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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/20/2009 11:38:49 AM | Good comment "the difference between calling to share your day and calling to ask are you still interested in me." This is where confidence comes into play and security. I liked reading this!!! | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/20/2009 1:48:00 PM |
I don't agree with the whole, 'play it cool/aloof in the beginning' tactic. If I'm truly into someone, I'm going to let them know. If they can't handle that, they can go hide their emotions behind their blankey with somone else. If they aren't feeling 'it', fine...they can go look for someone else with whom to share their blankey
Finally! Someone else who feels the same. I don't see the need to play these silly games of waiting and holding back. If you wanna say something say it! If you wanna text or call then do it! If they don't like it then they're not for you. Don't ever be anyone other then who you are right from the beginning. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/21/2009 2:30:02 PM | Well, my hunch was right--she was either never really into me, or she lost interest after the last time we went out.
I'm mildly annoyed by the fact that she said something to the effect of "It'll be fun to go out again!" prior to going home each time. Maybe she changed her mind afterwards or met someone else, oh well.
I got an email from her last night stating the "between school and friends, my life is too busy for dating" BS excuse--as clear an indication as any that she lost interest or just never was into me, correct? | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:40:58 PM | Okay, I have a follow up question--is there any way to ascertain whether a woman enjoyed an event or activity much more so than my company, short of actually asking her?
I know it's a silly question, but it seems to me that interest can only be sustained if she not only has a good time, but more importantly, she also is really into me. Perhaps the situation is salvageable if the date itself wasn't great, but there were hints of a spark or mutual attraction. However, if it's the other way round--the date is fun, but she feels lukewarm about me, then there isn't much hope, is there?
EDIT:
Don't take it personal, look, honestly for both women and men there will be far more people that won't be interested than will be. I'd just be thankful she was honest enough with you not to string you along. That's my take on it, anyway for whatever that's worth.
I get that, and I agree, it's better not to be strung along. And yet, she did say that she enjoyed both of our dates, and I took that to be an encouraging sign--so with the benefit of hindsight, I can't help asking the question I posed above.
And the flip-side of this coin is that it's not a very common occurrence to run into someone who makes you think, "Wow! This woman seems awesome, and I really see some potential here!" It's outcomes like these that drive home the point as to how much of a crapshoot the whole dating scene is, and how it all just boils down to plain dumb luck. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:59:40 PM | You'd have to ask her, then again she did indicate she's too busy to date so I'd say that's your answer. Maybe not the specific one you're looking for but it would indicate she doesn't want to go out with you again.
Don't take it personal, look, honestly for both women and men there will be far more people that won't be interested than will be. I'd just be thankful she was honest enough with you not to string you along. That's my take on it, anyway for whatever that's worth. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/21/2009 4:23:53 PM | It's outcomes like these that drive home the point as to how much of a crapshoot the whole dating scene is, and how it all just boils down to plain dumb luck.
I'm sure it appears that way at times, but some people look at life as a crapshoot and dumb luck. Probably most people think that way, at least for awhile.
There is an element of "luck" good or bad, or whatever word, because noone has complete control over where they are or aren't at any given time or who they may or may not encounter or what situations may or may not just lie in their path. This is common to the human condition, the difference between the successful and not so successful is that the successful learn what they can from it and forge along, undeterred. Those that are not so successful just accept it as fate they can't control and don't make an effort to control what they can, when they can and to what extent they can rather than just cave in and go with the flow.
If you read a few bios of famous people, they failed sometimes many times before they attained success. And even famous and successful people still fail at times.
The difference is between the ears, it's a mindset. 
That's your official pep talk, the rates have gone up......haha. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:56:17 PM | Guys, please be mindful of this. Always value yourself more than you value any woman. When you don't do this, you become nervous, panicky, needy, etc. You have put her on a pedistal and your happiness now hinges on what she decides to do. You have essentially given her the key to your well being. This makes you unnecessarily stressed out and causes you to subconsciously sabotage the situation.
When you value yourself above all else, you don't waste your time with worry. Because you know that whatever she decides, you'll be fine. | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:38:00 PM | | Don't take this too much to heart man. There are MILLIONS of other women just as interesting and just as pretty (if not more so!). Her loss :) Get back on the horse and get to meeting! | |
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:48:42 PM |
When you value yourself above all else, you don't waste your time with worry. Because you know that whatever she decides, you'll be fine.
While I may not have worded it the same, I agree with the overall concept. One sticky point that raphael said that I will emphasize is that your happiness, peace of mind and self worth has to be important to you. Since this isn't an involved relationship at all, when/if you are then how you value the other person is on an equal level with your own self value, my opinion, but it's not that scenario at all. You've made her way too important without any indication that she's there, I'd guess it spooked her.
It spooks me, and I've communicated that. It doesn't seem to have any affect, or minimal if at all. Way too much, too soon, I don't have any desire to be that important to someone I barely know. And when I DO talk to them about it, thinking okay it's logical, thinking there's no reason they wouldn't understand....bam...it has the opposite affect. More calls, flowers, the cutsie emails....some people (not saying it's men) just don't listen or don't understand, so they try harder and do more. Ugh...
"This makes you unnecessarily stressed out and causes you to subconsciously sabotage the situation. " Now this advice is priceless IMO.
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| GAAHHH!! I think I blew it! :-(
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:44:28 PM | Hey OP,
I have to admit, I laughed at your opening post, not because I was laughing at you, but it reminded of this scene from the movie Swingers (being the movie freak that I am), when main character Mike, finally gets a number and decides to call the woman (too early).....
[It's 2:32am, and Mike decides to call Nikki, a girl he met just a few hours ago]
[Nikki's machine picks up: Hi, this is Nikki. Leave a message]
Mike: Hi, uh, Nikki, this is Mike. I met you at the, um, at the Dresden tonight. I just called to say that I had a great time... and you should call me tomorrow, or in two days, whatever. Anyway, my number is 213-555-4679 -
[the machine beeps]
Mike: [Mike calls back, the machine picks up]
Mike: Hi, Nikki, this is Mike again. I just called cuz it sounded like your machine might've cut me off when I, before I finished leaving my number. Anyway, uh, and, y'know, and also, sorry to call so late, but you were still at the Dresden when I left so I knew I'd get your machine. Anyhow, uh, my number's 21 -
[the machine beeps]
Mike: [Mike calls back; the machine picks up again]
Mike: 213-555-4679. That's it. I just wanna leave my number. I didn't want you to think I was weird or desperate, or... we should just hang out and see where it goes cuz it's nice and, y'know, no expectations. Ok? Thanks a lot. Bye bye.
[hangs up]
Mike: [Mike walks away from the phone... then walks back and calls again; once again, the machine picks up]
Mike: I just got out of a 6-year relationship, Ok? That should help explain why I'm acting so weird. I just wanted you to know that. It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry... This is Mike.
[hangs up]
Mike: [Mike calls back, the machine picks up again]
Mike: Hi, Nikki, this is Mike. Could you just call me when you get in? I'm gonna be up for awhile and I'd just rather speak to you in person instead of trying to fit it all into -
[the machine beeps]
Mike: F#@k!
[Mike calls back, gets the machine again]
Mike: Uh, Nikki? Mike. It's uh, uh, it's just, uh, this just isn't working out. I think you're great, but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It's not you, it's me. It's what I'm going through, alright? It's uh... it's only been 6 months ...
Nikki: [picks up] Mike?
Mike: [very cheerful] Nikki? Great! Did you just walk in or were you listening all along?
Nikki: Don't ever call me again.
[hangs up]
Mike: Wow. I guess you're home. | |
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