your input! Have a great day... | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:51:35 PM | Response to message 338: "I date who I want, and a guy MUST make AT LEAST 65k to keep my interest."
Hi Traciebabie,
Hopefully, you are kidding about the stripper stuff in the first part of your entry. If not, then that is a whole other conversation for another thread. It's just my opinion, but that stuff is just not healthy for anyone. I do not frequent those kind of places, but have been to a few bachelor parties. But, I have known more than a few from prior days as acqaintances or friends of friends and in most cases it can really cause intimacy issues with the women, which often leads to alcohol and drug use and worse. Hopefully, you are kidding...
Okay, so back on topic. You mentioned that a guy MUST make AT LEAST $65k to keep your interest. So, would $50k or $60K not be enough for you?
And, please forgeive me if I may have missed it in one of your prior entries, but how did you arrive at $65,000 for a man to keep your interest?
Please advise. Thank you for your thoughts! | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 3:07:37 PM |
.I could have been more proactive in finding other work, that would esentially shut down my business during the business day hours, since I am a one man show.
But you could do some major education and add a niche to your existing appraisal business.
For example, spend some time educating yourself in Eminent Domain work. It takes a lot more work and bigger picture perspective, but it also pays a whole lot better. I had a property a few years ago that went through it. The city offered 29K, I fought back. Hired an appraiser, specializing it it. He charged $ 150/hour and spent about 20 hours researching, documenting and at the speaking at the hearing. He was well worth the 3K, because I ended up getting 97K for the land.
And I'm sure there are other areas where you could use your existing knowledge and background in a way that could increase your income. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 3:31:56 PM | ^^^^ Yea, maybe Ms. $65K can loan him some of the extra money she has so he can go back to school -- or just take him out to a nice dinner. We're always hearing about how loving and giving women are, after all. 
And I'm sure there are other areas where you could use your existing knowledge and background in a way that could increase your income.
I think what he's saying is that it could also do a lot for him if income wasn't such a huge issue for so many women. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 3:32:47 PM | Response to message 341
"But you could do some major education and add a niche to your existing appraisal business.
For example, spend some time educating yourself in Eminent Domain work. It takes a lot more work and bigger picture perspective, but it also pays a whole lot better. I had a property a few years ago that went through it. The city offered 29K, I fought back. Hired an appraiser, specializing it it. He charged $ 150/hour and spent about 20 hours researching, documenting and at the speaking at the hearing. He was well worth the 3K, because I ended up getting 97K for the land.
And I'm sure there are other areas where you could use your existing knowledge and background in a way that could increase your income."
Hi Varinia,
You have some good suggestions. I often take real estate night classes at the local colleges in the area and have been doing so for at least the last 2 to 3 years. This semester I decided not to take any classes since I'm planning to get into some side line work during the evenings. But a good suggestion. Many are re-educating themselves right now for their current or a new career, due to the employment climate.
I will have to look into the eminant domain area of appraising which you spoke of. I can't remember anyone I've met mentioning that area of work. And, I'm not really sure how one would get hired into that type of assignment. I'm already in the local yellow pages so I may already have that area of marketing covered, but we'll have to see. Do you remember how or what source you may have used to find your appraiser? For instance did you use the yellow pages or was your appraiser referred to you by someone else? Please advise.
Thank you! | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 3:39:31 PM | Or actually, in most cases, I was matched with them on another dating site. The other thing I'm not sure if I mentioned was that I live in Southern California where living expenses are higher than in many areas and there are some fairly affluent people in the area.
Well those two factors are just about bound to provide a "distort".
Add to that the unfortunate trend that many topics posted here are "Somebody please call me a whaaa-mbulance" types. So perhaps forum participants read a note of petulance that really ISN'T there. That would be our bad.
Yes, the economy does suck in most areas of the US. And yes, many women are still operating from parental teaching/social conditioning to date/marry UP, or at the very least the same level.
In MY case, income &assets at or above the poverty guidelines is my benchmark. And I do give a lot of weight to resourcefulness and work ethic,when considering retired guys, self employed,and other "one man show" men. Even someone who has retired,either due to age entitlement or disability, can have a work ethic,for stretching the dollars, making a few bucks with a part time job or other moneygenerating (legal&honest!) activity, doing volunteer work, helping family, friends, neighbors...
But that's me. I have no doubt that there are plenty of women out there that DO have a specific income range.
The only suggestion I can offer, for those who are still seriously looking,would be to look at what you believe to be the most common reason for rejection/involvements that fizzle out. Can you DO something about it? Make more money? Lose weight? Improve your appearance? Or is it something like age, or physical conditions or illnesses that can't be helped? Or you are at top dollar for your occupation, and changing occupations or taking on MORE work isn't an option. Those things you may have to live with. You might adjust your dating league, and if that's unacceptable to you( a perfectly valid position!) you might have to see singlehood as your norm and if you find a relationship in the course of living your life,consider it the romance version of winning the lottery.
Although, my profession was once a dignified profession and one of a handful recognized by Congress, I'm realizing that with the regulation and banks/lenders deciding how much we will make, it may not be the place for many appraisers at this time. And, many others have and are in the process of realizing this, so believe me I'm not unique in my situation.
Well part of that scenario might be people seeing appraisers, along with mortgage brokers, real estate salespeople, as part of the causation of this economic fiasco. Trust me, I run into people who think auctioneers/resale vendors are crooks,all the time. So maybe it's a combination of your income situation AND your occupation. This is just a thought crossing my mind.
If you truly think that your occupational field will readjust and stabilize, by all means ride it out. But be prepared to have some underinformed women to see you as a person in a career that has been hopelessly undercut by current economic conditions,with little hope of reviving. Consider yourself blessed to be shut of them.
Cindy O
edit to add to varinia's ideas
Personal property appraiser(actually doesn't require "major" educational steps)
Auction marketing industry
Home inspection
casualty/property insurance appraisal | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 3:44:36 PM | And, I'm not really sure how one would get hired into that type of assignment.
I got him out of the yellow pages and he mentioned that he specialized in this and some other areas of appraisals, don't remember which. I'm sure there are other situations, primarily commercial ones, where a special appraiser is needed, who will go to a hearing. Normal appraisers don't do that usually.
Check what kind of developments your city is planning in your area. They will have to get a certain number of properties through eminent domain. Those owners may not know that they can fight the offer that the city is making. You can contact those owners and offer your services.
Go to the courthouse and research recent filings for eminent domain, however they're filed in your state/county.
You may also contact some real estate attorneys that specialize in those kinds of cases. Not normal closing attorneys, but those that go to court in all real estate related matter, be it eminent domain or maybe Quiet title matters. Maybe go to the courthouse and look at filings for eminent domain related cases in the past, and see who was all involved, the attorneys etc.
On topic: To me it's not really the amount, but the attitude that matters. Some self-starters have been rich a number of times. I'm quite happy with a do-er in a down-spiral, if I feel that he will make things happen to get back up from the low point. I've been up and down before, but I will always land on my feet. So, the kind of 'I can make it happen' attitude goes a long way for me. Someone that's kind of sitting back complaining - I don't care how much money he has, he won't get much of my time - I just don't have any patience for a victim mentality. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 4:13:05 PM | I judge a man, based on his kindness, humor, compassion, truthfulness, the way he treats me and others. It doesn't take that much money to be generous, a nice card, a rose, or doing something like scaping ice off her car window, bringing her a coffee in bed, running her a bubble bath, calling her just because, not playing games, and when around others makes her feel like she is the hottest and best woman he has ever known.
Don't blame money- truth be known a sensitive, loyal, caring man can beat out any man with a ton of money.
So maybe it isn't the money that is causing the problem, BUT the ATTITUDE or how a woman is being treated?? maybe something to consider. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 4:34:24 PM |
I often take real estate night classes at the local colleges in the area
Think outside the box and try to think of private sector uses for appraisers, that are not tied to those normal residential mortgages.
- Hard money lenders/private money lenders usually have appraisers that they use for all their properties. Usually it's an 'as is' as well as 'projected rehab' appraisal.
- Probate attorneys have to hire appraisers, when a deceased has property, which needs to be sold for probate
- In California, when someone dies without known relatives, that probate is done by Public Administrators of the county. They will have to hire an appraiser.
Think outside the box | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 4:38:10 PM | msg 346
All good points also.
however, the OP referenced actual cases of being rejected because of the women's perception of his income. The argument could be made that this was just a pretty much irrefutable 'excuse', and something else was the real reason. Though it sems to me that a woman with the brass to tell a guy "you don't make enough money" would have NO PROBLEM telling him if his attitude or treatment of her was unacceptable.
truth be known a sensitive, loyal, caring man can beat out any man with a ton of money that is YOUR truth. It also happens to be MINE. That said, there are a lot of PEOPLE (both genders) who consider that a good income will cover a multitude of sins.
Cindy O | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:08:07 PM | | YourGuynextdoor...Anything above 60k is good. 65k is ideal since i make a few thousand less than that myself. A guy in the 50s range might still be able to wing it, but he will have to work very hard. My dad is a retired anesthesiologist and my mom worked as professional dancer for ten years as well before my dad swept her off her feet to be a stay at home mom. Can you blame me? :) | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:15:33 PM | | Enough money to take care of himself, and actually realy take care of himself. Good at not spending all is money but saving and that's pretty much it. Someone who is not lazy. But you just asked about money and that is not what makes a person desirable. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:04:41 PM | My answer? A gajillion, billions of dollars :P Mwahahaha! 
Lol seriously though? Just enough for him to have some savings set aside (which we ALL should have anyway), a place to sleep and be able to afford to eat everyday. Those are basics that we all should have if we manage our money wisely. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:03:10 AM | Response to message 346:
"I judge a man, based on his kindness, humor, compassion, truthfulness, the way he treats me and others. It doesn't take that much money to be generous, a nice card, a rose, or doing something like scaping ice off her car window, bringing her a coffee in bed, running her a bubble bath, calling her just because, not playing games, and when around others makes her feel like she is the hottest and best woman he has ever known."
Sure, that sounds reasonable. In S.C. we don't get much ice on our car windows but maybe washing her windows when she pulls in to fill up her car would do the same trick.
"Don't blame money- truth be known a sensitive, loyal, caring man can beat out any man with a ton of money."
I like your spirit and positive attitude. However, I'm not sure that is the case with women in all parts of the country. I have female friends that have moved away from the area and they have shared with me that the women in Texas, Virginia, Idaho, etc... tend to be much sweeter, kinder and more down to earth than the typical S. California gal. Does this ring true for any of you women out there?
So maybe it isn't the money that is causing the problem, BUT the ATTITUDE or how a woman is being treated?? maybe something to consider."
You may be right that the money is not always the issue causing the problem, however in my experience it has been pretty near the top of the list, in recent relationships. And, I have noticed it being more of an issue since I turned 40 and business has been slow. It may be that there are different expectations after 40 for men? But, I do know because most women have been honest when I ask that they are looking for someone in a better financial position. And, it often has to do with their wanting to do nicer things together for entertainment.
Actually, my attitude tends to be pretty good. I'll admit that the frustration has caused me to doubt that a relationship is possible without an above average income where I live. But, I do tend to be a pretty upbeat and kind person to others. I have an amazing close family and was taught growing up all the right etiquette, values, and yes how to treat a lady.
Also, I know most women prefer a man that is 5'10" or taller, but at 5'8" that has never been a deal breaker for me with most women. And, I'm not a bad looking guy as I used to do commercials and printwork in my college and post college years, but the looks do fade to some degree and I could probably lose a few pounds.
So, I agree with you in part that it isn't all about the money. I do believe that, but I think it may at least be my biggest obstacle at this time. Therefore, I am considering a career change as many others are also doing these days.
Anyway, I thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:17:02 AM | Dear your guy next door.
I lived in California, all over Malibu, Santa Monica, West Hollywood and many others. YOU are right it is ALL about money there. But you can't really blame them as it is so expensive to live there. I found people there selfish and self interested mostly.
It is my belief that we should expect a man or woman to be the best the can be, try their best and be partners in what they do.
I have been in a relationship where I paid for all, while he went to school. Paid for the wedding, the rings the honeymoon. I would not change that, as it was for US.
I have found more and more there are many men looking for the woman to pay all, alot of gold diggar men out there too.
It all comes down to character, if that is all they want then they have a shallow mind.
Even when it came sadly to a divorce, I had three children, I didn't do what the attorneys said, they wanted me to take the business, take tons of money. NO I said, we split everything, I paid my own attorney, my own bills, paid my own car and so forth. I could have taken alot. Even though I worked seven days a week in our ;business, took full care of the home and children, I did not clean him out. I was brought up to believe that you to be fair in all things. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:34:09 AM | Cindy A.S. I agree with you. For many women including myself, it's not about how much money a man has. I've had two truly significant relationships in my life, and I they both had very modest incomes, but were extremely passionate about their interests in activities like sculpting, flying or sailing. And they both had a great sense of humour and were great conversationalists. It wasn't because of money that we split up either.
Maybe OP is right, and there is a magic number that I'm not aware of that makes relationships last. My question to OP, what do you think the magic number is? | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:38:36 AM | I lived in California, all over Malibu, Santa Monica, West Hollywood and many others. YOU are right it is ALL about money there. But you can't really blame them as it is so expensive to live there. I found people there selfish and self interested mostly.
Huh? I wish I could move to Oklahoma where the people are intelligent, logical, open-minded and tolerant like you. Of course I'd have to get an 80's 'do to be allowed to cross state lines probably and I'm not sure I'd be willing to make that sacrifice. ["OMG I can't believe she wrote such a mean thing in response to Cindy's sweet post, see how nasty those Californians are!!"]
Oh, and FYI I've spent my entire career as an AFDC caseworker and an inner city teacher and there are no pics of me and my breasts anywhere online. Oh, and who's selfish, self-interested and all about money, hon? | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/8/2009 10:40:12 AM |
I'd say none... sometimes guys are worse golddiggers than any woman will be (past experience)
You realize you just said that guys are the worse gold-diggers than women. Care to back up your claim?
I date who I want, and a guy MUST make AT LEAST 65k to keep my interest.
That sounds a lot like gold-digging... but at least you are honest.
Don't blame money- truth be known a sensitive, loyal, caring man can beat out any man with a ton of money.
Apparently not. See above. | |
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| How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him?
Posted: 10/8/2009 10:43:36 AM | Whether we like it or not, because money is the universal medium of exchange, money counts. And because we humans take in the vast majority of our perceptions through our eyes, beauty, however one personally beholds it, also counts. To me, the real question here is: how important our those qualities within an intimate relationship?
As a self-supporting woman, I feel that I deserve to share my life with a man who is my equal--in ALL ways--not just financially and physically but in every aspect of my life. Since I am a highly responsible individual with how I use my income, I would expect him to be the same. The amount isn't relevant, what's relevenat is how he uses those funds. Since I am physically fit, I would expect him to be the same. Why would I settle for anyone who would not be compatible in what I consider such important qualities? | |
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