| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/6/2009 2:09:16 PM | | I'm sorry to hear that you blew it, I can't tell you have not to blow because that's a natural thing you do, you are crazy about a girl and you try to hard, but you are honest about it, that's you. personally I think you are half way there, considering you are not blaming others for your misfortune, maybe one day a woman may find your ticks charming and irresistable and you won't have to change. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/6/2009 3:24:51 PM | As much as I hate to admit it, I have to agree with what Helen0426, Atlantis80 and Captain Girly Girl have said.
If I really like someone I appreciate the daily connection.
Yeah, the weird thing is, we were swapping emails daily until we exchanged numbers, and that's when she stopped staying in touch as often except via the occasional text every few days. I was actually a little surprised when she sent a text to confirm our plans on the day we first met, 'cause she hadn't been in touch for several days, and I thought it was a no-go until I got a text that afternoon. We hit it off really well, and she specifically told me she enjoyed it and wanted to get together again, so I called her the next day to set up a date. No response for a few days, and I don't remember now if she sent a text the day before our date (exactly a week from the initial meet and greet), but we did finalise the plans via text again on the day we were supposed to meet. The second time was also great and she said the same thing as before--that she'd like to go out with me again. Now you know from my OP what happened with my attempt to set up a third outing.
I've called her a total of 5 times in the past 3 weeks since she gave me her number, and in that time, she answered my very first call and we have met a couple of times in-between, so that accounts for 2 more calls since then to confirm our plans, which she didn't answer at the time but then she did text me on the day of the meeting each time. Then we get to my last couple of calls to try and set up our next date--I hung up when she didn't answer Friday night, but then called again and left a voice mail on Sunday to run my idea by her.
When I first realised that she wasn't returning my calls, I started texting her and she'd been replying more consistently via text--I checked, and I've sent 8 texts to her over a 2 week period, and she has sent me 6. Unfortunately, texts work well for short messages, but not for arranging dates and coordinating our schedules, so I had to leave her a voice message. Maybe I should've stuck with emails, those were working a lot better...
And to respond to some of the speculative posts, I never said anything about her ignoring my calls or anything like that--I didn't level any accusations--and our texts just contained normal snippets of conversation, or they were messages exchanged to confirm plans.
Come to think of it, perhaps the second time round, she enjoyed the talk that we attended a lot more than my company--that might explain a lot--oh well.
All in all, until this past weekend, I think I didn't go overboard with my attempts to contact her, but that's just my opinion, perhaps others on here will feel differently.
EDIT: vvv Replying below. vvv
Yeah, I guess her saying that she wanted to go out with me again at the end of each date threw me for a loop--that hasn't happened to me before. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/6/2009 3:41:22 PM | No, given the breakdown and length of time, that doesn't sound overboard at all. You did, after all, have a reasonable expectation of replies, until she said she'll be busy for the next week and get back to you when she has time. Ouch. Sorry this didn't work out better.
OTOH, all you've lost is the possibility of one more date with someone who lacks the intestinal fortitude to simply say, "I'm sorry, I think we should move on." So, er... half a hand clapping? Wait, what would that sound like? | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/6/2009 4:11:04 PM | | Short answer - its a recipe for disaster when one person cares for another person more than the latter cares for the former. I've recently been through it myself. Helped this girl through a breakup with her boyfriend, then kept up the same level of contact after she declared herself "officially single". I knew better, but the emotions took control. She didn't generate any contact, texts got one word answers. I went from being encouraged to kick her abusive ex's ass to no contact 3 weeks later. Dating is a game, but love is real. However, you have to play the game to get to love. If you put love first and fall too fast, you lose the game. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/6/2009 4:20:44 PM | | I don't think you blew it. I think she is just into you like your into her. I would look for someone else that wants your attention. When I am interested in the man I am dating I want phone call, texts and I answer back. Just my thought. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/6/2009 5:08:37 PM | having been in your shoes before I gotta say....
atleast you can attract a girl like that.
If it didn't work out for whatever reasons....
maybe the next girl like that will be more compatible.
And if she is....
You'll be smoother from the experience with this one.
Go get em cowboy! | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/6/2009 5:50:45 PM | "I've called her a total of 5 times in the past 3 weeks since she gave me her number"
"I've sent 8 texts to her over a 2 week period"
That doesn't sound like you went crazy at all with communication.
Overboard to me is like 5 missed calls and equal or greater # of txts all within like an hour.
If I'm interested in someone, I usually end up talking to them daily. I generally text during the day, it's easier, and then talk to them on my lunch break or on my way home. Whatever we're both comfortable with.
But I've had busy weeks, think 5- 16 hour shifts, and I still find time to talk to people I care about. A lesson I learned a while back, if people want to talk to you or see you, they will find a way. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/7/2009 12:59:36 AM | Get a piece of paper, get a big marker,
write down the ten things about this girl that you like on that paper
Put her name on it
Go out to your back yard, put it in a burn pit and light it on fire. Watch it go up in flames and smoke.
Go back in side, get another piece of paper.
Write ten things that make you happy
Go do those
Maybe you meet a nice girl along the way.
Moral to the story, there is always another piece of paper, you can always start with a blank page. This is one of those times that you should
And delete her from your phone, it removes the temptation for drunk dialing or texting. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:28:02 PM | | It's easy to sit back and say do this or do that. Hey, a lot of what I've learned I've learned from screwing up. Don't kick yourself. I think did pretty well up until the end, but then again it was experience that has taught me that it is best to just try to walk away when someone doesn't share my interest and/or enthusiasm in the relationship. Begging never works. Good luck kiddo. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:15:24 AM | I am not sure you blew it as much as other posters make it out to be.Cool your heels for a few weeks and call her...just leave her wondering what you are upto and see...
On the curbing your instinct to contact,this is something that works with me.I never memorize any number of any guy and when I get the overpowering urge to call a guy,I delete his no# from my phone including all text mesgs from him and write his number on a piece of paper,put it in an envelope and seal the envelope with a dozen tapes and hide it in a closet of mine that is hard to reach..so when I have this urge to call him, the work I have to do to get the no# makes me put it off :).
I will make a mental decision to call him on say day X giving him Y days in between to call me.Till Day X,his number stays in that inaccesible place and sometimes when Day Y arrives I don't even feel like calling that dude anymore | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/8/2009 4:16:58 AM | That you can even imagine a circumstance where she doesn't return any of your messages for two weeks or more, and STILL be interested in you blows me away...
Find someone else, and get a friend to slap you any time you feel the urge to contact someone before they have had a chance to reply to your last attempt. Imagine a game of tennis. If things go relatively well, you serve, she returns it, and the ball goes back and forth. What you're doing is serving a ball at someone who isn't interested in playing. Then when they don't return it, you start bombarding them with more balls over and over until they have to run off the court to get away from you. Bleah.
If someone is really interested in you, you'll get a message or attempt returned or some positive signal. If you do not get one, DON'T try again. Simple. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/8/2009 10:45:18 AM | | Hey knowing is half the battle. Since you are not in denial over it you are half way there. I have had this same problem in the past. Have you seen the movie Swingers? If not rent it. There is a scene in there that once I saw it made me realize I never, ever want to be that guy again. I never went to that extreme as in the movie but there were enough similarities that I actually cringed while watching it. If you have seen, then watch that scene over and over until it sinks in. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/8/2009 11:28:23 AM |
how do I keep from turning into such a desperate/needy loser nearly every time I find a girl I'm really attracted to?
handcuffs? | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/8/2009 1:30:27 PM | I don't think you blew anything....She wasn't into you to begin with....
interested women ( I mean reaaaalllly into you) do wait by the phone..... | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/8/2009 11:36:04 PM | Date other women all at the same time.
You're less desperate and needy when you've got more than just one girl you're talking to. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/9/2009 4:12:49 PM |
That you can even imagine a circumstance where she doesn't return any of your messages for two weeks or more, and STILL be interested in you blows me away...
I initially chose to go by what she told me while we were face-to-face at the end of our date. She was pretty unequivocal in stating that she wanted to go out with me again, and I said that I'd think of something for us to do next time and let her know in a day or two. I proceeded to do that and left her a message when she didn't answer her phone. The next evening, I had the bright idea (sarcasm) to follow up with a text message seeing as how she'd been more responsive to them in the past.
I don't know, it seems to me that it's rather pointless telling someone while talking to them in person that you want to go out with them again when you have no intention of doing anything of the sort, so I was willing to give her the benefit of doubt even though there was no response to my proposed plans for a few days. Obviously, the complete lack of contact all these days has led me to re-evaluate the situation and conclude that she's probably not all that interested after all, or that she has met someone else, or...whatever, it doesn't matter if the bottom line is that she isn't interested. I'm definitely not holding my breath waiting for her to contact me.
Date other women all at the same time.
You're less desperate and needy when you've got more than just one girl you're talking to.
I have been doing that. It simply did not matter at the time because I was very nearly blown away by her--it's not something I experience very often. Took me a good couple of days to get over that feeling, which must be some sort of record, for she's someone I barely even know, haha. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/9/2009 5:12:41 PM | Ah, I've missed a recent opportunity once for NOT being too forward. She told me afterwards that she wanted a kiss on our first (and only) date, and a week later got in a relationship with another guy. It was so close! Anyways, I would not get all my evaluations of the person out the door right on the first date. You can learn so much more about a person on subsequent dates. But not like I am really speaking from experience. I haven't had a second date in 6 years.
If I had to choose, I would prefer a critical woman over a cold-shoulder woman. It gives more meaning to your being rejected. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/9/2009 5:26:23 PM |
Ah, I've missed a recent opportunity once for NOT being too forward. She told me afterwards that she wanted a kiss on our first (and only) date, and a week later got in a relationship with another guy.
That's happened to me a few times, as well.
If I had to choose, I would prefer a critical woman over a cold-shoulder woman. It gives more meaning to your being rejected.
I agree, although one doesn't even have to be critical--unless it's warranted, of course. I definitely prefer candour over the cold shoulder any day.
Popular opinion notwithstanding, I've found that the average woman is not a very effective communicator--not in my experience, at any rate. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/20/2009 4:39:54 AM | yeah, i'm kinda in a similar position to you.
i tend to get a little carried away and do love to text and keep in touch with people, so it's easy to send a text and then keep your phone by you 24/7 wondering when she's going to reply.
I dated a girl once who i got on fantastically with, she said she was crazy about me, and we texted quite often, but she was always busy. I'd call and she wouldn't pick up, i'd text and she wouldn't reply... but she'd get back to my facebook messages/emails relatively quickly.
Once day i got bored of being fobbed off, so i called her and left her a voicemail telling her i really wanted to see her, we should book a date, and to call me when she could.
She said she was busy and told me she'd call me at 6pm. I was out with friends, but 6pm went past and no call... i text her to see if she was ok, then i called her at 7 and left her another voicemail... then called at 8 as i was getting a bit worried about her.... then at 9, i got a text saying to stop pestering her, i freaked her out and she doesn't want to hear from me again.
:(
i was crazy about her, and just wanted to spend time talking to her. Guess she wasn't that bothered about me after all.
I've always thought that if you like someone, you'll take a spare 30 seconds to reply to a text or something. What's the point in playing games by not replying just to make them wait... ?
Plenty of women love to communicate, they might not be good at opening up to guys from the outset, but i'd have always thought that if they like you as much as you like them, then they'll always find some time to spare to reply to a text or to let you know that they're busy but will call you back when they're free. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/20/2009 4:46:26 AM | and i'm seeing a lovely girl at the moment. Well, i say 'seeing', but we went on our second date at the weekend.
I really like her, and drop her a text a day or every 2 days just to ask how she is, and if her day's going well.
She's a teacher though, so dosn't have her phone on her at all during the day, and then in the evenings she's quite busy too.
It's hard being so easilly contactable and trying to date someone who isn't.
I'm panicing now though, as last night she sent me an obviously generic text saying she'd changed mobile numbers. Trouble was i have another friend called Emma.
I inititally replied saying 'hi, hope you're well' then a few minutes later, sent another text asking which emma is was...
i tried to call the new number, but noone picked up, so i tried to call the other Emma and she didn't pick up either!
So i had to call my friend Emma's husband to see if it was her with the new number!!
Turns out it wasn't so i sent 'my' Emma another text apologising and saying i now know it's her new number, and not the other Emma's.
Then i got worried that i'd bombarded her with too many texts and a missed call, so i sent her an email explaining the whole scenario.
I hope she sees the funny side of it, and doesn't freak out like the other girl did.
... no reply from her yet, though. I hope i get something tonight from her. Don't wanna mess this one up so soon! | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:18:40 AM | A bit late responding to this post, but, since it seems to have arisen for more than one - and I've seen similar remarks elsewhere:
Ah, I've missed a recent opportunity once for NOT being too forward. She told me afterwards that she wanted a kiss on our first (and only) date, and a week later got in a relationship with another guy. It was so close!
Close to what? A dating relationship with someone who thinks everything you do is wrong - and won't talk to you about it? Or, worse, does talk to you about it, all the time?
Because if it's true, and not a really bad excuse (IMO either's about equally likely) this is beyond picky and well into lame territory. Giving someone a pass because of a difference between you in "To Kiss or Not to Kiss on a First Date?" is like deciding to forget it because you like Milky Way bars and he likes Snickers. The girl is either a dolt or a big fat liar, and possibly both. She definitely has a remarkable capacity for making a Very Small Thing into A Big Fat Hairy Deal. I'd say anyone who hears this as a reason may very reasonably breathe a sigh of relief.
IG8_Biker, that does sound like overdoing it. I'd be a little put off, and I like a lot of attention. Good luck. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:02:29 AM | I'll tell you what works for me when I get like this. Heck, it happens a lot to me but to work things out I like to sing along to my favourite song at the moment. Personally I like some slow and/or sad one like "Shadow of the day" by Linkin Park to release some of the stress and the tension in the urge to call. Hey you may feel slightly sad at the end but you'll be at peace.
If singing doesn't do it for you do something you really like to do for a cathartic experience. I'm not talking about anything anything sexual by the way though some say it works. It doesn't for me. It's just that sometimes people get so worked out about this they try to release the stress by calling. Find another way and call when you don't have to dump your stress on others. Remember, stress is neither created nor destroyed, just transferred. Excuse my attempt at a joke.
Well, cheers :) | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/20/2009 11:38:49 AM | Good comment "the difference between calling to share your day and calling to ask are you still interested in me." This is where confidence comes into play and security. I liked reading this!!! | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/20/2009 1:48:00 PM |
I don't agree with the whole, 'play it cool/aloof in the beginning' tactic. If I'm truly into someone, I'm going to let them know. If they can't handle that, they can go hide their emotions behind their blankey with somone else. If they aren't feeling 'it', fine...they can go look for someone else with whom to share their blankey
Finally! Someone else who feels the same. I don't see the need to play these silly games of waiting and holding back. If you wanna say something say it! If you wanna text or call then do it! If they don't like it then they're not for you. Don't ever be anyone other then who you are right from the beginning. | |
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