| | How Easily Can You Detect Red FlagsPage 3 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | What is really bad about all these schemers and liars who play around with people's minds and hearts is one then becomes a bit hard shelled.
Bitten too often by men/women who are on dating sites just for kicks has a tendency to lower the trust ratio of some.
I know my friend was getting to wonder about herself. She seemed to be on a roll of picking the married guys or ??? just on dating sites playing games.
After about 5 years she meets this great guy, yet in the back of her head she kept wondering even after dating him every weekend for a while.
After about 4 months she did a paid background ck on him. After about another 4 months into the relationship she told him about it, and he was actually really cool about it. What was interesting was the following week he proposed and now they have been happily married for about 3 years now.
So when red flags pop up, maybe just being honest is the best solution. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:03:37 AM | It is not ignoring its called a romance scammer! You did not have what he was wanting to use you for or he wanted money.It depends on what your discussions were on. Yes it was a red flag long before this that you missed.And he sounds very married.
Definately attached . | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:40:08 PM | yes but the point is that by now, the OPs guy should have offered up some kind of explanation.
I seriously doubt anyone really expects the worst of others all the time. That is why we get so upset when we receive the worst....caught by surprise & not in a good way=upset.
In the OP's situation, she is perfectly justified to expect the worst from this guy in this situation, or else he'd have explained himself by now. There are computers with free internet & telephones everywhere. No excuses. That lack of respect so early in a relationship -- even a casual one-is about the biggest red flag there is.
He is probably married or has a live in SO who caught him red- f*cking handed. It's not an reasonable assumption. Unless he died of a stroke -that is really more far fetched. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:10:23 PM | ^^ Oh, I'd say at that point it definitely is work. Just not for him apparently, lol.
OT: I can read all the red flags just fine... with hindsight. Some things are clearer in the rear view mirror. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:33:01 PM | | Oh that was about the girl recieveing a diamond on the 3rd date. My grandparents met and got married 2 weeks later and were happily married until death 70 yrs later. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:28:08 PM | | you can't really tell if something is a red flag if it's not totally blatant. you usually figure it out in retrospect only. on the other hand, if you have a "nagging feeling," you're sensing something isn't quite right, but you can't quite articulate it until you're sure...LATER!!!!!! | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:16:02 PM | 1. constantly cleaning or grooming
2. white carpet and white furniture
3. reminding you everything is his
4. dislike of your child or pet
5. keeping you isolated from family friends or pets
6. justifying how he feels and brushing your feelings aside
7. meticulous garage, lawn and home
8. lack of real emotions
9. lack of concern or caring for your feelings, family, or friends just his.
10. excessive bragging of himself.
does this help. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:30:43 AM | red flags
1. constantly cleaning or grooming
2. white carpet and white furniture
3. reminding you everything is his
4. dislike of your child or pet
5. keeping you isolated from family friends or pets
6. justifying how he feels and brushing your feelings aside
7. meticulous garage, lawn and home
8. lack of real emotions
9. lack of concern or caring for your feelings, family, or friends just his.
10. excessive bragging of himself never cleaning or grooming
therefore "green flags" ?
1 never cleaning or grooming
2 black carpet, black lites, & blacked out
3 reminding u nothing is his, Chumley & his skinny-a** Pawn Stars own it all, negotiations ongoing day-2-day-2-day-2day-etc
4 dislike of your dislike of his child or pet
5 keeping yer family friends and pets isolated from the community for the good of family, neighbors, and society as per local codes howwooooo
6 justifying how he feels about sleeping on a bed of rusty nails
7 filthy garage, dandylions, crabgrass, home re-possessed
8 lack of false emotions
9 lack of concern for supporting ur hillbilly gypsy relatives in a rusted out truk on the
front lawn of yer bveryl hlls dream home w the cement pond & the critters 2 boot
10 xcessive downgrading of himself fer a' getting tied up in this mess | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:40:29 AM | I would say I can detect them these days a lot more than I used to. I've been in a situation though, where I KNEW there were red flags and I just didn't want to believe or acknowledge them, bc I really liked the guy. Those red flags were:
-avoidance of close relationships of any kind with people
-often talked about his general hatred of people
-hadn't actually dated in years even though he's young and good-looking
-couldn't commit but didn't want to let go
I think when you really have it bad for someone, it's harder to recognize the red flags even when they're staring at you in the face. Or not so much not noticing them, but not WANTING to. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:20:59 AM | In reference to message 63 and 64:
I think anything that is taken to the extreme is a problem. Give me middle of the road and "boring" any day.
One of my favorite movie lines is "Sell crazy someplace else - I'm all stocked up here" | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:32:29 AM | Red Flag story here:
I met this guy at college, really cute and everything and one day in one of our conversations (like in our third date)he was talking about Halloween costumes and said he would dress up as a woman this year, then he said "I´ve used that costume several times and I love it!" right after that I started seeing sings everywhere, and yeah I´m pretty sure he was Bi, thank God we never had sex yuck!. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:58:48 AM | As I've confessed, I am an old fart and I've been around the block a few too many times. "Red flags" can be very subtle, but in my years of experience I have finally learned how to detect even the most delicately expressed of them. I am willing to share for your enlightenment
My Top 10 Red Flags:
10: He has no furniture in his apartment, but does have a restaurant sized walk - in freezer.
9: He brings his mom with him on our first meeting.
8: He neglected to tell me that he was a preoperative transsexual, preferring to wait until we've had several dates.
7: He's been camping outside in my front yard ever since our first date.
6: He suggests collecting road kill as a first date.
5: He told me he worked as an English professor at Harvard, but his IM's and emails are illiterate.
4: He is a bereaved widower - 3 times over. At the age of 37.
3: He "forgot" to tell me that he is a single father with 3 kids under the age of 12, including a 3 month old baby. I find out when I visit his (unfurnished, except for the walk - in freezer) apartment for dinner. They are very well behaved, though ... extremely quiet! Lethargic, even!
2: The second time I visit, he has a newborn baby in addition to the first 3. This time I notice that the kids don't look anything like him, or each other ...
1: Third visit - no kids at all! I don't know whether to be concerned, or relieved? Would it be prying of me to inquire, tactfully, about the kid situation? | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:02:13 AM | Why are you over analyzing it??
He simply isn't interested and you're spending too much time wondering why.. His loss.. Move on. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:22:14 AM | Perhaps his internet connection broke? i have a dodgy dongle and cant use IM at all.
Red flags -
first few days he likes everything about you.. then you realise hes analysing everything about you and taking all the attention off his faults.. not giving you chance to breathe
Next few days he would LOVE it if your hair was a different colour to what it is now.
All of his exes having mental health problems
Constantly analysing the relationship and telling you how good it is and asking if your happy and ways to improve it.
telling you to keep your voice down when your talking at normal pitch
telling you the only way for relation ship to work is to give it 110 %
Asking you not to ever call the police on him cos if you do 4 cars will turn up due to his record
he has to go to probation weekly and attend anger management class
having to rely on illicit drugs/medication to function.
wanting you to bear his child after 2 days of dating
asking you to sign the as yet unconcieved child over to him if you dont want it when its born
saving up for an engagement ring after one week... on the premise that you will bear him a child.
finding pictures on his phone of his d1ck when hes written on it "I love (insert your na me ) " in marker pen... im talking like 30 pictures all different angles....
~(the last one was the final nail in the coffin... I saw sense eventually and got rid.) | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:06:37 PM | | I agree with Green Eyed Doll, I think deep down we know a prson is bad for us in a lot of ways, but since we are so into them, we want to believe everything is great. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:35:43 PM | Some things are actually red flags and others are things people glom onto because God forbid they could just allow a relationship to progress normally without seeking out something that is wrong. If things aren't right, you will figure it out pretty quickly.
Red flag? How about just ignorant any way you slice it. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:39:10 PM | How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags I thought the term "red flags" refered to things that were totally obvious. Isn't that why they're called "red flags"?
If something's waving itself in your face, you shouldn't have to try to "detect" it.
During one of our IM sessions, he just vanished and I've not heard from him since. I take this as an immediate RED FLAG! lol So, one of two things happened: 1) he either had a heart attack or stroke and keeled over on the keyboard or, 2) he got busted by his significant other he obviously forgot to tell me about. or
his computer suddenly crashed, or got hit by lightening,
or
maybe something you mentioned to him while IMing scared him away
or
maybe he was simultaniously involved in numerous IM conversations, and suddenly realised that one of the other women he was chatting with was much more interesting | |
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