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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:18:31 PM | | There are tons of self defense classes out there. Specific for women abused? Perhaps. See if there is a women's organization in your area or even a YWCA could refer. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:20:26 PM | I am asking because I pushed someone (NOT PHYSICALLY) too far with a confusing situation in a relationship. He was so angry that he reacted in that way. Also, when he was angry the c-word comes out of his mouth like every other word. I hate that word!
this makes me afraid very afraid!
there is not a f**king thing a person can say to bring a person to violence...
there is not a f**king thing a person can do to bring a person to violence...
I am not making excuses for him, but I didn't treat him with respect like I should have.
this makes me even more afraid.... it makes me feel that you are assuming some of the blame.....a sign that you are thinking that he may change. DO NOT EVEN THINK OF GOING BACK.... | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:28:34 PM | | It is never acceptable to physically bully anyone unless you have been attacked, and in that case it would be self-defense. Youngster, if anyone has put their hands on you in anger, get the hell out NOW! It will only get worse. As a father of two young women 28 & 25), may God in Heaven have mercy on the man who hits one of my girls. You cannot control other people's actions, only your own. "Love" or lust is not worth your life. Leave that fool and find a kind gentle man who will love you, not abuse you. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:38:31 PM | Other than self-defense and if only if threatened with serious bodily harm is it okay to fight back.
If he hits you, you leave and call the police and never go back to him, simple as that.
In a relationship, you have a couple of choices/opportunities to avoid violence. Here they are:
1) No one can make you fight. You can walk out of the house on them!! I don't care if it's your house, walk... take a time out... take a walk, go bowling, stay at a friends house or at a motel. If he/she loves you, an amazing thing will happen... they will think about what happened and apologize to you! Might be right away, might take hours, days, or weeks, but if they care and they are sane, they will lighten up and want to talk... but only when it becomes their own idea, stimulated by your actions. Arguing tends to simply escalate the situation.... you may win the fight, but loose the war... and then it happens all over again, round two, next week! Love levels instantly double when they get the impression you could leave them forever. Healthy self-esteem is about loving yourself at least a little more than all others. When you do have that confidence, only then will they love you the deepest, and as long as they have a good attitude, the arguments will diminish. There are healthy couples out there who have less than a handful of arguments per year, and simply discuss things and give and take on different issues.
2) You should have seen it coming.. it takes two to tango... if you did not see the red flags of a screamer early on and get rid of her/him, you are just as much to blame... you choose them. Sometimes, victims are really volunteers.
The keys to success are practicing these proper relationship skills, picking the right person to start with, staying away from crazy people in the first place, and keeping the love flowing, don't take her for granted. Women in love do it better. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:40:30 PM | If you know the person has a problem with their anger, you should avoid them. To fight verbally with someone who you know will become dangerous is a bad idea, regardless of what they should do, you have to deal with what they will do. A dog shouldn't bite, but if I know it will and I tease it, then it bites me, I may be in the right but I still got bit. There is some responsibility to not provoke the anger in the first place.
A relationship takes both people being able to act right. If one or both can't, then don't have that relationship. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:46:08 PM |
I am asking because I pushed someone (NOT PHYSICALLY) too far with a confusing situation in a relationship. He was so angry that he reacted in that way. Also, when he was angry the c-word comes out of his mouth like every other word. I hate that word!
Lady, listen to yourself. It had nothing to do with you 'pushing him'. It was all him.
I am not making excuses for him,
Oh, you most certainly are. I'm guessing it's he who told you his anger was your fault because you 'pushed' him. His actions were unacceptable NO MATTER WHAT YOU DID.
but I didn't treat him with respect like I should have.
BULL
CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is abuser talk. 'Treating him with respect like you should have' - this is the controller insisting that you bow down to him. You need to leave this man immediately. It WILL get worse. He thinks he's the boss of you, that you are a slave-like creature who owes him 'respect', and whom he has the right to hit/hurt/push and call names if you don't act like a proper slave. He will not get better. This is not a one-time thing, and you are headed for huge trouble if you do not leave right away.
[QUOTE]I guess I just wanted to know if being so angry and frustrated is ever an excuse.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:08:39 PM | Interesting question, as I have recently participated in the singles parents section forum discussion regarding spanking a child. No one here has responded with a yes, but there are plenty who apparently think that is it sometimes okay, or at least that raising one's hand (or a belt, even) to a child is acceptable. Makes one think.
As for me, only in self defense, although to some extent it depends on what how you define violence. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:18:54 PM | Sticks and stones may break my bones. But words will never hurt me. No matter what you said to him does not give him the RIGHT to hit, push, grab or any other physcical act. well the "c" word........ that is awful........ I have used that word on very limited basis. C=can't U=understand N=normal T=thinking ..... But I would say .... Neither one of you fight fair........ time to WALK... no...RUN. you are on your way to bigger and badder times.
Sounds like YOU BOTH need to learn about respect.... but does not excuse him... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:19:20 PM | | Interesting.. I am of the opinion that a child needs discipline because they are not able to communicate effectively to solve issues nor do they have the adult mind to understand right from wrong (although I would question whether or not some adults have this understanding either). But, therefore, under some circumstances it is appropriate to discipline a child by spanking. I grew up in a household that stood by that method and the whole "soap in the mouth". It was not abusive and it didn't happen often, but , boy howdy, I don't know what I did but I certainly didn't do it again! | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:19:31 PM |
"...I pushed someone ...when he was angry the c-word comes out of his mouth like every other word. I hate that word!..."
It sounds to me like he knows you hate that word (who doesn't?) and said it to push your buttons. And it sounds like you were pushing him verbally also. Verbal abuse is still abuse. There are some books about verbal abuse you might like to read.
I wouldn't stay in a relationship that has become that disrespectful. If both of you are pushing that hard on each other, no matter how confusing the situation is, then you two don't belong together.
You can stay apart until you both learn to deal with ambiguous situations without acting disrespectfully toward each other. If you then get back together and it happens again, I would say that you aren't ready to be in a relationship at this time.
If both of you were acting very disrespectfully toward each other, you both need to apologise before starting over. If no apology happens, I would reconsider -- that this isn't a real relationship. You two aren't relating as much as reacting toward one another...and that's another story. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:24:35 PM | | I am a guy. I am a man. If a woman strikes me. I do not hit back. Not even in self defense. I think the most powerful blow you can give is offering the other chic. Hit me again. After that you can kick her out of your place. Of if it's her place leave. But violence only leads to violence, so someone HAS to be the strong one and put a stop to it. So I believe and will stick to my code of honor not to strike back. Period. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:36:31 PM | Of course children need discipline, but they don't NEED to be hit. I certainly don't wish to bring that duscussion into this one, but I do find this telling:
[ It was not abusive and it didn't happen often, but , boy howdy, I don't know what I did but I certainly didn't do it again!]
You don't know what you did, so it obviously didn't TEACH you; you recall being hit, but you don't recall what you learned from it. How is it, then, that you believe that hitting a child TEACHES them anything other than that it proper to hit someone? Could it be that that is why you pose this question in the first place? | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:50:29 PM | I have a confession to make--I have gotten really frustrated with a couple of guys and shoved them pretty darn good during break-ups. One shoved back, one was struck dumb, and lectured me on not using violent methods.
I know I'm "just a woman" and all, but I'm a HUGE woman, and if I actually hauled off and hit you you may not get up from it. I am perfectly ok with you hitting me, back, frankly, if I started it. That's only fair. This "I won't hit a woman" thing only should go so far. Yes, there are huge men and tiny women. But there are also huge women and tiny men.
It's NOT ok; of course it's not. But people DO get REALLY mad at each other and hit. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:53:41 PM | ohwhynot46 - I am only saying I don't remember now.... That's all. I am not suggesting that violence against children is justified for any reason.
And no, it has absolutely nothing to do with the reason I posed the question in the first place. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:56:59 PM | mtgirl78,
i am not so sure the answer is black and white. mistreating or emotionally abusing someone can be pretty intense and the individual may feel backed into a corner. if he didn't go for any sensitive areas or leave any marks i would say it may be forgiveable and you two could get beyond it with some behavior modification. now if he went for the eyes or mouth etc... he needs therapy and you may not want to be around. unfortunately the military, hollywood and video games program men to be violent. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:05:00 PM | Fascinating to read the indignation in response to the question. Yet the media gives us images of it being OK for a woman to hit a man. As a matter of fact, many of these scenarios are presented to us as comedy. Rather than indignation, I sense the popular response to these scenarios is laughter.
I think it is a valid question. Thank you for asking it OP. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:07:27 PM | Ok.. I ONLY read the OP
The answer is NO.. other than in self-defense.... EXCEPT
When that person has become "hysterical" like demonstrated in old movies where Bogart needed to "schlap that hysteria out of you" in order to get you to calm down because YOU were "out of control".
and frankly.. since I was faced with that several times.. there still were alternatives to that slap.
There are ALWAYS other ways to handle it. ALWAYS.
I get a feeling that someone slapped you or hit you or did some physical violence towards/against you.. AND you are looking for a justification to NOT walk the hell away.
I agree.. DONT walk away from him..
RUN RUN FORRESTT RUN LIKE HELL!!
Now I shall go read the other posters
Ya know.. I'm getting really tired of these TROLL attentionwhores asking questions that are setups.. asking us REAL people to answer a fake situation
the other posts seemed to imply that it was her SON that called her a "c*nt"(the C word) and she attempted to shove her SON with physical force. At least that's what MY speed reading of HER posts led me to believe
Hey moderators.. are you monitoring this? How about banning trolling posters like this one? | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:10:22 PM | Sleeping beauty - I have a bite mark on my back that I will probably have to put a tattoo over or something. It hasn't faded much ...
But, I would say he did feel backed in a corner. Which is why I was wondering if there are extenuating circumstances that might justify such violent behavior. I think if he can forgive me, I would be able to forgive him. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:14:32 PM |
i am not so sure the answer is black and white. mistreating or emotionally abusing someone can be pretty intense and the individual may feel backed into a corner. if he didn't go for any sensitive areas or leave any marks i would say it may be forgiveable and you two could get beyond it with some behavior modification. now if he went for the eyes or mouth etc... he needs therapy and you may not want to be around. unfortunately the military, hollywood and video games program men to be violent.
And I thought my night was going to come to an end with out a high enough level of bullshet. Once again I was wrong. My computer even stinks after pulling that post up.
the military, hollywood and video games program men to be violent.
No, this is what programs some people to be violent:
mistreating or emotionally abusing someone can be pretty intense and the individual may feel backed into a corner. if he didn't go for any sensitive areas or leave any marks i would say it may be forgiveable and you two could get beyond it with some behavior modification.
People making excuses for it. That's it. Cut and dry...
You are either zero tolerance or 100% allowance. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:20:46 PM | ask him to join you to see a therapist to talk it out and to decide if you two should stay together. i think that would be a win/win however it goes. sounds like you two have a very passionate relationship. there's a good chance that it would never happen again if you two face the issues head on.
get some accupuncture on your back, its significantly helps healing without scaring. also put kamani oil on the area every night. i have recently had excellent luck in reducing scarring with both methods. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:23:30 PM |
But, I would say he did feel backed in a corner. Which is why I was wondering if there are extenuating circumstances that might justify such violent behavior. I think if he can forgive me, I would be able to forgive him.
You know what lady, have at it. Your making excuses and looking for people to co-sign your bullshet. Well Sb did just that. Now next time when your missing teeth and have a shattered cheek bone and broken arm I hope you can come up with more then
"he was FEELING backed in to a corner".. A fecking bite mark? How fecking sadistic is that? Turned you around and bit you on the back... But no shet though.. Never heard of anyone ever claiming self defence after attacking someone from behind.
Feck this has to be a fecking TROLL thread. No one can be this fecking confused about something like this.
Not a push or a slap but a fecking bite .... Sure look in to behaviour modification.. Pfft!
Forrest Gump knew not to hit women.. And he was fecking retarded!
TROLL THREAD TROLL THREAD TROLL THREAD TROLL THREAD TROLL THREAD TROLL THREAD | |
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