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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:35:43 PM | Some things are actually red flags and others are things people glom onto because God forbid they could just allow a relationship to progress normally without seeking out something that is wrong. If things aren't right, you will figure it out pretty quickly.
Red flag? How about just ignorant any way you slice it. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:39:10 PM | How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags I thought the term "red flags" refered to things that were totally obvious. Isn't that why they're called "red flags"?
If something's waving itself in your face, you shouldn't have to try to "detect" it.
During one of our IM sessions, he just vanished and I've not heard from him since. I take this as an immediate RED FLAG! lol So, one of two things happened: 1) he either had a heart attack or stroke and keeled over on the keyboard or, 2) he got busted by his significant other he obviously forgot to tell me about. or
his computer suddenly crashed, or got hit by lightening,
or
maybe something you mentioned to him while IMing scared him away
or
maybe he was simultaniously involved in numerous IM conversations, and suddenly realised that one of the other women he was chatting with was much more interesting | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:50:12 PM | What you experienced was not a "Red Flag" but rather a "Stop Sign"; nothing more, nothing less. It's pointless to try to read into it any more than that. However, there are "Red Flags" that should not be ignored:
1. The relationship begins to move too quickly; he wants to move in together, tells you he loves you after the third date, starts talking about marriage ect.
2. He's too good to be true; he's your "Prince Charming", your "Knight in Shining Armour". He sends flowers, candy, showers you with gifts etc. In other words, he sweeps you off your feet. If you find yourself describing him as "too good to be true", guess what, he is.
3. He wants to spend all his time with you and you with him. He gets jealous of any other relationships you have with other people, your family, your kids, even your pets. No kidding.
4. He has a quick temper, can be verbally or physically abusive and then apologetic, is unkind to animals, puts you down in public, forces you to have sex against your wishes.
There's more but this is enough for now. Ignoring the signs of an abusive realtionship can have lethal consequences. And just as important as being aware of these danger signs in potential partners, we need to be sure that we're not wearing the "Pick Me" tee shirt and thereby attracting these people into our lives. A good friend of mine once said, "If you want a man real bad, what you'll get is a real bad man.
Take Care. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:29:39 PM | Yep, Para Mi Soleil posted some good ones. It's sad to say, but when something seems too good to be true, it usually is. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, there usually is too. I've tried to ignore that in the past, and it always eventually turns out badly. I've learned to trust my instincts a lot better.
Also a red flag:
Look at how he treats the other important people in his life. If he isn't good to them, in my experience chances are he won't be good to you down the line either.
OR
If he doesn't want you to meet his friends and family or other important people in his life, that's probably not a good sign either. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:43:24 PM | How about when you start dating them. she/he want s you to change your personality. You may feel you have to "walk on egg shells" to keep them happy. It may be something out in the left field. some people are too picky. That my friends is either a bad red neck joke or a red flag. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:04:44 PM |
He gets jealous of any other relationships you have with other people, your family, your kids, even your pets. No kidding.
Well, if my kids don't like him, that's okay. But, if the dog doesn't approve, there must be something really wrong! | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:49:43 PM | | When people are blind by wanting something from someone, they tend to ignore all the warning signs no matter how obvious they are. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:13:12 PM | Well, if my kids don't like him, that's okay. But, if the dog doesn't approve, there must be something really wrong!
Dogs do seem to pretty good judges of character. Plato said “A dog has the soul of a philosopher.”, I believe he was right. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:27:19 PM | Let's see if you notice this one : Meet a guy online . All things seem good , looks , attitude , comments , lifestyle , location , stages in life - it all clicks .
We email , IM , move to phone - still all good , and gettin' better .
He says "all the right things" . A fellow romantic . (swoon)
We talk about meeting in person soon - I'll admit - I'm eager .
Has a business in town - says he needs to go to England to land some big contract .
Calls & Im's from hotel . A real charmer . Still all good !
Announces the contract is a sure thing , but in order for him to receive his payment - he needs to fax some information elsewhere (?) , and that he doesn't have the money ( Mr. Businessman ? ) to cover the cost of this . Uh-oh . : (
He feels "terrible" asking , but could I send ( cough ... gag ) $400 to some address in Texas !!!!???? OF COURSE - he'll pay me back , as SOON as he gets home ( wherever THAT may be ).
"Sorry" I say , " this just doesn't feel right , and I won't do it " .
He's apologized numerous times - but even if he screwed up - and is somehow legit - how could I EVER trust this situation ?
Can you say BIG... HUGE... WAVING Red Flag !? Chit !
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:28:29 PM |
How Easily Can You Detect "Red Flags"
Pretty much everything said or done with dating is a red flag.
So I am more passive and only do things I will never regret doing, and do things I actually want to do.
I try really hard to say only the things I mean, rather than as a means to get a certain reaction.
Tends to kill some of the passion and "romance" by talking about everything, going kind of slow, and ignoring the facade they or I put up in the beginning.
But if they leave or are simply not interested then it doesn't affect my self worth, image, or value.
I pretty much ignore or forget everything that is communicated online via pof email and only start paying attention when we are actually physically going out.
Red flags are easy to spot. They only allow me to judge the other person as "bad" or "wrong," in comparison to myself. So I try and stay away from looking for red flags. Because they aren't me.
IOW I try to pay more attention to how they treat the world/experiences/environment they take part in, which indirectly affects me, rather than how they treat and talk to me directly. As one denotes more of who they are, rather than who they want me to think they are. At least in the beginning.
It's why I stay away from stupid questions about their past, past relationships, what they want, what they think of me, or anything regarding "us."
Everything can be a red flag if you want it to be. You can manipulate any perceived behavior into something undesirable if it suits your purpose. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:14:59 PM | | I'm willing to ignore a certain amount of so-called "red flags", as long as they don't involve infidelity (if we've agreed to be exclusive), criminal activity or self-destructive or us-destructive behavior. Social drinking is OK. Pot is borderline but acceptable. Hard drugs are a red-flag. Otherwise, I don't think I can be too choosey at this point lol. If I find her good-looking and enjoy her intelligence, humor and soul, I'll overlook a lot of red flags. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:19:24 PM | demondingleberry,
I can relate to many things you said above.
seems many people tend to project their fantasy on others especially on line dating sites. It is almost like they refuse to see the reality. So sometimes when I hear their feelings for me even before I meet them in person or just after couple of dates, I feel like they are talking about someone else not me.
So now when I even hear some 'romantic' ideas about me going on in their heads, I see it as a big red flag. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:20:39 PM | | I was dating a guy who layed the compliments on way too thick. The cliche "too good to be true" kept coming to mind. I pay attention to body language it speaks louder than words. Its usually through body language that I get a red flag. I was correct though cause that guy pulled the classic disappearing act. My guess is he was either married or was spreading the same BS to other women. Either way I was glad to see him go. My insticts were working overtime around him and I do not ignore instincts. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:47:12 PM | | Demon I get ticked at those women that actually send the money! Lol you see them on Dr. @hil lol talking about "I didn't know" I remember one lady recorded the convo with the guy who claimed to be from Texas and CLEARLY had an African accent. How the hell can someone fall for that. | |
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