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 Author Thread: A question for people in their 30's.
 Confident-Realist

Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 26
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A question for people in their 30's.
Posted: 10/18/2009 2:28:16 PM
OP,

I don't feel comfortable meeting women in places like that because their not laid back enough places where you can talk and get to know women well.

No, that's not it at all.

Also, after going with my brother and his college freinds to bars and clubs I found it to not be an enjoyable experience. .... I was made fun of as a kid so I never developed a confident sensibility for the whole going out by yourself and meeting people thing

That's why. You don't like it because you're a shy kid and you're intimidated by the social/outgoing experience of a bar, etc. You're distraught and have a bad self-esteem, and don't think you're worth it.

In a nutshell, how do you change things? Try to meet girls in different places? Some pickup line? No.

Ever hear the line "just be yourself"? Well, bad cliche. Change yourself. Improve yourself. The limitation is within, and the bad attitude of "I'm me, this is who I am, and I'm not going to change for anyone!" will not carry ya very far, and if you've had that attitude, well, it hasn't yet, has it?

"Internet Dating" is the same as "Bar Dating" or "Grocery Store Dating" or whatever other platform can be used to meet someone. Looks is #1. Make the most out of your looks -- and looks isn't superficial -- looks run deep and taking care of one's looks requires thought and some effort, which shows what kind of person you are. Confidence is a close #2, and an obvious lack of it seen by others can ruin things even if you do look good. I'm not saying you have to falsely believe you're better than everyone... that's not what confidence is, that's arrogance. Confidence is just a mindset that you're happy with yourself -- you've taken care of yourself and you're someone in good standing. Obviously you'll have to make yourself better to be genuinely confidence about yourself.

Your confidence/attitude is the tougher thing to change, though. You've been conditioned to think that adults are just like high schoolers, with a pecking order. I mean, sure, better looking people will make more money and have happier lives on average, all other things being equal (but all other things don't have to be equal). You see life how you grew up, being the one picked on and treated like a second class citizen... but everyone doesn't necessarily at all see you that way.

Best thing to do is to maximize your visual appeal, read some self-help books, and realize that you see life in odd-colored glasses and you need to be PATIENT and open-minded about getting regular contacts instead. :) After that, better things will follow. There is no quick "meet girls here" situation whatsoever -- you'll always run into problems until you take a good amount of time in "re-building mode".
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