| Still love her!
Posted: 10/11/2009 11:36:34 PM | Hey man,
hope you don't mind a guy giving you advice on this, but I've been through it. I can only speak for myself, it can be soul destroying when your with someone, you know that they are the one, there will be no other, no other couple have ever felt this strong.... all that.
I chased too, but then I stopped. I started to do things for myself. I just started going to the gym, looking after myself, going out there to meet new people like I have nothing to loose. Lets face it man, it can be a new start if you want, even though it tears your guts.
The point is this. When I stopped chasing, I was able to start saying my goodbyes because I realised I could live without her. Funny thing is she came back to me when I was starting to feel good. I was so lost in the idea of wanting to get back with her I didn't hesitate to give it another go. So we did, it was the worst year ever. The trust was gone, and I never asked myself if I really wanted to go back anyway.
The point is, don't see everything from her angle. What can I do? What will she like? Start thinking about yourself. How do I feel? What can I do for myself today? Go out, make new friends, and if you need to bawl your eyes out into a pillow. Its the best therapy there is.
Al | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/12/2009 12:23:28 AM |
I tried the no contact in the beginning but would send a message like....hey hows things hope your doing ok, thinking of you
That's not "no contact", that's contact!
No contact does two things:
1. If you leave her COMPLETELY alone and do not contact her in any way at all,
she has a chance to miss you. If you keep the contact up she can't miss you can
she now? And you want her to miss you, don't you? Yes you do! And I don't mean
for just a day or two, I mean for at least three weeks!!!!
2. You need a break from this situation! You need to step back and take a break and
think about ways to make your life better. If you have a better "package" to offer
her she is more likely to want you. By package I mean your body is in great shape,
your hair looks good, you are focusing your life not on her but on improving your
own life, getting more education and a better job. This way you bring more to the
table for her to want.
3. You will feel a little better every day that you do not send her a message and get rejected. Chasing some girl who does not want you and is not interested in you is what losers do. And she does not want a loser!
The idea is not to just keep pestering her until you wear her down and convince her to take you back. The idea is to remove yourself from her and let her decide that she misses you and wants you back. This way it is her idea and you are not bullying her into taking you back because she doesn't have a choice. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/12/2009 2:52:59 AM | Scott,
My fine young man ,Mind if I call you Scott ?..as it`s your name..
Listen to your Sister
As much as these well fine , well meaning people are right ..and they indeed are ,,
The thing is it really isn't about forgetting ,
You won't forget her ,Love is truely a Crazed midget with a semi automatic having a really bad hair day ..it can hurt ,but you shouldn't forget ..feel the pain ..
Sadly right now she doesn't want you back , Maybe one day she will ,, we can`t tell you ..only she knows that .. and she aint talking ,,,
So .. let's take the positives ,,you loved.. Woohoo ..You're capabable , You felt Love ,just think next time ..you can do it better ,, lucky next girl huh?,,unless you are the bitter type .. then lord 'elp her
See it as a Pause ..take a breath .. take a break ,, take a look at you .. take a look outside the window ,,take a look outside the door .. etc, etc .. take your time
Absence makes the heart grow fonder ..let her miss you .. back away from the phone , delete the tempting stuff .. if you loved her ..right ?.. then deleting is futile, as it`s memorised .. don't be tempted ...
Get down with your emotional side , watch a few soppy movies ,(I recommend Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind ) Cry ,, (If you are the manly type ..and I sense you are ,, then carry onions in your pocket and make out you just peeled a few ,,I'm so here for you )
Get your haircut ,write bad poetry , get down with your bad self ,,travel
Leave it for at least 3 months 5 days and 6 hours
And if after all that ...You still want her back .. and IT is all about You ..
And she wants you back ...and she was/is indeed the love of your life .. Yipheee
If not ..knit yourself a ju-ju doll stick pins in it ,then have some freaky sorbet sex,, cleanse your palate ..
And remember... yeah it hurts ya know .. but it was like the Mumps ..ya feel rough , ya cheeks swell up and you become sterile .. then ya get over it .. move on and do it all over again ..
What was the question again?
keep smiling
x | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:28:41 AM | Hey Al,
It's good to hear from someone who has given someone a second chance and learned some of the experiences and willing to tell and share it with others...
Lea in West TN | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:08:34 AM | | I agree with almost everything everyone said. Except the part about finding someone else to take your mind off of her. Probably because right now I'm that "other girl" that got used to take his mind off his ex. So, now they're back together and I just wasted two months of my life caring about someone who cared about someone else. I say, don't do that to someone. Wait until you're really over your ex and care about yourself again to even think about trying to care about someone else. Listen to angry songs, reconnect with your friends, watch movies, and cry if you need to. DON'T text her or answer her calls. She doesn't deserve the security of knowing you'll always be there while you're left feeling like this. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:22:43 AM | Hello danaxv,
Nice of you to share your experience about the (other girl) But you didn't tell much about it afterward, on how he keeped you both in contact..would like to hear more of your story..if you're willing to share it with us..
Lea in West TN | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/12/2009 12:16:57 PM | stop texting and calling her. the more you are 'behind' her the more she wants you to keep away from her.
she ended the relationship, so let her have her own way.
move on, get over it, do not contact her anymore. perhaps she might come back to you if she realises that you are happy without her...women are so strange sometimes! | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:25:57 PM | | She might like you more if you man up and read some of the other 12 million threads on here just like yours for the answer. Its too complicated to answer each one 90 times a day. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/13/2009 3:53:19 AM | There is nothing you can do or say to get her back...this is the reality scott, all you can do is let her be and is shewants you back she will come back in her own way.
If contacting her is causing you more pain then STOP! This will only prolong the feeling of pain and hurt...and will make you more depressed and upset.
If she truly cares about you and wants you she will contact you in some way.
My advice is to move on and forget totally about this girl, its hard yes butyou must do this...if you must contacther just let her know you care, but do not bombard her with messages and texts...good luck!
Mike | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/13/2009 1:37:52 PM | RE the post by: farceur on 10/5/2009 6 39 PM
This is one of the most articulate, well thought out, measured, insightful posts I have ever ever read about love... fantastic! I should have given something like this (a forum) more thought when I was at the depths of my suffering after a painful break-up. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:43:28 AM | | ^^^^^ Welcome to the Farceur fan club. He writes insightful gems like that often. You can read some of them by clicking to the left of his post on "History." | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/15/2009 4:48:18 AM | been through same.. only probably worse.. I was engaged.
anyway, things are gonna suck alot at first... you'll think about her alot and miss her and wonder what happened and blame yourself and knit-pick yourself to death... friends will try to tell you they know what youre going through, but in the back your mind you'll think "they dont know, we are different than other people" and you'll miss out on fun with friends cause you dont want to meet anybody else...
but you got to forget about her, go have fun, and soon you wont think about her as much.. you'll have fun, then you wont think about her at all.
Im not gonna lie its been a year since i talked to my ex, and I still think of her, but its kinda "sorry for her, she's the one thats missing out, Im a good catch" you got to tell yourself and believe it
hang in there | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/15/2009 5:21:00 AM | Here's a comparative analysis of money better spent:
$400* = Ex-girlfriends appreciation(a kiss on the cheek if you're lucky) for serviced apartment per week + the memory of her smile as the money left your wallet+ anguish knowing she's shagging someone else tonight
$400* = Call girl's appreciation (imagine a kiss on the cheek to the power of 1000)+ never ever the bad days, never ever the machine washed stretched underwear + diminished responsibility and accountability (in short....happy days)
*This is not accounting for its time value and compound interest. Just expendable rent money....here today, gone tomorrow. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:46:19 AM | UPDATE!
Went for a meal with her lastnite...I asked her if she would like to a couple fo days ago and she said yes which was good...evening went ok spoke about uni, friends and work etc etc...Dropped her off at her house, didnt go in but would have liked to have stopped over she said she was tired and had uni in the morning, she gave me a peck on the lips and said thankyou for taking me out...
I messaged her this morning saying----Morning babe, nice to see you lastnite...have a good day. X
Just not sure what to do now? Should I let her come to me, dont wnat to chase or look desperate? I want to see her again and more often last time I saw her was 4 weeks ago...when I ended up stopping over and having sex!..
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/16/2009 1:28:34 AM | Sounds like she will see you when she needs something to do.
Enjoy what little crumbs she is willing to throw you. She does not sound like
she is crazy about you so just accept it. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/16/2009 4:39:11 AM | Scott,
Forget her, the best thing is to find a new girlfriend. That is the best thing to do, and it is something which she will notice. If you are seen as getting over her very quickly, then it will show others she has little effect on men in the long term. This is the best thing you can do to help yourself. From what I started reading above she is stringing you along, watch and be careful with your feelings, she may only be keeping you for when she needs you, for what she wants. Be careful. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/16/2009 1:35:04 PM | Same sort of shit happened to me last year. Dont get back with her whatever you do she will most definatly go cold again. Chin up move on dont mug yourself off!
Better now then some time down the line.  | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:31:31 AM | Hi guys this is my last post on this thread...to ****ing pissed off now and just want some last advice!!
I just want to know....should I now just stop trying... and also asking to meet up and things...she knows how I feel towards her.
Is is best to just let her come to me now...if she really has feelings...she does contact me when I leave her alone and sends me messages saying sorry not been in touch and asking how iam... just finding this so hard.
Been pulling lots of other women on nights out but still cant get her out of my head even when having sex!!
We have talked and she wants to see her friends and concentrate on uni and visit her family who have mnoved away..ive said thats fine but she knows I want to see her at times...is it best for me to stop asking to see her and whatever happens will happen. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/18/2009 12:11:56 PM | General tone of the posts (including mine) here have told you NOT TO CONTACT HER ANYMORE.
If you are hell bent on torturing yourself over this person, there's no advice that will make you change your mind....
Good luck, you're going to need it. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:45:43 PM | Hey Scott,
Move on, so you can live the life you deserve. The end is just the beginning. It is your chance to begin a journey to discover who you are, to understand that you deserve more, and to learn what you truly want out of life. The reality is, for whatever reason, your relationship is over. But, that doesn't mean your life is over. You may not like it, but the truth is...you have a choice. You can choose to continue to make your life miserable by holding to something that doesn't exist anymore...or ...you can make the decision; that even though things didn't work out the way you wanted...you are going to pick up the pieces of your life and "move on". It really is your choice. The reality is life after what's her name...You just have to make the decision to let it go and move on. You and You alone possess the power to do what ever you want. Take a little steps each day and you will be amazed that you really are starting to feel better.. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:57:00 PM | | Give it up. There is such a thing as stalking. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:48:47 PM | I know it seems impossible now, but in six months it won't feel so bad. Just don't do anything stupid. And start looking around for some new girls to date. There's nothing like a new romance to quench the fire of a broken heart. The next girl may only be a "rebound" relationship, but it will clear your head like nothing else known to man. You're 19 for heaven sakes. Get out there and date a bunch of girls.
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:49:26 PM | | Here's the best bet. Don't talk to her. Like, at all, for a few months until you are over it... contact her again when your life is going better and maybe pick up some new exciting things to do to occupy your time. When you can be just a friend, re-initiate contact and maybe an opportunity will come up later. Maybe you'll want it, maybe you won't. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:48:21 AM | | There is nothing you will be able to do or say to get someone you love back if they dont want to be there. If someone wants to to be with you they will find time... think about it when you want to see A friend /family or lover DONT YOU ALWAYS FIND THE TIME? it is the same with a relationship! | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:16:18 AM |
it seems she just doesnt care about me or is even bothered
You know Scott, it could be that she just doesn't care, or it could be that she cares about you enough that she's trying to make it easier for you by not being in contact, so this doesn't drag out and you can start healing... but either way, she's sending you a clear message that, for her, this relationship is over. Unrequited love is likely the most painful feeling known to man, but it's something I think everyone experiences, at some point in your life. How you handle it makes all the difference in how long it takes to move past it.
I just cant help thinking about her and its driving me mad
Yes, sitting around dwelling will drive you mad... and it makes things hurt a whole lot more. You have to make a conscious decision to refocus your attention, and stick to it. At first, you might have to force yourself to do so, but the more you do it, the more natural it will become. Take a class, join a sports team, volunteer your time at an animal shelter, teach yourself to play euchre.... whatever you can come up with to keep your mind actively focused elsewhere. Hard to believe, but at some point, you'll realize that it doesn't hurt as bad as it did, and eventually, it will just be a faded memory from long long ago that really doesn't matter anymore. Hope the journey from here to there is a fast one. | |
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