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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 6:45:20 AM |
It's comforting to hear your consensous that he shouldn't pursue it enough for this to become a dealbreaker, and that he should respect my boundaries,.
My G/F told me that when her Ex-husband pushed for this, he kept the pressure up and kept coming back to it for over a year... so if you start to see the same thing happen, nip it in the bud so to speak... don't let him pressure you....
since there can be a lot of fun and enjoyment just being the two of us (and there is!)
This is true... I've never felt the need or desire to see my G/F (or any other for that matter) in a threesome, either with another male or female... I respected them too much.... if my G/F wanted to do it(which i highly unlikely considering how much she hates herself for doing it in the past)... then I'd consider it but would probably break up with her because I'd lose respect for her... just not my thing.... | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:11:12 AM | | honey we are not doing...thank you for your understanding...please get real...it is obvious you have a choice...do it or leave him...or let him do it with two other women...it is obvious he wants that...i agree with him...it his fantasy...so you decide ...do you want him...can you conpromise...would you have a threesome with another man? why and why not? good luck | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:59:03 AM | | Dump him and move on.Hes already cheated with this woman.Think about it,hes already got another female lined up.Dont be a fool and stay with this degenerate. | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 10:10:54 AM | OP as someone already stated, you should NEVER do anything you aren't comfortable with EVER.
I couldn't disagree more.
Some of the best experiences I've had, have been when women have agreed to cross very firm boundaries.
Never is a very long time....
In my experience, many women are very eager to be with someone who can bring out the adventurous side to them.
You have your own mind and nobody should control it.
There's nothing wrong with being challenged to be more open minded...
Never feel pressured about anything.
You mean like a man not feeling pressure to give his woman mind blowing orgasms?
Or feeling pressure to not cum before she does?
Kinda like that?
Ya, you're right. Only concern yourself with your own comfort.
Gotcha...
Don't do it just cause you think you might lose him. If you do, then that's on you and he's a selfish SOB and I would tell him don't let the door hit him on the azz on the way out.
You say it like the pursuit of sexual gratification is something to be scorned. Which it isn't.
I doubt that you'd be happy with a lover that doesn't fufill all your wants, needs and desires, either.
There ain't a big enough d1ck to hypnotize me to muff dive.
But we're not talking about you. There are plenty of women who have very bi tendencies, and actually express desire for other women, without even being provoked.
If he brings it up again, stop whatever you're doing, look him straight in the eye, and with a "voice of authority", say "NO. I've already told you before, and don't ask for that again." Then KEEP EYE CONTACT until he understands that you're SERIOUS.
Your solution is intimidation? Is that something you're prone too?
The OP is obviously waaaaay more level headed than that, and can function at a much more adult level on the topic. She deserves the utmost credit for that, whichever way she decides to go.
Never do anything you are not comfortable with just to please someone else.
Why not?
What about your own needs? Don't they matter? Of course they do. If you are uncomfortable, just say no.
Her sexual "needs" are a different topic. She hasn't divulged whether or not her sexual "needs" are all being met, or not in this relationship.
The thing is that today we live in a sexualized society, and people are more educated and independent, and a lot more pushy for whatever they want.
You're right. Both men and women are less inhibited in communicating their wants, needs, and desires. It allows people to filter out those that they are sexually incompatible with.
That's a good thing. Not a bad thing.
It's comforting to hear your consensous that he shouldn't pursue it enough for this to become a dealbreaker, and that he should respect my boundaries, since there can be a lot of fun and enjoyment just being the two of us (and there is!).
Ultimately, it's not for you to decide what he should be satisfied with, or not.
At the end of the day, he's got a woman twenty something years younger than him doting on him, I suppose he should be grateful for that
He should be grateful?
Are you a charity?
Are you with him for pity?
If he got one woman 20 yrs younger, he can get another.
To answer your question though, it sounds like you've been more than polite about your desire to not be in a threesome. If your question is how do you get to not fulfill his desire for one, and not disappoint him enough to find someone else who can, is not one we can answer.
Only he can. | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:11:30 AM |
I couldn't disagree more.
Some of the best experiences I've had, have been when women have agreed to cross very firm boundaries.
Never is a very long time....
In my experience, many women are very eager to be with someone who can bring out the adventurous side to them. .
Right, but as the OP stated, she has no interests in what her bf wants to do. This isn't about what your experiences have been at manipulation. So your experiences have nothing to do with this conversation. Doesn't matter what you got women to do for you....the OP says she doesn't want to do something. Why is that such a horrible thing? Maybe you watch too much porn and that is your gauge on what every woman has to do or act like. Cause when was the last time in porn a woman said no?
You mean like a man not feeling pressure to give his woman mind blowing orgasms?
Or feeling pressure to not cum before she does?
Kinda like that?
Ya, you're right. Only concern yourself with your own comfort.
Gotcha...
Let's stay on topic...it's not whether he's giving her mind blowing orgasms, AGAIN it's about him wanting her to do something she doesn't want to do. And "only concern yourself with your own comfort";...you're right her bf really seems concerned with her comfort since he is ignoring her answer of NO by bringing it up again. . I guess in your world No means maybe or yes??? So gotcha back atcha.
There's nothing wrong with being challenged to be more open minded...
Of course there isn't. But it helps when all parties involved are agreeable or continue to bring up a subject where she already said no to.
You say it like the pursuit of sexual gratification is something to be scorned. Which it isn't.
I doubt that you'd be happy with a lover that doesn't fufill all your wants, needs and desires, either.
Has nothing to do with the 'sexual gratification is something to be scorned'. AGAIN her bf is trying to coerce her into doing something she is not comfortable with. He has brought it up more than once.
Being happy with a lover that doesn't fulfill my sexual needs...If I'm not compatible and agreeable with the person, then why would I or the other person stick around? Should I do something I'm not interested in at all? Some people are into scat play (NOT ME but to each their own)...should I get involved with someone like that and do it just to please them, or should I tell them I'm not into it and good luck to them and find someone who will make them happy or is an all or nothing thing and demand the person eat your crap just to make you happy? Hey it's fulfilling their needs, right? and I should do it anyway to please them. 
Why not?.
AGAIN So she should do something she doesn't want to do...that she has no interest in...that she has no desire to do...my question back at you then is "why? | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:00:21 PM |
I couldn't disagree more.
Some of the best experiences I've had, have been when women have agreed to cross very firm boundaries.
Sure, some of the best experiences YOU had. Did you ever think of the repercussions or is the experiences of your little head far more important? It seems the latter....
In my experience, many women are very eager to be with someone who can bring out the adventurous side to them.
Bringing out 'adventurous side' is one thing - trying to convince your average straight female to share her man with another woman is on the other end of the spectrum. How do you expect to win this argument? Let me guess, once YOU had the experience at the expense of your partner, regardless of her feelings, mission accomplished right? <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
There's nothing wrong with being challenged to be more open minded...
Everyone has an emotional threshold beyond which you enter unknown territory. Tread wisely.
Ya, you're right. Only concern yourself with your own comfort.
Right. I have a severe doubt that YOU would cross your own boundaries to please your woman. What if her fantasy was to see her MAN play with ANOTHER MAN? I have heard of this. I bet that would make you pretty uncomfortable wouldn't it?
There are plenty of women who have very bi tendencies, and actually express desire for other women, without even being provoked.
So why are you forcing such tendencies down the throat of an unwilling participant for the sake of your own gratification? Is that not selfish on your part? Oh yeah, sorry. Your the only person who's feelings mattered.
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:18:10 PM | | notice how all the american women are saying do whats rite for you, what ever happened to making an effort to please your SO,me i would do anything to please my woman, and i would hope she would treat me the same | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:21:52 PM | what ever happened to making an effort to please your SO,me i would do anything to please my woman, and i would hope she would treat me the same
And what happened to allowing an individual to keep their sense of morality, of justice, of sexual inhibitions and boundaries intact?
You f-u-c-k with a person's emotional framework and they usually end up doing things they regret later, big time. Fair warning, they may not even forgive you for it.
And then it dawns on me why alot of men on this website are still single.... | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:26:56 PM | Why are you worried about disapointing him?
He has already told you what he wants, twice infact. So my guess is he wont wait to "convince you" he will begin to look for someone else to fulfill his fantasy. Now take note of this... You mentioned you don't want to share your man, but your man wants to share you! Are you willing to settle for that? Because thats what he wants! He wants "more than just you"!
So his thoughts of you and sex with only you... has already been replaced with another woman. He is not the least bit concerned of loosing you because you give to much to him already and he knows that. If he was worried about offending you or making you uncomfortable, he would have accepted your first "no thankyou". You know why he asked you again? Because he knows he can barter with you. He knows you will be around for him no matter what.
My suggestion is this... A man intuitively senses whether sexuality comes from a place of security or from a place of neediness. He knows when a woman is having sex to appease him...In the long run, he will end up with the woman that "doesnt" play by all the rules as you do.
It is with your behavior, not your words, that let him know where you stand. Id say walk away with your dignity and leave him to find his.
Wild | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:58:35 PM |
notice how all the american women are saying do whats rite for you, what ever happened to making an effort to please your SO,me i would do anything to please my woman, and i would hope she would treat me the same
What a load of nonsense...
No... you wouldn't do ANYTHING.... Anything is a big word....
Would you do Heroin to please her...?
Would you have sex with a guy to please her....?
Would you kill for her....?
Would you have sex with an animal for her?
See what I mean?, everyone has their limits....
If you think that changing someone's entire moral outlook just for a fcuk is ok, then there is something seriously wrong.... | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 4:02:08 PM |
And what happened to allowing an individual to keep their sense of morality, of justice, of sexual inhibitions and boundaries intact?
They don't care because in the long run they will dump the person and move on... and leave them to pick up the pieces.....
You f-u-c-k with a person's emotional framework and they usually end up doing things they regret later, big time. Fair warning, they may not even forgive you for it.
As I said earlier, my G/F hates her Ex with a passion... I could easily see her killing her Ex if she had had the opportunity....
And then it dawns on me why alot of men on this website are still single....
Yeah, it's pretty obvious isn't it.....? | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 4:42:29 PM | ^^^Actually, M church...I do believe Ice-ey9 was agreeing with you, I think you just misconstrued his posts...he was quoting another poster and disagreeing with them. 
Which I will merrily do too. Verity....c'mon....considering the O-Post, I could completely dissect your post as well, pointing out the same as an earlier poster did, that the O-poster already HAS stated her boundaries to her partner....she's only asking, is there a way to reiterate this and salvage the relationship at this point, or should she just move on. IMO, from the sounds of it? If it's something her partner truly desires as a personal fantasy? Hmm..well, if it was a "'maybe" fantasy, I'd say possibly. If he's hell-bent on having a threesome, and the OP has already clearly stated, she's not interested? Then....I'd agree, they probably aren't compatible in the long run. If it's truly a hell-bent fantasy of his, OP? Then yeah, I'd agree with the earlier posters...he'll do it with or without you.
If it's not? Then, yep, OP, if this is something you truly aren't interested in, no way, no how, no shape or form? Then yes....sometimes, boundaries do have to be set, in any or every relationship, IMO. Not necessarily in just a sexual manner, but if this is the "drawn line" for you, OP? Then who are any of us to tell you different. We all have our different drawn lines in the sand, after all.
Good luck to you!
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 5:04:03 PM |
^^^Actually, M church...I do believe Ice-ey9 was agreeing with you, I think you just misconstrued his posts...he was quoting another poster and disagreeing with them.
Misconstruing must roll downhill....
I too was agreeing with Ice-ey9
LOL | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 6:09:10 PM |
It's comforting to hear your consensous that he shouldn't pursue it enough for this to become a dealbreaker, and that he should respect my boundaries, since there can be a lot of fun and enjoyment just being the two of us (and there is!)
Oh hun, never kid yourself, this can be a deal breaker, which if it were, that would be his choosing, and just because you are 20 yrs younger doesn't mean there aren't hot 40 somethings that will do his bidding...
My point, don't take comfort in knowing there are women who wouldn't do something they didn't want to, thus we are valued by our man for it, but rather we match up with men who will love us and are more of a sexual match for us...
If this guy is in an experiment phase it can be you, or not, if he wants what he wants, he can and will get it, with or without your help...
You are stating you aren't into it, but have done things that you haven't done with others... If you are comfortable with that good, but make sure you stop where you aren't, and be willing to understand that these things CAN still be a deal breaker, even if it is behind your back...
Just saying... | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 6:19:57 PM | notice how all the american women are saying do whats rite for you, what ever happened to making an effort to please your SO Well here's an Australian woman saying exactly the same thing..
me i would do anything to please my woman, and i would hope she would treat me the same So..(presuming you are a straight man) you would have sex with a man? Give him a BJ and let him do you up the ass even if it disgusts you, because it would make you partner happy? You would sit by and watch your partner be gangbanged and be happy with it because it was a fantasty of hers? REALLY?????
There are many things I would do to please my SO but sharing him sexually isn't one of them! The OP has gone out of her comfort zone several times already to please her man. Tell me OP, if you decide to go through with it, do you think he will be happy doing it just once? Expect it to become a constant part of your sex life. Ask him if he is willing to suck some guys c*ck and get fvked up the ass by him, because that is the equivilant of what he is asking you to do. By trying to push you into something you don't want to do he is not respecting your boundaries.
I would be asking him if it is something that is really REALLY important to him, because if it is i'd reckon he is going to do it anyway, with or without your consent or knowledge. It seems he is not happy with only one woman in his life. Can YOU live with that?? | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 6:45:46 PM | pitufina 77, You've already allowed him to do things... in his mind, it's only a matter of time. As you wrote - "he is fully aware of that". And he's already got more from you than others did! Think about it.
While you worry and post about being polite, he's wearing away at your resolve.
From the front and the back-side! <img
Consider the saying: If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck... Heck, he's already got you walking like a duck, doesn't he...?
I'd wager it'll take about 6 months and just a few drinks.
If You Stay in the Barbershop Long Enough, You're Bound to Get Your Hair Cut ...
You stay with this fellow, and you will be his and hers.
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 6:57:31 PM | | OP, your relationship is over... he's not going to give up on this fantasy. Don't let him "guilt" or pressure you into doing the threesome. Just move on... he's not the guy for you. | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:03:17 PM |
...I would do anything to please my woman...
Oh that's just great , want_to_travel!!!!! Now your woman can tell you her fantasy, which is seeing you bound and gagged, and anally penetrated by 10-15 ex-convicts! Yay! | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/26/2009 9:24:46 PM | Pitufina,
He obviously makes you feel great in bed. BUT don't worry he isn't the only man in the world that can rock yours. GOT IT ! We let our minds play tricks on us for the moment that we are in and we dont want to stop the EXCITEMENT and the ENDORPHINES that all of the sex gives us. BUT.................. I do agree that you are setting yourself up by not speaking up.
If you want to do it.......then do it. If you don't and you tell him no and he keeps pushing then I would suggest going on a business trip for a couple days (not literal) but separate yourself from him and clear your head for a few days. Don't make contact with him so that you can get focused on what YOU WANT. After all, you are not married to him right ?
Good luck . | |
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| How do I get (politely) out of a threesome
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:06:43 AM |
we got together more as two lonely people who are comfortable with each other and are meeting each other's needs, rather than a sense of fairy tale and from here to the end of the world.
By your own description you’re in a FWB situation. As such it is based on the sexual aspects of the relationship more so than YOUR personal boundaries. In loving relationships experimentation exists only when it is desirable to both. There is no cajoling or coaxing the other into anything.
I would not be comfortable with someone trying to talk me into a situation I have already made my feelings clear on. He sounds like he does not really care that much about what you want. It’s all about him.
At the end of the day, he's got a woman twenty something years younger than him doting on him, I suppose he should be grateful for that and make the most of it!!
Guess he feels much like you do……..except…….you should be grateful to be with him…….therefore willing to do all his sexual bidding.
Not much of anything to save here; so to do or not to do, not a big deal either way. | |
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