| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:18:56 PM |
Whatever happened to the idea that the woman is a PERSON that you can RELATE to? I mean, why freaking bother dating? Prostitution is much less ambiguous. You don't have to bog yourself down with things like pretending you find her interesting. Just pay your money and she throws her legs in the air and you get the only thing that you see women as good for.
Men *are* pigs. At least the men on this board.
I like my coffee bitter not my women. You asked the question, people are answering.
I would not date a woman that is chaste or holds onto some mythical number of dates to determine when it is right to have sex. Yes, I am a pig because I enjoy sex. Do I expect everyone to believe as me? Only the women I date. If she doesn't there is no need to even go out for coffee because it would be a waste or OUR time. As in both of us. When core values/ideals do not match, there is no need to even go forward. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:52:35 PM | I'm thoroughly confused. No sex without marriage is usually a religious thing. Yet within those same religions divorce is just as terrible. Perhaps the wedding night surprise will be finding that the doctor after childbirth has given 14 extra stitches, just for the extra snug fit. Have you had hymenoplasty so that that you can parade around the stained sheets after the wedding and hang them at the in-laws house like some religions do?
If the above answer is yes, I'm sure we can arrange a trip to Las Vegas. The only other question I'd ask while there would be: "Does this taste like rohypnol?" | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:49:47 PM | It appears the OP has imitated a flock of birds. She obviously did NOT like being recognized in here as a moronic troll who asks a question, doesn't like some of the blunt answers and calls ALL of us PIGS.
With an attitude like that I believe she has issues much much deeper (no pun intended) than just announcing she doesn't put out for pigs ... umm .. dates until AFTER the wedding bells have all cracked and her newly betrothed is in the local ER suffering form her amazing sexual prowess.
Riiiiight. 
 troll | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:00:33 PM | I have to admit it is FUNNY reading posts and profiles about how women don't want a man that only wants to have sex.
Granted not all men JUST want to have sex, but the real fantasy is that a man will stick around without it.
Granted you can become a Dugger or an Amish person and not have to worry about sex until you are married but HONESTLY, if there was no sex then WHY do you need a man in your life???????
Yes i know, you don't want to feel like or be treated like a prostitute, i think since the dawn of man this notion has finally sunk in, we get it, you are not whores, and you don't sell your affections in exchange for monetary value.
Ok got it
Now what's on the table to motivate a man to be with you if he is to be chaste as well?????? | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:32:26 PM | Amish do something called bundling. There is a board placed between two people. The board is usually back in place in the morning, but often the couple announces their engagement shortly after the night. First child doesn't necessarily take 9 months to be delivered...
Ahhh then there are the upstairs brothels. Oh yeah, Amish men go to bars and visit women. I lived in Lancaster and my oldest son's father was from there. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:35:03 PM | Another modern myth: Chaste = asexual. You evidently didn't read as far as the "He won't survive the honeymoon but he'll die with a smile on his face."
So far the responses I'm getting reinforce my image of men as just cruising for sex, with no interest in women as human beings. Guess what? We're more than just propulsion units to bring our crotches to your bedroom.
So far the responses you've left OP only reinforce my image of you as a bitter, damaged woman, fearful of intimate involvement with a loving man. I love the generalization too, that anyone who doesn't believe or want what you do is automatically reduced to being a "pig", with only one thing on his mind when it comes to a woman.
Btw, chaste does equal asexual, in that you don't engage in sex. Doesn't practice at anything only make you better at it? So how do you intend to leave a man with a smile on his face when your skills are so rusty? 
In all seriousness, I don't think you need to necessarily put your abstinence in your profile, but in my opinion it should come up early on in your correspondence. The only thing you owe anyone is the same thing they owe you, namely honesty and courtesy. Be honest and do him the courtesy of letting him know before he invests much time or effort with you that you have no intention of having a relationship that involves physical intimacy, which most people DO think makes up an integral part of any loving relationship. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 9:12:25 PM | | Bring the issue of chastity up immediately. Better yet, make it clear on your profile that you are against sex outside of marriage and limit your dating life to those men who share your views. That means highly religious guys and closet-cases. Don't waste your time or anyone else's if you have sexual hang-ups. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/5/2009 9:43:37 PM | Dear OP,
Honey, I understand that you want a quality man who is after your heart and not just a piece of ass, but you can qualify a man as a gentleman without having a ring on your finger.
As a woman who waited until the wedding to 'give in' let me tell you, you may be sorely disappointed by what you end up with in the bedroom. You don't buy a car without taking it for a test drive, you don't buy a dress without trying it on to ensure a good fit, so why in the world would you marry someone without knowing whether you are sexually compatible or not?
By all means, date someone a good amount of time before sleeping with them, make sure that you both have the common goal of marriage in your future, but don't even think about walking down that aisle without making sure that his antics in the bedroom suit your needs. Otherwise you are basically buying a 'pig in a poke'and so is he.
Take it from one who knows. I lived in misery for six years with a man who couldn't have cared less about my sexual needs or happiness, and had some of the freakiest fetishes I've ever heard of, and that I've since never known anyone else to express a liking for...in fact when I have told people what I experienced in my marriage, most expressed abject horror as to what I went through.
Please don't take a chance on getting into a situation like I lived through. Make sure you know what you're getting into before you get that ring on your finger. I certainly wish I had.
Beth | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/6/2009 11:40:02 AM | I'd say you broach it as soon as possible. Why waste time?
Why not put it on your profile so you don't have to deal with anyone who holds dissimilar values?
So far the responses I'm getting reinforce my image of men as just cruising for sex, with no interest in women as human beings.
I don't see that at all.
At your age not everyone wants to get married in order to have sex.
That doesn't mean they have no interest in a woman outside of sex it's just that sex is an important part of a male/female relationship.
And I have to wonder if you can wait until you are married then just how much will you be getting afterwards?
How many men want to drop dead on their honeymoon?
How many men want to wait until after the contract is signed to find out whether or not you are falsely advertising your sex drive?
Probably not too many but I do believe that there is someone for everyone so you just need to be honest and put what your looking for out there and I'm sure it will happen.
It may make your pickings a little slimmer but you are only looking for one man right?
It doesn't matter how big the haystack is so long as you can find the needle and being upfront about your conditions will reduce that haystack considerably and simplify your search.
so if they can make you orgasm then that is enough... but if they can't make your mind cum...will you be happy with physical release... and mental frustration?
Are you new?
If you can't make a woman's mind cum then you'll have one hell of a time getting her body to!
Just because someone wants sex without the benefit of marriage doesn't mean that they want sex without the benefit of love and connection.
This board is certainly great for reinforcing the stereotype of men as pigs.
Men *are* pigs. At least the men on this board.
I think that's just your outlook.
I see most of the opinions just wanting honesty and what's wrong with that?
But go with your own experiences in life when you are thinking about how most men are.
You 'meet' all kinds on the internet that would not normally be in your own social circle so don't judge all men by some of the freaks on here although I must say this is actually one of the less piggish threads so I think it's mostly your attitude here.
Your beliefs are fine for you, but the whole problem with ANY such belief comes when you try to assert your ideas on others. They are not wrong, and you are only right for your OWN self.
Exactly!
OP The majority on here probably wont agree with you but there will be the odd man that does and that's who you are looking for.
Accept the men with similar mindsets rather than trying to persuade others.
And if you want people to respect your opinion then you have to be prepared to respect theirs as well even if you disagree.
You asked for opinions and you got them...they may not be what you wanted to hear but you still got the feedback that you asked for. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/6/2009 1:04:29 PM | I agree with those who've said this belongs on your profile, and, where you meet someone through an in-person context, should be brought up on a first date.
The reason for this is simply that it is extremely unusual in a divorced grandmother in the U.S. Your dates will, for the most part, be expecting chastity as a lifestyle approximately as much as they'll be expecting you to have a penis. Perhaps less.
I also agree that, if you're not already, you should be looking on Christian-only dating sites as well as secular ones, and should be seeking in-person connections through your church and church-related religious functions. That'll raise your chances substantially of meeting men who are like-minded. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/6/2009 3:23:51 PM | | I'd say put it in bold and in all caps........in your profile. That'll save you a lot of worry. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/7/2009 4:07:41 AM | At least with Pof I agree with putting it on your profile. With the internet there are people who are instant gratification types who will get mad at "wasting their time" on someone who wont "put out" Since it seems like your looking for a longer and lasting relationship, you wouldn't want to date that type of person anyway.
Just be honest.
In general budding (non-internet spawned) relationship wise I would say somewhere in the beginning. Being chaste is not popularly accepted or practiced in this day and age. So since its something that many people would expect participation in later on in the relationship, you want to bring it up BEFORE that point in the relationship. About the 2nd or 3rd date.
Also it depends on the person your trying to have a relationship with. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:53:04 AM |
You obviously think that you'll somehow be a better lay than a woman who has sex regularly, and that you have something "tremendously" valuable worth "waiting" for.
You know, you have a really bad habit of "putting words in other people's mouth" in no way, shape or form did she EVER say or indicate that she felt like she would be a better lay than a women who has sex regularly....NEVER.....that's YOUR warped little mind that thinks that....not HERS. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:01:52 AM |
Of course my biggest worry if I fell in love with somebody like you would be the VERY likely probability that things would NOT change that much AFTER the wedding.
I totally get what you are saying, and if I was a man I would think the same thing....however, I have heard men complain on numerous occasions that their wife was VERY sexual before they got married and then after the piece of paper, sex slowed wayy down to almost a complete stop. So....really, I guess you never know. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:39:13 PM | | This woman is obviously a man hater. Im guessing she got divorced because her husband cheated on her alot, she probably wasnt so impressive in the sex department after all. Maybe you should try dating a paraplegic then the fact that you dont like sex or just suck at it wont matter. Definatly post your chaste bs on your profile. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/7/2009 11:39:07 PM | | Am I too simple or what? There are so many sex sites If that's what a person wants, go there. Is pof a sex site? I don't want to read about sex anymore. If and when I do , I will go to a sex site. | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:49:34 AM |
I don't want to read about sex anymore. Then stop posting at the "Sex and dating" forum, duh !  | |
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| When do you broach the topic?
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:22:37 AM |
By email, before the first date. Do these guys a favor and save them the 10 wasted bucks for coffee
What simpleton would pay $10 for coffee to begin with? | |
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