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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:27:40 PM | Of course it is. Slap my behind, bite my neck, whip me until I beg for mercy or say the 'safe' word!
That is what you are talking about, right?
Beth | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:28:30 PM |
get some accupuncture on your back, its significantly helps healing without scaring. also put kamani oil on the area every night. i have recently had excellent luck in reducing scarring with both methods.
Now we are giving home remedies on how to cover the bruises and scars? I have now seen it all on this site!
Not only let him hit you in certain places but here's how to cover it up!
But no shet though.  | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:33:56 PM |
Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
In self defense, defense of a 3rd party, or to protect your child. I have anger issues and I'll talk about tasers a lot. But I've NEVER hit someone first. BUT....if any of my family is in trouble, or someone is attempting to harm my nephew, you can bet your sweet lips I'm going to bust out some ninja like kickass moves. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:01:27 PM | Not sure what the Montana D.V. laws are, but here in Arizona its illegal to "posture" in a threatening manner, verbally threaten, or even yell in a domestic situation....pushing, slapping, kicking, and biting are for sure crimes of assault. All states have Zero tolerance for domestic violence.
Anyone who would do that to you is treating you like meat. You could call the police, file charges, and get an order of protection from your local judge.
If its happening to you I'm with the "Run" posters. Men who think its okay to hit women seem to have great difficulty changing that behavior - even after long hours of court ordered treatment.
If you're considering doing the hitting, police arrest a lot of women for D.V. too and the consequences are the same - incarceration, fines, fees, and court ordered treatment.
Been working in the D.V. field for many years. I don't think you're a troll. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:45:47 PM | Once the barrier of physical respect is broken, its breach will widen. A finger in the chest, turns into a push, turns into a slap, turns into... turns into... turns into... etc.
I am absolutely not afraid to be physical in defense and a woman who enters "Man-land" by hitting me gets to experience what a man would experience without reservation from me, but unless I'm attacked, NO human being receives physical assault. Physical violence is banned. If someone is so ignorant that you are tempted to hit them, it's time to either abandon the relationship or if you're just aggressive and violence-prone, to get therapy/ pills. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:48:51 PM | | Lovemesomemen, I would so NOT defend against your ninja moves... though I'd never do anything like the topic, deserving them. You can ninja me all day/night long! lol | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 12:02:08 AM | Excluding self defense, it is never acceptable. No type of physical contact used with the intent to control another is acceptable. My ex used to pinch, poke, punch or throw things at me. Try being a guy and having to live like that. If you complain then your just a wimp. Fight back and you become the baddy. Never, ever, ever is it acceptable. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 12:18:32 AM | | Violence only creates more violence or retaliation of some form as can be seen from the responses in this thread. If some one hits me i hit them etc etc so clearly if you want a problem to be solved then communication is the way to go and violence will do the opposite by creating more problems. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 12:50:33 AM | OP: I am surprised that you would even ask such a ridiculous question.
I am not sure what your motivation was, but it defies logic that such a query would be put forth for answers.
If you really do not know that answer to your query, then you should seek help.
^^BG^^ | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 12:59:47 AM |
I don't know what I did but I certainly didn't do it again!
This is the most f**cked up statement that I've think I've ever read here.....oh dear lord !
Ok my thoughts.
It is never, EVER, ok to hit a child, which includes a slap.
Monkey see, monkey do.
When an adult resorts to physical intimidation instead of verbal reasoning, whether with another adult or a child, it shows a complete loss of control of themselves. How the F*ck can you respect anyone who has no self-control, whether as a child it's an adult, or as an adult it's another adult.
So would you say to a child "it's ok to slap someone if they won't take your point on board or if they upset you by not doing what you want them to do" ? No way, not in my book, never.
Monkey see...monkey do.
Perhaps I'm off track here, but if you think the way you were physically disciplined as a child was ok, then this explains why you might think it's ok for another adult to get physical in anger with you as well. I speak from experience and have spent years supressing my violent "lash-out" tendancies that I learnt as a child. It appears you have alternatively and comfortably adopted the role of the abused.
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:01:13 AM | It's not acceptable, I think we all agree on that.
BUT, the fact that it's not acceptable doesn't mean it's ok for anybody to push somebody else's buttons without restraint, expecting that such person will not respond, never mind how right you think you are or how much the other person has it coming . Emotional violence sometimes will be answered by physical violence. The fact that it's wrong doesn't mean it won't happen.
That's something most men learn early in life. We know that beyond certain threshold, we will have to back up our words with our fists. Women in the other hand, protected (mostly) by the old "never hit a woman" meme, never learn about it until it's too late.
We're only humans. Poke (physically or otherwise) on somebody long enough or bad enough, and you will end physically hurt and moaning about how "it's not acceptable to resort to violence". | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:08:35 AM | We know that beyond certain threshold, we will have to back up our words with our fists.
You get yourself out of a situation where you feel you're being pushed to react with violence YOU DO NOT FRIGGING RESPOND WITH PHYSICAL VIOLENCE..................jeez!
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:13:30 AM | NO,thats it.if someone is doing it for violence sake then get help otherwise you will continue to be a victim until there is no more you.if its just playful well thats different but i'm reading this as just being violent and that is unacceptable.if this question is for you or someone you know than get HELP. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:26:12 AM | i suggest you pose this question in an anger management class or at the local shelter for battered spouses. if someone behaves improperly or in a dysfunctional way, i either detach or i get rid of them, as nicely as possible. my self esteem is that high. if anyone even toyed with physical violence in my presence, that would be the end. i watched my mother make one excuse after another with my father. thank G-d, i had other nonviolent and positive male role models in my life.
it does get confusing when you are with manipulative people. i am told often, the one doing the battering will take years to erode at your self esteem and make you feel you deserve the "eventual" blows. way back, in the forums, i introduced a topic on "gaslighting". for me, it had to do with a pof acquaintance and his devious ways, where he made it seem like 'i" was the nutcase. this person was acting this way partly due to the effects of chemo. however, i believe he had a lot of it in him, before the chemo. just because a person is ill or going through bad times, does not mean they have a right to act "poorly" towards you.
the concept of gaslighting is also used in the workplace. apparently, since the concept was first presented to me many years ago, the victims of abuse have coined the phrase for their plight as well. it was based on a movie, where the killer was slowly lowering the lights and telling the victim she was imagining it. in those days, the lighting was generated by gas and not electric.
whatever the reason, distance yourself or you will get what you ask for: more abuse. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:29:58 AM | You get yourself out of a situation where you feel you're being pushed to react with violence YOU DO NOT FRIGGING RESPOND WITH PHYSICAL VIOLENCE..................jeez!
... and be branded as a wimp and coward for the rest of your life, lose your self-respect and become the target of every bully in the world. Thank you very much momma, you taught me that I shouldn't stand by myself if it means violence may occur, and since there is a violent world out there, you left me totally unprepared for it.
Besides, if you care to READ WHAT I WROTE, you'll see I was talking about when "you" are the one who is starting things. As I was saying, most men learn early in life to restraint their words, because they (unlike you) know that words can elicit a response, and they have no control on how such answer will be given. Some women in the other hand, believe that just by "jeezing" somebody they will magically tame that person into accepting meekly whatever cr*p she gives. Or worse, they think they have the "right" to tear somebody to pieces and that person shouldn't respond, as long as such feat is accomplished by non-physical means.
So many women here complain about how "emotionally violent" their exes were, about how destructive it is, and still they can't (or won't) see that such violence also has an effect on men.
Again, the fact that "It's wrong" doesn't mean "It won't happen". Physical violence EXISTS. The fact that YOU don't think the response should be physical doesn't mean that it won't be. To start or worsen a situation where violence can occur, and then complaining because it happened, is idiotic.
Besides, I notice you put all the responsibility on the person who is being attacked. Why don't you put some responsibility on the person who is doing the attack, even if emotional?
When you don't know what you're talking about, it's better not to "jeez" anybody. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:46:30 AM | Unless i am protecting myself or my children, abso-fvcking-lutely NOT.
It is a violation of another person, and it is illegal,
If somebody hurts me or my kids, i'll kill em.
But to just get violent because of whatever ransom reason, you gotta be crazy.
If you are the violent one, learn to control your temper.
If its someone else bein g violent with you, get the hell away from them NOW.
ESIT: Your mans a pvssy. A smelly ingected yeats dripping pvssy.His wittle feelings got hurt and he couldnt deal with them like a big boy so he bit you like an animal.
Men are supposed to cherish their women, not hurt them. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:54:13 AM | Rock hunter.......if you don't like what someone is saying, learn to deal with it or get out of there. That's all there is. Whether you are a man or a woman, adult or child...never, ever resort to physical violence in retaliation to the spoken word. No matter how much malicious and intentional verbal provocation, you get out of there.
To say that men, generally speaking, learn to not provoke people by what they say because they're likely to be punched for it, is absolute BS in my opinion. I don't see men being more restrained about what they say so as not to provoke a physical fight than women. I've worked and studied with all men, and all women, and a mix, and I don't see it. To think that men/boys loose face and are mummy's boys if they don't hit out over something nasty that's said to them is prehistoric in my view, but if you feel this way then that's your issue.
Now if someone hits me because of something that I've said, that's a different matter. But it has never happened to me, I wonder why that would be ?
If you hit someone, it shows them that they got to you - RESULT. I see some women that do this to men, they figure they've still won even if they have a black eye, and the law's on thier side so usually they also get the satisfaction of seeing the guy getting a grilling from the police to boot. I know what I'm talking about. If I hit someone for something they said, no matter how bad it was, that's my responsibility, not theirs. I have the choice to walk away or hit them. So does everyone else, including you..
To start or worsen a situation where violence can occur, and then complaining because it happened, is idiotic.
Whilst I agree that starting or worsening a situation where you have a pretty good idea that it will escalate to the other person hitting you is idotic, complaining because someone has resorted to physical violence when yours was verbal is never, ever idotic.
We're talking about 2 levels of abuse here, emotional and physical. I guess you're going to argue that verbal is as bad as physical, if you did, then I'd always disagree. Physical violence in my book is always the NEXT level, no matter whether the person who takes it to this level (and no this is not ever the person provoking it with verbal abuse) is physically stronger or not.
Everyone CHOOSES how they react to everthing everyone does and says to them. And I can Jeez all I like. I'm expressing my utter distain for your statements suggesting that someone else should take some responsibility for another person's CHOICE to respond with pysical violence. This is just brain-dead to me ......jeez. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:15:41 AM | It is wrong hitting or assaulting anyone. If you are in a relationship and this happens, it will happen anytime form then on...its a line never to cross. JMO.
The only way I would hot someone, for ex. it would be if he would be choking, maybe hit him on the back to see if it helps, or if I think he has passed out to make sure they react, you kind of slap them in the face softy. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:44:43 AM | Hmmm.
I've been doing martial arts for 14 years... and I have done some things with some UFC fighters.
I can hold my own.
That said, I think fist fighting is for if you run out of bullets, and after your knife breaks.
As for domestic violence, it's really easy for all of us on here to wave our internet wand and make proclamations about it.... in reality it's harder.
My x wife hit me. We'd been together for over 3 years at that point... and I loved her.
She was 5' tall. She could not realistically hurt me, and even though she knew what a dangerous man I was, she also knew I would never hit her back.
I stayed with her. She eventually went totally crazy and left me.... and I wish that I had the clarity of mind back then that I do now.
Even though she could not hurt me physically, someone I loved hitting me like that was one of the most emotionally damaging things I have ever gone through.
I guess the point I am making is this. All of this advice we give on here is completely pointless. Until/unless someone goes through certain situations themselves, I don't think they will be able to see it objectively or have clear limits yet.
Those we love can really hurt us with our own love. I don't think that someone who has not been through it can understand, or understand how it's ourselves who allows the situation to continue... not the agressor.
Just some thoughts.
-8sf8
PS - it took me a long time to admit that my x was physically abusive after my marriage ended. Guys are really not wired to think that way, and we're wired to ignore physical pain and emotional trauma.
Statistics say domestic violence is 50/50 male and female. Knowing how men are conditioned to not say anything, or pay it no mind... I wonder how accurate that truly is.
A woman does not have to actually physically hurt a man to hurt him. Intent cuts sharper than a knife.
PPS:
Rock hunter.......if you don't like what someone is saying, learn to deal with it or get out of there. That's all there is. Whether you are a man or a woman, adult or child...never, ever resort to physical violence in retaliation to the spoken word. No matter how much malicious and intentional verbal provocation, you get out of there.
To say that men, generally speaking, learn to not provoke people by what they say because they're likely to be punched for it, is absolute BS in my opinion. I don't see men being more restrained about what they say so as not to provoke a physical fight than women. I've worked and studied with all men, and all women, and a mix, and I don't see it. To think that men/boys loose face and are mummy's boys if they don't hit out over something nasty that's said to them is prehistoric in my view, but if you feel this way then that's your issue
Real men don't start fights - we finish them. However, anyone who says words don't hurt and can't carry the weight of blows is friggin' lying or delusional.
I would say that you don't really understand the male world. I understand exactly where Rock is coming from. I don't think I've ever hit anyone over words.... but I know that just because I am that way does not mean other men are. And if I were being verbally antagonistic, if a man took a swing at me, I would be partly to blam. In fact, I think the courts see it that way as well.
I honestly believe that some people need to be socked in the mouth. I can't stand people who think they're invulnerable - like minors who destroy people's houses because they know they can't really get in trouble for it.
Sometimes some gas bag who would never throw a punch, but is a despicable human being and hurts people with words all the time... really needs a black eye or a split lip.
::Feral grin:: There are some nasty people out there with no morals or conscience. That's why there are nasty, honorable people like me to create balance. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 5:23:32 AM |
And if I were being verbally antagonistic, if a man took a swing at me, I would be partly to blam.
no, no, no, you would not be to blame for that man choosing to hit you over something you said. You are responsible for your words and the damage they do, he is responsible for his punches and the damage that does.
Ok, I'm not a man so I can't totally relate, but I was bought up in violence where people were smacked in the mouth all the time for what they said, accepted as a way of life - but totally wrong.
No, no, no courts do not see verbal assault as valid provocation for physical assault. Provocation can include things like a teenage gang smashing up yours or a friends' car.
No one should be smacked in the mouth for what they say. Honestly, I feel like smacking people in the mouth all the time, every day, for what they say, but I don't.
If someone is a vile human being and spouts crap all the time......cut them off. If they're spouting crap at someone who can't fight back, or you can't get out - spout crap back at them, put them in thier place with words, but never ever resort to violence unless some has thrown the first punch. Then I firmly believe that every individual should have the proper tools to defend themselves (martial arts 25 years, fought in tournaments, ju-jitsu for 10, ). This should be taught to all kids, boys and girls. Not for one minute am I ever suggesting that people should not physically defend themselves if caught in that situation.
I don't think I've ever hit anyone over words. I rest my case. | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 5:27:30 AM | I don't believe you are curious, I believe you are in a situation where you are trying to justify someone's abusive behavior towards you or maybe someone you are close to. That said, NO it is not acceptable period end of sentence. If you are defending yourself to get away of course you need to do what you need to do. Yes it is a sign of control not to mention intimidation, abusiveness, anger management issues, degredation, and the list goes on.
If you are indeed the one in the relationship please remove yourself from it immediately. If it is someone else, encourage them to do the same. My tummy hurts just thinking about what some women and men will tolerate for the sake of a relationship. Good luck!   | |
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| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 5:34:24 AM | | I'm surprised that everyone on hear is saying NO. Because i wonder how many of US have pushed a SO in the middle of a heated arguement? I'm sure there are some that have and never could admit it. It's not ok to resort to violence but it happens easily. | |
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