| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/17/2009 9:50:48 PM | men do date single mothers. there are those of us out here who will gladly accept everything that goes with that. its just hard to find one because some jerk has treated her so bad that she is wary of any guy who tries to treat her right.
we all have baggage but what a lot of us lack is patience and understanding. | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/17/2009 11:37:07 PM | I am not sure why there is even a post with the subject "why men won't date single mothers..." because they do. Men DO date single moms. There are bus loads of men that do. I am single by choice...but I have never, let me repeat myself, NEVER found a shortage of men who want to date me because I have children. So for those of you who the original poster is attempting to play on your insecurities, please take him with a grain of salt. He was giving you the reasons why HE won't date single moms...but there are many more men in the world just waiting to meet you.
I find it very sad that there is so much hostility and bitterness toward single mom's in this thread. I think we should take a moment and applaud all of us who have chosen to shoulder this responsibility and not walk away from our children. But, instead, sacrifice and love and provide daily.
I do understand why some of us choose not to date people who have children, or want children etc...It is all about personal choice and the qualities we are looking for in a mate. If you do not feel comfortable with the idea of raising another persons child, or sharing the attention of your partner...well then by all means you should not get in to a relationship with someone who already has children.
I do feel that it is so unfortunate that people feel the need to judge or criticize to justify their choice in this matter. I am a single parent with 2 teenage boys. Conversely, I would not, at this point in my life, date a man who had very young children. I am sure that there are many wonderful men out there that are single parents with toddlers and I could miss out on a great opportunity because I would not consider them. However, at this point I am looking forward to the day when I can live my life and enjoy my freedom without some of the constraints of raising children. I have been raising children for most of my adult life (and most of those years as a single mom) which means I have made many sacrifices and put my wants and needs and desires second to what is best for my family.
To put it simply, I enjoy the idea of a future with a partner where the focus is on just the two of us. This may sound selfish to some of you...but to me this is me being realistic. It would only be cruel of me to become romantically involved with a man who has very young children when I know that inevitably the relationship will not work out because of my goals and priorities.
I have learned this the hard way, and have been on both ends of this situation. I do not see this as any different that someone that does not want to have kids dating another person who wants to have a large family. These scenarios work out occasionally, but for the most part they end in hurt feelings. I do understand some of the points that were attempted to be made in the original post...however I believe that the person who posted them is a bit jaded and could have made them just as well without bashing women and the choices they make. He apparently has issues with single mothers and would not make a good mate for a women who is a single mother.
One last thought before I end this long drawn out response. Let's try a little compassion and understanding. | |
|
| |
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:24:22 AM | I think the reason men don't prefer dating women with kids is that they aren't allowed to discipline the children when the relationship evolves into a steady thing. The women with kids also seem to have an inflated opinion of what they're offering, and that is, another man's offspring, to help raise.
I've read a lot of women's profiles on here, with children, and they all seem to be so picky. Whenever I write to them, they never reply, or if they do, it's nothing more than a single word or sentence, unless I criticize them, then they seem a lot to say. | |
|
| |
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/19/2009 7:05:03 PM |
I think that it's a crock that men don't date single moms. Almost every single mom I know has a BF. Just my personal observation.
I think it's easy for a single mom to get a boyfriend, especially if she's attractive...
The problem is that a lot of those boyfriends only want to be boyfriends until it gets too serious... then they often move on...
It's hard for a single mom to determine if the guy is serious, or just seeing her for the sex.
And also, I know from experience, dating a single mom can be good at first. At the beginning the kids are open to you for the most part... there's no hassles... often the guy doesn't even meet the kids for weeks or months...
Her schedule can be good for a guy... not too smothering.... he gets to go partying, hit the bars, hang with his friends.... while she's doing the mommy thing... | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:09:22 AM | Hi, I'm new here and just wanted to acknowledge your opinion on raising another man's children and the whole DNA offspring issue. I adore children and when I extend my affection to a child, I anticipate that in return; however that is not always their reaction. In a situation where dating a single mom and the child has strong ties to the paturnal father the child seems more reserved. Since I have no children of my own, I am coming from a different place. I am coming from a place of need, and my purpose is to give love to whom ever is on the receiving end. I feel hurt when that offer is met with rejection. I have no problem with loving another man's children. Loneliness will make you strong, but love will set you free. | |
|
| |
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/21/2009 11:19:32 PM | NO NO NO,,,NOT EVER AGAIN!!!
Been the walking ATM machine for 6 1/2 years,,,,for a DRUNK. And all that time the child was being fed crap from her X's family like:
Mikes not your family we are, you don't have to listen to him.
He's a monster for not letting you go out and play (grades were in the 27-42%'s).
Mom was a drunk and Vetoed every thing I tyred to accomplish.
The child's grandparents blamed the moms drinking on me (validating I was a monster).
ETC ETC,,,,,,,,
In short,,,,To much BAGGAGE!
Possibly less if the X and other interference is eliminated from the equation and there is communication, support AND continuity from all involved. | |
|
| |
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:08:03 PM | I used to not care whether or "she" had at home kids, then over time I just grew tired of all that seemed to come with it.
Now, I realize I'm not going to make any friends with what I am about to say, but really... it doesn't bother me.
From MY personal experience (and I realize that some of you might not fit into the coming description) I have found:
1. Single mothers tend to have bigger chips on their shoulders than non-mothers. I'm not sure if it's because they are still jaded by being left by the father of their kids, feel victimized by having to "go it alone," or whatever the reason. I don't really have the patience for the attitude(s).
2. I got tired of having to make plans, change plans, make plans, change plans - there is no room for spontaneity. You typically can’t pick up the phone and ask “Hey, I’m craving Mexican wanna come?” No, you have to plan ahead and hope that she can get a sitter, or that her oldest doesn’t have plans and can’t baby-sit. Then you make plans a week in advance and of course they have to be changed for a variety of reasons. Who needs the headache?
3. I’m not interested in a shake-and-bake family. I’m interested in building my own, not stepping into someone else’s proverbial shoes and “taking over” where he “left off.” I want MY flesh and blood to raise, not someone else’s. For me personally it just feels to fake. I'll always know in the back of my mind that these aren't my kids and I was never her first choice to have kids with. It's not really MY family... I'm just a substitute for the loser that ran off.
4. I grew tired of questioning her motives. I have a great job with tremendous stability – I can’t help but wonder “is she really into me or is she just looking for the stability for her kids?” It’s human nature to be rather untrusting in that respect.
5. I have no desire to step into the mess that was her former marriage. “He” is always going to be in the picture at least for 18 years. Another headache I don’t want to deal with. The weekly rants about “what he’s doing now to make her life difficult.”
6. I have to question her ability to make good decisions. You have any idea how many women out there marry the wrong guy – KNOWING he’s the wrong guy but have kids with him anyway? Do I really want someone like that in MY life? Nope, not particularly.
7. I love spending a cold rainy Saturday in bed watching old reruns listening to the furnace kicking on and off with her close by. Can’t really do that with kids in the picture. Nope, IF she is able to stay over she’ll have to get home first thing in the morning to take care of them.
8. I have no desire to come in ‘second’ to little Johnny or little Jane. I EXPECT a good mother to put her children first and foremost above any man. So, I’d rather not bother with her and find someone whom I can put first and who can put me first.
Bottom line for me… dating women with kids is just too much a hassle and too draining to bother with. The attitudes, the inflexibility, the drama, it’s not worth it.
Shouldn’t have run off and married “Mr. Bad Boy” in the first place, or at the very least made absolutely sure he was the one before getting knocked up. Of course it’s not always her fault – a good deal of the time he has her completely fooled and then runs off with his secretary – which isn’t her fault. | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:46:23 PM | How many of those "boyfriends/dates" stick around ......? That's the question.
Of course you'll get dates. Even the ugliest women with flaming herpes and leprosy get dates. IF you're a woman with a "working puvvy" you will get dates !!! | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:39:06 PM | I never dated a single mom before. Something about them just grosses me out. I dont like to be reminded about the women who I date past sexual partners before me and her kid would be a constant reminder. Ewwww blech---He put his wenie in her and humped her then ejaculated inside her 200 million of his sperm. His sperm swam up through her cervix into her fallopian tubes and lived there waiting to fertilize her egg. Then his sperm broke through her egg and fertilized it and his genes and hers got all mixed together and created a new life. Then her body nourished his child in her womb for 9 months and then she went through an painful childbirth having his kid. The kid looks like him and carries his genes. The kid is a little minature version of him mixed with the woman I would be in love with. Another man has used my woman as a brood mare to have the child he sired then moved on. His eternal genetic legacy would be mingled with my womans.
He would be out getting drunk and partying while im out working earning money to pay for his kid. I would be the beta male who raises the offspring of the alpha male while he goes out and gets more women pregnant spreading his alpha male genes. I the beta male am considered incapable of breeding and must be his servant protecting and providing for his offspring. ICK! Thats what I think about when the thought of dating single mothers occurs to me. | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:54:17 PM | Been there and done all of that,,,,don't date anymore, just try to be friends, if at all possible, as they will always move on to someone that will spend the money to improve there lifestyle. This begs to ask the question,,,,are they only after the money???
Men give love for sex,,,Women give sex for love,,,,or is it the love of money?? | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 4:52:25 PM | I never dated a single mom before. Something about them just grosses me out. I dont like to be reminded about the women who I date past sexual partners before me and her kid would be a constant reminder. Ewwww blech---He put his wenie in her and humped her then ejaculated inside her 200 million of his sperm. His sperm swam up through her cervix into her fallopian tubes and lived there waiting to fertilize her egg. Then his sperm broke through her egg and fertilized it and his genes and hers got all mixed together and created a new life. Then her body nourished his child in her womb for 9 months and then she went through an painful childbirth having his kid. The kid looks like him and carries his genes. The kid is a little minature version of him mixed with the woman I would be in love with. Another man has used my woman as a brood mare to have the child he sired then moved on. His eternal genetic legacy would be mingled with my womans.
He would be out getting drunk and partying while im out working earning money to pay for his kid. I would be the beta male who raises the offspring of the alpha male while he goes out and gets more women pregnant spreading his alpha male genes. I the beta male am considered incapable of breeding and must be his servant protecting and providing for his offspring. ICK! Thats what I think about when the thought of dating single mothers occurs to me.
QFT !!
That pretty much sums up what I feel.... 
I rather stay single and play with myself for the rest of my life then accept some other man's kids and his ex as "my woman"....
ewwwy...
 | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 5:01:31 PM |
I rather stay single and play with myself for the rest of my life then accept some other man's kids and his ex as "my woman"....
Unless you move or have a change of heart, that's exactly what's going to happen.
Bmore is filled with single mothers..especially at your age.
This thread is just giving another excuse as to why some people will stay single.
I find it amazing that people will say some judgemental crap about a single mother
but will want someone to understand a mistake that was made in their own past.
Please. | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 5:05:37 PM | Bmore is filled with single mothers..especially at your age.
either that or they're looking for a schmuck to sell the cow... if you know what I mean....  However I wouldn't care because I don't date women my age....
Let me repeat myself .... I rather chew cyanide then spend the rest of my life with a woman who carried some other man's child....
Single mothers are great for getting laid though..... Since they usually get couple of hours every other week... they get pretty wild when they have the chance....
I am all for leasing... buying is not an option though.... | |
|
| |
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 5:27:08 PM | | Blayze209, as much as I agree with you, being a single mom myself, these people are not worth wasting the effort and debating with. clearly they are too self absorbed to think of anyone other then themselves. And if they want to stay home and spank their monkey let them, that's probably all they are going to get. They are a complete waste of space, in my opinion. | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 7:22:45 PM | ^^^^^ Wonder if they realize just how many people lurk the forums (just look at the "viewed" count for a guess)... tons of single women sans children included, mind you... that toss them into "the waste of space" bin as they come across their posts...  | |
|
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 9:22:25 PM | I had an interesting talk tonight with a friend of mine who has been dating a very attractive single mom. She has 2 kids. Her Ex is subject to a court order etc due to threats and violence he has comitted. He's well out of the picture... and not likely to reappear (unless he tracks her down - unlikely).... he's been gone quite a few years....
The problem?
Her son, is just a few years before becoming a teen, and is now starting to exhibit some of the anger,violence issues of his father.... (The son was an infant/early toddler when the father went out of the picture... so it's not 'learned' behaviour....) Her son seems to be a happy enough kid.( I've met him too... ) Well spoken and didn't seem unusual to me... He enjoys school so I'm inclined to not think he's getting bullied there....
My friend told me that she has told him, that she is very worried that the mental issues relating to violence, and violent flareups her Ex had may be something her son has inherited from her Ex... She is already making moves to have her son assessed professionally...
This is a big worry for my buddy. The last thing he wants is to be dealing with a kid with 'issues' of this nature... He's already wondering if he can handle it... He's been seeing the woman for quite few months and they have a pretty close and loving relationship... and the last thing he wants to do is breakup with her....
I don't pretend to understand if violent behaviour can be passed down genetically(Which I doubt), but i'm sure certain mental issues could be....
This is an issue he and they will no doubt have weighing on the heavily for the forseeable future....
And to me it seems like one more thing to consider when dating a single mom... It's not just her DNA in the kids... it's her Ex's too... both good and BAD.... how that may turn out down the road is something to bear in mind.... | |
|
| |
| |
| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 11/22/2009 9:42:54 PM | As I have always said, I have absolutely no issues with a man not wanting to date me because I am a parent, whatever your reason, but why some of you feel the need to get so plain NASTY in your references in regards to our status, I will never know.
| |
|
| |
Home
login 
