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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 5:34:09 AM |
Also, you're assuming that he's never been in a long term relationship - where did you get that from? Just because someone is single, at any age, does not mean they've never had a relationship it just means they're not in one at the moment.
Why not just ask him?
Dear OP
Have you ever been in a LTR?
How long was your longest LTR?
How many (according to you) LTR's have you had?
What constitutes an LTR to you?
Where these women you had the LTR's with older than you? Younger than you? Or your age?
And why don't you have children?
Sterile, Vasectomy, or made the women get abortions?
Or maybe you're a virgin?
Believe it or not, that is possible.
Now I did not say that not having children is a bad thing - but I' wondering if you purposely prevented them or if you just never got the chance to have them?
I have heard of men who get vasectomies to prevent any and all children permanently.
Reason may vary, but there is usually a reason why a man doesn't ever want to reproduce. I wonder if this is your case and why?
Maybe I'm getting all too personal here - but if could really answer that would be great. It would help us understand where you are coming from and your current plight.
Please note that your answer will be dissected, analyzed, and held against you for all possible lies and inconsistencies in answers.
lol, I'm kidding  
No really. I'm not.   | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:39:10 AM | Re msg 26
This is absurd.
Reminds me of a movie scene.
*** German guard stops older man at train station** and says*** Show me your
papers man, show me your papers**
This man has a right to date any age or type of woman he chooses.It"s level of success is his problem and not your business.
Given the type of replies to his posts that I have seen, he has asked a valid question.
Hawk | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 11:23:01 AM | Almost 60 and no kids and never been married?
I thinks he's been married 7 times , several of his wife had "accidental death" he has 10 nkids he's never taken care of!!!! It sounds much better to say never married and no kids!!!! | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 1:38:24 PM | Relationships are all about being able to compromise.
These are skills learned by having relationships.
If you've been single for most/all of your life... it'd be kind of like dating a teenager.
At my age, I want someone with experience. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 4:02:31 PM | Its true, women want damaged failed goods more than independant never been tamed.
I changed the profile to show divorced (come on who hasnt fiddle faddled with the thing to see what makes people tick) The uptick in emails was absolutely telling.
Women would rather be with and chase after someone that has been proven to have a failed relationship (ie divorced, separated) than an 'untested' commodity. Its a shallow pond, at some point you gotta walk away from the puddle. Go find your bliss in the real world, you know the place away from the computer where it is not so easy to judge people by your own little coddled stereotypes.
If you do what everybody else has always done, dont be surprised when you meet the same results they did. (50 % divorce rate, I like my odds in the lottery better) | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 5:01:09 PM | cfb62,
I'm 47 and I'm not looking for a 60 year old!
But you're looking for a 55 year old... and the guy is 57. Two year difference.
Not getting married before you're 40 is like not losing your virginity until you're 30. Sure, we know it's rough out there, but that's just creepy.
Not necessarily. Take a 40 year old typical movie star who's been in two hollywood marriages. He would have done the right thing NOT getting married.
I think it's peer pressure to get married by a certain age. By a certain age, most people expect you to get married to someone who's not really right, than not to have been married at all. Also, how would a 45 year old, divorcee who hasn't been married in 20 years be different than a 45 year old who never decided not to buy a ring with the same history?
Now, I will say, the basic stereotype for most situations is reasonably accurate. That being that they have a high liklihood of not doing well in relationships OR a fear of long-term settling down. BUT:
a) You will find that problem with MANY people, married before or not
b) There are people who are older and not married who at least didn't take that extra unwise step, and are otherwise within range of being normal about relationships.
The real question is, by a certain age, one's experience in LTRs. It doesn't take a marriage to have serious relationship experience.
That said, I would put 40+ never-married the same way as looking at a gal who's 25 and already divorced. You'd want to know how they are which would clue you into the why, before lumping them into a basket. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:26:55 PM | | Ok, so what you're telling me is that I should just forget about ever getting married, forget about women, period, and just give up on my present life and hope there is such a thing as reincarnation, right? No point in going out on dates anymore, right? Gee, thanks everyone. There goes my belief in the goodness of the human race. Maybe I'll just call it a life and stop living. I guess you'll all be happy then. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:39:47 PM | You've got it pretty much right, nappy kat as I tend to create my own difficulties. I do know that most of the women I've become serious with haven't shared my conservative approach to household finances, and I abhor the idea of living in debt slavery.
I like the apple tree analogy of my predisposition toward the negative. My 'negitude' if you will. Allow me to elaborate further and propose that the average North American woman is the problem - not I! | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:46:26 AM | Pick up a language and shop overseas
He nyxa He nepo
the Russian women I know dont seem to care about the stereotypes that American women want to throw down. Caveat, you cant marry them and bring them back to the US ') best look at the Azores or Ibeza | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:28:44 PM | | I haven't found that women "always" put bachelors down. Those that do usually suspect the reason you're not married by a certain age is that there's something wrong with you. Is he gay? Is he terrified of commitment? Does he have some dark side to his personality that sent previous women running? It's not fair, but I sort of see how it happens. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 12:30:03 AM |
You've got it pretty much right, nappy kat as I tend to create my own difficulties. I do know that most of the women I've become serious with haven't shared my conservative approach to household finances, and I abhor the idea of living in debt slavery.
I like the apple tree analogy of my predisposition toward the negative. My 'negitude' if you will. Allow me to elaborate further and propose that the average North American woman is the problem - not I!
Andy, you are spot on!! The average American woman have material needs and demands /expectations. Your comment about the problem being the North American woman is 100% correct! It seems you are aware that in general, foreign woman are not this way and appreciate whatever they have and whatever you can do for them.
OP- open your mind to considering foreign ladies, the filipinas for example actaully PREFER older men!! For real! Most americans cant believe that but only those who have gotten to know them find this is really true about them. Google cherry blossoms website and see what I mean. There are mid 20's marrying up to 60 yes old all the time and it has nothing to do with money or wanting to come to this country. That's just the false stereotype that the West buys into. The USCIS did a study on the subject and interviewed the ladies and the ladies gave were not economic or their wanting to just come to the USA. I can provide proof of this USCIS govt study and the results if anyone wants proof. But maybe you only like american ladies, then it will be a problem for you to find a woman much younger than your self.
Foreign ladies are serious minded about marriage and family, American woman are more into dating forever before getting serious. YOu will have success if you just open your mind and expand your herizons to foreign ladies. MOst of them speak english too, so its something to consider. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 12:53:42 AM | I haven't found that women "always" put bachelors down. Those that do usually suspect the reason you're not married by a certain age is that there's something wrong with you. Is he gay? Is he terrified of commitment? Does he have some dark side to his personality that sent previous women running? It's not fair, but I sort of see how it happens.
Im 42 and also still single. I'm still single because I was in a few 3-4 year relationships that I should have bailed on but I stayed in, sort of like a co dependent relationship that should have ended early on. Also, I simply dont meet many woman. I go to work, workout, and go home. Im not aggressive at flirting with or approaching woman in the supermarket or hitting on them at the gym etc. Im not that forceful or outgoing.
Lastly, most American woman (about 70-80% of 30+) are overweight, and overweight woman arnt my thing. 30 is probably the lower range of what I can fecth with an american woman(as american womans are sensitive about age differences) and so what are the chances I can find a 30+ never married, no children woman who is under 110lbs?? I like "Thin" woman period! I wish I was attracted to overweight woman as it would open up my options a great deal. Its pretty sad how this country is slowly killing itself with weight.
So, Im chatting the filipinas and will make a trip to go back there and see if there are any ladies who I match well with. NOt only do the filipinas/foreign ladies not care about a man's job, status, wealth etc, (unlike american woman who put these things at the top of the list) they know about living life conservatively(as in staying out of debt), seeing poverty up close and having a harder life gives them a good decision making ability when it comes to house hold matters, and understanding the value of a Peso/dollar. And they are thin and hot to boot! What else can a guy ask for??? Many are professionals , techers, nurses, govt employees, and very educated. Its a alternative for guys who have had difficulties finding a "N american woman" . Ive been to the philippines 5 times and cant wait to go back, but this time Im going back for a more serious approach of hoping to find the right woman to marry.
If I could meet a non materialistic, thin, no kids, descent american lady, I certainly would be all into that. But given I dont meet woman at all in my daily routines, its unlikely. And yes, Ive been to church singles, but they pare me with my own age group and geez, how likely is it that a 38+ woman can still have kids, maybe two kids? Possible , ...yes, likely, ....no. Its a gamble. Besides most of them already have baggage and 80% are overwight. NO thanks! Fortunately, there are abundance of simple, sweet, loving, non materialistic foreign woman who value family and marriage who want to marry western men not because of economic reasons, but becausde they know we treat them better than their local men. Western men have a great reputation as kind loving husbands and fathers as compared to their local men who often cheat and beat on their woman quite often.
The divorce rate between western men /foreign woman is only 20% (as per the USCIS study after 10 years follow up), the divorce rate between western men and woman is 50%!! NOw, doesnt that tell the tale ??
N american woman are generally hard to please, too demanding, they want too much, expect too much, and are very demanding about the man has to make alot of money. Foreign ladies will accept you for who you are, its that easy and that simple. And most are god fearing , which is a plus. They are not spoiled spiritually or materially. They are humble and appreciate whatever you can do for them!! Never forget that there are other, and most importantly, BETTER options out there guys. Just be willing to get to know them on the net and before you know it, you will fall for one and want to go meet her. The rest will be history. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 12:58:44 AM | Ha ha and they say women are picky.
110 lbs, huh?
The suggested height for someone who weighs 110 as 32 yr old female is about 4'9"
http://www.nutribase.com/fwchartf.shtml
So, given that most women are in the 5'3"-5'6" range, I'd say you're going to have to settle for the fatties or the shorties. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 1:08:35 AM |
Ha ha and they say women are picky.
110 lbs, huh?
The suggested height for someone who weighs 110 as 32 yr old female is about 4'9"
http://www.nutribase.com/fwchartf.shtml
So, given that most women are in the 5'3"-5'6" range, I'd say you're going to have to settle for the fatties or the shorties.
he he he. Yes, if I look in the USA, you are correct, fat/overweight is what I'd have to settle for. I'm ok with short woman, just NOT overweight. Its not a judgemental thing, its just fact that I cant seem to find overweight/large woman attractive. But I plan to find my future wife overseas, in the Philipines where there are plenty of pretty, short, petite , humble, thin ladies over there ,.....and who wont care about , or ask me about how much money I make or what kind of job I have! | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 1:37:33 PM | | I would delete my profile, except that I don't think I'd be able to post, and I still want to do that. But, I'm still finished as far as the main point of this site is concerned. In my everyday life, if I meet a woman who likes me and doesn't give a darn about my background, then fine, but if not, I don't care anymore. As for sex, I guess there's always escorts. People on this site are telling me to forget about women, so ok, I'll take you up on that. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 3:29:15 PM |
, humble, thin ladies over there ,.....and who wont care about , or ask me about how much money I make or what kind of job I have!
Okay, then, champ. I don't have a problem with you making choices, but humble and not after your money? Um, good luck with that! I had a friend who couldn't get it through his head that many of those women ( NOT ALL) marry sad American men just to get out of horrible lives of poverty. He went through THREE Philipino wives, all started out all nice and then turned into materialstic shrews who bosse dhim around. So if you're going after them because you're a milquetoast, caveat emptor!
Laktor, I don't get your dilemma. You cannot POSSIBLY be blaming ALL WOMEN for your lack of success with women, can you? That's not logical.
People on this site are telling me to forget about women
Who said THAT? | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 5:12:05 PM | As a 36 yr old male, single and never married, I found laktor223's profile to be somewhat defensive.
I believe there is a match for everyone out there, not matter how old, not matter how unique.
laktor223 is not necessarily "damaged goods" because of his age, he is damaged goods because he's probably a pisser to be around... | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 5:57:56 PM | I can see many reasons why it is a stigma... alas i dont find many of them (most actually) plausable.
Alas some of us have bad luck. Myself for instance who dated a work-aholic and in the end I we dated & I waited 7yrs and gave up as her business was her true love. She loved me but not as much. Then there was my last lady who was 10yrs my junior (we met when she was 18) and at the end of those 5yrs she just wanted to go live her teens again because she had a VERY strict religious family so thought she wanted a husband.... she loved me a lot and it hurt her to leave but she wanted to be hit on, drink, flirt with guys and have casual sex. She wanted to experience being single (as she had never really been single and allowed to go out and be young!)
All in all I dont think im damaged goods (although Im slowly starting to believe real love is a myth).... alas a lot of women still look at me as damaged, that Im maybe to picky, high expectations when all it comes down to is bad luck and that I was to much of a romantic to open my eyes and get out of the relationships I had sooner.
If someone is truely special they will not judge you on why you arent married at 40... they will ask and evaluate how they feel about your reasons.
So again, I see many reasons why it is a stigma... but it shouldn't be | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 6:06:16 PM | Think of being a bachelor at 40 like being a gladiator, you made it through the war zone with only a few scars and no permanent damage like divorce, alimony,child support,drug habit,mental disorders from depression etc etc etc.
This could be percieved as a strength of your character that you cannot or will not submit or be broken into accepting mediocre relationships only to breed more problems for yourself.
Or you could be a mal adjusted loser with no social skills and phobias about commitment.
But honestly if any guy in 40 years had found what he was looking for chances are she did not feel he was what she was looking for and POOF she's gone.
Being single with no kids and no drama doesn't mean it's a bad thing it just means that if you are 40, single, have a job, a car, and your own place then according to POF profiles you instantly become a hot commodity. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:19:15 AM |
laktor223 is not necessarily "damaged goods" because of his age, he is damaged goods because he's probably a pisser to be around...
Here comes the assumptions again. Why do people have to assume anything? Why can't women just go out and see for themselves what a guy is like? Having a preconceived assumption sabotages a date before it even starts. | |
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| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:41:40 AM |
Laktor, I don't get your dilemma. You cannot POSSIBLY be blaming ALL WOMEN for your lack of success with women, can you? That's not logical.
No, but I blame them NOW. Their preconceived notions about why I've never been married sabotages us before we even have a chance.
"People on this site are telling me to forget about women"
Who said THAT?
Practically everyone here is telling me that it's normal for women to think there's something seriously wrong with me, and THEY wouldn't give me a chance. So, in effect, they are telling me to just forget about it. They are saying why bother, cos' you won't find anyone.
Let me give you a couple of examples of what's happened to me in my life. I was set up once with my friend's sister-in-law and we seemed to hit it off. She really liked me and we went out 3 to 4 times a week for awhile. But it turned out she was separated and in the process of trying to obtain a divorce. He was making it very difficult for her to get one. I didn't find this out for 3 months after we started going out and eventually, because she was so fragile with men, she couldn't commit and decided to stop dating. At the same time I found out about this situation, I also found out from my friend that she had been in two previous marriages, both lasting less than a year. The first guy left her on her honeymoon!! I could understand how fragile she was!
Then a couple of years ago, a nice woman who lived in my building with a 14 yr. old daughter showed an interest in me. We went out for some lunches and then I asked to take her to dinner and a full evening out. She was getting ready to move and said it would have to wait until after she was settled into her new place. On the day she moved out, I came home to find a note tacked to my door re-inferring this plus her new cell number. Well, she must have written down the number wrong, because I called a few times but got one of those automated voices asking to leave a message and never heard from her. I had no way to reach her. She could have called me, but didn't. See the luck I have??? Earlier in my life, I screwed up possible relationships because of shyness, well into my mid 20's, but that's not the issue anymore. I admit to having difficulty meeting women, so every opportunity I do get is something I need to pursue. And finally, just a few months ago, I met a woman on the subway who caught my eye and we smiled at each other at the same time. She came over to talk and we got off at the same station. For some reason, I froze and didn't ask for her number. Yes, a big mistake, I know. I don't why...I could kick myself. So you get the idea of what has happened to me, and why I'm still single..at least I hope you do. | |
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