| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 3:59:00 AM | | listen to people...it is not the price of coffee..it is the time...it is not fair...treat them how you want to be treated...good luck! | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 4:53:25 AM | I agree with that. And I'm not saying to just jump into bed with anyone. But I do suggest that most of us, if we find someone that we feel connected with in a way that we can see longer term relationship potential (and different people have different criteria and time spans for that) that sex is an important aspect of the whole relationship.
....but then when one reads the broken hearts section of the forums one gets the impression we are not that good in choosing partners...
I don't believe that sex is automatically good just because people are really into each other. There's a lot more involved. A woman can really love someone and think that just laying there and allowing him to have sex with her is her gift to him. Or a guy can really love a woman and think that doing missionary position for 5 minutes is the greatest sex ever. That does not mean that they don't love each other. But many people may not really appreciate that kind of sex.
....i would hope that in building a strong relationship..... not based on sex, communication would the cement holding the relationship. therefore the couple would feel comfortable vocalizing their desires.
honestly... how many lovers have been afraid to tell/ask their partners to do something sexual. that would leave us with the choice of being sexually free with our lover... or looking for a lover that knows the moves we like!
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 4:58:03 AM | listen to people...it is not the price of coffee..it is the time...it is not fair...treat them how you want to be treated...good luck!
i don't know about that.... anybody thinking that if the road does not lead to bed. well they just may not be worth the price of the coffee. after all they have just stated how they want to be treated....... | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:08:30 AM |
Getting involved with someone with your fetish is like buying a ridiculously expensive car without test driving it. Any sane, non desperate man, would pass.
So women are things you shop for, rather than people you relate to.
This board is certainly great for reinforcing the stereotype of men as pigs. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:10:34 AM |
listen to people...it is not the price of coffee..it is the time.
In a nutshell, "I listened to your conversation, now I expect something *I* enjoy!"
Whatever happened to the idea that the woman is a PERSON that you can RELATE to? I mean, why freaking bother dating? Prostitution is much less ambiguous. You don't have to bog yourself down with things like pretending you find her interesting. Just pay your money and she throws her legs in the air and you get the only thing that you see women as good for.
Men *are* pigs. At least the men on this board. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:30:05 AM | dear miss travelinghomebody...
not all men are pigs here! only the ones you have chosen to chastise... and they may not be pigs. they may just be posting lighthearted replies.
that said, and after reading many of your responses.....i am starting to feel that your choice of chastity may not be out of love for yourself... but more out of a bitterness towards men.
bonne chance......... | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:13:09 AM |
But I'm a practitioner of the unspeakable.
K, that did it for me, couldn't resist chipping into an otherwise exercise in inanity. Lol
I'm chaste.
So, do you accessorize? Got the matching belt? Lol
K. I'm brave, or maybe just bold. Whatever, I like my virtue alot more than I like yours. Mine enables me to engage. Yours keeps you from it. I am in search of the ineffably exquisite, height of intimacy, more perfect union, and I am willing to invest myself into that hunt.
From what I can see of the modern dating scene, holding out for the honeymoon is a downright freakish aberration, more bizarre and inexplicable than a fetish for plastic fruit. A chaste woman on a dating site? Might as well be a Luddite at a technology expo, right?
Yeah, that is right! I didn't check, but in this "modern dating scene", your profile should say you are looking for "friends". Not lovers.
Except the Luddite is opposed to technology. I'm all for sex; just in the proper context, which at this point in my life is along the lines of "He won't survive the honeymoon, but he'll die with a smile on his face."
Pretty bold talk for one who has never set foot on that ground, or sampled the punch.
You may not like sex with him. He may not like sex with you. You both might love it right off, or you both might find each other to be an acquired taste, like coffee. Look, three things can happen when you throw the football, and two of them are bad. But if you wanna score, on your first drive, jeeeeezz, give yourself a chance, and know what you have to do, and how, before you walk into the standing room only stadium for the wedding, and have to drive the length of the field. If you haven't practiced, hard and well, beforehand, you don't stand a ghost of a chance to score in the Modern Dating League.
And there are men willing to wait. I've met them. After other women snatched them up. They're as rare and valuable as authentic William Shakespeare signatures, so they don't stay on the market long.
There are uncut diamonds on the ground in a national park in Arkansas (I think that's the place). One in every million or so visitors finds one. Your game plan is strikingly similar, with about the same chance of success.
I'm still looking. But they can't be spotted at a distance. I have to get close enough for a conversation.
Doesn't that tell you something? Maybe just an inkling? You've pretty much put yourself on the market for the maximum price (marriage) where all your competitors, acknowledging the ample supply, are asking only what the market will bear.
So at what point -- and how -- do I bring up practicing the discipline of chastity?
My brother heads up a sizable team of salesman, a "force", he calls it. He teaches them how to succeed, and most importantly, how to "close" the deal. You, imo, are foreclosing practically any chance you might have to "close" a relationship deal. My gut reaction is that you should post a profile pic of yourself wearing a habit. But, of course, you would never get in the door with that approach, much less make your sales pitch, up close "conversation".
No matter how you look at it, pof, and any other dating venue, IRL or virtual, is a market, a place for exchange, and body fluids are too valuable a commodity for you or anyone else to exclude from your package, if you really want to make a sale. jmho
Find a venue where there are like-minded others, and you might stand a chance of hooking up.
Good luck to you. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:57:47 AM | So you're a virgin. When you meet the right guy just tell him. Not sure how you'll fare on a dating site. Alot of guys come here looking for sex. Not all but many.
So good luck with that. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 7:16:21 AM | | As I wrote up thread, I think you should find out why you are bitter about men. Once you determine that, you can go forward however you'd like. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:24:34 AM | OP, the people that were supporting your vow of chastity on this thread are all men. Yet, you didn't even acknowledge them and instead insulted all men.
Your responses very much seem to suggest that you're just bitter against men and this is your way to hold them all away from you while appearing to be holier than thou.
Why would you write this in the sex forum, which is not even public any longer? The only people that find it are the ones that know about it and are posting/reading here. So, you obviously targeted this to an audience that practices sex. Seems to me you're looking for an argument, so that you can then satisfyingly proclaim 'men are pigs'.
What does that make us women who enjoy sex? | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:39:08 AM | http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts5331481.aspx
OP check the above thread, perhaps you could ask the mods to move this to over 45. Honestly, it isn't that strange or odd. There are other men and women that aren't having sex. Even those in their 20's that aren't. I don't know if they are all waiting for marriage, but at least for someone to be exclusive with. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:44:59 AM | You place particular significance on sex and relationship. A small minority of men in western countries share your beliefs to the extent that they will abstain from sex until marriage. This is a very strong filtering characteristic, and I think you should disclose this in your profile and early in any meeting, as it will be a deal-breaker for most. Since this is non-negotiable for you, and also a non-negotiable issue for most men, you should focus entirely on those who share your perspective. Otherwise, one or both of you is almost certainly going to be disappointed. Perhaps a religious-oriented dating site would provide more candidates who share your convictions.
You are certainly not improving your image by calling men pigs, either. They are looking out for their own interests, quite naturally and normally, even though you wish it were otherwise. Your beliefs are fine for you, but the whole problem with ANY such belief comes when you try to assert your ideas on others. They are not wrong, and you are only right for your OWN self. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:47:28 AM | | You broach the topic at the first possible opportunity, and as you introduce yourself is none too soon. Think of having it printed on a T-shirt that can be read from across the room. It's a given that women won't have sex unless they want to, and they have many reasons why not, but when your reason has nothing at all to do with the man and is entirely dependent on marriage having been inflicted as a prerequisite, then fair warning demands large block letters on a T-shirt, at least, and hopefully above a graphic that gets the point across to illiterate hopefuls. Some depiction of sex crossed out by one of those circles with a line across should do it. It should be your profile headline here. It should be the subject line of all your emails. And in person if any alcohol is being consumed it should be repeated as an announcement every ten or fifteen minutes just to keep things clearly current. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:51:23 AM |
I don't owe him squat.
Yes, you do. You DO owe him the truth--you said it yourself, you're an aberration. No man who is proper dating age for you would expect the woman he's seeing to be a virgin. Like it or not, dating is a sexual thing.
There ARE dating sites out there for virgins and Christians, if you go to one of those, you will meet like-minded men. On a place like PoF, you'd be searching for a needle in a thousand haystacks. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 9:14:56 AM | | Gahhh, she isn't a virgin, she has kids...she just doesn't want to have sex until she is married. I have read a couple threads from men saying the same. Some men don't want to risk getting anything until they are married or have other reasons such as their particular faith, bad relationship(s), medical problems, etc. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 9:28:49 AM | i would put it in your profile,and i would pray that you seek therapy, you come across as frigid, with a chip on your shoulder ,when it comes to men, i would not even suggest you go to religious sites, because some sort of sexual relief is practised by most christians
you are asking too much of life, and to tell you the truth you represent the worst kind of person in modern north american society , you are only willing to sell sex for a price, you know what that makes you | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 9:42:55 AM | i dont want to bash you, but please put it in your profile, sexual compatibility is a major deal breaker when it comes to a long term relationship,you are not a virgin, so i would not even suggest you move to afganistan and hook up with the taliban, they would not even want you,your already used lol, and they like there virgins much much younger
get some help with your issues, you hate men | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:58:41 PM | "When do you broach the topic?" Write it in your profile.
In my opinion, you've put yourself in a tough spot, but that's your call.
However your attitude toward men might even be worse for you. In my experience, "man haters" put of a vibe that men run, run, run away from. That could be worse than the no sex.
I agree with the others. Get some professional help to understand why your desires are so far out the norm, and why you hate guys. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 1:05:30 PM |
In a nutshell, "I listened to your conversation, now I expect something *I* enjoy!"
Whatever happened to the idea that the woman is a PERSON that you can RELATE to? I mean, why freaking bother dating? Prostitution is much less ambiguous. You don't have to bog yourself down with things like pretending you find her interesting. Just pay your money and she throws her legs in the air and you get the only thing that you see women as good for.
Men *are* pigs. At least the men on this board.
I gave you the benefit of doubt but after that there's no doubt. Not only you're a bitter, desperate church lady, you're all also a lame forum troll.
*Plonk!* | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 1:08:39 PM |
So at what point -- and how -- do I bring up practicing the discipline of chastity? At the point of relevancy to the relationship.
If the dude seems to be pushing you for sex--it's a relevant discussion topic.
Say you were in a relationship with a dude, you push for emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy, and he's looking for that and more--it's a relevant discussion topic.
Say you were in a relationship with a dude, you make physical gestures toward him, he follows your cue and wants to go all the way--it's a relevant discussion topic.
If you're unable to talk about relevant relationship issues, you shouldn't be seeking deep interpersonal relationships. Either that or you really need to get lucky to find someone who will accept your non-reciprocative behavior. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 1:52:56 PM | Since this is a deal breaker........it should be discussed immediately.
Why waste not only his, but your time by dating someone you aren't compatible with.
I put this right up there with all the other major "dealbreakers".....
......children
......smokers
......drinkers
......drug use
......ethniticity
......fill in the blank
If I won't marry a man that has young children.....there is no need to meet or date them.
If a man expects a mature complete relationship that includes making love......then you shouldn't be wasting his time be omitting this major point.
No matter what your reasons are.....this should be discussed before meeting.
Personally, if a man told me this........I'd run as fast as I could the other direction!
I don't care how great a lover he thinks he will be......I would never commit myself to someone based on his opinions of himself!! | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:07:58 PM | So at what point -- and how -- do I bring up practicing the discipline of chastity?
Silly answer but...
When the time is right. Too soon and you can scare a guy off without him deciding that he is willing to wait for you. Too late and and thats just leading him on.
Personally the best time is right at the point where you both realize you like each other. If the guys smart he'll get it out of you even before you think of telling him.
Also, chasity is a very respectable thing in my opinion. It takes a lot of will power, self control and integrity to do something like that. All my personal heroes in life and the best marriages I have ever seen in my existence were relationships where the partners decided to wait.
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:18:56 PM |
Whatever happened to the idea that the woman is a PERSON that you can RELATE to? I mean, why freaking bother dating? Prostitution is much less ambiguous. You don't have to bog yourself down with things like pretending you find her interesting. Just pay your money and she throws her legs in the air and you get the only thing that you see women as good for.
Men *are* pigs. At least the men on this board.
I like my coffee bitter not my women. You asked the question, people are answering.
I would not date a woman that is chaste or holds onto some mythical number of dates to determine when it is right to have sex. Yes, I am a pig because I enjoy sex. Do I expect everyone to believe as me? Only the women I date. If she doesn't there is no need to even go out for coffee because it would be a waste or OUR time. As in both of us. When core values/ideals do not match, there is no need to even go forward. | |
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