| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:08:32 AM | " Single parents are VERY UNDESIRABLE as potential mates."
Thanks for your opinion but I'm still not ready to give up the fantasy that someone doesn't think the same was as you! You don't have children and no interest in them I guess judging from your profile. So your answer doesn't really make much difference to someone that you wouldn't suit in the first place. Check out the whining bachelor thread where your answers might actually be relevant. Of course...that's JMO And have a nice day! | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:48:51 AM | wow hpotters... glad that you have single parents figured out so well.
Just like men seek out women with good genes who are thin and beautiful to have sex with so they have good looking healthy kids.
That wasn't always the case, men often persued women that were more vulptures, that had curves and "child-bearing hips". Curvy women were seen as healthier. Obviously you've never seen art work from later centuries.
So your perseption is very narrow. You know what I did want a guy that was going to be a good father, able to provide for his children. But he was just a selfish selfish lil boy.
I provide for my daughter on my own. My daughter is a delight and is not half as needy as her leech father who was a financial drain on me during our relationship.
Having kids makes people very selfish
Another thing you are wrong about. If a person is selfish they were already that way. My ex did not change with becoming a parent. He did not put his child first as he should have. Now I always put my daughter's needs above my own. My daughter never goes without as I'm always making sure she is well provided for. I make tons of sacrifices for the well-being of my child to make sure she has the best. Its what a good parent does.
And once again I do not need a man to take care of me financially.
Let me explain this again if a woman is after ur wallet it does not matter that she has a child. That woman would be reaching for ur wallet regardless if she had a child or not. There are many women that are just interested in making the easy $$$ just like there are some men after the easy $$$.
Consumerism, materialism and capitalism have made people greedy and selfish not children. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:53:53 PM | | Maybe most, but not all. Some women are very self sufficient and don't need a man to support them nor to complete them but rather to accompany them on their already great life. Some women just would like to share all the good they have and have accomplished with another man who has hopefully done the same for himself. It's called creating a partnership, a team, not a co-dependant relationship :). | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:34:31 AM | | Some are, some aren't. I am divorced and my ex-husband found the love of his life again. She has no education and works a minimum wage job...oh, and she has three kids. They have decided to move in together and be a nice big family. Before I piss anyone off, I want to add that there is nothing wrong with working a minimum wage job, or any of that. But, my ex has this cute little habit of not paying his child support for our two children that I have custody of, and he likes to remind me that I have a good job and an education. I can't help but think that if he wasn't paying her bills, he might be able to pay for his child support. Or maybe I'm completely wrong and he isn't supporting her or her kids. Either way, the question is answered both ways. Me: A self sufficient, educated woman that neither needs nor desires a sugar daddy to pay her bills. Or someone like the person I mentioned in the above paragraph. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:49:47 AM | Self sufficient women aren't looking for a man to pay their bills.
My question is, would a single parent who is making ends meet on their own date a person who is in college and not financially able to contribute for a number of years? (As the poster suggested his situation is) Let's face it, once you become a couple and are together for years, it's a partnership. If a man told me he would be unable to contribute to the household for "a number of years", I'd keep stepping. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:24:52 AM |
Just like men seek out women with good genes who are thin and beautiful to have sex with so they have good looking healthy kids.
That wasn't always the case, men often persued women that were more vulptures, that had curves and "child-bearing hips". Curvy women were seen as healthier. Obviously you've never seen art work from later centuries.
Actually, even recent studies show the male brain reacts to and desires those same curves and "child-bearing hips" that they always have when looking for a mate. I saw a whole special on it that was very interesting. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:04:15 PM |
Self sufficient women aren't looking for a man to pay their bills.
That's not quite the whole truth, it very well depends on how you compare self sufficiency.
I'll give you an example to answer the following questions with. What if I'm earning 3x what my single mother counterpart is?
We get married or move in together. Is she going to pay her half of the household expenses or am I going to be expected to pick up her half because I earn so much more?
She drives a 5 year old Kia, and I have 3 nice higher line vehicles. Is she going to take another Kia when it's time for a new car while I drive my Cadillac or my Corvette?
If she's used to shopping at Walmart or Target for her clothes, is she still going to be content with buying her clothes there?
If things don't work out and we end up getting divorced, is she going to go back to her same level of, 'self sufficiency' or will she expect me to pay her alimony based on my income?
I've known plenty of women over the years who make $30K a year and consider themselves, 'self sufficient'. They all had large amounts of credit card debt, were renters, and had almost zero in their checking accounts (no savings or investments) a few days after payday. None of them wanted a man who has the same standard of living as they do, they were only looking to move up and have higher financial standards for men they will date than they bring to the table.
On the other side of the coin, I can count on one hand the number of divorced professional or other higher earning women that I've met. When it comes to their standards for men they will date they, 'think like a man' and bring to the table a very equitable amount of earnings, retirement savings, and assets that they expect him to bring. And while they are praised for it, and told they should settle for no less, a man in that same situation is criticized for being greedy or materialistic.
The way I look at a partnership is that both sides contribute proportionally.
My question is, would a single parent who is making ends meet on their own date a person who is in college and not financially able to contribute for a number of years? (As the poster suggested his situation is) Let's face it, once you become a couple and are together for years, it's a partnership. If a man told me he would be unable to contribute to the household for "a number of years", I'd keep stepping.
A very interesting question you posed. Do you expect a different reaction from a man if you told him that you could not contribute because you have a child to care for?
I'm hoping this doesn't come across the wrong way, I'm not taking a swipe at you. It's just the proclaimed, 'self sufficiency' that I experience so much and how skewed many times the woman's definition is of that description versus the man's. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:39:13 PM | So, Jim, i would like to ask you?
What if the single mother has 3x the money/earnings you do? Then does she pay more? (dont know ahAt your income is but some single mothers are straight money makers and shakers)
And what if her cadillac is better than yours? Will that make you feel like you have a tiny penis? Im content with my car. And can even give ya a good deal on some nice ones from my business.
Suppose single mother lives closer to Cuba than she does any Target or Walmart? (Yeah, i do. Really. Im closer to Fidel Castro than i am low low prices and weekend sales)
And if you divorce, do you expect her to pay you alimony, becaue her better Caddy made you feel inadequate? | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:46:19 PM | Okay, once again, I just don't have time to sit here and read all 5 pages of responses, although I have read some. So I will stick with what I know.
My parents divorced when I was 4. When I was 9, I chose to move in with my dad, his new wife and her son. It actually worked out very well for a long time. And my dad contributed to the upbringing and support of her son, while she did the same for me. They were married for over 20 years, before she went really crazy and accused my dad of cheating on her with every girl that walked. But that is neither here nor there.
The point is that they both contributed to the entire household. Because we were a family. Maybe not your typical sense of the word. But we were a family.
A single parent, whether mom or dad, is a package deal. When you start dating one, yes you are dating the parent, not the children. But, if you start planning for the long term, then you need to be prepared to deal with the children as well.
I don't think single moms, in general are looking for someone to support them. But they are looking for someone that is going to contribute the family. I would never marry someone if they could not accept my kids and accept that they would have to be part of their life. They would have to be involved in helping raise them, because we would be a family.
To be fair, I am sure there are a lot of single parents, and people in general, that are in it for no other reason than the money. But that could be anybody, not just single moms. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/12/2009 10:51:22 PM |
So, Jim, i would like to ask you?
What if the single mother has 3x the money/earnings you do? Then does she pay more? (dont know ahAt your income is but some single mothers are straight money makers and shakers)
And what if her cadillac is better than yours? Will that make you feel like you have a tiny penis? Im content with my car. And can even give ya a good deal on some nice ones from my business.
Suppose single mother lives closer to Cuba than she does any Target or Walmart? (Yeah, i do. Really. Im closer to Fidel Castro than i am low low prices and weekend sales)
And if you divorce, do you expect her to pay you alimony, becaue her better Caddy made you feel inadequate?
How about you answer my questions?
Since I don't think I'll get that consideration I'll be polite and answer your anyway.
If she has a new $100K+ performance model will I be jealous with my Sedan? No, I'm quite content with my vehicles. Will I expect her to pay all of the household expenses and let me keep my earnings for myself? Absolutely not, I'd expect to pay half the household expenses. And if she was so much higher than me in income, I'd expect to pay a realistic amount of the household expenses that I could afford to contribute, I would insist.
Believe it or not these things will affect my penis size.
If she lives closer to Cuba then it is a non-issue. I don't plan on getting involved with a woman who lives an ocean or even one state away from me. What does that question have to do with anything?
Will I expect her to pay me alimony? No, I'm quite self sufficient and have been paying my way since I was 18 years old. Hell, if she asked I'd sign a prenuptual agreement, I wouldn't hesitate. In fact, I'd prefer one just to prove my intentions are sincere. I couldn't take money from someone that I hadn't earned. And by earned I mean, 'made' on my own not felt I, 'deserved' for being married to someone else.
I feel inadequate in no part of my life. I have a great career which not only do I love but compensates my very nicely, good friends, a home, nice things, and money in my wallet. I don't need someone to elevate my standard of living. What I do need is someone to share my life with who understands that being married is a parnership, a team effort, and wants to work hard along side of me to build a good life together, a life where we don't worry about money, security, or when/if we will ever be able to retire together in our golden years.
My life isn't perfect but it's pretty darn good though, about the only complaint I have is that I am single, but with the quality of folks and their sense of entitlement and take-with-no-give mentality I seem to be coming across in my life, I'm starting to think that's not such a bad thing.
Believe it or not, I have quite a good sense of fairness. I don't subscribe to the, 'that's different' mentality that everyone seems to have nowadays when it comes to double standards to explain why the situation is OK when only they benefit.
Now how about you answer my questions? | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/13/2009 6:32:57 AM | I'll answer Jim!!
My now husband make a little over twice as much as I do. I fight him tooth and nail on getting a bigger house. I am perfectly content with the home we have. The home *I* bought and that we now own together.
I cried when he told me we would NOT be getting my 2005 Mercury Sable fixed after someone rear ended me and that I needed a safer car. Um...it did get rear ended by a man going full speed and kept me safe! I was perfectly happy with my little car and in no way wanted to drive his $30,000 truck...EVER. I hate the days that I have to even now. Stupid big ass truck. We ended up driving nearly 4 hours to get an SUV (used) that we both agreed on when it came time to replace my car. I drove him NUTS looking for something I could live with price wise and that *I* could afford.
He STILL laughs and laughs and laughs at me and tells all his friends and family about how "cheap" I am. I see no point in buying the $300 DVD player when the $30 one does what I need it to do. PS- His $300 DVD player he brought in to the marriage pooped out just last week! Mwuahahaha. It however decided to EAT our daughters Care Bear movie in the process....I'm still planning to take a screwdriver to that expensive piece of plastic.
So yes, they are still women perfectly content with what they have even when the men they fall in love with have more.
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/13/2009 11:02:15 AM |
A very interesting question you posed. Do you expect a different reaction from a man if you told him that you could not contribute because you have a child to care for?
I'm hoping this doesn't come across the wrong way, I'm not taking a swipe at you. It's just the proclaimed, 'self sufficiency' that I experience so much and how skewed many times the woman's definition is of that description versus the man's.
I absolutely would not expect a man to stick around for years if I was unable to contribute to the household for years for any reason including because I have two children to care for. Like I said, a long term relationship is a partnership and both should pull their own weight. Now, inevitably one person is going to make more than the other. But, I'm perfectly satisfied with my 2005 Taurus that I've worked my butt off to pay for. And, I'm not big on shopping. :) | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/13/2009 11:19:26 AM | Ok i'll answer
We get married or move in together. Is she going to pay her half of the household expenses or am I going to be expected to pick up her half because I earn so much more?
Not going to get married or live with anyone. But if i change my mind on that, of course. I could wonder the same ting about a potential household partner myself.
She drives a 5 year old Kia, and I have 3 nice higher line vehicles. Is she going to take another Kia when it's time for a new car while I drive my Cadillac or my Corvette? No. If my car bites the dust i just grab one from the transportation Co. fleet.
If she's used to shopping at Walmart or Target for her clothes, is she still going to be content with buying her clothes there?
I live closer to Fidel castro than i do a Target/Walmart. But the few times I have been in one, they look pretty darn cool, so yeah why not?
If things don't work out and we end up getting divorced, is she going to go back to her same level of, 'self sufficiency' or will she expect me to pay her alimony based on my income?
Nope would just move on. But would def. have a pre-nup protecting me. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:05:35 PM | Sweetness Why do you insist on repeatadely coming here to brag about your wealth like you are the average single mom. None of what you can possibly say has any bearing on this topic and many others.
We get it, you worked hard , got lucky, didn't sniff it all up your nose and made some decent investments. Man, enough already. If your so fantastic, why is it your still here and single?
Honestly I am not saying that all single moms are poor and are looking for a sugar daddy but get real. The average sinlge mom is not rolling in the dough and actually make an effort to live within their means. They also know that by being a single breadwinner that if they were to lose their job especially during this economic downturn that things could get sticky.
You are not doing any other single moms here a favour when you come as rich because if it was that easy, don't you think they all would be as rich as you continuously brag you are?
If you weren't so concerned that someone might not already be aware of your financial prowess you may get that but some paople are a little oblivious and lack a simple amount of tact or empathy for those that aren't as well off.
No I am not saying the topic of this thread is appropriate because I don't believe it to be true, most single moms that I meet are a pretty hard working bunch but I imagine that the single dads in here are just as aware of what it takes to stretch a dollar. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/13/2009 4:00:46 PM | | Because having people look down on you like because you're a single parent and therefore must be some poor sniveling little waste of humanity gets old and kinda hurtful.I, among many other mothers, are not popping out kid after kid after kid to be raised in poverty and hunger and draining the government as a lifestyle choice.There will alwaysbe a handful like that, but the majority do pretty rockin jobs bringing up their kids. And the circumstances leading to being a single parent are almost never happy circumstances, they usually involve either divorce, death, being cold abanonded, fleeing abuse, or just deciding to make the best of bad taste in men/bad choices, most of usvtry our best and dont need to be "put in our place" at eveery turn. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:55:56 AM | | There's no correct answer for that question, you can only take a poll and see what results you get. My input is for myself, no. I love my life now as a single mom. I love not answering to anyone, consulting anyone about my decisions, raising my kids as I see fit, paying my own bills, making my own money and doing with it as I please, having full control of the remote AND the computer... and the list goes on and on. Sure, it would be so much easier with an extra income, but unless I was madly head over heels in love with someone I wouldn't want to give up even a fraction of my independence. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:09:28 PM | ...
statistically speaking. and without bias to or from social structural differences and awarenesses.
yes.
but those attitudes will be many varying as in the seasons on seasons.
for the young and unprepared of child care has perhaps every relationship to society.
and the young be unprepared for many reasons.
problems to such come with much bias. solutions to such be satisfied in acceptance.
shall we engage to solve the problem of impoverishment in domestic climate..?
can you accept this think tank of responsibility...? | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:26:07 PM | and i do stand to be corrected on numbers. i do not know them.
but based on social probabilities in our era. the young of child is vulnerable by the splitting apart and compartmentalizing of communities.
the past confusions in responsibilities to children has not been reconciled by society where-with there were and are much contradiction and confusion in relationship...
the nuclear family also has under-gone a near 200 year transformation away from agricultural community which changes sensibilities to community fundamentally and practically.
lots to consider. but by simple awareness and simple planning.....not so simple hard-ships endured by the disjointed members of community can be remediated successfully and pleasantly.
... and i hope you find a match. lots of lovely ladies out there which had not had conditions clarified to miracle creations.
phewwwww ...that was close. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:22:48 AM | | I being a single mom can say NO WAY...do I expect someone to take care of me finacially. I do have standards though...LOL Like having their own job,house,car,and intrests...Oh my gosh I just figured out why Im single....LOL I want way too much dont I...JK I have these things and I want to be with someone who doesnt need me for those things. Really is that too much to ask? If its going to be lasting, then you both have to work together. | |
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| Are most single moms looking for a guy to care for them financially?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:15:08 AM | Stafford Jim, although there are a lot of "women who make 30k a year and consider themselves to be self-sufficient," have you considered that even in today's world, men get paid a lot more than women for doing the same jobs? I'm going to school for nursing now...this is really one of the only professions where you can work and make a decent living (well except here in Maine, the wages are considerably lower, but I take the good with the bad) while only holding an Associate's Degree.
I wouldn't mind dating a college student...probably because I am one lol.
I know in about 2 years I will be able to give my children a better life and I can do that with or without a man.
Yes, you are right, most of these women do rent. However, when you are a single mom, you are faced with more financial problems and were probably left with a mess to begin with. So, a single mom making 30k a year is actually pretty good since a lot probably make minimum wage.
I don't think I would even feel comfortable dating someone who has so much money as to buy a bunch of vehicles and shop at expensive clothing stores, because even if he didn't expect 1/2 of the contribution, it would put me in a position of feeling inferior (not something I dig) and more than likely it would be rubbed in my face at every open opportunity.
I don't think anyone wants a free-loader (male or female). To me it feels right to be with someone who makes around the same amount and who can contribute the same.
As for just dating or even being an exclusive couple, I don't see anyone moving in with me until I am done school at least anyway, so it doesn't matter that the man can't contribute to me and my kids. We are taken care of. Even after school, I will be able to take care of us. | |
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