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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:52:35 AM |
Didn't have to throw any money around (although I did buy dinner) and, for the record, I had a fantastic date - complete with booty call....and I've got another one tonight!!
~wonders if tonight's date is with the same woman or a different single mom~ | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:02:14 AM | String6,
I understand that experiences have a part in our descions as to who one dates. What I do not like is the single mothers are lazy, out to take the mans money, just looking for someone to take care of us or someone to take on father role of our children.
You can feel that you don't want to date single mothers, fine so be it. I have had nothing but back experiences with men, yet I do not say I would not date men because of it. The experience has to do with that particular person and what happened at that time. It is not right to generalize. Just because one single mother may have done something, does not mean we all do. They were most likely like that before children and you probably would have had the same experience if she didn't have the child. People don't change, they can only hide who they truly are for so long, then when they get comfortable out comes the nasty monster inside. (That is if it was there to begin with)
Up until the man I moved to BC for I had actually never been cheated on, I had only been beaten physically which I guess is why I got with him. He didn't physcially beat me, nor did he emotionally do anything until I found out about him sleeping with at least 3 other women two of which lived in my building. Then he became abusive, almost like he felt it was ok to let his true self out now that I had discovered part of it.
My son's father cheated by picking up women at music gigs, yet I know not all men are like this. Guess what the first cheater was a single father, his son is 13 now. The second was just a single guy, but they both acted the same... so it goes across the board. The person may be single with no kids, or single with kids, yet they are still the person they always were regardless. That's what I look at, its not the kids fault the person is the way they are.
What did I learn from it. Give people a chance, but be cautious about it, don't jump into things too fast, and definitely for me if they are spending way too much time with the opposite sex than they do with you something is up. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:12:03 AM | | Oh i understand,no perfect men or women,with or without children....anyone ever tell you you look alot like Tori Amos ?...a very talented woman...or maybe Tori Amos looks alot like you......either way. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:15:22 PM | | Yes it is ...very much so,i don't think she's doing alot here lately but she is a very talented and unique musician...so very hard to find anymore it seems....she has never been big in a household word sort of way and that in my opinion is becauase she is too good for it. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:30:44 PM | Well..... I can't really say for certain why. However, I think that each person has their own experience, likes, desires, needs, and the answers does not fit everyone.
Now, I'm a single parent, however I really don't consider single in the aspect of taking care of my kids, and taking care of them.
My kids father is very much in their life everyday, he has them every other week from Sunday to Sunday, vise versa, but the taken care of our kids, and commincating doesn't stop with our children when the other parent has them, so to say that; It could be as well maybe to much interaction with the ex.
With me, parenting don't stop because I'm with somone, yes I respect who I'm with when we're together to not involve them as much with my kids or their farther, however I don't drop my responsibilty of being a parent when my kids are not with me. If something comes up, kids or their father calls, for what ever reason, I will respond, but I do it with respecting who I'm with.
One more thing, I make sure that person knows right up front what goes on, and if they decide they want to still want to date after the "411" then we're ok.
Another thing I want to point out is:
Don't get your children involve too soon with who your dating, it's not good. I have never had my children meet anyone that I date within in a week, or a month, I waited t six months before my kids met who I was dating. However, I really have not dated many people any way since divorce so not too experienced, but I did have someone just recently that I had dated for about a year and a few months, and my kids didn't meet him till about six seven months later, but It was easy for me to keep it that way because of my children being with their father every other week.
It's not really a answer just one person can say it's this reason, but to give reasons why possibly, then yea, and if someone agrees and adds it, wondefull.
Stereotype, I don't Like
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:35:27 PM | | wow I guess some "single mom" really did a number on you! That is completely ignorant of you to put all of us in that sterotype as well as not take any responsibilty. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:17:30 AM | I've primarily dated single mom's since my divorce, since I am a dad (noncustodial). I would recommend that a guy that is looking for life-partner tread very carefully. Single moms generally have priary custody, which means you will become attached to the kid(s)...if she pulls the plug you are not only grieving her, but them as well.
I would never have thought that that would be as hard as it is, but it is very tough. Single moms are an absolute joy, but the chances of a breakup are much higher if she is a quality woman (which is what we should be looking for), because her kids aren't just first, but FIRST and you might come somewhere around third.
It is what it is. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:28:11 AM | My question is why all the animosity from the single mothers/fathers toward non-parents who choose not to date someone because they have a child. Everyone has a right to their own preferences, am I correct?
Is it really out of line for someone to NOT want a relationship with a single parent? | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 5:13:16 AM | My question is why all the animosity from the single mothers/fathers toward non-parents who choose not to date someone because they have a child. Everyone has a right to their own preferences, am I correct?
Is it really out of line for someone to NOT want a relationship with a single parent?
~ seanl262 ~
^^^^^^^It really isn't out of line for men not wanting to date single mothers....what is OUT OF LINE is this whole thread!
It is OUT OF LINE for men to post demeaning and insulting lists of the reasons why some men won't date Single Mother's!!
Everyone does have a right to their own preference when dating.....but this thread isn't about preference...it's about perpetuating a stigma of Single Women who have children and how some men view them.
The anomosity from women on this thread come from the complete lack of respect that some men display with their comments in order to get an ego boost... | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:10:18 AM |
It really isn't out of line for men not wanting to date single mothers....what is OUT OF LINE is this whole thread!
It is OUT OF LINE for men to post demeaning and insulting lists of the reasons why some men won't date Single Mother's!!
Everyone does have a right to their own preference when dating.....but this thread isn't about preference...it's about perpetuating a stigma of Single Women who have children and how some men view them.
The anomosity from women on this thread come from the complete lack of respect that some men display with their comments in order to get an ego boost...
Once again it becomes a one way street.
Seems the single father got bashed in this comment, so single mom;s are awesome, single fathers are a-holes. Is only one a stereotype, the other the truth?:
Allow me to point to all the single fathers who have built unrealistic family settings around their bratty children who demand their attention.
As well to all the single fathers who do NOT have their kids 24/7 like us mothers do.. must be nice to have that much free time to give and take personal attention. Oh how we wish.
Now this is what I call a good comment, maybe everyone, not just single parents, everyone should take this advice:
Maybe, everyone just needs to ask more questions before you get involved with someone. I know there are more good single Dads and Moms out there than you think.
Here is a perfect acceptable reason to not date a guy who does not have kids. Seems ok for women with kids to stereotype men with no kids. Or is this again just the "truth"?:
dont seem to have a problem with men wanting to date me, I just have a problem with dating men, esp... those that dont have children.Guess with all the crazy peeps around now adays i just really want to protect what i have,and whats crazy now is that i work at my kids daycare and i do see alot of moms that just dont seem to care.
All in all it has become standard acceptance in dating for women to assume and stereotype men and be ok with it. Because they say it is from past experiences. BUT men on the otherhand, have no excuse to assume or stereotype women because that is the laws of dating.
Women should bash men for being 40 and no kids, so they should say they are this and that to not date him.
Men who say anything negative things about single moms shoudl never do that and have no right to.
No idea why it is always a one way street but I do not see it changing anytime soon.
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:43:15 AM |
this thread isn't about preference...it's about perpetuating a stigma of Single Women who have children and how some men view them.
And ? You should be happy that you get to voice your own opinion in a forum environment like this.
Men have been talking about these behind your backs for centuries.
lack of respect that some men display with their comments in order to get an ego boost...
Why would anyone get an ego boost by sharing their opinion on single mothers ?
Tell you what, it's not ego boost for these guys. It's your crashing self-esteem. The more you read, worse you feel about yourself. That's is the problem.
Guess what, as I said earlier. It's good that we have these forums, and everyone gets to voice their opinions. Because forums or no forums, men think what they think about "single mothers" regardless.....
The only difference here is that they tell it to your face.... | |
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| Why wouldn't men date liz..... the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 10:10:38 AM | 1. Has yet to show any compassion for men whatsoever, which begs one to question how she became a mother
2. Seems to think she has a sense of wit, and must giggle often while she types
3. Has clearly mistaken all men for her ex, would make for a really bad date even if drowned out at a heavy metal concert
4. Seems to think that continously cutting and pasting from other posts counts as an opinion or original thought
5.Probably really looks like her pics
6.Even the worst of men would have some sense of self- preservation and would rather walk into a biker bar with a bikers are fags t-shirt on.
7. Have realized that porn on the internet is free and has women in it that look like they like men
There are probably more but like she thread this whole thread is a travesty, even the guys who just say something nicely can't get a break. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 11:21:42 AM | Men have been talking about these behind your backs for centuries
Guess what, as I said earlier. It's good that we have these forums, and everyone gets to voice their opinions. Because forums or no forums, men think what they think about "single mothers" regardless.....
What some of these men think is what men think about women regardless if she is a single mother. It shows a lack of respect that men have for women. Why does being a mother make you less of a woman? I assume the same men that make fun of single mothers are the ones that also snicker about women who are in positions of authority.
Some men have always been disrespectful towards women whether or not they were single mothers. They told women that they were not human beings. They told women they were property. It just goes to show that some mens attitudes haven't changed very much towards women.
Because we all know women are not as smart as men, that women are inferior, are way more emotional then men and lets just face it us women well we're the weaker sex. And well we have no self-worth unless we have a man in our life. (SARCASIM)
Actually I read these threads and I'm just amazed by the cruelty of some people. It shows no reflection upon myself because I'm not any of the negative stereotypes that people seem to try to label me. My status as a single mother doesn't bother me because my self-worth as a human being has never been determined by whether or not I've had a man in my life. | |
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| Why wouldn't men date liz..... the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 11:30:03 AM | this thread isn't about preference...it's about perpetuating a stigma of Single Women who have children and how some men view them.
Opinions are like a*holes, we all have one and are entitled to them.
In regards to perpeutating the stigma, in most cases men are either open to dating single moms or they are not and threads such as this do not normally sway their opinions either way...
It is a shame when those that complain that these threads perpetuate the stigma are often the ones that contribute to it themselves in their own posts... | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 11:47:01 AM | Wow jenn are you way off, women earn respect from men the exact smae way they do from other men - they earn it.
The reason I even considered getting serious with my ex was becasue she wouldn't give in and let me treat her as a one night stand.
I respect her now, a lot more if she could have managed to be a mother and a mate but hey she made a choice plus if there is anything I am sure of about women if they don't want you they don't want you. I think that is due to the elephant syndrome though.
They just can't let things go, every little mistake will never be forgotten or forgiven but that has more to with expectations and not reality.
I do know men that feign a respect for women enough to bed them but not so great for long term anything. My nephew being one. Some may remember - three kids three moms. He is that type of guy who does give that great first impression because he was taught bery early in life that he was good looking and he knows the drill of what to say to get you into bed.
He does not respect women or even his own mother but why should he ?
There is always a woman ready and willing to be blind and stupid long enough to get them to drop to their knees or drop their pants so again why should he?
You must think that there no respect for single moms and you would be reading this all wrong.
What you seem to miss is the lack of respect for complaining about it when you had a chance not to be one. I can respect a woman who just says yeah I screwed up.
No one says stop being the best mom you can be.
Men can't respect any single mom who belittles a man for having a preference for not wanting to date, even if he has never done so before he's just not allowed to have that preference. He suddenly becomes less of a man fro not wanting to take that chance.
Many men here face enough risk dating a woman with no kids knowing they could become just another divorced weekend dad on a whim.
So you should be amazed that no matter how many times you try to explain that to single moms there is a new thread that follows the same old crap. Why won't men do this because I am sinlge mom. Most probably are aware of the answer but still act all Biatchy when it is told to them.
I am amazed that you guys have such a crummy network, it's obvious you may talk about men but you're just not listening to each other. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:43:04 PM | Sorry I was referring to the men that come on here and diss single moms as inferior women, as damaged goods, and blah blah blah. I'm saying I doubt those men have much respect for any woman. Because if you are a man and woman you don't go around bad mouthing the opposite sex with negative stereotypes. Men & women don't seem to show the common curtousy to others but rather judge them on mere merits.
I have no problem with a man having a preference to not dating a woman with a child. I have a preference for not dating a smoker. But I do not need to say I don't date a smoker cuz they stink, because I see them as having a flaw, that smoking is a diguisting habit. And so on so on. I respect their wishes as long as they don't smoke around me.
Hey I was hard to date before I ever had my child. I am extremely headstrong, opinionated, I have a low tolerance for BS from a man and will put up with very little (majority of the time).
Having my daughter wasn't a mistake. I wanted a child, I had a child. Its what I wanted so I did it. I could have just as easily gone to a sperm bank.
But I see a lot of lack of respect for people. People are just very judgmental and maybe its cuz its the internet everyone feels entitled to be rude. Because what is a person going to do. One is just sitting on their computer. Seriously is someone going to come up to me in person and say oh you terrible woman how dare u be a single mother... no they're not going to do it.
Men start just as many threads about why won't someone date me and it could be just their personality because they gripe about their exs. Works both ways. But u know I did notice that in ask the girl section there are a lot of single women ridiculing single dads too. They just don't come to the single parent forums so it does cut both ways.
I don't think being a parent is a negative thing. I think it is the most rewarding thing a person can ever do.
I was being sarcastic with my post. I was doing the extreme. Because my ex always told me he would never date a single mom because of the same reasons I've heard on these post because they are damaged goods, they have baggage. Anyway he has no respect for women in general. And he's now dating a single mom with 3 kids.
I just think some people just like to be bullies and say things for the "shock" factor because they know it will get a reaction. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 2:07:27 PM |
wonderingsole: My nephew being one. Some may remember - three kids three moms. He is that type of guy who does give that great first impression because he was taught bery early in life that he was good looking and he knows the drill of what to say to get you into bed. He does not respect women or even his own mother but why should he ?
There is always a woman ready and willing to be blind and stupid long enough to get them to drop to their knees or drop their pants so again why should he?
I'm not familiar with the story, I'm assuming, you have told here before in your statement of "Some may remember"... so, just curious... (I've not followed this thread)
As far as I've experienced, in life period, is that those that have no respect for others, in this case the opposite sex (more so concerning single mothers as this is the thread topic), is a matter of them not having respect for themselves; hence, can't give what one doesn't have to give. Same goes for love. Both involve integrity.
As to your nephew, in particular, earning, or paying, respect from or to women: Was (is) his mother a single parent? Even if not... where was the teaching in the realm of rearing him as a child through to adulthood that does him - let alone women - this disservice, that to be absent of self-respect, and integrity, is the optimal way to live life?
To use any other then his upbringing, and personal choice(s), as a reasons, or excuses, to inflict emotional damage on anyone else, merely because they can, floats like a lead balloon. IOW: because these women deserve not to be respected, they haven't "earned" respect.
Bar "Birds of a Feather" as to the one's your nephew finds to get involved with, as a skate around, in explanation... please. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/15/2009 4:12:03 PM | http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts13323730.aspx
If you wish to read more about him check out this thread.
Update though is that it seems that my sister is unwilling to confront him and I have told her that our arrangement is over and will be moving on.
And YES she is a single mom and he has never had a father. His male role models saw the potential in him as an athlete and I am afraid that their involvement with him was for selfish means in that he was good for the team. This and he is a good looking guy means he has had many people do things for him and the attention from women and his mother onl;y solidified this mindset.
He has blown two athletic scholarships at two american universities because unlike all his other male role models would not just let him do what he wanted and kicked him off the team. He was told to respect certain things by these coaches and figured they would be like all the others and let it slide - his loss.
Trust me, I know enough about him to know he has no respect for women and sees no problem with creating more single moms.
My feelings are that unless it comes from her he will never get it but even then I do believe it is too late.
His belief about women is that they should wait on him like his mother still does, so ladies be careful about how much you dote on your sons. | |
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| There is no answer...
Posted: 11/15/2009 4:28:22 PM | Trying to put an answer too this is as point less as trying to bring peace to the middle east. There is none, its a preferance some people have toward the other sex. Each person has their reasons and there are multiples things on both sides it could be. Which to be honest with you everyone has a right to be picky and look for what they feel fits them. It is just like smokers, drugs, tall, short, skiny, fat, rich, poor, or a host of other preferances many of us have.
In this day an age it is hard enough to find someone who meets our fancy who is interested in us as well. Then top that off that 60 percent of those relationships that make it to the point of marriage will most likley end in divorce. Be as picky as you want and maybe some of you will be the lucky 40 percent. Thats all there is to it. Trying to understand it with out hard data is imposible. Take a poll figure out the top complaints from both sides. | |
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| There is no answer...
Posted: 11/16/2009 9:41:04 PM | Mmm...stereotyping.
Personally, I find a single mother rather appealing relationship-wise. The reason is because their priority is the child. Raising a child typically changes people, which they are usually more mature. Taking this into account, they are less likely to bullshit and waste your time.
There are givers and there are takers where ever you go. Sure, some single mothers might be looking to pilfer. Though logically, the idea of pilfering is more likely to be the case with a single female.
Oh yes, I've seen some crazy bitches on both sides of the spectrum. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/16/2009 11:24:09 PM | If you wish to read more about him check out this thread. Ty... ** Read as far as I could stand... Good Lord! ...  **
Ok... read only your 1st message, and half of the first page, before I had to stop. I don't react well to toxic situations; even when it's just in the reading - ie so many train wrecks in one post to even think of starting to pick apart know where to begin...
quote]Update though is that it seems that my sister is unwilling to confront him and I have told her that our arrangement is over and will be moving on.
Glad you have this update to report!! Hope you're moving on is sooner rather than later. Whew. It would take far more, and bigger then anyone one given person, male or female, family or non, to get THAT mess any where near cleaned up. Overgrown Problem Children... Ugh. At 31, IMO, I highly doubt he will change. At that age, it's more then likely it will have to something truly life shaking for him to want to change (ie. Idk... his mama saying "No!, or something similar...lol) No one changes without wanting to, and he's not about to change what he finds works for him. Sad, sad, case, though... for ALL concerned.
I realize you're his Uncle, and it could be easily thought, and said, that YOU had the obligation to stand in, and in not doing so are/were as much at fault as his mother. Now, although that may just very well be the general consensus, I will give the benefit of the doubt and assume that his mother - your sister - can/could virtually make that impossible, just by what you had related of HER demeanor in previous posting.
On Topic~
As to the story of your nephew, and pertaining to this threads topic....
What is your take of this specific case. He's become the way he is because he was raised by a single mother (in general, a single mother) that can't/won't say, "No." , or more because he never had a male role model to consistently teach him differently?
Of the two choices, which do you feel would be the more accurate reason/explanation of/for his chosen persona based on "this is the product of single mother child rearing"?
I'm wondering if it doesn't - and understandably would - skew your judgment of ALL single mothers because of this horrendous long term up close and personal experience of your sister, and HER train wreck of parenting. ARE you able to gain objectivity, and separate her from the pack? (Any other males here care to answer?)
Please note, before you answer: There are indeed plenty of men out there that have single parented children, that child grown, is of the same demeanor as your nephew. Whether that child(ren) be male, or female. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/17/2009 1:57:54 AM | | im a single mum and everything my daughter has ive paid for, its me that works my ass off to provide for her not her dad. as for him he has nothing to do with her his decision. im at university full time and i have a job. women can do this alone and why you think we're so bothered about lads not being interested makes me laugh. i brought my baby into this world so why would i want someone that isnt her dad telling me what she can and cant do. get over yourself women really dont need men!!!! | |
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