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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/6/2009 3:46:37 PM | | People enter in relationships for different reasons. Many marry for a family of children. As you mentioned many dont know themselves at that age and imagine the life they are entering is the one they think it will be in thier own mind. Since the reason why most marry utimatly comes about, children, the concept of a sole mate comes to mind that the person you married really isnt that person you imagined but someone that entered the relationship for some of the same reasons of children, financial security, ect. Its not until these basic needs are met that we consider higher needs, its sort of like that maslow thery of needs to self actualization thing we got in psyc class. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:31:12 PM | You have a fascinating and subtle question, or set of questions here. Very personal from you, and I welcome the opportunity to think about them.
One thing caught my attention right away, which might not be most important, but is intriguing: "People were meant to live together. Male, female. We come in pairs. Obviously this is the natural order of things, so I am in the process of surrendering to the natural order". I just wonder if your saying this indicates that you feel that you are failing as a human being, because you have yet to make a relationship last a very long time. If so, I hope you can get past this, because I think it's illusory, and that you will be punishing yourself unnecessarily for it. In my experience, forming and keeping relationships is one of the most difficult things anyone can try to do. In my opinion, the reason we created the institution of marriage was NOT simply because we wanted to celebrate being together at a party one time, it's because staying together is so hard, that we needed the force of community recognition supported by law to make it happen.
As to your primary concern, the needed building blocks, I can offer the following 'maybe's. Since I ALSO have yet to have found a successful way to build a truly lasting, satisfying relationship, you have to take my ideas as being from a fellow "not-yet-victorious" contestant.
Most important, each partner needs to have matured to where they can honestly be responsible for their own lives. I don't mean financially, that actually doesn't matter that much (financial struggles are a part of life together that can be a plus in working together for mutual ends), I mean emotionally. Emotional maturity is for me, the conscious recognition that how I feel is separate from what I DO about how I feel. Thus, when I am depressed, or angry, it doesn't mean it's okay to punish my partner. When I'm turned on sexually, it doesn't mean I have to have sex with the person I'm attracted to. If I develop a crush on someone, it doesn't mean I have to pursue a relationship with them, and destroy the one I have with someone who I also love.
You didn't say here why you think your previous relationships failed, or even what you mean that they did fail. Some people consider a relationship as successful if it lasts long enough to accomplish what each desired from it, as in a business relationship. Others are more like recovering alcoholics in reverse: it isn't a success until you reach the finish line.
I wonder if your intense desire "to avoid wasting time on dead ends" means you are dumping out of potential relationships at the very first inkling of a challenge, for fear that you'll "fail" again, by not lasting the rest of your life. I hope not, since this doesn't allow for the 'trials and travails' part of a partnership, which you do recognize in another part of your post. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/6/2009 7:25:46 PM |
(OP) This thread was started in the hopes that this community would share your collective wisdom on the basic building blocks of emotional and mental intimacy.
I'll start with what isn't a building block.
(OP) When I married my husband, I made the mistake of confusing friendship with intimacy.
Unfortunately, many people have a distorted view of the value of friendship when it comes to romantic relationships. This is evident from reading the profiles. While you have realized the mistake many continue to seek a friend. Some even say it's the basis for a romantic relationship which couldn't be further from the truth.
Up until the late 60s/early 70s men and women never did the same things. While the emerging equality was definitely a good thing I feel people started evaluating partners on friendship qualities (similar activities, holding similar views, etc) as opposed to chemistry or that "I want you!" feeling.
If you have an issue about the sexual part of this equation, please share it, but be aware that this OP is just going to take the concept of good sex for granted because that's my personal experience.
I have to say I've never had great sex if/when a relationship was deteriorating so I find it unusual to take it for granted.
You wrote,
Big things, little things, celebrations, disappointments, acceptance, tragedy, joy, weariness, you name it. This is the life we have and it's not always what we expected but we face it together. I have come to identify this as something I want and need in my life.
I assume you are saying those things are what you consider intimacy. I believe if two people love each other those things will matter to the other, however, I don't follow what you mean by,
As the years went by, I came to understand that I really was unaware of how he felt about a lot of issues and by the time I realized we had a problem, he found it difficult to change the pattern of communication we had established.
Are you saying you feel he didn't care about how things personally affected you or are you talking about life, in general?
The reason I ask is I see a romantic relationship as a "family" type relationship rather than a "friendship" type relationship. By that I mean the way we relate to family members is not contingent on their views and activities. The obvious example is how we relate to our parents and children. We most likely hold differing views and enjoy different activities but that doesn't have a bearing on our relationship with them.
The opposite dynamic is at work with friendships. Our liking them is based almost solely on how much they are like us. When romantic relationships are "friendship" based they seldom last because we change our views and activities as we age.
To sum up I feel that by people "wanting it all", meaning a lover and a buddy/pal, they end up with nothing. If the passion and desire and the "I want you!" feeling is strong enough the emotional and mental intimacy will naturally be there.
Simply stated, the feeling I experience making love with my partner overrides any other feeling so I conclude we must be emotionally and mentally connected. At least in the ways that are important. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/6/2009 9:13:02 PM | | i think peoples idea of marriage has changed over the years--in the past it was basically a business arrangement--women married men who could support them,provide for them and their children--they didnt have the opportunity to work to provide for themselves--families arranged marriages for financial reasons (acquire land,promote peace between 2 peoples, that sort of thing)----nowdays people marry for "love"--and lets face it, there are many different kinds of attachments--alot of marriages start from the most basic kind--pure lust-----then after that starts to wear off u think--omg who is this person ive tied myself to for life--mabe we expect too much from marriage these days????---a "soulmate", a "best friend", "a fantastic lover","an emotional intimacy bond",----i think mabe its possible but very rare--those lucky few who find it, and then the rest who continually search for it--- | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/6/2009 9:46:05 PM | briargate, rune3 and IgorFrankensteen said it all for me already, so I'll just offer that the meat of this thread is why I came to POF in the first place. My SO avoided all forms of intimacy, which eventually tore us apart. I came here for answers, and found some - thanks.
A thought: do you suppose the divorce rate would decline a bit if a course on this subject were required to obtain a marriage license? | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/6/2009 10:57:12 PM | Geez, Louise.
Why are you wasting so much grey matter on this?
Go get a guy that holds your hand in public,
has a good job, doesn't do meth, and screws you once in a while.
As for all your emotional needs ...
go by the game The Sims
and make friends with some nerds
that wanna talk about all those "issues"
you mentioned thirty times in your post. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:27:26 AM |
For me, intimacy shows that a person is examining their own life and the lives we all live together. That's interesting to me and I like to do the same, as it helps us all muddle through this confusing Life when we can compare good notes. It also helps us to enjoy things more and cope with the harsh turns. Otherwise, we are just coping separately.
Socrates said "The unexamined life is not worth living." Thanks briargate.
Intimacy (in to me I see) is done first in solitude, it doesn’t need another persons validation. No one can give you intimacy, all you can do is share it, you can’t give it away and it can’t be taken from you, it’s who you are to the core, and if you can’t find it, the never ending chase for something else to fill it continues.
That's why I needed some island time, I had to be alone for a while. That's excellent Cloud. Thank you.
Just as you don't use tools to get a plant to grow, trying to knit artificial plant fibre or something... If you're using tools, you're disrupting rather than supporting nature. Intimacy, like the growth of a plant, requires time, opportunity, a reasonably open and yet reasonably secure space and a little warmth and attention in the form of water for a plant and perhaps interest and the desire to become closer in terms of the growth of intimacy.
Instead of thinking of trying to build a natural thing like intimacy, think how you can create optimal conditions for it to grow.
That's really good stuff. This isnt the first time I have heard a garden metaphor used for relationships. If I expand on this thought, then intimacy is an organic entity that only needs nurturing and can not be created! This is the reason I started this thread, to look through fresh eyes from a new perspective. Thank you rune.
One thing caught my attention right away, which might not be most important, but is intriguing: "People were meant to live together. Male, female. We come in pairs. Obviously this is the natural order of things, so I am in the process of surrendering to the natural order". I just wonder if your saying this indicates that you feel that you are failing as a human being, because you have yet to make a relationship last a very long time. If so, I hope you can get past this, because I think it's illusory, and that you will be punishing yourself unnecessarily for it. In my experience, forming and keeping relationships is one of the most difficult things anyone can try to do. In my opinion, the reason we created the institution of marriage was NOT simply because we wanted to celebrate being together at a party one time, it's because staying together is so hard, that we needed the force of community recognition supported by law to make it happen.
Igor, I think it's certainly possible that I might be punishing myself for failure. I have to look into this, thanks.
Unfortunately, many people have a distorted view of the value of friendship when it comes to romantic relationships. This is evident from reading the profiles. While you have realized the mistake many continue to seek a friend. Some even say it's the basis for a romantic relationship which couldn't be further from the truth.
I bought into the hype and I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Thanks Dave.
Thanks to everyone who has replied. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 1:16:14 PM | There are many smart posters here in this thread. I agree with them that self intimacy is unconditional love to one self. Then he can examine himself and accept himself without illusion. Then when he gives the unconditional love to his partner, and his partner reciprocate, such a mutual intimacy.
What if your potential partner doesn't share the same view about intimacy? Like many other posters, they have distorted illusion of themselves and lie to themselves to protect the mental image they have in their own mind.
Do you try to communicate my understanding of intimacy? If so, how? Or should I move on to find someone who's in the same page? | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:29:17 PM |
Unfortunately, many people have a distorted view of the value of friendship when it comes to romantic relationships. ... Some even say it's the basis for a romantic relationship
This is peculiar mostly to females, I think, who believe they want a guy who relates to them the same way their girlfriends do. Such women tend to define the way girls relate to each other as being "real intimacy". But what really characterizes the way girlfriends relate to each other is lots of self-disclosure, lots of casual "sharing of feelings".
Many guys who are rather selfless and/or don't have huge egos and/or aren't so self-involved with every little thing they're feeling during every single moment of the day tend to think lots of self-disclosure is pointless at best, and they may have a personal ethic which finds it distinctly distasteful, both in themselves and others (especially if done to excess). Thus they tend to avoid it at all costs unless the situation is grave and makes it absolutely necessary for them to do so, i.e., when it actually matters.
Of course this leads to the charge from women that men are "unfeeling" and "insensitive", or "emotionally unavailable", where nothing could be further from the truth. Continually coughing up a verbal expression of what he's thinking and/or feeling just isn't something the typical guy is wired to do very well. There is no "tool" which can "fix" this because there's nothing to be fixed. Naturally men's behavior in this area is going to be found wanting if it's measured exclusively with a feminine ruler. By trying to make men over in the female version of being emotionally expressive, women who attempt to do so are in essence denying men individual expression of the feelings they do have.
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:31:18 PM |
What if your potential partner doesn't share the same view about intimacy? Like many other posters, they have distorted illusion of themselves and lie to themselves to protect the mental image they have in their own mind.
Do you try to communicate my understanding of intimacy? If so, how? Or should I move on to find someone who's in the same page?"
Why would this partner even be considered potential if they weren’t on the same page as you or seeking the same as you are? Why would you stay in such a dead end relationship knowing this information upfront?
All you can do is ask, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink and if you continually try and push them to, who is the delusional one here? This site and many others like it are filled with the failed relationships of those who tried to push their partners to be something that they weren’t, isn’t it better to be who you are and attract the one who would be glad to accompany you on your journey?
If you’re not comfortable with whom you are, no person is going to give comfort to you. Hence no amount of false intimacy will ever make real intimacy between two people. It all starts with a mirror, there’s that examined life thing again, you have to know who you are before you can share it.
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:43:14 PM | please reference my answer at
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/13225188datingPostpage4.aspx
Many guys who are rather selfless and/or don't have huge egos and/or aren't so self-involved with every little thing they're feeling during every single moment of the day tend to think lots of self-disclosure is pointless at best, and they may have a personal ethic which finds it distinctly distasteful.
While he sees "many men" as "selfless" and with a higher form of personal ethic, the only inference to make here is that the opposite--"many females"-- are self-involved and have huge egos.
Thus they tend to avoid it at all costs unless the situation is grave and makes it absolutely necessary for them to do so, i.e., when it actually matters.
... to HIM. You left off the "to him". Yes, I would say that's insensitive, to be the only one to get to say when communciation is effective. It's a fairly common rejoinder here in the Fora that "men can't read minds"--well, guess what? Women can't either. If the men in their lives--not just ANY man on the street--the men IN their lives REFUSE to verbalize their thoughts, it IS a problem, and something DOES need to be fixed.
Of course, I've got one of those pink rulers, so my opinion doesn't count in your head. Must be great to live in there, where it's all black and white and all. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 3:06:31 PM | ^^^ Well, I was struck by at least one other possible inference – that men who readily self-disclose are self-absorbed and have huge egos. But I’m not sure I understand the main thrust of the argument here. Is it that men who avoid self-disclosure at all costs do so as a matter of personal ethics?
A contrasting theory has it that we (men and women) avoid the vulnerability of self-disclosure because expressing the truth of our feelings (perhaps even to ourselves) could expose the ego and self to the pain of possible rejection, embarrassment, disapproval, etc. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 3:48:40 PM | In no order or importance:
Cool, calm, and/or collected capabilities in crises, calamities, and/or changes unexpected
Capacity for commitment
Communication
Common interests
Complementary talents
Character -- as in Class
Cohesiveness -- as in "we & us" together rather than "me and you" separately
Competition component -- as in "healthy competition builds my self esteem and/or leaves you feeling proud of my achievements" rather than "I get pleasure out of feeling superior any/every time I kick your rhymes -with- grass.
Chemical combustion | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 4:05:34 PM | Thanks, OH, I see what you mean. I was taking the post (and poster history) as a whole, all the paragraphs/context as one thought, though. Like the one ending with the women's rulers, so that even if a woman WERE to question his "argument", he could throw that back at her and say her answer isn't valid--"You're not qualified to have an opinion, your ruler has breasts."
The reason I get so irritated with this "me big dumb man, me go in cave now" routine is that open dialogue/communication is THE tool for building intimacy. It's the only way I can get "in". Many men complain that they have no outlets, like women do, for communicating when they need emotional help. You do, you just don't use them--AND using them makes you vulnerable. Many men say that they will show you with non-verbal cues, "actions speak louder than words." Then those same men claim that having sex (an action) doesn't necessarily bring them closer to a woman. So, fixing the sink means "I love you" but fking you doesn't? | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 5:38:54 PM | The basic existance of emotional/mental intimacy begins with the inner strength of allowing and exposing one's self to vulnerability.
People are meant to share life together but, most of us lack the ability to openly communicate this need to each other without hurting the other's feelings. etc....
It seems to be a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' cliche.
The face in the mirror spends more time with one's self, than anyone else..
{{Allowing myself to be vulnerable isn't such a horrible event..sometimes, it becomes the most memorable event in our current life to reflect upon.}}
I wish you enough, | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:51:13 PM | | peace!!!!!!! may i point something out? i really gained a lot from some of your posts. i really was looking to find out what i could do or change to better understand women. not to imply that there was anything wrong with women. i can only speak for myself, but if i had to have a conversation with you when you have your back up, my brain would just melt down. did he piss you off? i know when i am overmatched and can gladly admit defeat. the next time a fight breaks out remember i am on YOUR side! | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:01:27 PM | first things first- there is an attraction , in whatever form.
seems to me, love is an emotion ~ not a puzzle piece .... from this point, it's simply a matter of compatability - you either have it or you don't ... . wishin' and hopin' & hopin' and prayin' , probably won't cut it -
....  | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:39:30 PM | I'd express what rune and farceur said as coming down to understanding and acceptance. Getting to know someone, really know them, and being willing to reveal yourself to them.
I can understand getting to know someone, really know them, as I'm good at that; but not the revealing of myself to them, at least not parts of myself. Not possible for me. I can reveal a lot of myself to someone, enough of myself, but not all of it. It's pointless. Either they would run away, or it would be like a tree falling in a forest that no one heard, or they'd say "that's nice, I understand", but they wouldn't be able to connect with it in the least. This is after 35 years of research. LOL | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:52:54 PM | What are the fundamental tools of building emotional and mental intimacy?
I have been racking my brain since you posted this question. I had some initial thoughts, and then I started thinking more about it. This one has me perplexed. And I came up with an official answer: I don't know!
There's this story about three blind men who are standing at different places around an elephant. Each one describes the elephant based upon the part of the elephant he is in contact with (i.e., trunk, leg, tail). Each one is correct in his own limited way, yet each description is incomplete. But I'd like the opportunity to respond with my personal and limited description of the "elephant." SOME fundamental tools of building emotional and mental intimacy IMO:
- Identity. Figuring out who I am. Reflection, examination, understanding, acceptance, and celebrating. For me this is intricately tied into my relationship with my Higher Power.
- View of Others. How do I see other people? How do I see my partner? What is her identity? She is a separate individual from me, yet in a relationship we work toward creating a sense of interdependency...without compromising each other's individuality. Healthy boundaries. And do I view and treat her as a gift in my life? Do I see what she offers me as gifts in my life?
- Integration. My beliefs and convictions inspire my thoughts and feelings which in turn are demonstrated through my words and actions. Are these things in me aligned? When there is a fracture in consistency, what is the nature of it, and what work do I need to do to address and correct it?
- Trustworthiness. I must choose to be trustworthy for my partner. It is a daily choice...maybe even an hourly choice. Am I dependable? Am I open and transparent with her? Do I create a safe environment for her to want to be open and transparent with me?
- Empathy. The practice of listening to my partner, getting to a place where I am able to walk in her shoes as much as it is possible, and demonstrating compassion that she deserves. Empathic listening - creating a safe environment to share with me her frustrations, disappointments and hurts that I may or may not have contributed to or created.
- Forgiveness. When I have wronged my partner, I own it and ask for her forgiveness. I then do the work at addressing what I did and changing it, and asking for her help in the form of encouragement and accountability. When my partner has wronged me, I forgive. I offer the same grace and mercy I ask and need from her.
No doubt there is more. These are some of the things I came up with. And an important disclaimer - while these things might sound like an ideal of some sort, I miss the mark more times than I care to admit. Yet the idea of doing the work in these areas together with an equally committed yet also flawed partner...as Kenny Chesney would say, "That's the good stuff."
Iconoclast...thank you for asking the question. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:01:58 PM | Geez, louise..this is a tough one to tackle. I have so many different thoughts and opinions on this. I think we are similar in our views..those little things are extremely important.
The best summary for me would be balance.
So, start first with 2 mature people, who have worked through their baggage and individual development. Don't need someone to complete them. Don't feel the need to complete somebody else. Have integrity and respect for the relationship. Are compatible (as you said sexually, but also have similar values, views, some similar interests). Are independant, but willing to need each other once in a while.
The little things that mean so much..time spent intimately of course..and not just sex..you know that time when you lay spooned, or facing each other, embracing, whatever and you just talk (one of my most romantic memories is something like this..it was pretty damn cool, I have to say).. Simply connecting during the day..a quick hi once in a while or a quick email or text. A quiet dinner. A hike. Something. Not the same thing, but just something. These are the things that build bridges as you said.
Obviously , to do this you really need to be with somebody that you think about even when they aren't around..they're the last thing you think of as you fall asleep and the first thing in your mind when you awake..and both bring a smile to your lips.
You enjoy doing things together, spending time, laughing , partying, shared interests ,etc.
But, you also are not all things to each other. You don't spend every waking moment (my god, I can' t even imagine) incessantly needing and clinging. You have your girlfreinds that you bond with..he his guy friends. You have some separate hobbies and interests. I think that balance is really critical. If you try to meld into one unrecognizable being, it always fails. At the same time, if you don't put your relationship first..the romance, the sex, the sharing, your partner's needs, it is very easy to grow apart.
I also personally like the idea of not cohabitating. I really like my space. I won't say I'd never do that..maybe someday. But it seems pretty damn easy when you don't. And I think on some level, it should be that way. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:19:41 PM |
I can understand getting to know someone, really know them, as I'm good at that; but not the revealing of myself to them, at least not parts of myself. Not possible for me. I can reveal a lot of myself to someone, enough of myself, but not all of it. It's pointless. Either they would run away, or it would be like a tree falling in a forest that no one heard, or they'd say "that's nice, I understand", but they wouldn't be able to connect with it in the least. This is after 35 years of research. LOL I understand where you are coming from -- I used to feel exactly the same way: that no-one would 'get' me. My partner, across the other side of the world, felt the same way: we'd express a thought or opinion and other people would respond like a deer in the headlights, some comment along the lines of "that's deep" or "you feel things too strongly/take things too seriously/have a strange point of view", together with a backing away. All you can do is keep watch. You can't be entirely unique in the way you think about things. There must be someone out there similar enough to get it. You express little bits at a time and watch for the reaction; one day you will surely find someone who really makes sense to you and to whom, you apparently make perfect sense as well.
We used to feel like such aliens...
He was 39 and I was 32 when we found each other on PoF -- and I don't think you should ever give up: we feel very lucky to have met and even more lucky to have met so young. We weren't even actively looking, we thought we'd closed the door on the possibility of a relationship when we started talking -- yet it grew. And if aliens like us can find someone, there is hope for everyone. If someone on the forums appears to think in a similar way to you -- write to them: you never know where it will lead. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:29:44 PM | The main tool is Listening to your mate, not commenting, not judging, just hearing her and thinking about it. How you react, what actions on your part change, will earn her respect and trust. It's unspoken.
She may smile because she knows you have eventually understood the way she is. People speak not to conform but allow themselves to grow. Hearing that and helping build that growth is key. Sometimes you have to let the person go and do what they want. It doesn't mean the spiritual connection between you two is not there, it will always probably be there.
Getting closer can mean growing apart. | |
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| What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:30:31 PM | I understand where you are coming from -- I used to feel exactly the same way: that no-one would 'get' me. My partner, across the other side of the world, felt the same way: we'd express a thought or opinion and other people would respond like a deer in the headlights, some comment along the lines of "that's deep" or "you feel things too strongly/take things too seriously/have a strange point of view", together with a backing away. All you can do is keep watch. You can't be entirely unique in the way you think about things. There must be someone out there similar enough to get it. You express little bits at a time and watch for the reaction; one day you will surely find someone who really makes sense to you and to whom, you apparently make perfect sense as well.
We used to feel like such aliens...
He was 39 and I was 32 when we found each other on PoF -- and I don't think you should ever give up: we feel very lucky to have met and even more lucky to have met so young. We weren't even actively looking, we thought we'd closed the door on the possibility of a relationship when we started talking -- yet it grew. And if aliens like us can find someone, there is hope for everyone. If someone on the forums appears to think in a similar way to you -- write to them: you never know where it will lead.
Well that's about the sweetest thing someone's said to me in a long time. I'm resisting the compulsion to say "that's nice, I understand". LOL What a beautiful story you shared. Very tender and touching to me. I'm tempted to write you and your lover into my will on the spot. Peace and happiness to you. :) | |
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