| Need some honest answers
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:50:45 PM | Think about it this way: What if your ex wife has already told him her side of the story, and then u tell yours, and they are 2 completely different stories? He is going to one confused little kid.
My parents always bad-mouthed each other after their divorce. I always heard 2 different sides to the story about why they broke up. I was very confused and didn't know who to beleive. Now that I am older I can look back and see that it was really both of their faults, not just one of their faults. If you tell him your story and make him beleive it was all your ex's fault, when he gets older he may not agree with that and resent you because he may feel like u lied to him. | |
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| Need some honest answers
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:50:57 PM | Never, ever tell your son. It has nothing to do with him and hurting his relationship with his mom hurts him. Also, what if he doesn't believe it? Then he would be angry with you for saying it. Either way it would hurt him even though it really has nothing to do with him.
As for wondering if she was cheating, who cares? Your marriage is over. Let it go. You will only make yourself miserable if you are angry and bitter.
On custody and child support issues, you need a lawyer. Tell your son that you and your ex don't agree on how much time he spends with who, so a judge will decide and may want to talk to him. Tell him that BOTH of you love him and want to be with him as much as you can. Tell him that if he talks to the judge he should say whatever he wants to say. Promise him that no matter what he says you will not be upset with him. Do NOT tell him more than this. It will only hurt him and cause him a lot of stress when he probably has more than enough already. | |
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| Need some honest answers
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:09:44 PM | | My 1st question is who does your son want to be with and could you get full custody of him if he wants to be with you? With my oldest daughter I never degraded her mother in any way but her mother did me on a regular basis. I found that only made my bond with my daughter that much stronger. I left her mom when she was 6mos old because mom was cheating. My daughter is now 20yrs old and nothing can pull us apart. I told her most things not all that went on. I was 100% honest and I fessed up to my faults. My daughter has nothing but respect for me because of it. To this day her mother still talks bad about me and things that I did. My daughter tells her before she opens her mouth maybe she should look in the mirror. Best of luck to you and I hope part of what i told you gives you a little insight. | |
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| Need some honest answers
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:15:46 PM | Hey. Im sorry to hear about what has happened to u. I just filed for divorce from my husband about 3 weeks ago. My spouse has slept with atleast 6 women... thats what he has confessed to anyway. He is still seeing one of them. So I know for a fact that he has cheated. Or is rather... we are still technically married. We have a beautiful daughter who will be 2 in November. I have battled with this topic... what do i tell her happened b/n her dad and i when she gets older. I filed adultry on the divorce petition. I want her to know that is the primary reason we broke up. I did all that i could to keep this family together. He keeps saying that he will not take all of the blame why we broke up. But then he doesnt tell me what his reasons are why we broke up in his mind. What did i do wrong? But whatever. I did get cranky with him sometimes. Most of the bills were piled on me most of the time. When he had extra money he would use it to buy himself something. I had a right to be upset about that. That is a very annoying and awful thing to do to a spouse.
So to answer ur question.... it sounds like she might have been cheating. I would look at the evidence and follow ur instincts on that one. Usually my instincts were screaming at me and telling me something was not right.... and now that he has confessed... i see that i was right all along. Something always felt off. But if i were u.... wait to explain all of this to ur son when he is older. Like in his 20's. He needs to be mature enough to get it. Thats what I am doing with my daughter. Plus ill have the evidence in the divorce papers... since i filed for divorce due to adultry.
But follow ur instincts. They are always right. And good luck with everything.
Kara | |
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| Need some honest answers
Posted: 10/25/2009 11:27:06 AM | | About the cheating thing. I know a couple that went through it. The spouse made the cheater inform the children. | |
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| move on
Posted: 10/25/2009 4:47:11 PM | | As someone who just fininshed getting hammered during a divorce... All I can say is drop the resentment for the ex and do nothing but positive for the boy. I know for a fact that the ex is talking you down and blaming you for everything cause that is what is happening in my childrens lives... As far as cheating goes... who cares at this point. My ex went off the deep end on pharmacy drugs because of "pain" and turned into a fking basket case... yet still got the property and the kids... so suck it up, and move on... Don't stoop to the level of the lowest person in the scenerio... | |
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