|
|
|
|
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:34:15 AM |
Talk about double standards, geez!
You see, for men sex is a chore. For women it's a choice.
NAME ONE PERSON on here who says it's ok for *women* to be whiny. The other statement I just wanted to highlight because it's just such a ridiculous statement.
Here is why the attitude exists that some men are poor matches because they're older bachelors: because of guys like you. You have a poor outlook on life, you have a negative spin on "American" women, you have a whiny personality ("poor little me, it's not MY fault American women are so mean to me"). | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:39:34 AM | ***Yep, it stinks being a bachelor*** (OP)
Ok, but yet you are putting our opinions down, and in a way women down in general with the attitude you are conveying. What makes us think you will change your mind when we marry you? You are not helping your case with this forum. I think you are actually hurting it. Potential marriage partners are reading these forums guys!!!
About your house: What is your rent each month? You do realize that the rent you pay each month is not going towards any equity for the house? Even if you had your own house, your payment could be the same, or close/ballpark to what you are paying now, and you have equity in your house! I know when i look at my own budget I see ways of cutting corners with things that i don't necessarily need, so that I have a little more money here and there to help with the bigger needs. And before anyone can say it, I'm NOT implying OP is spending money frivously. Just honestly trying to give him some solid, honest advice. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:42:01 AM | ***Assumptions can be very wrong, so it's dangerous to make them.*** (OP)
Sigh, alas. And so here you are making assumptions about women because you are in your situation. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:30:59 AM |
nappykat: Is that all you got mr-jonny-come-lately? I'm sorry you must got me mixed up with some pathetic insecure desperate loser chick that can't get a man and has to get two seats on a plane, bus, or roller coaster - because it's obvious you don't know what the hell 250 pounds looks like on this particular chick. Hint - it looks better on me than it does on you. And I work out. And I have a better attitude to boot! And I had pics up, too bad if you missed them.
A better attitude? 
If you work out like you say you do, then why are you 250 lbs?
I'll skip on looking at your pics ...
And if I were you, I wouldn't try to down something on someone when I have the same 'issue' fat-ass.
I pointed out you were obese, but I didn't call you a "fat-ass" or any other names. Then again, I'm sure this is how you'll be when you finally find a guy and have your tantrum tempers. At least it won't be me!!!
If anyone has a sense of entitlement, it's you. Which is typical. 'Oh I can't get an american woman to put up with my bullshit and think I'm god's gift to women to so I will get a young foreign girl I can scare and mold into having me and and docile enough to do anything I say and not talk back and she won't leave me until I feel she's too old at 25 and I can get another young girl to take her place.'
The only "bullshit" a woman has to put up with me is I'm not so tall, handsome and rich. I cook, clean, and do the dishes. You most likely eat out at fast-food places all the time (which could explain your weight issues in spite of you working out). I never said I was "God's gift to women". Then again, a woman can do worse and many of them have. Too old at 25? Actually, in many countries when a woman turns 25 she's not so desirable anymore, so 25 years of age is a good starting point.
Lord help the foreign women with these american predators. I feel for them. Speaking of herbs - you want some of mine? These women will need to be beat and drugged to get with with the likes of you!
No, you don't feel for foreign women. You envy them because they're better than you in every way. They're much nicer, healthier, smarter. They also come with less drama, which you obviously have plenty of. If I wanted drama, I'd read Shakespeare.
And you say you have never been called names by a foreign woman. Apparently american women have had a lotta names for you then
Yeah, well, American women are not the nicest women in the world, as you're demonstrating in your post quite well. I feel sorry for the men who get suckered into marrying them.
you poor poor widdy baybee. did dose nassy amedican wimmen hurt yur iddy biddy feelins? need an foreigner to be your mummy and take care of you? good luck with that.
Again, you're just proving my point that foreign women are so much better than American women.
And you're on the wrong forum. You get started in foreign correspondence and go to the international forum. Or a mail order bride site. Or book one of those sex excisions to the Thailand or the Philippines pronto
Even though I dated a Japanese girl in college, I'm not really so much into Asian women. I suppose the guys who like really petite women go for those. Give me an Eastern European or a Latin American woman and I'll be fine. I do check out mail-order bride sites, but I haven't contacted any of those in a while. I thought I'd give local women another try. What the hell was I thinking?
http://www.nomarriage.com/images/singleabroad.jpg | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:39:03 AM | | Hair metal fan....you need a more current picture. oh wait, maybe your more than "a few pounds overweight". And why in the heck do you have weight/height charts in your "first date" section of your profile? Are you TRYING to scare off women? | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:43:26 PM | "I haven't met a lot of Canadian women, but I have heard Canadian women are worse than American women."
I've also "heard" a lot about Americans, Europeans, Asians, etc, and A LOT of the myths/misconceptions are NOT TRUE.
I think it's time that you find your Passport (or get one) and do a lot more travelling.
Best of Luck! | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 4:06:49 PM | To the OP;
Just remember that American women make up only five percent of the available dating pool. The other ninety five percent of women with BMIs around 19-20 are overseas hoping for a nice western man to come along. Climates are usually much better too.
Continue to rent as you're currently doing. Owning a house is a big headache. You can rent from a landlord who's there to fix things when they break, plow the snow, mow the grass and pay for the water, sewer, taxes and other things.
Or, you can rent from the bank via a mortgage (same thing as you pay interest instead of rent), only you have to pay twice as much and cover all the utilites, taxes, insurance and repairs yourself. It makes no sense to own a home. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:02:32 PM | | I can see what that guy is saying about being single over 40. I was ingaged and she died in a car accident before we were married . I have never wed nor am I dating right now. It is not by choice but as the older you get the pickier you get on who you date. It can be different for every guy, I am looking for the right one but am not wasting my time and money for someone thats wants drinks, friendship(I have plenty of friends)and is just not that in to you. I go out from time to time and I see how some guys act and I agree that it is stupid, but all but being over 40 and single. You may want to take another look. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:22:25 PM |
r2d21: Just remember that American women make up only five percent of the available dating pool. The other ninety five percent of women with BMIs around 19-20 are overseas hoping for a nice western man to come along. Climates are usually much better too.
This is true. I went to Mexico 20 years ago and the locals told me a lot of Americans buy homes and retire in Mexico because it's much less expensive to do it that way instead of stay here in America. Actually, Americans as a whole make up 5% of the world's entire population. So American women would make up about 2.1% out of the entire world's population. If you split men and women worldwide 50/50, then American women make up about 1% of the world's human female population. Assuming a worldwide female human population of 350,000,000, then there are only 3,500,000 American women as opposed to 346,500,000 foreign women.
If you stick to American women, then you're fishing in a pond where the fish are going to avoid your bait as possible. Might as well venture into a river or lake where the fish are more plentiful or even into the expansive ocean as well.
Continue to rent as you're currently doing. Owning a house is a big headache. You can rent from a landlord who's there to fix things when they break, plow the snow, mow the grass and pay for the water, sewer, taxes and other things.
Or, you can rent from the bank via a mortgage (same thing as you pay interest instead of rent), only you have to pay twice as much and cover all the utilites, taxes, insurance and repairs yourself. It makes no sense to own a home.
I agree. In Dallas the average rent for an apartment is $600 to $700 a month. It's at least $1,000 if you're renting a home or paying on a mortgage to own one in 30 years or so. Whatever happened to 20-year mortgages?
And those of you who have paid for your homes outright with no debt, tell me where you work, what you do, and how much you make, especially those homeowners in their 20s. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:17:55 PM | All the dating world has become now is and male vs female fight.
No one is right nor wrong.
There will be men who have not had great luck in dating, feel crappy about being a bachelor at 40 and there will be others who won't feel crappy about it.
Most of us have many ups and downs, as I call my dating experiences a rollercoaster ride for sure.
Ya I am 40, single for the past handful of years, been in LTR's through my 20's, most of my 30's I was single and more soul searching to find myself. I feel I am a great catch, but sure most women have kids and seem to assume more about myself because I have none and never have been married. I will still give them a fair chance and benefit of the doubt,most single mothers do not do the same. Oh well, is par for the course in the dating world at 40 and single. I can't change anything about how I am perceived. I can just be happy with my life, do the things I enjoy, and so be it.
Happy at 40 with no kids and not been married. But one thing I have not said ever is NEVER, and I also do assume all single mothers want someone to support them financially.
Again we get stereotyped as older bachelors, women get stereotyped as single mothers. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:23:12 PM |
Forums01: I also do assume all single mothers want someone to support them financially.
I agree. Nevertheless, women are going to argue left and right about how that is so not true, etc. The truth is, they'll work and support their kids up until Mr. Moneywad puts the marriage ring on her left ring finger and says something to the effect of "I do" in front of a clergyperson and those in attendance.
Ever notice how men look nervous and women are smiling in their wedding photos?
The man is thinking: "Oh sh^t, what did I just get myself into?" 
The woman is thinking: "No more working, BJs, and homemade cooking! Woot to the woot!" | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:50:28 PM |
Forums01: I also do assume all single mothers want someone to support them financially.
You know what they say about assumptions though.....
On Topic -
Our society leans towards stereotypes....one being that if someone (male or female) is over a certain age (40 it seems) and has never been married, there is something wrong with them that makes them unsuitable.
So...if you are in that group, you have an uphill battle ahead of you to get your foot in the door so to speak. Hell, if your circumstances coincide with any negative stereotype, yeah...an uphill battle is what you have on your hands.
Ever noticed that when you are single, it is hard to find a date and yet when you are happily in a relationship.....you get flirted with more often? ~shakes head~ | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:03:23 PM | You know what they say about assumptions though.....
Ya men shouldn't but women do because it is always the truth..right?
Our society leans towards stereotypes....one being that if someone (male or female) is over a certain age (40 it seems) and has never been married, there is something wrong with them that makes them unsuitable.
So...if you are in that group, you have an uphill battle ahead of you to get your foot in the door so to speak. Hell, if your circumstances coincide with any negative stereotype, yeah...an uphill battle is what you have on your hands.
So what you are basically saying is, believe all stereotypes and continue to do so, do not give people the benefit of the doubt because if you do, you will be looked at as strange. And you sure do not want your girlfriends saying "Why are you dating him? He has no kids and never married. He can't be good to you." As a woman's girlfriends are always right about the men thier friends date.
Or better yet, just to get the acceptance of a woman I like, I will make sure I get married once, and then divorced so that I belong to the Elite Club and then I will be in hot demand.
Ever noticed that when you are single, it is hard to find a date and yet when you are happily in a relationship.....you get flirted with more often? ~shakes head~
Reason is simple, we do not give off a vibe that we are looking. We give off a vibe we don't care. That seems to attract people.
For example, a guy always smiles at the same woman each morning when he sees her walking into the same workplace building. But now his smile is more halfass. That gets her thinking "Why was his smile so non-flirting this time. And he seems to do this from now on. So she starts to smile flirtingly to him, where she never did before.
Is just how it happens. We show we don't care when we are with someone. Show we are looking, when we are single. It makes me laugh each time. You think 'Where were these girls last month?" LOL | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:55:22 PM | It's not a put down; it's a put down by those who are trying to destroy your hopes.
fyi: I have a friend who is 50 and married my 26 year old friend. I also have a drinking buddy who's dad, who is 61, is dating a 27 year old.
When i left my wife (I'm 35), a salesmen (at a music store) told me, don't be all down and out, brother; i'm 45 and my girlfriend is 22.
Odds are, the people who are telling you that it's bad to be a bachelor at your age are women. Only exceptional women can date younger men, however most older men can date younger women.
Think about it --> even nature backs us (men) up. Older women go through menopause. But an old dude, can still make babies if his sperm count is up; we can still add continuation to the human race. Not so with older women. That's why they're so bitter. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:08:16 AM | ^^^^ I do have to say, you have a point...
But I will say that it still is odd for a BIG difference. We're versatile creatures naturally, too, and there is no reason why a 25 year old girl (or guy) has to date someone who's 50... even if they are really cute.
But your point well taken is that all other things being equal, YES, there will and SHOULD be more significantly older guys with much younger gals than vice versa. Why?
For the same reason girls "can't explain" beyond just nature why they want a guy who has a greater capacity to be a provider, taller, stronger, etc. If they defend that, they can't argue against a middle-aged guy dating a 20-something gal... it follows down that exact path, and yes, it's the way nature leans.... Well, not argue against it any more than a same-age dating couple who may not be a good match in their eyes (ie., not fired up about it).
With that said though, again, we are products of our environment, and in a civilized society, the gals don't "need" that nearly as much as nature has it as the backup. But why be mad at an older guy for wanting that but not be EQUALLY upset at a younger girl for liking it in return?
Dual threat of jealousy:
a) Younger guys don't like it - Older guy is taking younger girls from their pool. It's a characteristic they can't compete with.
b) Older women don't like it - Older guy is strongly saying "you're not good looking enough being older" by doing that.
It's a natural thing just as much for people to detest it when society is on a balance like it is today in civilization... just as much as it's natural for a young gal to like an older guy, as it represents more stability, care-taking, and a sense of masculinity (in a daddy sort of way). | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:48:08 AM | Dual threat of jealousy:
a) Younger guys don't like it - Older guy is taking younger girls from their pool. It's a characteristic they can't compete with.
b) Older women don't like it - Older guy is strongly saying "you're not good looking enough being older" by doing that.
It's a natural thing just as much for people to detest it when society is on a balance like it is today in civilization... just as much as it's natural for a young gal to like an older guy, as it represents more stability, care-taking, and a sense of masculinity (in a daddy sort of way).
I have to disagree here. Younger guys sure do not care at all if an older guy dates a younger woman. As is the trend today, younger men are starting to prefer older women, so taking a yougner woman from the pool of women available, the young guys likes that. One less headache in his eyes.
But the thing is, these days most women in thier 20's date within thier 20's. It is not as common as years gone by that a woman in her 20's will date a much older guy.
Older women do not like it when a guy her age dates younger because there is a bit on animosity towards men her age. Human nature really. She was once married to a guy her age for 15 years, she thought he was going to be an amazing husband, but was a total a-hole. So the bitterness towards men her age is based on that experience of being with him for years. So if an older guy dates a younger woman, she is bound to bash the guy because she doesn't want to see him happy. Mind you I don't think it is on purpose women act that way, just is the bitterness towards older men is all. She would never be that way to a younger guy ever. Younger men make older women feel wanted more than us old farts.
Some younger women that like older men is usually from the missing male figure in her life growing up. So when an older guy is showing respect and interest in the younger woman, she feels safe and likes it because the male figure was absent while she was growing up into a young woman. So it is sometimes referred to as a father figure.
What is funny is, those women that criticize men for dating younger women, usually would have no interest in the guy to begin with. SO why bash him if you have no interest in him, that is beyond me. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:41:14 PM | I ask, where is the bashing of older guys for younger women? At least as it relates in the thread?
This particular gentleman is an old-timer.
Yall are telling him 'dude! You're single, no kid baggage, no divorce baggage, no mortgage, that makes you HOT. Don't worry, all these women harpin on what you need and don't have are just JEALOUS because they are now divorced and have kids. Fuggem!'
And you know what? I'm sure he would have said the same thing... if he was younger. But what you can do and think when you are young drastically changes when you get old and lonely. And now apparently he wants what he had a chance to get when you he was younger and hotter but is finding it harder to get to get as he ages. And now he may have to 'resort' to women his age but they have all these questions about how or why he reached this age and haven't done what they have done.
And there are a few women dropping hints in this thread of 'hey, I'm your age and single and in the same boat as you - no marriage and kids. Maybe we should hook up!' - and chances are he probably ain't contacted them. Wonder why? Probably because he's not interested in the oldster women in the same boat and probably for the same reasons he feels he's being rejected himself.
OP, do I have drop names for your clueless ass? ASK THEM and hook up!!
Yes, nature has it skewed that older men can and should get younger women due to being the fact that men can biologically reproduce well into old age while we have menopause (and just to add - I don't see why being biologically able to reproduce in old age is a exciting factor to those who love the fact that you don't have kids or any child-baggage anyway! but I digress)... but as Confident Realist has said, this is a different place and time - and younger women no longer have to be forced or arranged with someone older because he's more established (which was pretty much the reason for putting old timers with young women in the first place).
But now younger women have choices. They can still date oldsters if they want too - but why would they want too if they have no other inherent problems? And in this society, a man can be establish at a way younger age - so at 25 a man can have a house, a degree, and a career that makes him all the more attractive than someone who has that that 50 and is still single and looking for a young woman.
Ain't nobody jealous of anybody. The only problem I got is when you sit here almost 50 or 60 and expect that younger women come vying for you because nature skewed it that way for biological reasons and then get upset that young women aren't falling over your old ass. But if she is a young legal age consenting women who wants you - more power to all.
I was never jealous of old guy being with a young woman - unless it happens to be my daughter. (Ditto for sons dating someone my age or older than me too). I usually don't want the guy anyway. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:52:37 PM | I just leave dating for the beautiful people and people with money.
I will remain single for years to come I am sure. For me it is just too tiring to continue pursuing women like I did in my 20's and go through the same crap. Now with more questions being asked at 40, more higher expectations and higher standards, I can't be bothered trying to live up to them or meet those expectations.
I'm 40, single, no kids, no ex-wife, no debt, no bitterness, I work hard, earn an honest living and will continue to do so. I very highly doubt I am the kind of guy in demand at this age, so for me it is about living my life and being happy. If someone comes into it, great. But if no one does, it is not the end of the world in my eyes.
Life is what you make of it. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:05:03 PM | I was never jealous of old guy being with a young woman - unless it happens to be my daughter. (Ditto for sons dating someone my age or older than me too). Sorry I wanted to slip that part in but that was error in typing. 'Jealousy' is not the word for that. Make that 'pissed-off.' I wouldn't be anywhere near jealous of oldies dating my young'uns, but pissed off yes. I don't try to raise decent young'uns with all the qualities someone may find attractive in them to drop on some old fuddy-duddy. Prefer them be with someone their own age or near.... until they are single and old themselves. Then play with somebody else's legal-age young'uns. I don't care. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:47:50 PM | I always said 'if a man reaches the age of 40 and has never been married, or is divorced, there's probably a good reason.' Truth of the matter is, most men who reach a certain age never having been in a long term relationship for one or more reasons; they're commitment phobic, they have unrealistic expectations, or they are utterly unacceptable as a partner - for whatever reason. And if none of those apply - they are probably so set in their ways, they could never incorporate a partner into their day to day life. So as a rule, I would not think a confirmed bachelor would make for a good ltr. There are exceptions to every rule, of course, but you'd have to address each of those issues - convincingly.
It could be that said man did not feel ready for a relationship and chose to not lock someone else down when he knew he wasn't ready himself. He may have gone through life not meeting anyone that enchanted him enough to enter a LTR. Perhaps said man has higher standards than you do and doesn't want to get married with divorce being an option, instead intending to actually mean the vows he commits to at the wedding and actually try to stay married until death.
The guy might be meeting jaded, unpleasant or unrealistically picky women and simply gave up on dating, instead allowing an accident to happen to bring him together with someone. If said accident never happens, then he's comfortable being single.
Personally, I think being a bachelor at 40 should be fine. Unfortunately, most of my opinions don't mesh with the social norm. OP, if a woman you're interested in has an issue with you being a bachelor and asks you why, be honest. If she dismisses you after forming her own baseless opinions and doesn't give you a chance, then she isn't worth your time or trouble. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:15:14 AM | Women who refuse to date never-married men drastically reduce their chances of finding a partner. Calculated from the 2000 US census, the following were the male:female gender ratios of the unmarried (widowed + divorced + never married), by age. In parentheses are the ratios with the never-married men excluded.
30-34; m:f = 116:100 (25:100)
35-44; m:f = 103:100 (42:100)
45-54; m:f = 82:100 (51:100)
55-64; m:f = 58:100 (43:100)
65-74; m:f = 39:100 (30:100)
75-84; m:f = 27:100 (23:100)
85-??; m:f = 22:100 (20:100)
For example, for ages 30-34, for every 100 unmarried women there were 116 unmarried men. But, for ages 30-34, for every 100 unmarried women there were only 25 widowed and divorced men. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:16:26 PM | Bachelor is not the sour grapes opt out that y'all think it is.
I have NEVER wanted to get married. I have NEVER wanted kids. I hated being a kid, I dont enjoy being around kids, and personally there are enough kids on the planet that I dont ever have to reproduce. I got my Shiate cut when I was 18. Being a bachelor is not a default of because of not being married, its a choice (for me anyways) to remain un-married.
I just dont see the point in it. Now that doesnt mean that I dont have my fair share of fun, but by date 3 everybody gets the no kids, no marriage memorandum, if not earlier.
A suburban life and all of its trappings... wife, kids, mortgaged house, 9-5 job, over extended credit, bank leased car, .... never wanted any part of it.
OPT out, early and often. Travelling in the spring, maybe this time I dont come back. | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:22:04 PM | In this life there are risk takers and cautious people,.. there are 'thinkers' and do 'ers'
Im coming up 40, never married, no kids, dont want kids.. but would like to be married .
Like other non risk taking thinkers, I protected myself against any 'mistakes',.. i thought it all out, knew what i wanted, and would'nt /wont settle for less than that. I take full responsibility for my single status,.. and I'm comfortable with the choices I made. if anyone thinks theres something wrong with that, then they are likely to be a risk taker, a 'do'er'... and our mind sets wouldnt have been compatible anyway.
Am I difficult? Awkward? picky? Yup, all three, and more. Im not ideal marriage material, as I'm far too headstrong, not docile, not stupid and dont put up with BS,.. for most men, this makes me a liability. Not someone they';d desire being married to. Unmarrieds usually are set in their ways, arent pliable, or moudable, and hae thought ahead. No one wants to be saddled with such a 'problem.
Thats ok.
I'll keep looking for the person compatible for me,.. but rest assured, it wont be some bloke who's now 50 or 60 years old, and panicking because all the time he thought he had has run out, and all the women he rejected for a LTR in his past, have disappeared, leaving him to play catch up.
I'm wise to that one.
G. x | |
|
| Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:26:12 PM | I completely agree with this. If there's anything that we learn early on, it's "shit happens." Those who put others down, do it to build themselves up and cover up the quirks or flaws that they have. Nobody is perfect. Do we seriously forget that?
What I've noticed is that a lot of people tend to put others flaws and differences first before they even try to look for something wonderful about a person - Too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, not the right race, not educated enough, not the right religion, he's balding, a single mother, too old, too young, too poor, not beautiful enough, too ugly...etc, etc.
The list goes on and on and on, until what you've got a bunch of people walking around thinking their shit don't stink, but at the same whining, "Where are all the nice guys at?" or "Where are all the nice girls?"
Sorry, but when you don't give people a chance, how would you even know you may have just let someone great pass you by? | |
|
| |
|
|
Home
login 
