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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:26:54 AM | I just overhauled my profile based on advice here, dropped the solo pic of Rhea and cropped some of the others including my main one to show my face better. But I decided to keep the festival pics because that is my current life, and that is the life any woman interested in responding to my profile would have to become part of -- it's almost a lie by omission not to include that. Unless the feature version is greenlighted before then (and I hope to GOD it is), I will be doing this festival thing all the way until May (the short film's first year of eligibility expires around then). I have always thought there was some danger of showing me standing next to taller people, but that is reality. I'm almost always the shortest person in the room. (Well, except for that one time I got lost in LA's Chinatown...) I mean, just reading my height listing, any woman is going to know that. As I actually am taller than a slight majority of women, many women's profiles have a "you need to be at least 3 inches taller than me" clause because of heels, and I'm not taller than most women in heels.
And speaking of which, I noticed both of you guys who say you get a lot of emails despite mangling your profiles are 6 feet tall. As I suggested in my last post, you can be forgiven for a lot of things if you have the right looks, but someone like me pretty much needs a perfect profile. Although this week is the first time I've posted in the forums, I actually read them a lot and there must be a thousand threads started by disappointed short guys, usually with quite a few posts in there from women saying "Oh, God, not this topic again! Look, that's just the way it is!" Any 6 foot tall guy is going to have a MUCH different experience on here than me. That's not to say I think it's hopeless, but 3 years of futility with dozens of different profiles and photos sort of speaks for itself. With me, if I meet someone, it will be incredible luck. You have to rely on luck a lot less.
Coincidentally, privat33, the #1 advice I seem to get from people about my height dating issues is "Date an Asian girl." Which is flawed logic for a lot of reasons I have no time to get into, but I just thought it was funny you said that, considering.
Anyway, when THIS profile doesn't work (or whatever final edit you guys get me down to), I think I'm going back to the listing of crazy things that have happened to me. At least it led to some emails. Actually, I'm looking quite forward to the day that I sell this freakin' feature and officially become a "Hollywood producer," because that's the first and maybe only thing I'm going to put in my profile. When I was in LA, I noticed that label was quite helpful to some of the shorter guys there... | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:16:24 AM | Hi Hawking…
You’re 100% right that many ladies want to date men taller than they are. That does limit your choices. However, there are millions of ladies under 5’4” that are looking for a creative, bright man.
Re: your height…one of the best ways to address that is humor. Something like…”Yes, I’m 5’4” but you’ll think I’m 5 inches taller in person. “
A few more suggestions…
1) Ladies who are familiar with Hawking, might think you have a similar physical condition. Those who aren't familiar with him figure you're not worth contacting 'cause they think you'll write them off if they're not familiar with Hawking. Maybe rethink the name?
2) EVERYONE is “not exactly ordinary”. I’ve seen that in thousands of profiles. Rethink the headline. Too cookie-cutter/cardboard.
3) Lights, action, camera is what you do, and yet there’s no excitement in your profile.
4) Add some LIGHTS, and some action!
5) Ladies like humor. I’d work on lightening it up and adding humor.
6) Most of your photos don’t work. The primary one with “hands crossed in front” is a turn off, defensive gesture that says “stay back”.
7) Nix the photos with friends. Yes, Festival is what you’re doing, then keep the theater marquis photo but nix the rest
8) Your profile reads I and I and I….too many pokes in the I make it painful…where is SHE in all this?
9) Screenwriters are HOT, but their profession while “climbing the ladder to success” is NOT.
10) Ya gotta convince her that you’re financially solvent and have a good job while you’re climbing the ladder, or she’ll think you’re just another starving artist and won’t be willing to take a chance on you.
11) Lots of people get awards and get things published. Yes, that’s something to be proud of. But what counts is exactly what you said…being a producer in LA, a director in NYC. Ya gotta have the knock-out profile AND photos for her to believe your assessment of your skills is spot on to achieving that. She knows as you do, the competition is FIERCE.
12) The BIG BANG comedy comparison may be doing you more harm than good…not just the stereotype, but if she’s not familiar with the show, you’ve lost her right there and won’t have an opportunity to introduce her to that humor.
13) “I’ve worked at several movie theaters” doesn’t cut it. She doesn’t know if you were selling popcorn or assisting the director.
14) I’d nix all the parties and such…she’s wondering if you’re so social, what’s wrong with you that no one has fixed you up yet?
15) Ditto with ladies in your photos. Photos need to be of YOU not other women, even your sister. They see the photo before they read the caption and it gives the wrong vibes.
16) Are you willing to date women of all ethnicities? If so, say so in a classy way.
17) WRITE your profile like you would a screenplay…with excitement and originality and humor. You need to shine like a preview to a Broadway play here.
Hope that helps. Best to you. DenverSky5280  | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/7/2009 10:20:19 AM |
I noticed both of you guys ...are 6 feet tall. .. someone like me pretty much needs a perfect profile. .. there must be a thousand threads started by disappointed short guys,
Or maybe it's the fact that women really appreciate a guy that has confidence. Tall guys don't have to worry about confidence when it comes to height, but shorter guys do. That can't be the ultimate factor in the reason why you've had little success here. Maybe you're using that as a lame reason for having a poor profile...
Coincidentally, privat33, the #1 advice I seem to get from people about my height dating issues is "Date an Asian girl." Which is flawed logic for a lot of reasons I have no time to get into, but I just thought it was funny you said that, considering.
Every man has yellow fever at least once in his life....
Pictures...
2 and 3 look like they're old. Like you scanned some old pics.
6, 7, and 10 still have women in them. I really really REALLY suggest you delete these pics. When a woman sees you with other women, certain things are going to formulate in her mind, and she's not going to take the time to email you to ask what the deal is. You're going to lose the dating game before you even have a starting chance. You're alike a primed athlete, a sprinting runner, that's in the best shape ever...but...you forgot to bring your running shoes to the race.
I once had a pic posted that had just the hand of a female friend in it. Wasn't even a friend, it's my friend's annoying wife. But whenever I used that pic as my main profile photo, I had less email than when I used other pictures.
No women in pictures, period. | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:09:07 PM | So every year, I enter the Academy Awards’ Nicholl screenplay contest, which if you win that thing, it CAN pretty much make your career. My best screenplay I stopped editing years ago and I keep sending in the same version. Normally this is the definition of insanity: trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. But with this contest, you CAN get different results with the same thing, because they make sure you get different contest readers every year from previous years. As a result, I have made top 10-15% several times – and not even made the top 50% a couple of times, too. I have in fact known some other writers who made it all the way into the top 10 overall with a screenplay one year and not even get a “good job but sorry” note the next.
What does that have to do with this, you ask? I've received quite a bit of different advice about the same things, so I changed some of it to satisfy some people, which led to the dissatisfaction of others who were previously satisfied with said-aspects. It’s obviously impossible to please everyone, and for whoever said this, I actually do not have an ideal date to write to. I pretty much date whoever will date me, which always leads to my friends scratching their heads and wondering what I’m doing dating said-woman (until I go on a 2 or 3 year dateless streak and they wish I was dating anyone). Personality-wise, I will pretty much take anyone without the propensity for murder-suicide, so there’s really not much point in me saying “I’m looking for this or that” in a date. I’m definitely not attracted to every woman on the planet, but I’m of the opinion (and a lot here obviously agree) that you don’t go around limiting your pool with physical characteristic requests... especially when you have such a small pool to begin with. So I suppose it is merely my goal to simply create the least objectionable profile that I can. (The problem with that, of course, is that then it just sounds like everyone else’s in the world’s most competitive online dating environment, so really, you just can’t win!)
ANYWAY, I have updated it yet again -- I do have an inkling of an idea for a more creative "screenwriter"-type approach, but no time to deal with that today. A few longwinded comments:
I think of all things mentioned, my screen name matters the least. Some will just naturally think it actually is my name (mmm, Presley Hawking Jr? Not a bad pen name!). It’s not like it’s “Stephen Hawking Jr” – I doubt most people have any idea what “HawkingJr” means one way or the other and I’ve used it on plenty of dating sites I’ve had far more success on and no one has ever even asked me what it means before that I can recall, dating all the way back into the mid-90s. I’m a little puzzled as to why that’s even an issue here.
Largely off-topic, I met another filmmaker at the LA festival I attended whose given name was Elvis Presley Smith. We had a good laugh over that. I have on occasion used my real name as my screen name, simply because no one ever believes it’s my real name anyway – but that’s definitely led to a lot more questions like “Are your parents obsessed with Elvis?” while HawkingJr never has led to anything, as I just said. I even end almost every introductory email with “Presley (yes, just like Elvis)”. Unlike my height, though, I actually think that weirdness is kind of cool and quite a few women agree with me.
The original profile I asked people to review actually did have plenty of info that pointed to me not being a “starving artist” or a bum. I took it out, because people said it read like a resume’ (paraphrasing). But I have thrown it back in there. I also cut out the movie theaters and the “Big Bang” reference. I took out the 3 photos that had women in them and the 2 photos that supposedly looked “old” (they are scanned, but most of mine are – me and digital cameras don’t get along unless the pictures are being taken in a completely controlled environment due to digital’s stupid autofocus delay – and I’m not buying a $1000 camera for casual photos). My main photo is definitely my best despite the arm-crossing – I have met a good number of women from other sites using that one, just none on this one. I have used other main photos and had far less profile “reads.”
And I’m really more of a black comedy writer (as in “Pulp Fiction”-black comedy, not “Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail”-black comedy), which I’ve noticed never translates well on dating sites. The comedy in my screenplays tends to be more dialogue banter or physical situational gags, neither of which works in a profile. Now I could actually just copy a dialogue exchange from one of my screenplays, I suppose, but I think we return to the original issue of black comedy not being a good idea here. Plus that seems a little bizarre. I’m really just not that funny when talking about myself unless I’m cutting myself down, which is again, not a good idea.
Which leads to the next thing: my best friend (who is a woman – which two of my relationships had an issue with, but that’s a whole other subject) also claims I should be making a joke about my height in my profile just to get it out of the way, but everything else I have ever read says you should just not bring it up AT ALL. Because there’s the possibility a woman might accidentally skip over your height while looking at your profile, so why bring it up a second time? It also sort of suggests you’ve got issues with it if you’re mentioning, regardless of the context – you guys all claim that photos with women in them are the biggest POF suicide, but I’m quite sure it’s mentioning your height in the written part of your profile if you’re a short guy, but of course almost no one here brought that up because I wasn’t crazy enough to do that, not in any online ad I have ever had. I’ve looked at dozens of short men’s profiles, and not a single one of them mentioned his height in it. I can’t see any good coming from that.
I actually think at this point my age is working against me more than anything else. After I got the hell out of Alabama, I was somewhat successful at getting college-aged women to go out with me (2 of those 3 relationships were 18 when they started dating me) -- at that age, they're still in an "experimental" stage and willing to take some chances with guys like me because it's not like they're seriously thinking about marriage and children at that age. But I guess I've finally aged out of that group (despite still looking college-age or maybe younger) and single women my age usually know exactly what they want, and they have biological clocks ticking and can't afford to waste time "experimenting" anymore. I've also noticed most mature women that claim not to care about height are much older than me -- they've had all their children and no longer care about child bearing issues and although they also know exactly what they want, they realize it's not the same thing they wanted in their 30s. So I'm kind of stuck in a bad neck of the woods, really. If I don't grow bitter by then, I guess I'll be a popular senior citizen.
Also, since I brought it up, one of my favorite short guy threads at POF: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12648619.aspx
I was actually saving up for that operation, then my last relationship appeared out of nowhere so instead I started spending all my money on her. Of course, she eventually dumped me, and almost 3 years later, I kind of wish I had gone ahead with the operation... | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:47:28 PM | I have short friends with hot girlfriends.
I have fat friends with hot girlfriends.
I know some really really dumb people who have amazingly hot girlfriends.
You seriously need to relax about the whole issue.
I am incredibly bored, but it was easier to rewrite your profile than to read your entire last post...
***
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doing ____ bla bla bla ____. | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:03:09 PM | Sorry I sorta disappeared. I had what could only be described as a major disaster with the advancement of my short film to feature status and have spent nearly all day trying to fix it. Not sure if I accomplished that yet. I'm REALLY stressed out.
Although I rather enjoyed that profile, I'm not so sure it's for me. It's in a pitchman format (where's the ghost of Billy Mays when you need him?) and my personality is about as opposite of that as you can get. I don't want to misrepresent myself. Which leads to my next issue: am I really a screenwriter? I'm a guy who's trying to BECOME a screenwriter. That whole profile seems centered around me being an actual screenwriter. "Wait a minute, you're a research director at a TV station? What the hell is that even? All your profile did was go on and on about you being a screenwriter!" Not as bad as claiming you're 5'10" and showing up at the door as 5'4", but still.
Again, I think it's quite a clever little profile, but it seems to greatly exaggerate who I am, and that's dangerous business in this place.
Before I read that, I was experimenting with something a little Chuck Palahniuk-ish (or maybe it's more Maltese Falcon-ish). I went ahead and uploaded it -- tell me what you think. | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:10:47 PM | | Sweetie…take the funny profile and TWEAK it into Y-O-U. You want something that’s light and different and funny and something that makes you smile. Tweak it baby, tweak it! :DenverSky5280 | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:26:41 PM | I love all your profiles. I might like this one best, or it may be that this is just the last one I've read.
I don't know buddy - I don't think it's your profile. The height thing could be it - but the biggest Lothario I know is about your height. You are a screenwriter - you've had a script filmed. But it's not your day job. There are a lot of "writers" out there who've never been published, but that's how they describe themselves. You're not in that category.
Anyway, my short friend wears KISS boots. He makes it work. | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/8/2009 6:52:46 PM |
Although I rather enjoyed that profile, I'm not so sure it's for me. It's in a pitchman format and my personality is about as opposite of that as you can get. ...I don't want to misrepresent myself.
It's not about that. Just because you go with one idea for a profile doesn't mean you have to be like that all the time. It just means that you're showing a creative side, that's all.
The purpose of the profile is not to put your soul out there for all to read and evaluate.
Use your profile to get emails. Any emails, from everyone. That's all. Don't be using your profile to find your soul mate, just use it for emails.
Use your emails to get numbers. I can't even imagine how much you must type for an email. It's probably like reading a novel every time, when all the girl wants to know is a basic answer or two.
Use the emails to eventually get numbers. Then eventually as you meet a few dif times, then you let yourself go and share yourself with the world.
Again, I think it's quite a clever little profile, but it seems to greatly exaggerate who I am,
Or maybe you take the whole thing a little too seriously and you suck the fun out of it all? Dating is supposed to be fun.
Before I read that, I was experimenting with something a little Chuck Palahniuk-ish
You want to write about people losing body parts? | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/8/2009 7:04:35 PM | One definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting different results. (yes, most of us reviewers here fit that definition, but work with me here, okay)…
The LONNGGGG and the short of it (mostly long) is this: If what you have tried isn’t working (and it isn’t), please please please try something different.
Posting a light, funny profile is not hazardous to your health, it’s not against the law (yet), and ladies might actually like it and respond to your emails. YESSS! :DenverSky5280 | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:19:32 PM | There ya go! Now we are getting somehwere. I am not gonna comment to much on the page as I have stated me council to you and only you know whats best for you.
I liked it, again it is to long for my tastes but you got some talent and it reads much shorter (not short enough  ) Tinker with it and see what happens.
Quit thinkin to much into it! You are too smart for your own good.
* salutes *
Good Luck and Good Fortune! | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:08:53 PM | I honestly don't see me having time to deal with any of this prior to next week -- I am much more than knee-deep in both real work and movie investor work and I barely see me having time to even shop for groceries this weekend. Which, of course, is a problem in and of itself as far as POF is concerned. My last first contact (several months ago) wrote me about a dozen times, then announced that I was "too busy" for her because I was literally working 7A-10P or later every day during the couple weeks that we were writing. Arguably the only reason my last relationship lasted for 2 years is because we worked together so she was with me at least 3 days a week that way alone -- anyone else I've gone on dates with during this 10 year period of 80-100 hour work weeks (yup, even before the short film) saw me at best once a week. There's really nothing I can do about that at this point -- maybe before the short film, it was more "busy work" than anything else, but now I just have no choice, absolutely none.
But except for the fact that that I mentioned it in some of my profiles, I doubt it's had much to do with the lack of email responses. It's not like I open an email with, "Hi, my name is Presley, and I've worked 80+ hours a week for 10 straight years." (Prior to the LA trip last month, I hadn't taken more than two consecutive weekdays off work since the 90s! And the LA trip itself was almost nothing but work.) Nevertheless, I'm not sure it's such a good idea to be looking for dates under these circumstances. But, man, the last 2 1/2 years sure have been lonely... | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/9/2009 2:27:26 PM | Common sense….hire a part-time assistant…. who has LOTS of short female friends! You need an assistant so you can have a QUALITY of life before life passes you by.
DenverSky5280 | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/9/2009 4:51:40 PM | I'm not sure how much this will help, but all that time and no luck for you has to mean there is SOMETHING wrong. I've been on PoF for about fifteen days, and have had nearly two dozen women contact me - a couple of which I have become message friends with, a couple of others I have asked out, and now one I could be going somewhere with...all these decisions by my choice. Anyhow, nuff bout me.
I read - or tried to read - your profile. While insightful, well thought out, blah, blah, blah, it turns out to be a lot of just that - blah, blah, blah. Looky here - I'm not trying to hurt you or drag you through coals here, but you *seem* to have no personality because your writing is very "astute" - "educated" - and frankly boring.
Now I'm a guy who can hold an educated conversation - I'm a college graduate in computer science - but I also show a personality that women find attractive with some really unexpected - pretty much just silly stuff. It shows a certain level of confidence in one's self to be able to be - well, just silly. Try it, you might like it.
Other than that, bud, just shorten the sentences a little, and TRY to smile with teeth in the photos...girls like smiles. If it looks TOO unnatural like your gritting your teeth to smile, then leave well enough alone. | |
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| Little surprised I'm requesting a profile review
Posted: 10/12/2009 11:53:48 AM | A few years ago, the station assigned me my own intern, but she was about 5'8", had a boyfriend and was a million miles out of my league anyway you look at it. I have only had that one intern and generally I have to use the sales assistants along with the rest of the sales-oriented staff. I'm not generally overwhelmed by my primary job anyway (after all, I am posting from it right now!) -- it's all my additional jobs and income-related activities that suck my "free time" out of existence.
There was a really, really, really low period of my life a couple years ago when I lost every job except my main job almost at once, only a few days after my girlfriend dumped me (I refer to that as "Black April"). I suddenly found myself, after years of an absolutely relentless pace, with two months of nothing to do besides work a regular 9-5 (actually usually 7-7) job.
Yeah, that's not going to be happening ever again. I'd rather have each of my cells plucked from my brain and popped before my eyes, one-by-one.
The whole movie thing really complicates the issue now, but I always said before that I would cut this pace out if I found someone to share my life with. Ironically, the one I did finally found worked with me, which sort of just made me work that much more to be with her more of teh time! But that seems pretty unlikely to happen twice (she is my only co-worker ever that showed any serious interest in me). So I would put an end to all this extra work for the right woman, except now I really have to see this movie thing out. Like I said, it might just be a bad time to be doing POF, but I think my 3 year history on here of the same result with a million different profiles and lifestyles pretty much suggests it is ALWAYS a bad time for POF for me.
BTW, the short film was selected to another NYC-area festival today. Not sure what that means anymore -- my only concern is with investors for the feature at this point. And apparently, I fixed the Thursday/Friday disaster. I cannot tell you how much better I feel about that. Borderline lifesaving, I tell you. | |
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