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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:24:52 PM | You put something on my computer and if you don't tell me I'm going to come over and get my stuff! Come and get it...
Truth be known I didn't put anything on her computer but caught her having cyber sex with strangers lol. | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:30:40 PM | I woke up from an afternoon nap and found her letter on the computer's keyboard. "Adios amigo, I'm outta here".
Now, I know why she left. I'd sunk into such a state of depression from an illness and had sought solace in online fantasy games, to the point where I neglected her terribly. But her leaving came as a shock. I had thought we doing all right. But just like the line from "Cool Hand Luke", what we had was "a failure to communicate". Looking back, I can't say I blame her. I neglected her terribly. But her leaving was a shock that quite literally almost killed me. I learned a few things....but damn, I don't ever want to see a letter like that again. | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:22:12 PM | A friend of mine told me he was once dumped and only discovered the fact when he went out to check it mail at the post office ... and found a wedding invitation from his now-ex and her soon-to-be hubby!
If that doesn't take the cake, nothing does. Of course, I have to wonder about this particular friend as I would really think there would have been some warning signals that the relationship was on the rocks. | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/15/2009 7:06:25 PM | ...The "strange" part came later for me.
I had picked him up at the airport...he had just completed a 10 day "business" trip in San Diego. The deafing silence on the way home should have been a warning signal that something wasn't right. But it was late and I was tired and suspected he was too.
As soon as he got in the door, suitcases still in hand he said, " I've been thinking about how to tell you this but there's no easy way....I want a divorce"
I was literally stunned. Couldn't think of one solitary thing to say. Finally I muttered something like, "But why?" His answer...he felt life was passing him by. And no, there was no one else....that was "his honest truth"
To make a long story short, I ran into him and his new girlfriend not even six weeks later at a local supermarket.... I found out through my daughter that she was from San Diego.
He called me six or seven months later and said he thought he had made a grave mistake. Did I want to have coffee?....Ummmm, I gave up coffee for Lent.
Molly Maude said: I asked why he didn't let me know he was dating/seeing/proposing to Susan and he said, "I was afraid she'd say no and I needed you to fall back on."
wow. I can't express how that felt! mostly, I think I felt stupid
.... Rejection hurts like hell, but to put it like that..... I can't begin to tell you how cruel I think that is. You are probably better off without him.
...maeflowers | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/15/2009 7:44:31 PM | got a phone call from my wife, .... she was calling from her boyfriends house knowing
and the name/number would show up on our caller ID. guess it saved her from having to break the news herself !?? | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/15/2009 8:18:26 PM | Ok, Maybe it will make me feel better after you all hug me when I post this.
This is AFTER 3 years and a plan to spend the rest of our lives together(or something to that effect).
His cowardly email:
Dear B,
I am truly sorry for the unrest I have caused in your life, I won't be doing it anymore. Thank you for all that you have brought to my life. I promise not to call or email you again. I wish you the best.
H
Oh, here is one I got from him, after our last breakup...........
It had been 4 months..........and out of nowhere, he left a not on my porch, under a water bottle.
It was from a piece of mail, I really do not think he knew or planned to leave this, but wanted to write a note to leave and found it in his car:
It had his name, and then he had ripped out the rest of the sentence and it said:
You Deserve More
The funny part about this, was that my daughter's boyfriend had left a post it note on our door that said "I Love You"....no name or anything. Well, I was still pining after him, although we had not spoken in months, and so I called him, and merely said.......I got your note. He told me he came over and then had left, as I was not at home (10 min earlier and he'd have seen me leave w another guy!). So, I am think he wrote that he loved me and here all he did was say I deserve more. So finally he tells me about the water bottle and then I found the note.
Yes, we got back together after that.
No square pegs in round holes, no square pegs in round holes, no square pegs in round holes
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/15/2009 8:35:01 PM | 
Thank you Mae.
I know, it does take time. Right now I am still trying hard to not allow my brain to go there. I do fine, until my head hits the pillow.
I do deserve more.
Somewhere, there is a man who will love me for me, and allow this lil yankee Suzy homemaker to shower him with love and attention, love me back and share life in an amazing way....side by side and exploring life to the fullest. I want a life partner, friend, & companion - no doubts or misgivings, only love. | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:52:40 PM |
If that doesn't take the cake, nothing does. Of course, I have to wonder about this particular friend as I would really think there would have been some warning signals that the relationship was on the rocks.
Perhaps for this person there was no relationship to start with and it was just role playing so they didn't have to be alone until they found someone else.
Ive had that game played on me a few times on POF where a guy is getting ready to be single or she's leaving at the end of the month, the way to figure it out is ask for home phone number, address, etc. if he says, "Just give me two weeks and you can have anything you want," you know something is kinky in dating land. | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:57:01 AM | | Forumfilly, so you got "guilt diamonds" too, huh? That's the first thing I think now when I see a woman whose husband has bought her alot of jewelry. That...and wonder if she has a clue what's going on. | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/19/2009 12:42:44 PM | thank you for understanding, maeflowers ...
there is a follow-up to this ...
he DID marry "Susan" in April ... by July, he called me, said things weren't working out with "Susan" ... and would I like to fool around with a married man!!!!
 ... 
I laughed ... said "no thank you!" | |
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1jamez
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 91 | |
| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/20/2009 11:49:16 AM | A nurse I dated 3 years ago departed suddenly with no explanation.
Almost insecure and looking guilty is a red flag I learned as everyone calls me naive.
I was puzzled she abruptly departed with no explanation, surprised me!
I didn't follow up or pester in any way, not even once... no more MSNs nothing... all gone... poof.
Then suddenly again, a few months later, she MSNs me out of no where and confides how her new room mate is under psych meds she found, is embroiled in fraud, and dumped her with no explanation! (he paid the rent, rubbed her feet, etc., and she fell in love with him she said) ...but just like that he leaves and said nothing with no explanation reiterated ...
Heh, I so felt like saying something but remained silent and counseled politely where after a few days he was back and she became totally mute again... not one thank you or hello since... not even a goodbye again
Another nurse who seems to force a smile recently emailed me claiming my profile forgot to mention humble, with short one line insults playing politics with strangers, I initially laughed it off until I finally blocked her and now she changed her profile to seek younger men. (she was 45 and prolly look like my mom in real life, twice my date's neighbors actually said that to them and I can be sure she looks much older let alone harder like the other nurse)
Anyways I am leery of nurses now, and can spot an open heart in a new york minute as naive as I might seem, I may be naive but not stupid.
To make a long story short, the best thing that can happen is an abrupt departure, like getting a bad tooth pulled than living with the decaying toothache. =)
Run don't walk, a polite dear John is humane, but in its absence, tough love will do. =) I am a sucker for punishment being too polite to even leave and may this be a lesson to others as I struggle to control my environment better with modern women. =) | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/20/2009 5:45:59 PM | Mine was after texting back and forth with him while he was at work, 2 am Thanksgiving Morning.. typing I love you.. wish you were home, what we were fixing for his families dinner that were due to arrive at noon... He dropped his Palm Treo and it started sending me all of his emails and texts he had saved. The first one was a web site for gay hook ups.. then the emails from that site.. I typed back to him .. What was that??? He said Oh I dropped my phone.. I said, you would not believe what fell out of it.. I got out of bed and went in and turned on his computer and started digging through histories and finding websites that were for the gay hook ups.. figured out his passwords and got into his profiles which I took liberties with. 
I opened a bottle of scotch and by noon the turkey was right stuffed and his parents were wondering why I was plastered by noon. Oh there was quite the row after his family left. The next night I went onto his hotmail account and opened msn messenger.. His lover came on.. a transvestite came on.. Oh it was quite interesting. 3 yrs later I am in my own home in another country... still hanging on because of the medical insurance and trying to figure out where he hid the money.. 
Arp | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/20/2009 7:19:23 PM | Well, this last relationship was hanging in the balance. Over but not quite totally 100% without hopes of a reconciliation.
He told me, in a cool, unemotional voice............
Well, when I left there, the last time we saw one another, I pretty much figured that would be my last trip to........(my town).
This is just an example of how our communication SUCKED. He left me, with the impression that he had some issues to deal with before proposing. HAHAHA Prior to this , he had just emailed...he loves me, misses me, wants me.
Then a Dear Jane letter, then he had driven his last trip and knew he would not be pressured into proposing and wasn't going to be driving over anymore.
Well, I said, if you aren't going to marry me, you don't have a reason to drive over. | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:08:44 AM | Oh Boy, I think I can add some "strange" to the discussion.
Sorry folks, but this is a bit long.
It's about '81 or '82 and I had met this woman at a party and we had dated 3 times over the period of 10 days. We talk on the phone on a Tuesday night making plans for Friday night (date 4). I'm supposed to pick her up and meet the parents. OK, Friday comes and I arrive at her house, dressed in a suit and tie (normal for my job) and small amount of tasteful flowers for her mother.
She and I had really hit it off and I was going about this as seriously as I could.
She opened the door, dressed in shorts, tee shirt and tennis shoes (not ready for a date), through the door I had seen a group of her friends on their back deck laughing and partying . She stepped out of the house, closes the door behind her and tells me there had been a change in her plans. I asked what was going on and she replied " I though you were the kind of guy that I would be proud to date and spend time with." So I said, "I'm not sure what you're talking about..." She then tells me that her mother had a conversation with another woman (woman X) that knew MY mother and had spoken with her recently. They were all sorority sisters (not the same college or year, just same sorority) Apparently my mom had told woman X that I had done poorly in college (Mom was straight A, I was a B average) was not doing well in my job (Well, I did live with the parents since the job didn't pay enough to rent an apartment, it was also my second job...) and I still had to be reminded to Pick Up My Room. She had said some other things too. I don't remember all of it. So woman X lets the new Girlfriend's mom know what she can remember about what mom had said about me and things go south from there. I actually had to ask my mom what she had said to woman X, so I could decipher all of the things that the Girlfriend had regurgitated to me. Great conversation.
Another one:
I'm going out with this woman for about 6 weeks. As far as I know everything is great and "we" are happy. A guy comes walking into the store I'm working at and asks, "Are you So and So?" I answer, "Yes sir, what can I do for you?"
" I'm Angela's boyfriend and she wants you to make sure that you don't call her any more."
"Really? This isn't some kind of joke. I really don't find it humorous, if so. I'm at work, Man"
"Yeah, she didn't want to face you and told me if I do this for her it would make it easier for us to be together."
"She's all yours man. Oh and by the way, she much better in bed if she's drunk."
Another one:
I'm going out with the woman for about 3 weeks. Everything seems fine. I come out of work and find a note on my car.
"You and I have been so good together and I really think I love you. It's too bad that you don't want children because I'm going to be the best mother. My ex [the one that abused her physically] called me and told me he really wants to be a daddy. Although I love you, I'm going to be with him. So I can be a mommy. Please don't hate me."
Dodged another bullet.
I've had dear John letters left on the door of my apartment, left with friends who would later give it to me and messages left on my phone answering machine. Most are just content to call me up and break up with me over the phone. One woman I had dated for several months called me from another city (where she was visiting her family) to tell me she wanted to move away. Without me. I had started a job and was working 60-70 hour weeks so I could get a promotion, since she had wanted me to earn more money (You know, for our future life together). She wanted to end it and felt that I was consumed by my job...
As I have gotten older the reasons change.
I dated a woman for 2 months and she had me over for dinner one night. After the dinner we were cleaning up the dishes and such and she tells she's going to miss all of this. I ask, "What are you talking about?" She tells me we can't see each other anymore because of my job. "What's wrong with my job?" Apparently, since she had gotten her house and cars from her previous husband and their divorce, she didn't want to jeopardize her situation. I didn't earn enough to be a "financial equal" and if we got married she would have to split her belongings with me in the possible divorce. She had too much to lose if we broke up down the road. Apparently guys like me are a liability to one's assets.
Turns out that years later she married a guy (with money) and they later divorced. He had the better lawyer, he got the house and more money. Karma!
Finally:
It's 1994. I met a woman that was, for lack of better words, frickin' gorgeous. It also helped that she was intelligent, educated and a very positive person. I really thought I had died and gone to heaven. She was amazingly organized and always dressed beautifully. We are going out for 2 1/2 months and I constantly checked to see if I'm dreaming or not. Luckily, I'm fully awake and she states, without coercion, that she is happy and pleased to be together. She's talking about US and she's not drunk when she says this too.
[ You see this coming, right?]
We go out for a nice dinner and when we get back to her place, she stops me at the door. She tells me that she has decided that she had changed her mind about having children (she didn't want them before) and had found another guy that can keep her and the future kids in the fashion in which she would like to become accustomed. It takes me a couple of minutes for this to sink in, during which time she tells all about the new man. She also tells me that we can't remain in contact in any manner because, "it wouldn't be right".
Fast forward to 1999 and I'm walking through a local grocery store by my place. I'm picking up some beer for a party at a friends. A short fat round woman in stained stretchy sweat pants /top stops her cart in front of me to get my attention. I look at her and ask what the problem might be as she repeats her name a fourth or fifth time, punctuated with "remember?". I can't put a face and name together over the noise of the squalling brood in her cart. There are 3 children in descending ages contained within and they are not happy. Or clean. It finally hits me !!!SARA!!! However, the person in front of me is only the same height and general age as the Sara I knew. The Sara I knew was a blond, would be around 37 and used to work out 2 hrs/5days and got many modeling offers. She never had a hair out of place or left her house unless her makeup was perfect. What stood in front of me had been crying very recently and smelled vaguely of meat and baby powder. She is telling me that that the husband had just left her a month or so earlier, cleaned out their accounts and left with a newer, skinnier model bimbo to parts unknown. Her youngest was a month old. Yikes! She had to move in with her parents, cause she lost the house (no money) and had applied for food stamps. She was tearing up during all of the recent history lesson and whilst I was giving the cashier my money, I started to do the slid-step to the right. She asked if I still lived close and had the same telephone number and I said, yeah. The four year old memories all came back and I said" Too bad you can't call, cause IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT!" I skipped to the door with a huge smile on face, laughing. I think I was high for week after that.
There are more stories however, I generally tend to block them out. | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:37:45 AM | | What a strange, funny , sad thread.... not sure if this belongs but my then husband wanted some time apart to work out some things. Friday night I moved into a flat ( dumb as). Saturday, he goes to a party with my children. All strangers. Husband disappears. Some adults wander past - "who are those children?" one asks. "Oh that's L's new boyfriend's kids" the other says offhandedly. 10 years later we sort of recovered. | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/21/2009 5:41:48 AM | Well, my ex left me telling me I didn't like kids or want them, and that I would not be a good father. She left for a divorced guy who was much older than her who, since he had had his family, was fixed.
Nothing like female logic...... | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:21:06 PM | FriendlyFreeSpirit,
No - I embellished nothing er, well, maybe the 'smelled of meat' part. I believe it was really desperation filling my nose.
I had said earlier that she had told me of the new guy and that they had a 'connection' because his former wife didn't want to breed with him. They divorced over it and he lost most of what he had accumulated up to that point and was looking to start fresh (with my girlfriend) and find himself a breeder. That coincided with my girlfriend having a change of heart regarding children. It would also explain his way of dealing with her.
I heard she later moved to Idaho or Montana to live with a sister that was also a single mom. A mutual friend was shocked when she saw her after the second child and had seen just how much weight she had gained and that she had two children so quickly. I mentioned something to the mutual friend months after my encounter and she related her earlier encounter.
After a while it gets really hard to trust that what a woman says is really what she is feeling. I fall into the situation that if I assume all women are the same, that I will develop a relationship with a woman that doesn't fit the generalization. I will take actions that use that as a factual premise and suffer as a result. If I make no assumptions, then I have a difficult time breaking a pattern of behavior that is ultimately self defeating.
That's why I dated for most of 30 something years.
Good thing I can laugh!  | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:07:58 AM | | after 20 years together, I came home after work, the dog was gone, the house empty, all the financial paperwork gone from the files, the closet empty....I never spoke another word to her face again...just motions...that was ten years ago next month.. was the worst christmas I ever had | |
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| What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:35:25 AM | It's only been over for me once...and it was mutual
we just decided we wanted different things. Friendly
divorce...we remain friends..although he's married
again.
It is amazing to me (after reading this thread) what two
people who used to love each other are capable of.
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