| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 1:59:53 AM |
One night I wake up to this guy who didn't even have to break into the house standing over me, breathing heavy, waiting for my eyes to open so I can witness him thrust the knife into my chest.
so hes suddenly gone from being a father who sees his child after school and waits for the childs mother to come home from work, maybe to tell her about whats gone on at school and what the child needs for the next day/homework etc.. to being a knife weilding madman, just waiting for an opportunity to plunge a blade into the chest of the new fella...
i think you should watch less tv and take a step back into reality here...
maybe he did think that at first they would get back together, and maybe he didnt want the relationship to get to this stage, but that doesnt automatically make him some crazed loony with murderous tendancies.... | |
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| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 3:09:56 AM | Your girlfriend and her ex have had a relationship for possibly 10 years if they have a school age child. They do have an established relationship which revolves around making life more comfortable for each other in relationship to their child. Don't get jealous about him having a key. You need to communicate with her about what you need in order to feel comfortable with the relationship proceeding. I can see your point of view, but will you be picking up the slack once youve asked your girlfriend to change her arrangement to accommodate your feelings? Or, will it just be a greater burden on her. Maybe she's covering for his inadequacies as a parent because she loves her daughter so much.
If the ex wants to get back together, and he still has his key in the door, beware. Perhaps nothing is going on, but perhaps she is testing how far she can go into sexual tryst with you without letting go of his loving support. What you've described is not uncommon, and many ex's still care for each other as family especially when kids are involved. 5 months is too soon to know, but maybe someday, you could ask her to live with you, to relieve some of the expenses of the two of you having separate places. | |
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| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 5:08:23 AM |
maybe he did think that at first they would get back together, and maybe he didnt want the relationship to get to this stage, but that doesnt automatically make him some crazed loony with murderous tendancies....
Of course it doesn't. What makes him some crazed loony with murderous tendencies is a snap. He's exhibitted signs of stalking based on what the OP has said. All it takes is for one little thing to put him over the edge, and what's going to stop him? A deadbolt? Nope. He's got a key.
I'm fine with people living their lives the way they want. If they don't see a problem with trusting just anybody, then by all means, go ahead. But I've survived this long by trusting my gut instinct. I get the impression the OP is getting some bad vibes. If he's getting those vibes about the dude, I'm guessing they're justified in some way or another. I would never recommend to him to ignore those gut instincts on the premise of, "Hey! They're fine with it, you should be too." Those vibes have gotten me out of house parties when bad people showed up... finding out the next morning that someone got stabbed or beat up by these guys that had showed up who were just having a good time. Naïvity is just not my bag. When I get a sense that something bad is going to happen, it usually does, so I get as far away from it as I can when I can. | |
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| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 5:15:52 AM | I would never put up with this. You need to talk about it and get it ironed out. Does the ex have his own house? Can't he pick the kids up and bring them to his place? This is just insanity, emotional chaos, and a control issue for the ex.
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| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 5:24:49 AM | Nosuchpart said
If you NEVER arrive unannounced and your EX always knows when you're coming over so she can let you in, why do you need the keys to the house - that you no longer own? Do you have keys to her car too? Does she have access to YOUR house?
I never said that I never arrive unannounced so that she can let me in. I usually collect the children after school and take them to my EX's house (which is in the town that my children go to school, etc. But that is after a phone conversation with her so that she knows my intentions.
My name is on the mortgage so I'd say since I'm partially responsible for the loan, I still own the house but we're getting into semantics there. It's her house for all intents and purposes. I have the keys for simplicity sakes.
I do not require keys to her car, I don't understand where you're headed with this question. She doesn't need keys to my house, I pick up and drop off my children 100% of the time. And if she were dropping off my childen, I'd be home.
I guess you're stance is that I shouldn't have keys to my EX's house from the tone of your post. Maybe you can elaborate on your reasoning.
G | |
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| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 4:44:19 PM | I think the real issue with the OP, and I would feel the same, is "my space"....
He has witnessed, their photos turned over, after the ex has been there.
He has witnessed, the little letter magnets on the fridge that he spells out his love or cheakiness to his lady, been moved so they spell nothing....after the ex has been there.
I would feel un-comfortable, and I would feel it's an invasion of my space.....
However, as she's not into the ex at all, never will be, just try to see the humor of it somehow that being, smile in the knowing that he obviously is hurting, feels re-jected, and even if he really doesn't want to go back with her, it's hard for him to take.
That being said, your lady should now actually see this in a different light and understand that it's not good emotionally for either of you and start to view different patterns and arrangements.
Because both of you (guys) are upset over the invasion to you and the new man in her life to him.
I remember reading a true crime story, where the girl didn't realise there was an issue and allowed the ex to still live in her home, with the new boyfriend. The ex, ended up murdering the new boyfriend because he couldn't handle it, yet all the while she thought they were okay...
When there is a problem, solve it.
Before it's too late. | |
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| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:53:30 PM | Sounds like the ex couple has a system that works for them. the whole idea is to make the kid feel comfortable. This means "playing" the idea that "daddy" might be moving back home" until the child is old enough to accept the fact that it isn't going to happen. Children often reject the parent who is forced to leave.
Perhaps their child is at that point.
Perhaps "daddy" actually OWNS the house...and has a perfect right to have a key...though perhaps not to use it.
Who knows?
If the OP is nervous about it, put a lock on the inside of the bedroom door and use it.
Otherwise...leave. | |
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| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:59:37 PM | | She needs to establish boundaries....plain and simple.....I used to be just like her.......never wanted to make waves and wanted everyone to like me.....well thats not reality.....you are absolutley right.........he needs to take their daughter to his house.......provide toys, clothes etc for her there......and she needs to change the locks....yes they need to communicate because of their child but this is crossing all kinds of crazy lines.good luck to you. | |
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| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:05:15 PM | You are worrying over nothing. He is the child's father and he sounds like a good one.
It's not like they are doing the horizontal boogie every day.
And what exactly are you to this lady? Her fiance? Are you moving in with her?
No? Then chill out. | |
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| The ex still has a key and sits in the house
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:30:01 PM | Ok, been with my GF for 5 months and it's going really well.
Texter - Maybe you will be the reason that she changes this entire scenario.
If she has been a single mother and has not had to pay for after school care then it has been a matter of convenience. I would give her that benefit of the doubt.
As a single mother in a similar situation I allowed my daughter to create a "box" of some of her toys, books etc. to keep at her Dad's. Your GF may already have this in the works. She may not be putting all of her cards on the table with you yet as to future plans. Give her some time to adjust the situation. But I would give her til the 6mo mark.
It seems that you are beginning to care for her ... make sure you truly care for her and that you are not just being territorial because of the X presence.
I am just saying.....................sometimes we do these things subconsciously just because of how we are made up.
I wish you luck and isn't it wonderful that after you meet someone that you feel comfortable to log back on to see old friends and ask for opinions.  Headbanger Wednesday Lol
Turtledove | |
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