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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 11/9/2009 2:59:51 AM | I'm definitely onboard with much of the logic here... I'm 33 & single, so what does that say about me? ....and now that you may/may not have formulated your very own expert opinion - let me tell you why I'm single. I was involuntarily released (aka = dumped) from a 14 year relationship about 3 years ago now. I took a solid year to mend myself and got ready for the daunting world of dating, then it all began. LOL So effectively, I've been dating for roughly two years now. And in that time, I've had my share of yes's & no's. I've been the dumper and the dumpee quite a few times, but I remain optimistic and... most importantly... realistic about things. I've never been one for hasty decisions, posturing & image. Nor do I believe in "settling" for anything. That's not to say I'm unyielding or without compromise, just so long as long as I remain true to myself first & foremost. I think that if you plan to make an honest go at a long-term relationship with anyone at all... it certainly pays to take your time, and to be completely realistic, honest, and communicative with yourself and the other person. I have too many friends who've "settled" with a partner, just because it looked good to family, friends, and society in general to be "happily married". Well guess what... two of three have divorced, and the other is in process now - all have children & assets to split with someone they don't know anymore, and aren't in-love with. So now I've got friends in the mid to late thirties range who are single for reasons that I believe stem back to their decision making processes back when they were only dating their now ex's. I believe that if they'd have been more honest with themselves about a few things, and cared a little less about what their church/friends/and neighbors think, rather than being seduced by the romanticized views of "love & marriage"... they may still be married! Anyway... all that to say that I'm single, as many others might be, because we got dumped for another man after 25 years because the grass was greener. Or perhaps we married someone we never really wanted to marry, we just "did the right thing" because we got a casual hook-up pregnant. Or maybe it's been the pursuit of school, dreams, or money that's taken center stage in our life up to this point? who knows really? But it's pretty crass to assume that a man (or woman) is "damaged goods" just because they don't fit the status quo. It's frightening to me that there are women out there (this is another close friend of mine) who are just looking for a great provider, they don't really give a rip about the rest of the package as long as the money is flowing and the sex is good. So... I'm single because the one person I thought was my "forever", had a change of heart. Now I'm taking my time and doing my best to choose wisely. I don't give a rip how it looks or sounds to the masses. I'd rather be single until 50 than divorced at 33 and ridden with guilt over what my choices have done - especially when my 7 year old daughter now asks why I don't love mommy anymore (as my best friends recently did with him). It's a shameful practice to assume that anyone is damaged simply because they haven't been married with 2.5 children and a home by the time they're 30, 40, or even 50! Just my two cents on the matter anyway.  | |
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