| | How Easily Can You Detect Red FlagsPage 2 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | "Nasty attitude when talking about his ex. Blames her for everything. Next time it will be me he is badmouthing."
This assumes a liberal 50-50 attitude about faults and an otherwise normal breakup where he then shifts all the blame to her. Sounds reasonable. But what if he got screwed left, right and center and just reports facts? If you lie, steal, cheat, neglect your kids and pass on VDs, perhaps you also deserve to be called names. Or if you don't do those things, perhaps he'll speak differently about you. I have had many breakups since my divorce, yet none came anywhere close and deserved any form of badmouthing - yet what I would have to say about my ex-wife would turn to asterisks here... | |
|
| |
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:15:12 AM | My problem is that I'm emotionally colour blind. I can't tell red flags from green flags. It's lead to many a complication. | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:23:44 AM |
But what if he got screwed left, right and center and just reports facts?
Perhaps some of us have a great need to brag, or report our facts to the new fresh faces, but personally I find this knee jerk reaction to slam others they've spent time with in any capacity unattractive in anyone. Big huge friggin gianormous red cloud...
The last thing I want to hear about in a budding relationship is how, why, when and what for the last one failed. If we're at the point of wallowing and haven't figured it out, and owned our own stuff and risen above, we ought not to be dating. I think that's a recipe for disaster.
Happy Thanksgiving... | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:26:38 AM |
Number one red flag to me is when I see a woman that sees a red flag as green.
The nervous laughter while you're on the phone with her doesn't mean she sees your red flags as green, she may just be waiting till she gets off the phone with you till she can breathe a sigh of relief and quickly block your number.   | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:34:19 AM | Perhaps some of us have a great need to brag, or report our facts to the new fresh faces, but personally I find this knee jerk reaction to slam others they've spent time with in any capacity unattractive in anyone. Big huge friggin gianormous red cloud...
The last thing I want to hear about in a budding relationship is how, why, when and what for the last one failed. If we're at the point of wallowing and haven't figured it out, and owned our own stuff and risen above, we ought not to be dating. I think that's a recipe for disaster.
I see alot of this "sharing" - they see me as a compassionate person with no boundaries. In a way I'm fortunate to be aware of the issues and dysfunctional past so early on. Even if it was all the spouses fault, they can't deny that choosing to marry such an awful person makes me question their judgement. I have to think their judgement may have been clouded by using the wrong head. and then there's the issue of bringing children into the world with the shrew as if they were forced into white slavery or stud service. They also seem to think crying about their ex-wife's sexual issues are going to make women want to prove that we're not all that way. The poor dear! ...and restraining orders seem to be really common with divorced men nowadays. They tell me all this stuff like I should give them a gold star for their honesty.  | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:54:17 AM | Red Flags -
Chosing to meet in the middle of the day (when there is not shift work involved)
Cancelling at the last minute - or not showing respect to cancel at all
See thread on keeping you on their "list"
Claims to work 20 hours per day
Claims to forget cel phone someplace
Claims to be very excited when you phone them, but does not follow thru on plans
Extends invitations to YOUR home.
Asks for YOUR phone number, instead of offering their's
Loves sports (on TV)
Looking for someone to make them laugh again
Prefers to "stay at home and watch a movie"
Has a pic that they say is a "few months ago" and the date on it is 2005
Body type "prefers not to say"
First date choice- a walk along a beach, when there are NO beaches
Bitter, negative words in profile, when refering to their x
Evasive with plans
Railroad around a direct question
Ohh I could write a book on Red Flags!! | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:16:01 AM | | You really are asking the wrong people. If we knew how to weed out the bad we would not still be on here. Long before there was the internet men and women cheated, long before computers became a part of our lives there were nut cases. You want guarantees, and there are none. You have to deal with this just like in the real world, get to know the person, (that means meet because nothing is true until verified), and decide if they are the kind of person you would like to spend time with. Yea it takes time, it always has, stop looking for instant gratification because it will almost always lead you in the wrong direction. No matter what a person says on here it can always be different in person. For example I met one woman on here that forgot to tell me she was 8 months pregnant, (ummm like I wasn't going to notice when we met?) Or the whole smoking thing, you either do or you don't, how can someone say they don't smoke when they do? How do you forget that fact? So red flags would be great if everyone told the truth, but they don't, so in the end you have to go through all the same things as if you were just meeting them in the real world. No quick fixes here, just another way to work. | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:05:41 PM |
phone them when they r not expecting it.
lots of wives have been alerted by this method. Sad to say I have talked to 3 wives in my years of dating sites. | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:10:42 PM | | The trouble is not that people cannot spoy red flags. Most people can. The trouble is what they want to believe gets in the way of their reasoning capacity. Not letting that happen is the real struggle. | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:14:40 PM | lots of wives have been alerted by this method. Sad to say I have talked to 3 wives in my years of dating sites.
That's all fun till he shows up with knife because you ruined his happy home.
The trouble is not that people cannot spoy red flags. Most people can. The trouble is what they want to believe gets in the way of their reasoning capacity. Not letting that happen is the real struggle.
Study and research sociopathic behavior and never let your bottom half get involved before the top half says it's ok. Never interrupt them, ask questions, and listen to the answers very carefully. Some people are really good at creating an illusion with half truths or lying by omission. They can keep up an act only for so long and they won't be consistent. | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:11:58 AM | OP here. The last thing I said was, "Things seem to be going well between us and I'm interested in finding out how things progress from here." I guess that would scare anyone! lol
Life is full of interesting things. My heart is in tact and will remain in tact. I'm not giving it away, or anything else for that matter, that easily. People may peg me as a fool, etc. There's no rule book for dating. We all do things differently. As long as we live and breathe, there's always the possiblity of opening ourselves up to hurt. After all, if any of us expect to love and be loved again, there's ALWAYS that possibility, right?
To all the fish in this sea, we are all after the same thing, so I wish all of us the best! Enjoy life, enjoy each other! HAPPY FISHING!   | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:18:03 AM |
Nasty attitude when talking about his ex. Blames her for everything. Next time it will be me he is badmouthing
OOO ya!! A big one!
I copped that a few months ago. | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:33:01 AM | I agree! but don't always DO IT!! HA! this whole honesty thing is a laugh sometimes........it would be nice if someone told you the truth about why they want to "disconnct" but I don't think it will happen......H^LL I can't sometimes for fear of hurt feelings!!!!!!
Honesty HUH? if as many men where walking the beach at sunset in Pensacola the police would have to CLOSE THE BEACH!! HA! | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:35:12 AM | The Red Flag Signals are becoming more and more apparent as I age. I am not certain if being skeptical comes hand in hand with being senile or what....
Possibly my bullshyt meter has become more finely honed as I have whittled the years off my life...
I think all the fish in the seas are diseased and that's probably our own fault entirely - thankfully I am a voracious BEEF eater and will skip the tuna.
| |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:36:01 AM | | Maybe send the message you would have liked to receive (if you were off line for a time) and move on! Live and learn...........................and ENJOY! If it weren't for internet dating we would all be looking for someone in restaurants/bars or home alone!! | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:40:52 AM | I usually get this gut feeling before I meet them in person.So far I was always able to count on this feeling or I would have met up with a registered sex offender.
Who knows what happend to him,its possible that he got busted by some live in S/O.
Maybe you`ll hear from him again a few weeks from now with some shady excuse....
Move on ,after all theres plenty of fish in the sea | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:14:26 AM | I like exapmles. Heres one.
After 2-3 messages back and forth with a girl who is interested in the feild of work I already work in it seems theres enough interest to persue it. I offer to "chat on some other chat service" because its easier then waiting for inbox messages to go back and forth with RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE before each one.
her response is "Oh id like to but im going out with friends now sorry I cant" Then she remains online for another 30 minutes. She also was deleting my messages as soon as she read them which tells me her in box is overflowing.
And your done. bai | |
|
dn999
| | Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 44 | |
| |
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:03:16 PM | I agree with red flags, I was called a red flager when I was writing my thesis paper in grad school and wrking 2 jobs, did not mean to ignore people in my family, even ignored my parents because iw as too busy.
3Sick family member
4. Dead family member
5. He's just not that into you
6. Forgot to pay the internet bill
7. Doesn't have time for the internet
8. Computer/modem failure
Red flags to me is they tell you they want a a long term relationship but all they talk about is sex and in the 2nd email they tell me they have an 8 or 9 inver and they are fixed so I have no worries about getting knocked up. | |
|
Ependa
| | Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 46 | |
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:07:46 PM | | spotting them is a lot easier than listening to them imo..but I am working on this. self-absorbed, inconsiderate, disappearing..too much drama, too much work...all of these can be (the blatantly obvious ones like abusive or domineering , I assume you know to run , not walk) ...I have met a few really nice guys recently, I don't think they are that rare, just a matter of whether you click or not. A big mistake can be letting things progress too quickly. Take some time , listen to the red flags, and get to know him as a person. If he treats you well and there is mutual interest, respect, courtesy..then keep moving ...slowly.Reciprocity. I am not a fan of walls..but maybe some shielding in the beginning is a good idea, it will make it easier to listen to the red flags if you spot any. | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:02:20 AM | Here's my list:
1. A single mom who got pregnant for a guy with whom her relationship was already on the rocks.
2: RE: that relationship, she says "I don't think I ever actually loved him, but I had to have his baby."
3. She tells you about a time some months before when she had a cat, but the cat kept attacking her toddler, so she took it and abandoned it on a road in the middle of a Canadian winter (without even checking to see if the SPCA could take it.)
4. Every man in her life, starting with her father, has treated her like garbage (according to her.)
5. She badmouths practically everyone she knows, and refers to her own mother as a "crazy c**t"...while earning a paycheque as her mother's employee.
6. She breaks up with you one day, asks you to get back together the next day and, that night, looks at you with a very strange expression on her face and says "I just had a nice long bath and I'm really clean for you now..." (Can you guess what she did?)  | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:48:28 AM | He doesn't want to take you out in public...could be married or have a girlfriend.
He cannot make time for you even on the weekend, you're here all weekend, he just calls when he feels like it.
You don't know where he lives(address) and how dare you ask about his family.
He texts all the time, sometimes brief (SO might catch him talking to you).
He has to borrow someone else's car. Doesn't want his parked outside your house or he'll get caught.
Oh, Huff, huff, he always seems to be in a heated rush | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:53:42 AM | No call/no show on a date--very disrespectful
Has to plan a date at the last minute--probably married!! Here all weekend yet only avail time if I'm lucky is Sat night for few hours
Yes, only wants to hang out at YOUR place, don't go nowhere do anything worthwhile. | |
|
| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:25:33 AM |
phone them when they r not expecting it.
That explains why I get calls at crazy hours day and night. That's just annoying when you aren't hiding anything. | |
|
Home
login 
