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 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 51
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to Page 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
i'm happy to pay the freight the first couple times out, but i'm certainly not doing it because other guys were deadbeats. not mine to fix, even if i could.
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 52
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:03:20 PM
i am a feminist...feminist means that men and women have equal rights. I feel it is the DUTY of the man to pay for dinner, not to mention, open a door or two.

Oh and guys, just because you tell us we are beautiful and you do pay for dinner, DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU! perverts. UGH
 Mahogany-Rush
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 53
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:30:03 PM

i am a feminist...feminist means that men and women have equal rights. I feel it is the DUTY of the man to pay for dinner, not to mention, open a door or two.-girlwprioties
what is it with people like you with labels? you're a feminist yet you expect a Man to pay for dinner.... No, it's anti-feminist for a woman to assume that the man should ALWAYS pay. Are you sure you know what the term Feminism means??


Oh and guys, just because you tell us we are beautiful and you do pay for dinner, DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU! perverts. UGH
When I read quotes like this one I have sit back with a pitcher of beer and I dont drink beer maybe its time to UPGRADE the types of men you're meeting, I have women friends and none of them encounters any of these " problems"
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 54
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:41:43 PM

the term gold digger was invented by men to cop out on their financial responsibilty of supporting the woman they love.

Gold Digger is a slang that originated during the Roaring 20’s; it describes a woman who associates with or marries a man for his wealth. This was quite a modern notion during the age of the flapper. In present day, the slang appears to have been expanded to include any woman who doesn’t go Dutch. This is why I always wear wooden shoes on a first date.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 55
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:09:49 PM
Although I am a DIFFERENT sort of feminist, I sort of understand what Msg 54 was saying.

Societal standards dictate (actually, at this point, just suggest) that the man pay for the first date. It doesn't really matter why, at the point you go on a date in thevery near future. It's just considered the "polite" thing to do.

BUT because society is changing, I think that is why you get the "transitional" feminists speaking out both sides of their mouths. It is ALSO why you get half the men upset about the status quo, and half accepting it (some graciously, some digging in their heels but still accepting).

But ALL that has NOTHING to do with golddiggers. Men could totally change the way women think, if they could all get on the same page and stop THEMSELVES from valuing money and toys so much (have you seen very many men's profiles? LOTS of cars, boats, and motorcycles).
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 56
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:22:45 PM
AGREED. I would also like to clarify. I was stating that I am a feminist, meaning that men and women should have equal rights. Statistics show that WE STILL DO NOT EARN AS MUCH AS OUR MALE COUNTERPARTS. If men want to be the protective, breadwinners, step it up. Accept us as your equals.

You wanna be the BOSS, gotta pay the COSTS.

You wanna be the king? gotta where the crown.

Won't pay the bills, I know somebody who will.
 youcantimagine
Joined: 9/15/2009
Msg: 57
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:53:17 PM

i am a feminist...feminist means that men and women have equal rights.


And yet...

I feel it is the DUTY of the man to pay for dinner, not to mention, open a door or two.




Wow...



And in closing...

 Mahogany-Rush
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 58
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:54:46 PM
cassago, I haven't seen any of the men's profile except for the people I know or like their posts, and none of the ones I call a good egg have cars,boats, motorcycles in their pics.

I have a problem with a woman who says she expects me to pay for dinner while she's sitting there preaching about feminism and equal rights. I know when I'm out to dinner with a lady I do pay, why, that's the way I was brought up you treat a lady call it tradition call it what ever.

Im all for feminism because I believe in equality but lets get real here, there are some things a woman cannot do that certain men can do, and vice versa, you talk about equality? its a double standard.
Especially in sports, Ever played Golf? ever played hockey? a woman can play in a man's league but a man cant play in a woman's league.
Even in certain professions, If a man wants to be a nurse he's looked down upon and even called a fag,where's the equality there?

A man stays home to be a house hubby and he's labeled a pansy? where's the equality ?
by the way I can show you ladies profiles that has boats, cars, motorcycles all the toys its not just a gender thing.

I know the ladies Ive dated and they all will tell you I dont like it when a woman pays for me , to me its cheesy, in my opinion, if she offers that puts a smile on my face, doesnt mean I will let her pay, but the gesture is nice.



Look I truly believe women can do what they want to do, including CEO's , political leaders you name it.
 youcantimagine
Joined: 9/15/2009
Msg: 59
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:04:00 PM
I'm all for equal rights; I'm a 100% supporter of them... This means I too expect to be shown consideration for my feelings, not just expected to be mindful of yours. I too expect a financial contribution, not just be expected to be a provider. I too expect to be talked to and given attention, not just be expected to always be the one to initiate interaction. I too expect a helping hand with taking care of the home, cleaning it, decorating it and maintaining it. I too expect reciprocation and appreciation, not just be expected to keep dishing out Princess treatment in exchange for Peasant treatment in return. It all comes down to it that in a functional, mutually productive and satisfying relationship... you treat each other as equals; period. Somehow in all the mix of trying to stand up for their rights, many women seem to conveniently forget all about the fact that things are expected of them too.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 60
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:24:04 PM
Even in certain professions, If a man wants to be a nurse he's looked down upon and even called a fag,where's the equality there?

A man stays home to be a house hubby and he's labeled a pansy? where's the equality ?

By other guys, you mean? What's this to do with "equality"?


many women seem to conveniently forget all about the fact that things are expected of them too.

So what? You've drawn your line in the sand, stand behind it. Ignore the women who "expect" things from you. There are plenty out there who play by your rules.
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 61
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:53:35 PM
you obviously haven't read anything from John Locke. A right is much different than duty. Duty is not mandatory, nor is it distributed equally. You are entitled to your own take, on my take, but, no one is asking you to buy me dinner. I do not know what you have done on your dates, but obviously you do not think it proper to pay for a women's dinner. It's not even that big of a deal. This is why women are single.

I would rather be single and independent, pay for my own dinner, as i do now, than rely on any man, esp. one with ill conceived notions.

And for any other man that wishes to comment on my posts, g'HEAD!!! I am strong-willed, may be young, but definitely know a thing or two about the dance.
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 62
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:58:16 PM
alright, so you get on my ass about having "expectations" and you, yourself say that is how you were brought up, to pay? SO therefore, you, yourself, EXPECT to pay.......ummmmm yeah...did you get a copy of that TPS report??

Also, you have another expectation, that women DO NOT PAY!

Basically, you have just agreed with me.
 youcantimagine
Joined: 9/15/2009
Msg: 63
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:59:36 PM

I do not know what you have done on your dates, but obviously you do not think it proper to pay for a women's dinner. It's not even that big of a deal.

I do a hell of a lot more for women I'm involved with than just buy dinner for them from time to time... Giving 100% means just that, giving 100%, and being enthusiastic about doing so. My stance in this however is that anyone, man or woman, with the outright audacity to insist that it is the man's "duty" to pay for the woman's dinner - is an unelightened fool. You don't gain respect and special treatment from someone by having an attitude of sheer entitlement before you're even out of the starting gate. Very, very foolish.
 ReallyCleverOne
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 64
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 7:12:17 AM

This guy is a total self serving moron, and no one should waste their money on the crap he sandwiches between two covers

Have you even read the book? He has nothing to GAIN by saying the thing he says in the book. Steve Harvey is already very wealthy at all of the other stuff he does (tv, radio, standup, etc). He didn't need to write a book to make money. Try reading the book before you assume you know what it's about & why he wrote it.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 65
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 8:57:18 AM
Gold-digger i can see it being created by men but as a cop out for financial responsibility I don't know, then again maybe, it's general term. yes, there are men out there who don't want to pay for nothing so as soon as a woman expect the check she's a gold digger, at the same time there are women who prey on men with money. In this day, it's hard to separate the real from fake, who knows the origin of the word, but I respect his opinion.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 66
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:15:45 AM

Have you even read the book? He has nothing to GAIN by saying the thing he says in the book.

You make it sound like he's some humanitarian giving the book away for free. He's not.

Just last week he was on Tyra plugging it, and I know he's made the rounds of other women's TV shows doing the same. There are rather lengthy excerpts of the book (almost whole chapters) available online at his publisher for perusal. So I've read enough of him to think I know to my satisfaction basically where he's coming from.

In condensed form, he's a traditionalist going around telling women what men's place is. A female version of him would be going around telling men about how women's place is in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, how she must be a beautiful young virgin at her first and only wedding, etc, etc.

It's not difficult to see why such a person in this day and age would not be taken very seriously by many and would be called names like "idiot" and "moron". He has opinions and a point of view (little or none of which I share), but not much more. It's not like his book considers different points of view and reasons it's way to some conclusions which the reader is either allowed to accept or not. It's more like he's trying to come off as women's savior, having come down from the mountain with his tablets of The Way It Is And The Way It's Supposed To Be. It's easy for me to say I think saviorism is delusion, and that by not considering things in any depth he comes across as someone who doesn't really know what he's talking about, even if he thinks he does. Some will respond to his preaching, and him appointing himself as some sort of authority with The Truth and All The Answers. Others will be turned off by him taking the attitude that we're all little children who are supposed to believe him just because he says so.

To get back on topic, Durandal26 (Msg 50) is correct that in the statement alluded to by the OP, Harvey is at least guilty of totally confounding the issues of child support and women who are in it only for the money. And he does so in a very superficial and simplistic fashion, totally discounting the male experience of getting into it for love, being ejected some years later by the woman on a whim from "his" family, having "his" kids taken from him by her (with the help of the state), and then being forced (again, by the state) to subsidize all this for the duration with his earnings -- how what started out as being about love ends up being only about his money. It would only be natural that a man who has experienced this would feel used and would be a tad bit resentful.

In short, Harvey's "ideas" are barely worth debating (to be generous), and I don't think his book is worth reading any more of than I already did.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 67
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:23:06 AM
I don't think what he said was all that bad. The fact is that many men throw the term gold digger around like water.

Some of them are so insecure to the point where if a woman makes the slightest move, she is considered a gold digger.

Frankly, I don't go chasing after men's wallets, so this doesn't mean much to me at all.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 68
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:24:36 AM
OH, ha ha I thought you meant THE John Locke, since you were talking about duty and stuff. Too funny!

Hm, Colonel watches Tyra?! That's the funniest part of this whole thread!
 Zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 69
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:25:20 AM
Sooo...

A Tru (TM) feminist is one who only champions societial standards when it benefits THEM and seeks to destroy those standards that are detrimental to them...sexist.

I'm a feminist. I even had the ex's last name to back it up.
I believe in equality and actually practice it.

If I'm to the door 1st, I open it and keep it open...I also expect the same.
I don't pull the chair out nor do I expect her to do the same for me.
When 'meeting' someone. I go Dutch and try to ensure that we're meeting at a mutually agreeable place. I'm a single, 24/7 custodial father, I fully understand a single mother's position...and see how society is set up to pander to them a little more over us, rareish, single dads.

If I INVITE you to a DATE, I have no problems paying but, unless it's reciprocated in kind, I may stop after a short while.
I have no problems if the lady's version of a date is financially inexpen$ive but, she should have the same expectations of me.
A stroll or jog in the park over a multi-course meal and chez $nob$alot is fine.
But, she should be fine if I select those options too.
The goal is to meet and get to know someone a little better.
NOT to 'BUY' someone.

And, to think it's some 'Duty' or 'Societial' expectation that a man...or woman, dance to some archaic notion that died out a GENERATION ago...give me a break.
If you want, truely want, to believe that.
Then, I want to return to the notion that it's a woman's DUTY to put out on the 3rd date. And, the more I spend on her, the more perversly freaky she'll be in 'rewarding' me.

In the end, if you want EQUALITY, you have to act like an equal. You want the man to be a little more compassionate and understanding? To communicate with you and take a very active interest in child rearing? You have to make some adaptations too.
The first is: Ditch the 'entitlement' attitude.
Or, find a man dumb enough to put up with it...just don't be surprised at the eventual break-up and divorce.



Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to hold the door open for a nice lass...it's our 3rd date and I'm feeling a little randy...
 wolftxus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 70
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:45:24 AM
"Statistics show that WE STILL DO NOT EARN AS MUCH AS OUR MALE COUNTERPARTS."
To the lady who wants equal rights but unequal duties (wouldn't that be nice): Read Thomas Sowell on economy or check with any good business school why you did not interpret the statistics right. In fact, without any sexist agenda it would be unwise to underpay women - just as it is unwise to be racist. From a business perspective you have an interest in proper pay or you risk losing a good worker to the competition. If you want to complain, do something about preferential treatment for women-owned businesses (if they are half as good as they are made out to be they don't need any subsidies).

As for some other posters, it is usually not about a coffee or a dinner on a first date. The term gold digger would not even come to mind unless she insisted on a fancier restaurant and picked the most expensive item. Yes, those exist. Even then, the term describes those who drain the most value out of a guy in a relationship just to dump him without a major emotional investment. However, a first date and its conversation topics can reveal such a person early on. Mocking the price of a coffee does not invalidate that women with such a mindset are out there. No need to feel insulted unless you are one of them.
 LDF85
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 71
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:16:20 AM
A lot of women feel that the men who complain about gold diggers are usually the ones who have nothing to dig. But one could also say that most of the women who do the gold digging aren't super models either. Perhaps both sexes are a little deluded?
 WHITE CANOPY
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 72
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:54:37 AM
WOW, is a woman labled a gold-digger because shes tired of her body being used while looking and hoping to find mr. right? im sure there are kids at home and dad has probably abandon them so she benefits financially. a male anatomy isnt beneficial, hell she probably has that in her night stand drawer. besides, that wont get those bills paid. a man, not male is SUPPOSED to take care of his woman and children. that is his role. things have gotten a lil out of pocket not because this is a new generation but because men are not raising their sons. and our men today dont have a clue on what a mans role is. our daughters are out there spreading their legs because dad isnt there to tell her, she doesnt have to do that. nine out of ten, a man is looking for a warm place to put it and on the same token, a woman is looking for love and her husband. im old fashion. when im out on a date, i expect the man to take care of it. i like for my doors to be opened. yesssssssss, i love being treated like a lady and a lady does not pay for a date. this does not make me a gold-digger. we all have our role. i may not buy you dinner on a date but i will definately cook you dinner and serve it to you. in todays economy it takes 2, 3 hell maybe even 4 paychecks to make it. a woman sees herself giving up the goodies and wondering how the hell is she going to pay the light bill, as something terribly wrong. the man thats getting the goody should be checking to see if her needs have been met. womens foreplay is not sexual. if we know you have our backs and looking out for us, relieving us from some financial stress, THATS our foreplay. we will freak all over you and treat you like a king, IF we are the right woman. men like sex and women like money. thats it thats all. im not saying women dont like sex and men dont like money so please dont get this twisted but dont call a woman a gold-digger for this reason. i think a gold-digger is a woman that feels so USED that she will never allow herself to be put in that position again and at this point she starts looking at relationships as $$$$$$$$$$$$.
 ReallyCleverOne
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 73
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 11:51:31 AM

I don't think his book is worth reading any more of than I already did.

Again. Someone running off at the mouth about a book they did not read. Excerpts of anything can be taken out of context. Read the entire book before you pass judgment.
 youcantimagine
Joined: 9/15/2009
Msg: 74
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 12:27:09 PM

Again. Someone running off at the mouth about a book they did not read. Excerpts of anything can be taken out of context. Read the entire book before you pass judgment.

Apparently you're an adamant supporter of the book, so I'm inclined to think you must share Steve Harvey's views and support them... How very sad for you.

Here are a few other quotes from the book:

we men can only nurture to a certain degree. It's not in our DNA..

That's certainly news to me, considering that the vast majority of nurturing that ever took place in my relationships, existed because of me and my efforts. Being nurturing towards someone you love isn't a gender specific quality, it's simply a quality of being human; and any guy that doesn't understand that, doesn't even know how to be a person much less be a man.


Men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. ... These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood.

I think very little of any man who has this "manly man" mentality and thinks that apparently he can speak for the rest of his gender... as if he somehow is an authority. Steve Harvey knows his heart; he knows his view of what a man is and is supposed to be... He certainly does not speak for men as a whole.


It is ok if women don't know how to cook as long as they "cook" in the bedroom.

Bullshit; a hundred thousand times, bullshit. If a woman wants to be with a man who isn't even capable, much less willing, of interacting with her on equal ground where both give and receive the respect and consideration due to them... then she should find a man like Steve Harvey who believes that as long as you can do things right in the bedroom then you're worth having. A lot of men have that kind of simpleton mentality; but no man worth being with will think like that.


The problem with women is they have this great spectrum of what love is, and they want it reciprocated the same way they give it out.

Really? Really? Really? Where, someone tell me where all these women apparently are who have this "great spectrum of what love is"... I haven't found any whose definition of love is a bit more complex than sleeping with me and letting me shower them with affection, attention and communication. And Harvey says "they want it reciprocated the same way they give it out." Really!? I'm pretty confident that there's a better chance of me winning my state's lottery than there is of most women wanting love reciprocated to them in exactly the way they show it.

Harvey is a fool; the guy is a very simple minded, attention-seeking, utter fool. He has taken a lot of very generic, unoriginal and over-used views that he knows women will respond to, and he's presented these views as his own, as if he's somehow the first one to ever come up with these lame ass statements he makes.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 75
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 12:36:46 PM
He's way off base. In fact, he's running the bases backwards. A woman that is involved with a man because of the size of his bank account IS a gold digger. The term has been co-opted by society to include a woman that might merely expect to have a gentleman buy her a drink, or dinner now and then.
He has put the cart before the horse, as it were.
I would like to add that while men may have coined the phrase, women started the practice.
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