| |
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:20:45 AM |
eyeofthecamera- are you saying you pretty much got dumped by women because you could cook better than they could? Gosh, I feel so sorry for you. Why aren't there more men like you around where I live? :(
Yeap. The relationship that ended was primarily because she couldn't boil water and got upset that I could cook as a man. Sew my own buttons, kept the place clean, she hated all of that. Amazing how many people get so psychologically dependent on defined roles. So these days I rarely admit that I can bake or sew etc.
Four seperate women I used to date were the same way. Two thought a man should not know how to do such things.
Out of curiosity, eyeofthecamera, if we were to talk to some of those women you describe, how do you think they'd describe you?
Don't know you would have to ask them. Oddly though they are amongst the few ex's that I never have contact with anymore, so their comments would probably not be good.
I personally think my being able to do womenly things amplified their insecurity. Three of them were very attractive women as was my ex, and if there is one thing I have noticed about attractive women is that some feel they need have no other life skills then being pretty. When they think that is not a bargaining chip they sudden get sullen and fearful. Symptom of modern society I guess. The fourth was a woman's liber who just had a chip against all things male it turned out (didn't know that when I first met her) -- so I dont think that really counts.
As a general rule though I dont reveal I can cook anymore. Not unless I am sure they are not insulted by it. Even then I think there is some animosity when you are dealing with women who see happy homemaking as part of their identity.
 | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:48:10 AM |
Sew my own buttons, kept the place clean, she hated all of that. Amazing how many people get so psychologically dependent on defined roles. So these days I rarely admit that I can bake or sew etc.
Hey! You tell women that you like to cook! That way you will find a true match for you. Isn't that what you would like? Someone who adores the fact that you can cook?
I am the original Martha Stewart type domestic goddess and was for over 20 years!
I can cook like a chef and sew like a tailor ( I have done weddings, grads and home decor for myself and many others), I can garden and process like a producer, and keep a beautiful home.
I was married to someone who valued that about me and he didn't lift a finger to assist.
When, I was with my 1st boyfriend, I had a hard time adjusting to the fact that he wanted to cook for me sometimes and could do it well.
Then I learned to appreciate it.
Now I am with someone else and he likes cooking, too. I love it that he loves cooking. It frees me up to do things that I want to do. But, I also like to cook for him, too.
I think he is getting to enjoy that too much now. 
There is NOTHING wussy about a man in the kitchen. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:10:13 AM |
Old school.
New school.
What you are asking for is equality..
Nothing to do with cooking. It's the understanding that two people work, two people live together and so two people, should participate and help each other out as an equal.
Take that into the bedroom as well, most important lol...
I wouldn't expect 50/50 nor would I make a list of what your doing and what he's going to do..
 My sentiments exactly. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:28:14 AM | eyeofthecamera were you dating older women? I am older than you are and I didn't grow up with the notion that only women cooked, that it was women's thing. When I met my ex and he was living on the chicken soup and rice, I was shocked that necessity didn't make him want to learn how to cook more. I can't imagine how just cooking could cause a relationship break down. I know it didn't in my marriage, it was just one of the many symptoms of his illness.
I have only been married once and it was all one sided. Sharing is not something I am accustomed too. If it weren't for the forums, I don't know that I would have known that there is so much sharing. When my eyes are opened to something new, such as my fiance's cooking, I do blink in amazement. I am enjoying my ride/life and it seems it is getting better. I have so much to look forward to.
It seems that most women dig men that can cook and we all should look for someone that shares with us and makes us happy. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:25:07 AM |
It seems that most women dig men that can cook Perhaps, maybe not; but it's clear that a guy's cooking skills has NOTHING really to do with the probability of relationship success. Plenty of men who cook well are asshats.
Granted it's nice if chores can be reciprocated. Reciprocation in general is something that I seek and value in relationships--but chores are just one form of reciprocation, and cooking is just one form of a chore. To me, cooking is a subset of a subset--so just looking at one's cooking skills as a definitive relationship quality seems a bit foolhardy. It falls into the "nice to have" list, certainly not a prerequisite/requirement; at best it's a preference. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:04:06 AM | While finding a guy that cooks would be nice, I haven't really run into that guy. I've run into the guy that occasionally cooks (the same thing most of the time) and expects a great big pat on the back while leaving you to clean the mess he made. That wouldn't be so bad, but to make burritos he had to dirty every dish in the house???
While I think a real cook would be nice, I'd be happier with a guy that picks up after himself and does dishes more than once a year. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:14:23 AM | Plenty of men who cook well are asshats. Some women have said that to be the case, but most have not. Most have said that it is nice to be able to share.
I am guessing you can't cook and don't want to. Saying plenty of men who cook well are...seems like you should have evidence of that, a study or at least be someone that has dated men. I only have met my fiance that cooks.
As my fiance's cooking has been at his place, I really haven't helped. I have asked if he needed any. I have also asked to help with the clean up. But have been refused. He knows where his things go, so I guess it is easier for him. When we are married, it will be our kitchen, our things, our where what goes etc. As he has a room mate now, I don't even know what all belongs to him except what I have bought him, corning place settings, glasses, flat ware, plates, bowls, yeah, the works. They didn't have a matching set.
I really think that the comments about sharing everything are right on. But as cooking isn't just a chore, it really seems like it will be a fun filled adventure for us. I don't know that he bakes, so I am thinking that I will be introducing him to the world of fat free desserts. He can teach me and I can teach him. I don't see myself ever making spaghetti sauce from scratch like he did, but hey, he can do it, I don't have to.
EDIT: Good point Michaelann. What they cook is important. Who cares if they can cook great for what they enjoy if you don't. I am a meatatarian, so I need my meat. I do few veggies. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:22:17 AM | I suppose in couples that both work full-time, it would be terrific. I have always been a housewife, so it's outside my realm of experience. The thing that always
amuses me is the guys who brag "I can cook!", when their repertoire consists of hotdogs & Kraft dinner.
ROFLMFAO!!
My ex boyfriend can cook, but I can't stand vegetarian food & our tastes in compatible dishes are pretty different. Being able to cook together, is nice, though. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:35:09 AM | | Personally, I think it's important for both people in a relationship to know how to cook. Going out to eat often isn't an option. And I have no intentions of being the one who is always cooking. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:09:20 PM | Is it better for the relationship? depends on the two parties involved in the relationship really. Some women might think men have no place in the kitchen, some women might love the gesture. Personally, I don't think whoever cooks should be determined by ones gender. I don't think women should be expected to cook any more than men should be expected to pay for everything but, to be honest, there are a lot of convenient alternatives to home cooking as well, so it really wouldn't be the end of the world for me if neither of us cooked anyway.
I have no issues with cooking or doing dishes myself but it's not something that like doing for myself either, not that I can't do it(it's really not rocket science) but I just don't care enough about what I eat or how much it costs to spend time on cooking for myself. The only thing that does motivate me to cook is if I had to do it for someone else; although, I also think that cooking(and cleaning up afterwards) is something that I would enjoy doing as a couple(At the very least, it can be a good learning experience and a very good bonding experience). | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:36:54 PM | Well in my case it didnt make a difference what i cooked,or did for my ex,it was never good enough.I have had some very good revues on my cooking in the past and since so?
I would like to think though that a man who cooks is an asset. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:47:42 PM | I am guessing you can't cook and don't want to. Saying plenty of men who cook well are...seems like you should have evidence of that, a study or at least be someone that has dated men. Read my Msg57. I stated that I am an adequate cook, and I can prepare a few tasty specialties.
Oh, you don't need a study nor do I need to date men to understand that men who cook well can be asshats. Picture a two way table. Man can cook well or not. Man is asshat or not. There are four boxes. Asshat/cook is one of the four boxes. Assign probabilities to each of the four boxes. I'd assume it's a 50-50 thing for both behaviors unless I had information to the contrary.
You actually need the evidence if you want to disprove a null hypothesis. That burden of proof is your onus as the thread presenter, not mine. That's as crazy as the stuff I read in the "should I date a Gemini man" thread. Women categorically stating "no way; every Gemini I dated was an asshat". One shouldn't make blanket statements about behaviorial traits based upon one's limited dating experiences. You need to date a sample of at least 20-25 guys to have a valid statistical sample--not just one or two.
When I say "Plenty" in this sense, I mean "enough" so that you wouldn't naturally assume that a dude who cooks well is a great guy. It's entirely possible, but I wouldn't just assume it.
Most have said that it is nice to be able to share. Sure it's nice to share cooking duties; I've dated women who didn't know how to open a can or put a frozen pizza in an oven--geez this one particular woman was a handful, always ordering out or having to eat in restaurants.
I don't see myself ever making spaghetti sauce from scratch like he did, but hey, he can do it, I don't have to. Geez, that's a piece of cake!
I would like to think though that a man who cooks is an asset. Bingo; it's on the "bonus nice-to-have" intangible list. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:10:14 PM | So I get it, since you are
<div class="quote"> an adequate cook,
And not a
<div class="quote">men who cook well
You have just slid under the bar of being an @sshat yourself. Sounds like asshat thinking to me.
So do you refuse to learn any more dish's to avoid becoming an asshat yourself?
You know, gotta stay "adequate" because doing it well would make you an asshat too...
If you like to see a man in the kitchen then yes it is better for your relationship.
If you can appreciate his efforts then yes it's better for your relationship.
If you like him cooking just because you don't have to, then no. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:42:41 PM | I usually don't do well with men who cook.
1. Most of them feel if they cook, I should clean the kitchen, and I truly hate cleaning up someone else's mess.
2. I am old enough to know what I like and how I like it. I don't need a guy to tell me "Just try it. You'll love it." No, I won't.
3. Most men who cook well don't enjoy going out to dine. Even when you can get them to a restaurant, it isn't much fun because they become food critics.
4. And finally, most men I know who cook, keep score. They cooked for me, so I should do such and such for them. Oh I don't mean they actually say it out loud, but they certainly imply it. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:58:14 PM |
So if you are in a relationship or have been and you are a woman, have you had a better relationship because your SO cooked, or if you are a man do you think your cooking helped your relationship?
Marriage One: Man, could he cook!!!! However, he was hopeless at everything else.
Marriage Two: He could manage opeing a can of beans if he had too. Nice man though.
Better relationship on the first over the second. Nope.
Now...there is excellent take out at the Chinese store in town. Great Hot and Spicy Soup. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 2:32:21 PM | Over here we have knowing one's way around a kitchen, and over here we have whatever it takes to work a relationship. Fondue doesn't always mean fond of you. :)
I am puzzled. Either someone is trying to find a butler, or doesn't understand relationships. ;)
Of course, it's better to find a man who is willing to cook (as opposed to a man who knows how to cook), or a man who is willing to pick up after himself, or fix things around the house, or give a good foot massage after you come home for a long day at work. Whatever it takes to make you happy.  | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 3:38:23 PM | Sure it's nice to share cooking duties; I've dated women who didn't know how to open a can or put a frozen pizza in an oven--geez this one particular woman was a handful, always ordering out or having to eat in restaurants. So you didn't cook for her? Wouldn't that have relieved your obvious stress ie handful usually indicates that you did not appreciate how she acted?
The OP, as with most threads, is a question. Questions don't require proof; however, answers do. As I have stated, the man I married could not cook and was a D^ck, oops, not suppose to use names on here... so in my experience 100% of the men that can't cook are jerks and so it seems that 100% of men that can aren't. As far as a survey goes, that really is the jist of this thread, are relationships with men that cook less stressful. Which can be taken that a man that can't cook causes more stress or stress to a relationship because he doesn't assist, help out, share, etc.
Ahhh, not willing to cook as much as wants to imo, I willingly cooked for my ex, but think I want to cook for and with my fiance. And begrudgingly did everything else while married, well almost everything else. I still don't know if I could let my fiance do laundry. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 3:58:12 PM | In general, the more "skills" a partner has the more they have to offer and the more likely they are to match up with what someone else is looking for.
If I like food, a guy who cooks is great....on the other hand, if I love takeout food, it won't be any advantage at all. It's all about upping your odds...so yeah - bring on the Renaissance men! | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:54:08 PM | | I am sure some men know how to work on cars, but they seem far and few between any more. Cooking isn't a trade off for car repairs any more. Most times they have to run computer checks on the car. Heck, I even take my car in for tire changes, rotations and balancing. My oil is changed in a shop. About the only thing I ever do is check the oil, water, and tire pressure. You really need to take it in to the shop to do most other things. So perhaps learning a skill such as cooking is good for men that can't work on cars, plumbing, electrical work, etc. At least I don't seem to meet any men capable of doing those things any more. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:15:18 PM | | Jesus ****ing Christ. Every ****ing innocuous silly post on here becomes a heated battle of the sexes. Filled with rage and bitterness. And yet another chance to heap scorn on the opposite sex (of whatever gender of degree of gender you choose.) Yeah, I don't cook. I can, any moron can follow a recipe. I don't enjoy cooking so I don't. Big ****ing deal. It doesn't make me any more or less of a woman nor does fixing or not fixing cars make a man any more or less of a man. But let's write a bunch of crap and insults just in case everyone else hasn't had a shitty day, maybe there's someone out there who had a great day and let's try our best to ruin what's left of it. | |
|
| Are men that cook better for a relationship?
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:55:02 PM | ^^^Pink--why so blue? Don't worry, be happy.  Seriously, though, I'm not reading a lot of bashing in this thread. If someone said something to you out of line, just spit in their tea and move on.  They aren't worth more negative engergy than that.
I was in a long term, living together relationship with a man who cooked. He had some very nice specialities, and he cleaned up to....or we shared the cleaning up. In fact, he inspired me to cook, to delve deep into the recesses of my creative self and cook like I never have before or since. However, he was not the best guy at relationships. So, cooking had nothing to do with being better at relationships. Sharing life's chores and responsibilities and joys, being able to give and recieve love, those are what make anyone good at relationships. | |
|
Home
login 
