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| | How Easily Can You Detect Red FlagsPage 8 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | I kind of think the whole "red flag" approach may be inherently fallacious. It's awfully tempting to deduce from problems with past relationships that if we could only avoid those problematic behaviors/situations that everything will be hunky-dory. I suspect that's rarely, perhaps almost never, the case. There is a near-infinite number of objectionable behaviors, and there's no guarantee that you will recognize their red flags while not ever having experienced them before. For example, my mate having a close relationship with an ex-lover wasn't a red flag because I'd never experienced that before, and from the various learned people on singles sites, such a friendship need not be a problem at all. Now it's a red flag for me. But if I avoid that, there may be countless other situations/attitudes which I haven't identified as problematic/deal-breakers that aren't red flags because I haven't identified them.
What I think might be a sounder approach is to more clearly define positive attributes that you're looking for in a partner. There aren't an infinite number of them, so they're easier to identify. Also, the emphasis on the positive is probably better than the "let's eliminate the negative" approach. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2011 10:49:22 AM |
It's awfully tempting to deduce from problems with past relationships that if we could only avoid those problematic behaviors/situations that everything will be hunky-dory
I didn't mean this at all:)
I remember telling girl-friends, when they asked if I'd ever go back to an ex...that"I am fully capable of making fresh new mistakes, instead of recycling the old".
I think, minimally you should be able to learn from the error of your past ways....or you may very well repeat them.
I have learned to deal with objectionable behavior soon upon experiencing that "ping" inside. Hope you all know what I mean by that "ping". A stomach kind of reaction to a behavior or event that says it's not sitting well with you. If you and your mate can discuss it and work through it, then fabulous. Even if it means you were being a bit irrational in the moment...at least it didn't over-boil in your imagination.
Lots of big red flags can be dealt with when they are wee little pink sprouts. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2011 11:42:38 AM |
You mean, like Abelian's red flag....very easily observed behaviour like a woman not kissing him passionately on a first date and not putting out for him on a second date....being used as flimsy and questionable logic etc, etc leading to overlooking good choices...yup, got it
You are logically challenged if you see no connection between kissing and romantic interest. Furthrmore, you've deliberately misconstrued what I've said about sex and second dates through selective reading. I've stated any number of times that I'd probaby be willing to wait longer than that, except that since I've never had to in the last 25 years, I really don't know how long I would wait other than not all that long.
Maybe if he wouldn't have been so red-flaggish about this stance, he could have found this type of relationship sooner, who knows.
Why? I wasn't looking for ``this type of relationship.'' Neither was my fiancee.
If you really think the connection between kissing and romantic interest is tenuous, then there's not much I can say. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2011 11:55:47 AM | Well, Carpie, I think you said it all...sans my usual fevered wordiness. 
No, that wasn't aimed at you at all - rather the general tendency I've observed to catalog all the problem-behaviors of our exes and use them as a kind of map for our next relationship. "A - ha, you don't hang out with an ex, you don't want to sleep with your cats, you aren't afraid of commitment - voila! - you must be great!" Not so fast. ;) Yes, there surely is a "learn from the past or repeat it" aspect to looking at new or future relationships, but I see the right emphasis being more on knowing what positive things you want from a person. If you correctly identify those positive attributes then you'll likely avoid being with a cocaine addict or an alcoholic or someone who likes to breathe paint fumes (I got over that joy quickly after falling flat on my face after a long refinishing session!). Of course, it always comes down to judgment, but I think the more you focus on "fundamentals" the better. "Is this basically a decent, caring, flexible-minded, fair guy capable of squatting at least 400 lbs.?" Like I say, the basics. 
I liked what you said about the "ping." A lot of people trumpet the wisdom of paying attention to their inner feelings. But sometimes they can be a tad misleading, since our own insecurities/projections can cause discomfort rather than something bad about the person we're considering as a love shack partner. Your suggestion to consider the possibility that we might be a bit irrational at that moment and that discussing it with your mate might really help is an excellent one, imo.  | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2011 12:29:15 PM |
If you really think the connection between kissing and romantic interest is tenuous, then there's not much I can say.
If you some how gleaned from me that I thought there wasn't a huge connection between kissing and romantic interest...then you're just making things up as you go along. I've never said this. You and I just differ on the speed and haste in which it HAS to occur. You and MANY OTHERS have a hard and fast rule that it HAS to occur on the first date...or you will make certain assumptions about her and by-pass her(your red flag).
As some posters stated...what is a red flag for you(first date passionate kissing) may not be a red flag for others...like me. Your way, Abelian, got you to a good place with a wonderful fiance. My way...got me to a wonderful place with my Sweetheart. Neither way is right or wrong. Just what works for each.
As for the speed/haste in which you feel sex should or does occur in your world, you have a certain reputation here in the forums on this. From my reading of your posts for a very long time, you mostly expect her to do it with you, minimally, by the second date. You, very occasionally, have mentioned perhaps waiting a date or two longer.
I admit, in reading your posts, you seem to have softened a wee bit in your stance from the beginning of when I began to read your posts.
The only reason I brought you up, Abelian, is that you kind of were making it look like folks who have red flags were kinda lame...when, indeed, you have red flags yourself. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2011 1:26:43 PM | For me wanting to get sexual in the very early going would be a red flag. Nothing to do with any puritanical urges; rather, in the early stages I figure the person doesn't know me, so they can't very well be wanting to "do me." Not that I can't understand why they wouldn't be drawn to me physically. Hell, I'd want to do me, too. But I wouldn't want to be with someone who related to me primarily on a physical level - to a person who relates to others in that way. For that reason I've never particularly been charmed by strange women wolf-whistling at me or making comments about me (or my anatomy). Despite the flattering aspect to that, I find it ultimately dehumanizing...or perhaps more precisely if awkwardly...de-individualizing. I'm a special, unique person who takes awhile to truly know and appreciate. From my experience, a VERY long while...   | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2011 3:48:34 PM | If you some how gleaned from me that I thought there wasn't a huge connection between kissing and romantic interest...
From the way you misconstrued my post(s), I didn't see how I could have reached any other conclusion. Don't misrepresent what I write and I won't have to try to figure out why.
The only reason I brought you up, Abelian, is that you kind of were making it look like folks who have red flags were kinda lame...
I was hoping I could have done better than just ``kinda lame.'' I'd call it more like shooting one's self in the foot, emptying the clip and reloading.
when, indeed, you have red flags yourself.
Really? Do you really think that if I take a woman out to dinner on a date and she doesn't let me kiss her that I'm only speculating about the lack of romantic interest, that the inference I'm making is just too tenuous to be reasonable, or that it's even in the same speculative ballpark as excluding someone, a priori, from inferences drawn about about typical ``red flags'' like multiple marriages/divorces, no photograph or being separated? I'd have to meet a woman to know why she was married and divorced several times, why she had no photograph or what her being seperated instead of divorced means, so I didn't hoist the ``red flag'' when I ran across women in those circumstances and I'd meet her the same as I would anyone else who piqued my interest to the same extent.
On the other hand, If I took a woman out to dinner on a date and she didn't let me kiss her, I already gave her a chance to be interested in me and she passed on it. If that's a problem, it was her problem, because she had the chance. If you don't see the difference between that and those ``red flags,'' well, I'm satisfied that I do. I'd much rather take my chances meeting women in the circumstances I described above and excluding the one who doesn't apper to be interested in me than to pursue one woman who doesn't appear intereted in me and exclude those several other women without meeting them based on ``red flags.''
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2011 9:11:06 PM |
elf-containment or Self-preservation....it's not necessarily "inventing" things that don't work for you and thus excluding them. It's "knowing" that certain kinds of people aren't good for you, and avoid them.
Sometimes I learned about these red flags FROM experiences gained from ex's. Doesn't mean I'm not healed....just means I'm capable of learning, thank the Lord.
One husband was a beater....any signs of physical abuse from another man...is a red flag, don't you think?
One husband got into crack cocaine and refused rehab...signs of addictions in potential dates are red flags, don't you think?
If I was to be dating any of these abusive type of men....I'm pretty sure my loved ones would ring around me and ask me "what's wrong with you...didn't you learn anything the last time??!!"
This doesn't mean I'm inventing anything....just means I'm learning to value myself.
Physical abuse is a criminal act, no one is comparing a red flag to a criminal act and asking it be overlooked.
Red flags are things we assume that another person is capable of without really knowing...the OP said in the course of chatting the person disappeared and she ASSUMED it was cause his wife/gf/significant other came into the room and she called it a red flag!
Signs of addiction are what...using illegal drugs? again a criminal act and goes without saying...but if you saw a white powder and then based on that decided the person was a drug addict and called it a red flag ...but the item was a BC powder...
Red flags seekers specialize in finding what is wrong with someone; they view the person with like a red flag magnifier not to see how they fit into their life but why they dont...making mountains out of molehills. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2011 10:09:27 PM | Why can't somebody be looking at the complete picture of a person? Why not both the red and the green flags? Since each person has many facets. Isn't this the job of the dating process? To find out if they mesh with you? How many behaviors you can and can't tolerate in the other person and vice versa? Common beliefs and values?
Yes...some people go over-board with the red-flag seeking. Anything can be a red flag if you want it to be. You can read all about that in these forums. Every little negative trait that's whined about in a post is turned into a RED Flag by the folks here and they are advised to "run forrest", more often than not.
Yes physical abuse is a criminal act. Yet...is there not a whole continuum of escalating violent behaviors that come before? Surely at some point one can realistically point it out as a red flag to pay attention to or to avoid the person completely.
Do you find sitting across from a man that is cursing out a waitress or bragging about how he works under the table so he can avoid paying child maintenance...to be a molehill not worth red flagging?
Perhaps the problem comes in the fact that people will define "red flag" a bit differently than some other folks do. You see....I find anyone who does drugs, including pot, to be red-flaggable. You're right...after knowing that one fact about them, I have no desire to know any more. A man whose hiding money to avoid paying child support is also red flagged and I don't wish to know him any more.
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/1/2011 10:44:14 PM | I am not qualified to speak about physical abuse, I only had one guy hit me once when he was drunk but there was nothing in the six months we were together led me to believe that he would physically hurt me. At that point I simply pointed out to him when he was sober that we were finished and we went our separate ways. Now imagine if anytime I was out and a man had one drink to many I immediately thought "Red Flag" this guy is an abuser cause at one time a drunk guy hit me...that is the logic behind most red flags...
That's the issue I personally have with red flags, people tend to group everyone into stereotypical groups...this person is this or that person is that when at times nothing could be further from the truth.
PS..a man bragging about how he works under the table is still a criminal act...and the waitress should dump water on him and give him a reason to be verbally abusive. Conduct that is not something you wish to be exposed to...is not imho a red flag..it shows a character flaw that you have SEEN (known) ...the red flag the op was talking about was the fact that a man chatting disappeared and she assumed it was cause he had a wife...(not known) or a big leap from one thing...drinking to be an abuser (not known).
Instead of her reflecting on her enjoyment of the chat with the guy she is looking for a reason that would cause him to disappear...could be his internet dropped, or his cat got out, someone knocked on his door, there are lots of reasons...maybe he did put brb and then didn't hit send ...but to assume that a person is married cause of a disappearance is a very big jump and shows the extent some will go with the red flag stuff | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2011 9:07:57 AM |
Really? Do you really think that if I take a woman out to dinner on a date and she doesn't let me kiss her that I'm only speculating about the lack of romantic interest, that the inference I'm making is just too tenuous to be reasonable, or that it's even in the same speculative ballpark as excluding someone, a priori, from inferences drawn about about typical ``red flags'' like multiple marriages/divorces, no photograph or being separated? I'd have to meet a woman to know why she was married and divorced several times, why she had no photograph or what her being seperated instead of divorced means, so I didn't hoist the ``red flag'' when I ran across women in those circumstances and I'd meet her the same as I would anyone else who piqued my interest to the same extent.
This is the problem that I have with "red flags". People who are on dating sites are far too selective and often bi-pass others without understanding why they are divorced, seperated and so on. People judge single mothers saying they should not have had children if they weren't in a stable marriage while not knowing the circumstances and judge men who are seperated figuring the seperation was their fault. So many assumptions that turn into red flags and so little logic behind it. My "red flags" occure after I have met the person face to face and have taken the time to understand why they are in the situation they are in. Even at that point I need to step back and look at the situation from a third person stance because I am not always the best judge of character when it comes to my own personal life and could be critical when I should be empathetic or empathetic when I should be cautious. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2011 12:01:14 PM | if anytime I was out and a man had one drink to many I immediately thought "Red Flag" this guy is an abuser cause at one time a drunk guy hit me...that is the logic behind most red flags...
Giggles and I see "red flags" as two different things obviously. In the above statement, I would see the guy drinking too much as a red flag. Not because I jump to the conclusion that he is an abuser, but that he might have a problem with booze...and that this is something to watch out for/be cautious of in getting to know him further.
To me, Red flags ARE the SEEN character flaws....not the made-up in the imagination ones. Character is something you can start assessing from the first email a person sends. For example....I have met men with "seperated" as their status. This tells me to ask questions of him. If I am sitting across from him and I see that he has a ring mark on his bare left hand, then I have a red flag pop up in my mind and I ask about it.
As for saying that the waitress should dump water on my date for being verbally abusive(that his behavior wasn't a red flag to indicate his character)...well, chances are she is constrained in her actions the same way a nurse who is being verbally abused by a client would be. To retaliate would get the waitress/nurse in trouble. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2011 3:04:28 PM | Sorry I was basing my opinion on the OP...where she says in the first post on this thread what she was referring to as a red flag...the dude disappearing and that means he must have had a wife/gf/so walk into the room.
I personally do not do red flags ...i do see things in people that I personally find unattractive; but I have found if you give a person enough time to show you who they are..then you have solid ground for a decision...since we both were made reference to a man who over drank...this literally happened on a first date ....since my first husband was a drunk I was very concerned. He was a nice enough guy and on the second date he explained he had been off from work the day after and had just been so stressed at work and was enjoying my company that one thing led to another...in the 4 months we dated he never even got close to being drunk again...but if i had said OH NO RED FLAG ...we have a drinker...I would have tagged him wrong cause he really wasn't a drunk.
The whole dumping water was a joke, I realize a waitress can't really do that no matter how much you might want her too! When I was a waitress I had a special way of treating individuals like that; I was good enough (my partner and I had more call parties than the rest of the waiters put together) the owner would back me on it. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2011 3:33:34 PM | you are smart.... he is not interested in you or he has onther issues
other red flags:they tell you they phone you andthey do not
needy and emotional... telling youthey miss youand ... you have not met the person
asking when they cancome over
they are broke
complaining ab9ut their exes | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2011 7:46:52 PM | I think for the first time in my life, I am not looking for the good looking guy and I am trying to look for integrity. My red flag is when they asked personal financial questions. Looking for a nurse with a purse.
Show up late and have dirty fingernails Looking for a mama/housekeeper.
When they get to feely touchy,on the first meeting, walk you to the car and french kiss you. RUN it will be only physical and goes down hill from there. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/2/2011 9:01:29 PM | It’s hard for me to really believe that anyone can say they do not look to see red flags in others they want to date. I know I had a good idea what I did not want to see in a person I would date. If I thought I would see things in them that I did not like, I guess I would call it a red flag now. Never really heard the term before I came onto the forums, but I guess that’s what I was looking for.
I know the ex-wife had a lot to do with what I did not want to find in another person. Hard to think anyone else would not use the same logic. If you were abused, would you go out to find another abuser? Or any other type of person who was not nice to you. Why would you do that? Call them what you like, in the end, they are your personal red flags. Some are just a deeper red than others. A dark red flag to me might only be a hint of pink to someone else | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:30:37 AM | LOgo:
It’s hard for me to really believe that anyone can say they do not look to see red flags in others they want to date. I know I had a good idea what I did not want to see in a person I would date. If I thought I would see things in them that I did not like, I guess I would call it a red flag now. Never really heard the term before I came onto the forums, but I guess that’s what I was looking for.
I know the ex-wife had a lot to do with what I did not want to find in another person. Hard to think anyone else would not use the same logic. If you were abused, would you go out to find another abuser? Or any other type of person who was not nice to you. Why would you do that? Call them what you like, in the end, they are your personal red flags. Some are just a deeper red than others. A dark red flag to me might only be a hint of pink to someone else
I'm still trying to figure out what to do if the flag is rainbow-colored.
I agree - there's no way a person won't want to avoid behaviors or situations that affected them negatively in past relationships. I can think of more than a few things in my last relationship that would be deal-breakers for me now.
The problem, I think, begins when one uses red flag avoidance as a primary guide in making relationship decisions. First, identifying something you don't like doesn't really tell you what you do like. So you don't want to be with a gambler because your last boyfriend/husband was a crazy gambler. What does that tell you about the traits you're looking for in a person? That they don't gamble - that's great - but it leaves a near-infinite number of questions about them unanswered.
What I'm saying is that while identifying negative attributes can be useful, it's the positive traits which more fully define a person, and I think emphasizing them, with some negative caveats thrown in, is a much more accurate and easy process. If you can, for instance, identify a positive trait like "good conscience" in a person, you've probably eliminated gambling, alcoholism, cheating, bank-robbery, etc. as possibilities in them.  | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2011 9:40:48 AM | It’s hard for me to really believe that anyone can say they do not look to see red flags in others they want to date.
From what I've seen in the forums, the term ``red flag'' refers to rather vague behaviour from which people draw inferences about behaviour they don't like. It wouldn't make a sense to call behaviour you don't like a red flag. People already call those things dealbreakers. Even the term ``red flag'' itself indicates that it's only an indicator of something else, not the actual something else..
I didn't need to look for ``red flags.'' I know what I expect , what I find unacceptable and I don't need to infer it from dubious clues. Why tag ``separated'' with a red flag and blow someone off when what I really care about is whether there's another guy hanging around? A woman could be divorced or single and the question is the same. Why tag multiple marriages with a red flag and blow her off when what I care about is whether or not a woman is a flake? A woman could be once divorced or single and the question is the same. Lots of people won't meet someone without a photo because that's red flag that the person is must be unattractive or something else that's negative. What I cared about was whether I found her attractive in person and the women I met who didn't have photos were often quite attractive. At least I knew going in that I wasn't looking at a fake photo.
People seem to want to use cliche red flags to replace thinking about what they really want and making the effort to determine whether or not they are getting it. Why try to figure out if someone is married or not by whether or some calling pattern matches that of someone who is married? I never had to go there. If a woman didn't call me in the way I wold expect someone who is interested in me to call, I knew she wasn't interested enough. I didn't care why she wasn't interested because it didn't make any difference whether she was married, ``too busy'' to get back to me in a reasonable time, just indifferent or whatever. The person who is trying to figure out if someone is married by red flagging calling patterns is just missing the point and getting an assurance of nothing.
I think for the first time in my life, I am not looking for the good looking guy and I am trying to look for integrity. My red flag is when they asked personal financial questions. Looking for a nurse with a purse.
That's a perfect example of how to not identify what you're looking for and using a red flag to end up not getting what you want. If you're looking for integrity, then you look for someone whose words are followed up with action. Although that is something one would want that question isn't even addressed by your red flag. You just exclude people who ask financial questions. You don't actually exclude freeloaders or people with no integrity and you may very well exclude people wo aren't freeloades and who do have integrity. What's wrong with just not spending your money on someone if you don't feel like spending it? The freeloaders will certainly go away if they aren't getting anything for free.
Show up late and have dirty fingernails Looking for a mama/housekeeper.
How about just has dirty fingernails and leave it at that? You don't need an excuse to dislike dirty fingernails.
When they get to feely touchy,on the first meeting, walk you to the car and french kiss you. RUN it will be only physical and goes down hill from there.
If my fiancee hadn't french kissed me on the first date, she wouldn't have gotten a second date much less become my fiancee. Obviously it wasn't only physical and hasn't gone down hill after 2 1/2 years. You're red flagging yourself out a date more than anything else.
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2011 10:31:18 AM |
My red flag is when they asked personal financial questions. Looking for a nurse with a purse.
Show up late and have dirty fingernails Looking for a mama/housekeeper.
When they get to feely touchy,on the first meeting, walk you to the car and french kiss you. RUN it will be only physical and goes down hill from there.
Great examples of someone using limited knowledge about someone else to make a not so good judgement call about that person. This is a great example of why RED FLAGS do not really work, it isnt concrete, it not really known ...it is guessed at by the pattern of behavior this poster was exposed to in the past...it is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater...the right one (tongue in cheek) for this poster might be someone who stopped on the way to meet her and helped someone and got some dirt under his nails but was in such a hurry to meet her he failed to notice it and once he meet her knew that she was the woman for him and just felt compelled to touch her to make sure she was real. He was told all his life what a great kisser he was and tried to show her his passion for her at the end of the date!
Yes I made all that up but the poster made all her thought patterns up also...that is how it works...you make up sh1t on someone you don't really know for sure and then you cross them off your pretend list and wonder why no one meets your expectations...tis sad :( | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/3/2011 10:54:01 PM | Definitions for………Red Flags, deal breakers, no French Kissing action on first date equals no second date, (my personal favorite)…> I do see things in people that I personally find unattractive, to only name a few. …………….Brain is processing……..processing….. Ding! It’s done!
Answer? They all mean the same thing to me. You are finding out that you do not like about the other person. Some do it in a length of a heart beat and others take time to observe the other person more closely. But in the end, you still say yes or no to ending it or going on further with it.
For some, no French kissing at the end of the first date is a deal breaker for him. Because if she had; hesitated for a second too long and missed her chance. Would have meant that he would still be fishing today, never knowing he threw back the trophy fish. Is this his Red Flag (No French Kissing)? IDK! He says not, because he is above must of us and uses no red flags.. However, he could be color blind and it might be a gray flag in his world.
Looking for positive things is a good thing too and should be done also. However, do not try to mask over a huge negative with a slight positive. If you stretch it to thin it will break. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/4/2011 9:26:22 AM | Well (Log), it's true that in the infamous Honeymoon Phase people tend to bend over backwards to spin their partner's behaviors in a positive light, and that is probably the primary danger in that stage. However, I see the Red Flag Stage are being earlier than that - a kind of preliminary process where we're open to negative findings since we're not emotionally smitten yet.
In any case, when I speak of using positives as one's main guide, I'm talking about as a general foundational approach that exists prior to a relationship. A time when you can more easily think straight. When you think of someone you would be ideally compatible with, you sort of assemble the attributes that you're desiring, and toss into that "positive framing" mix the most noteworthy red flags, and - voila! - you have a kind of recipe for your mate.
I think most people will find that by starting with the desired positives first they will also eliminate the negatives. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/9/2011 4:38:17 PM | | I recently read a very interesting article about Online dating and how different Men and Woman look at it (Of course I can't generalize here...there are some exceptions to the rule). The article was about how Men tend to view a dating sites much like a kid in a candy store, whereas woman try to look for that special One and is satisfied connecting with just one good Man not fifty. In other words, Men are visual creatures and once signed on to a dating site, they become overwhelmed with all the many different choices in front of them, always thinking that there may be something or someone better out there. I have male friends whom although in a relationship, still visits the dating sites daily, just to see what else is out there. By doing so, they dont really give themselves and the new female friend they are talking to already, a chance. Us woman operate a bit different and we are usually satisfied with one man at a time and we also tend to get invested emotionally, much quicker than men do. I too have had great dates and chats with a man, only to turn around and he is nowhere to be found. In the meantime I sort of stopped looking, hoping that this One would turn out to something more. In the meantime his mind was on sampling more pieces of candy...lol How men and woman approach dating is ohhhhhh so different. So how are you supposed to ever meet in the middle? | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/12/2011 4:04:45 PM | | The folks out here in the world are the same ones' on pof . What , you thought pof members are from another planet or something ? No matter where you are , different day , different place , the game is here to stay . Your only recourse is to be careful with investing your heart until you've covered the important deal-breakers . Consider yourself fortunate when you find them sooner rather than later . It's easier to avoid disasters than it is trying to get out of one . Safety first . | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/12/2011 5:01:14 PM |
In the above statement, I would see the guy drinking too much as a red flag. Not because I jump to the conclusion that he is an abuser, but that he might have a problem with booze...and that this is something to watch out for/be cautious of in getting to know him further
This is still flawed logic....
Who is to define, 'drinking too much'?
I personally, have a great tolerance for beer...
While I have a friend who gets silly, tipsy and slurring their words on 3 beers... I can have 8 beers before I start to feel the effects or before the effects show on me...
So which is worse? 2 beers for the guy who gets drunk on 3 beers or 4 beers for someone like me...? Without knwing the person's tolerances or how it affects them, no one can judge...
Similarily, my cousin used to be an angry drunk, he'd get violent and beliigerent... (not with women, he had no issues that way) and eventually quit drinking on his own for that reason... He hasn't had a drop in 30 years....
Me, if I was to drink too much, I get friendlier... then I want to have a nap.... LOL
To retaliate would get the waitress/nurse in trouble
Very true, they probably would lose their job at the least, and in some instances could be charged with assault....
At the very least, they could be held liable for any damage the water did.... which could be substantial if the person had an expensive cell phone or camera or even an mp3 player in their pocket... or perhaps like me, all three.... that could run into hundreds of dollars.... | |
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