| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:22:50 AM | | The man I would marry would come into my life like a breeze, it would be as natural as breathing, like it always was, I would change nothing of myself, and neither would he, we would accept each other for all our flaws, and it would not matter if he was tall or short, handsome or just a guy, because he would be my soulmate.... | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:34:08 AM | Gwendolyn 2009, said:
And au contraire, I know older women whose goal in life is to find a man who will marry them--I am friends with a few. They are still brainwashed into thinking that they are not complete without a husband. Sometimes, age does not lend wisdom. However, I do think that they will, and are, becoming fewer.
Sadly, but this is very true. Many older women feel exactly that, they are not complete without a man and precisely marriage. This type of thinking has little to do with age, but it is a belief that shaped them since they were little girls. A friend of mine, now sixty just got married for the forth time last year. Being around her and listening to her for any length of time can be nauseating. But, she is entitled to live her life the way she wants it, it's that imposing her beliefs on other women is what I don't appreciate. I just don't see any point of keeping marrying for the sake of being married...how many times???
For me personally, marriage is really outdated. I love to be able to provide for myself, have my own money, career goals, passion and whatever else, I would only marry a man if I feel we are together as one, ... all other connections, sexual attraction etc. is not a deciding factor in our union, these are short lived. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:45:00 AM | Since I've already been married I would eventually like to end up with a guy who doesn't want to get married again. The qualities I'm searching for are hard to pinpoint but I'll know him when I find him.
I don't care if he doesn't look like Pierce Brosnan (whom I consider quite handsome) or if he makes heaps of money or brings me roses. The most important thing he can do is love me for who I am.
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:50:41 AM | For the cynic who says we who have lists are shallow and empty ourselves;
Anything on my "who I'd marry if I found them someday and got to that point ever" list?
I bring to the table myself. There is nothing whatsoever that I say that I want that I don't do myself. Every single solitary last one of them, and then some. Those are just the ones that are most important to me in someone else.
I just want someone who wants to share those things back. Anyone who assumes me or anyone else who knows what would resonate the most automatically means we have absolutely nothing to bring ot the table and just want to suck some poor sucker dry... cynical, much? Thought it went without saying it went both ways. No fair wanting something I'm not willing to do myself. I somehow doubt I'm the exception here. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:54:07 AM | op,
i thought i married someone like my dad...instead, i woke up next to what could have been a russian spy. i have no idea who the guy is...and i've supposedly "known" him half my life. mainly left with a weird, surreal feeling...that and something finally snapped in my mind (well, clicked, actually), so i really just feel pretty neutral about the guy...but will never be able to explain the weirdness. twilight zone music! anyway i always thought my dad was the ideal guy...still do even though he passed... all i ever saw was a man of great strength & integrity. i like to think i'm a lot like him...and my mother. but the guy with whom was i living for all those years (my ex)...will probably never know. kinda would like to be able to put some sort of meaning to those years since they consumed so much of my life temporally. just one of things i have to accept to which there is no answer................................. neer neer neer eerie eerie eerie............ | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:12:34 AM |
I often wonder... if the men described in these checklists posted the profiles of the women they wanted to spend the rest of their life with... how closely they would match up....
Incidious. For passing judgement on the quality of the man I can expect to attain - there's a saying here in Wales.........you're narsty. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:38:29 AM | This is like a 15 years old question ,but I understand that it is an important question.
Every woman wants to marry a family oriented man who knows what is commitment,bonding,responsibility of a family..
In my case I want that in a man too, and I want that all his motors are functioning perfectly,it does'nt matter to me if he is a vintage taxicab that had seen better days..  
I love the word "narsty".
I am a narsty ducky. ha,ha,ha,ha,hah!!! | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:48:04 AM | Can I at least find one on my level? Absolutely, I prefer a guy who is strong in an integrated way and reminds me that I am a woman who must act like a woman. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:18:38 AM |
What kind of guy do you want to marry?
No "kind" of guy...I don't want to marry. I'm perfectly content sharing my life with a man without the necessity of marrying him or living with him. He has the same qualities as one I'd marry, though...if I was into the whole marrying thing. Nope...I'm not just saying that because I'm not in a relationship...because I AM in one and have been so for a few years. It may not be what other people would want, but it works for us and that's really all that matters to me. I'm not living my life to please the masses and what their personal preferences or judgements are with respect to marriage. I'm not religious, so I don't have that aspect to deal with as so many do. If you don't like my preferences, it's certainly not going to make me change what I'm doing just for you. I don't judge people who like marriage, so I would expect not to be judged in return. The qualities are pretty much very basic - we like each other for very many reasons and very many shared interests. We enhance each other, not complete each other, and neither of us is perfect - perfect would be boring me thinks. I have no "lists" to conform to. I don't even take a grocery list shopping, why would I have one for a man. Basic decency is all I ask and what I give - the rest pretty much takes care of itself incredibly well somehow. I think that those who have too many expectations set themselves up unnecessarily for a fall or wind up alone and lonely. Be accepting and tolerant, not rigid and full of "lists" for the perfect mate...blah. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:10:11 AM |
For me personally, marriage is really outdated. I love to be able to provide for myself, have my own money, career goals, passion and whatever else, I would only marry a man if I feel we are together as one, ... all other connections, sexual attraction etc. is not a deciding factor in our union, these are short lived.
Actually, marriage has nothing to do with "being able to provide for myself" or to being "financially independent"....unless you want that as your platform. Then you have to deal with accounting all of the time in your relationship/marriage and there is no unconditional love in your marriage. It has all sorts of conditions. Then, I have to ask you...are you really in love?
Marriage is the exchange of vows that a man and a woman make to promise each other that they will love, honor, cherish each other in sickness and in health. To be exclusive only to each other sexually....and anything else they want to put in there.
You can write whatever vows that you want.
If it's money that is your God, then write it in your vows. Do your pre-nupt as part of your vows. Today, anything goes in the marriage ceremony. But, it is promises to each other that should not be made lightly.
I feel that couples should read their vows at least twice a year to refresh why they got married and what they did feel at the time.
On a side-note.
Marriage is NOT the reason for break-ups. It is the man and woman who cannot fulfill their vows to each other that breaks the union up. Marriage is just the promises you made to each other done in a ceremony. Don't ever blame marriage.
Me?
I will get married again. Not for anything but the fact that I love him and see myself growing old with him...happily. He is himself and I don't have any desire to change/mold him. That is who I fell in love with.
This time around I am enjoying an extended courtship and I totally recommend it. Too many women rush into marriage and then they start to whine that the man is taking them for granted ....and there is no romance anymore. Then they want him to court her. Ummm.....it won't really work. Psuedo-courtship??? After the fact?
Bass-ackwards. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:41:29 AM |
Marriage is the exchange of vows that a man and a woman make to promise each other that they will love, honor, cherish each other in sickness and in health. To be exclusive only to each other sexually....and anything else they want to put in there.
You can write whatever vows that you want.
You can have all that without marriage...and you don't have to even state it out loud or in writing - you just live it. In my world, money has little to do with a relationship; it's a tool that is used from time to time to allow you to do enjoyable things together and it's never a one-sided spending spree. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:06:38 PM | Family-oriented, responsible, trustworthy, conversational, able to admit when he's right and when he's wrong, affectionate, loves animals, cares about his health, able to have fun doing anything, comfortable being alone or with a group of people, seen as a role-model, a great sense of humour, appreciates good food!, a bonus if he can cook and if he's handy, a traditionalist, an academic with common sense...
The list goes on :D | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:16:46 PM | I like to wander into threads like these from time to time just to scare a certain someone. OK, I admit it, I do have a twisted sense of humour, or alternatively, a mean streak.
hi sweetie  | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:21:26 PM |
You can have all that without marriage
To some people it does work when they are clear with their promises. Just that some aren't. There are alot of assumptions going on in relationships because...well...people are afraid to get "deep" with each other.
There is alot of "we are just having fun" stuff going on in relationships these days. Well...some people think that is what it should be and when the fun stops happening, one or the other is going to walk away. Surface and shallow? Someone always gets hurt.
One of my best friends is going through something like that right now.
She thought they were going to be LTR. The man decided it wasn't fun anymore and walked. He felt she was, in his words "acting like a wife." Puzzled, I asked her what that meant. She said he didn't want a wife, he wanted someone to hang out with. I asked her if it was FWB and she had more expectations than she should have. She thought she might have. I asked her if he was exclusive. She really didn't know because it really wasn't talked about, it was just assumed. AGHH! What!????
(Shakes my head.) | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:25:45 PM | Someone who knows how to build things, can tell one plant from another, and can catch fish, in case we are ever stuck on a deserted island (because I am hopeless at these things).
Okay, not really, but it's a nice occasional daydream. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:31:57 PM | The kind of guy i want to marry, is the guy who doesnt want to get married. We can utter fake wedding vows to one another, but, after the hot wild monkey sex, he goes home to his own dang bed.
When the honeymoon is over we can part ways as friends. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:39:44 PM | | Well they need to have a twinkle, like my laugh, think I am interesting, love my cooking, be a moderate person in most other areas and of course they must play well with others. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:34:02 PM |
Actually, marriage has nothing to do with "being able to provide for myself" or to being "financially independent"....unless you want that as your platform. Then you have to deal with accounting all of the time in your relationship/marriage and there is no unconditional love in your marriage. It has all sorts of conditions. Then, I have to ask you...are you really in love?
For many women (and I know them personally) marriage is about certain amount of security. Many women want to marry because they want men to provide for them. In my paragraph I said I don't want to marry for those reasons. Read carefully, no interrogation, why I do what I do, I don't explain anything to anyone. This is my business, and it is a business of other women to do what they please. There is no manual written you have to do it this way.
Marriage is the exchange of vows that a man and a woman make to promise each other that they will love, honor, cherish each other in sickness and in health. To be exclusive only to each other sexually....and anything else they want to put in there.
You can write whatever vows that you want.
Like the other poster mentioned, you don't need marriage certificate to have all that above. Because first of all, marriage does not guarantee this, because no one can guarantee that. It's only a formal expression of being present in the moment. But this kind of commitment can change, and is also a reason why I don't put too much value in marriage, unless.... I have gone with them on a very long journey, and ate one kilograms of bread and a bag of salt. It's an expression - that I have experienced trials and tribulations with them. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:11:33 PM | La Gioconda,
There are women who marry for security, but there are a whole lot who marry for love.
You can do whatever you want. No-one is questioning your right to do that.
I was only commenting on the fact that marriage is only the promises you make to each other. So many people blame "marriage" for their misfortune in love. It is not the marriage, it is the people who couldn't keep their promises to each other.
This breaks the union or partnership.
If two men got together to establish a business and they wrote out a contract to explain the obligations that they had to each other, then that would be like a "marriage".
If one or the other breaks the promises and the business goes topsy turvey, they cannot blame the Partnership Agreement" that they took for the break-up. They have to blame themselves.
That is why I look at the cliche of Prenupts. They are the current rage. You both sign on the dotted line. Yeah! Like marriage!!! Even when you don't marry!
When someone breaks the partnership agreement, (breaks promises) then most likely someone is going to call foul on the Pre-Nupt. If it isn't fair and according to the prevailing marriage laws of "no-fault" divorce, then it gets ripped up and you are facing the lawyers again.
Go figure.
I would say, go into anything that smacks of a long term relationship/marriage with the eyes very wide open. Learn tolerance, learn caring, learn to give and take and learn to respect each other and your differences. Most of all learn the key to a realtionship/marriage. You are responsible for your own happiness. If he is happy with himself then I am happy. If I am happy with myself then he is happy. I cannot make him feel responsible for my happiness and neither should he be responsible for mine. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:24:50 PM | What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Hmmmm....let me see.
Oh I know
How about a 95 year old millionaire with a bad heart - no family - and a prenup that states I am the soul beneficiary to his estate!!!
( and to think some of you nay-sayers thought I wasn't willing to get married again) | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:42:05 PM | Belle Lass, all is cool...no worries, we are discussing the subject. That's the way it goes.
you said:
So many people blame "marriage" for their misfortune in love. It is not the marriage, it is the people who couldn't keep their promises to each other.
It's human nature to blame and point fingers, so they don't assume their responsibility. In reality, it's isn't fault of anyone that the promise is broken, it's just is what it is. People promise things to each other, but this does not mean forever. Commitments need to be revised at some point, things and circumstances change. It happens all the time. We don't have control over certain events in life, and it's up to us how we choose to respond. We can keep blaming the other person for breaking the promise and remain bitter for the rest of our lives. Have seen those so called victims. But victim does not realize they are choosing to be stuck. So, if people cannot keep their promises, and need to revise them, or change them completely, it's their right. | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:43:39 PM | LOL! well, I'll tell ya....#1, I have absolutely no intention of ever remarrying; but I would consider entering into a "partnership contract" (Relationship LLC); so in view of that; what I would look for in a man who would be my partner are (in no particular order)
1) a great sense of humor (he'd seriously need it if he lived with me!)
2) good night vision (I really suck driving at night)
3) the ability to chase granny around the couch!
4) know what to do with me after he's caught me!
5) intelligence; hopefully some interest in politics, philosophy and technology as those are keen interest of my own; but it would also be exciting if he could introduce me to some other areas of interest that I've never been exposed to.
6) patience ( I can be gawd awful slow at times)
7) a dominant personality. This in combination with intelligence, patience and a sense of humor would be the ideal mate for me. I'm fairly "dominant" myself and require a mate who would NOT let me roll over them! I totally lose interest in men who wimp out.
8) kindness. Not the "door mat" kind, but the genuine compassion for those who suffer unjustly.
9) earthiness. I hate pretentious behavior. No matter how well off....or how bad off someone is...there's always someone moreso to one extreme or another. I'd want a man who's happy with who he is....whoever that may be.
10) sensible. I am logical to a fault! people who don't think things through and who live from crisis to crisis make me cRaZy!
11) simplistic. I enjoy simple people, simple pleasures. He'd have to think that laying on a blanket on a river bank listening to the water flow by was just about as next to heaven as it gets.
12) non-competitive with ME. he can compete with the whole world; as long as he realizes that WE are on the same team.
13) respectful toward me. as I would be toward him
14) appreciative. once again, as I would be toward him
LOL! I'm sure there are more...but that's a start! | |
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| What kind of guy do you want to marry?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:55:09 PM | Let me review, BooBoo
1) check
2) check - I happen to LIKE driving
3) Why waste time running around a couch?
4) OH BABY!
5) Yes, yes and yes.. and introduce.. you betcha.
6) I have so much patience , people think I'm a Dr. (and I just might be)
7) Ummm.. Yeah.. I always wanted my mom to buy ALPHA bits as a kid, HOWEVER, if you really want to roll over onto me.. I dont mind you being on top once in a while
8) My Objective principles ONLY run up against my pragmatism.. and seldom still
9) Oh my.. I have lectured MENSA.. consulted for THOUSANDS an hour to CEO's. I built a house with my own hands doing ALL the work. It was once said of me....
"He's never met a stranger, only his next best friend... on the first day of meeting
10) I can out-logic
11) Hmmm.. this one needs discussion. It just does
12) As long as we are in sync #7.. no problem
13) It started there
14) I already KNOW you know how to INSPIRE
MY 15: I KNOW how to cherish when I have received #14
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