| |
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:18:19 PM | OP -- Unless it's in self defence, there's never a valid enough reason. And of course, I mean real self defence...not just getting a light shove which is met with a full on jaw breaking punch. THAT is NOT self defence...that is anger management material.
But I digress...
People that kick/bite/slap/punch/etc as a means to an end are just ridiculous caricatures of the human animal, and they should be scorned...and never tolerated for even a moment. There's no such thing "it just happened, I'm sorry". If a man or a woman strikes and then uses that cop-out, I can GUARANTEE you that it WILL happen again. It is an inherent principle to them. You may also hear things like "I just snapped" or "I don't know what came over me". ALL excuses. Dollars to donuts they did this growing up too, and no one stopped them. Even as kids.
If a man or woman strikes you, this is it. Enough. Once is already too many times. The sickening thing is just how many people, both men and women, still stay in that kinda toxic relationship. Some will even try to justify the abusers behavior because they clearly lack a spine of their own enough to see that striking is never acceptable.
Except self defence. EVERYONE has the right to defend themselves. And yes, for clarity sake, this includes men hitting the woman that just struck them. Men shouldn't have to tolerate it any more than a woman would be expected to. And the lame "You're a man and I'm a woman" rhetoric passed around to explain away why a man should tolerate it is just weak. I was always told that if a woman hits you once, you "had it coming" for whatever reason they may contrive...if she swings again, she's looking for a fight so put her on her ass promptly. A motto that I still live by. Just 'cause she's a woman doesn't give her carte blanche to strike me. I won't tolerate it.
But there's never a valid reason enough to strike someone as a means to an end. If that's the way you "make your point", then you are a complete waste of skin and a failure at life.
JMO. | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:40:52 PM | Hi mtn girl-I'm glad you posted this. Now that you've said a little more about the circumstances of the verbal and physical abuse towards you, here is somethjing to think about: (I haven't read all of the posts, but here are my thoughts)
When an abuser resorts to violence, that means they have poor impulse control. That is not the same as say, the disease of alcoholism. Abusers know what they are doing as they do it. If it happened once, the chances are very high it could happen again-the 'ice' has now been broken, and he has gotten away with it. Of course you can forgive him! It's natural to want to forgive and let go of resentments, and forgiveness is as much for your benefit as for the offender.
BUT:
THAT DOES NOT IN ANY WAY MEAN YOU SHOULD STAY WITH AN ABUSER, EVEN IF YOU LOVE AND FORGIVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If your beloved successfully completes an abuser treatment program and shows true change verified over time, then and only then would it be appropriate to give him another chance. Best of luck to you Wiyan | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:26:42 PM | its pretty amazing how folks learn something and then just regurgitate it thinking they are smart. if you step into the situation a little further and without prejudice.........
first, if they both have some abusive issues to work out, is it not best they stay together and work them out professionally with one another as opposed to breaking up and taking it to another mate who may not have have any abusive issues? everyone deserves to be in a relationship and hormones are strong enough in us human animals that if this couple is not together they will find new mates.
also they could be very kind, good hearted productive members of society. this could be their only substancial flaw. everyone has issues and weaknesses. if you can't say something constructive or as the old saying goes "he who throws stones.....stays on pof single for the rest of their lifes!" haha! | |
|
| |
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:38:55 PM | Is it ever okay to push, slap, kick or bite someone no matter what that person did - excluding self defense? No, never. If someone is doing that to you, leave them immediately. If you are doing that to someone, stop, leave that person, and, if this is a problem you have with self control, get help. Violence in a relationship, or in any situation is not 'ok.' Not acceptable to any degree under any circumstances. | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 6:20:24 PM |
to media,tv, radio , running water, grocery stores, Duncan Donuts etc{/quote]
Mahogany, no, no. they are not called Duncan Donuts... they are called, as my boy called them Donkey Donuts. Hehehehe | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:00:36 PM | | sleeping beauty: Therapist who specifically deal with abusers make it very clearly known why couples counseling is NOT an approprate option in cases of Domestic violence. Couples therapy is useful before it gets to the level of abuse, but after the threshhold has been crossed, the focus HAS to be on the abuser's behavior. However, that all being said, an effective abuse treatment counselor Will most definitely involve the abused in the abuser's treatment plan, but in a different way. The reason it is important to keep the partner involved is to hold the abuser ACCOUNTABLE, as he is often quite masterful at recreating history, telling the counselor 1 version and coming home to do something differnt with his abused partner. | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:39:35 PM | I think when it comes to domestic situations when the words are put into play then anything becomes possible. The old saying when push comes to shove seems to have many different perceptions than it was really intended. Push meaning control, and shove being the victim, both parties are really fighting to have the control.
If you are in a relationship where each of you play games with each other, then it is not hard to figure out that sooner or later something is going to give, as well as one of the people in that relationship. | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 1:32:45 AM | Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
NO
unless you are in a life threatening situation and defending yourself
What a no brainer question -
if you feel you need to be physical in any way toward anyone you have serious issues and need help!  | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 1:38:55 AM | | NO. If a lady attacks me, she gets whatever a man would get. Generally, raising a hand to anyone for any non-defense reason is completely abominably forbidden. Society would crumble if we returned to being savages like that! | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:52:53 AM | | I had an ex-boyfriend that goes to POF events and after he choked me, hit me and demanded I get out of his moving vehicle while my purse, credit cards were in his locked trunk----I finally shouted, "Stop the car, open the trunk and I will get out". He refused to open the trunk, grabbed me, choked me twice and hit me---I scratched to get away and I got arrested because the police saw the trunk open. I figured out the latch and opened it. He dramatized the entire event since he called the police first and my phone was locked in his trunk because we went to the park that day. Whoever calls first usually gets to file the charges. He called because he was afraid to getting in trouble and dramatized a total different set of facts over the phone. I was told to stay there until the police arrive by the dispatcher. I stayed, was bullied and interrogated by the police who continually interrupted when I was answering their questions and harassed me they arrested me, blew smoke in the car till I choked and went into a panic attack because I could not breath, told me I should have been choked by my boyfriend for asking a question down at the booking and harassed all night by the matron. It was a totally humiliating experience! I have never been arrested before and I am a medical professional. Basically whatever the police decide is fact and the Judge just processes the charges. I was forced to take a plea bargain to avoid a trial where I would have to prove what happened. How could I do that when there were no witnesses. However, he did jump out of the car and flag down a lady who did not see anything, only me begging him to open the trunk so I could get my purse, credit cards and phone. He of course never did open the trunk, I did once I found the latch. This eventually got me arrested because I told the police that he would not open his trunk and the trunk was wide open when they got there. I told them that I opened the trunk once I found the latch, but they did not believe me. The boyfriend's drama ended when the police got there and he was totally calm. He knows alot of officers and judges and he is such a expert manipulator using technology when needed to prove his case that he easily convinces the authorities. He does this for a job and has convinced even his multi-million $ boss to buy certain technology equipment to trap his employees/customers at his place of employment. | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:22:05 AM | | ONLY THE WEAK KICK SLAP N BITE!!!UR QUESTIONS KINDA SILLY THOUGH UNLESS MAMA N PAPA DIDNT TEACH YOU BOUT NOT HITTIN PPL!!LOL | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:32:19 AM | re msg 87
is it ever ok to resort to violence? the answer would be only if it is to save your life...and then only if there is no other option.
will it ever happen again? in your case i believe so! you seem to crave fueling a fire rather than extinguishing a flame. | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:42:10 AM | Violence is only for extreme situations. For example, if I was on an airplane, and someone yelled out something about blowing the thing up, I would probably try to kick his @ss.
Thankfully I will likely never be in a situation like that; overall I do not like violence as a means of solving problems. It shows a lack of intelligence, that you can't use your head, and have to resort to pain to get your point across.
So far as relationships go, most normal, healthy adults know where to draw a line, where a spouse or signifigant other, is not in the same class as an airline terrorist. Therefore, they get very different treatment. | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:49:01 AM | I can't believe this question is being asked!
A lack of self-control on ANY level or in any circumstance is unacceptable!
Violence (any variant) is not option in my life ~ zero tolerance! | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:02:51 AM | | I am not violent, however, I was in a life threatening situation and had to get out of a vehicle. I scratched my boyfriend's face inadvertently during the struggle and I got arrested because of it. Afterwards, there has been nothing but problems with him stalking, putting all my girlfriends on his Facebook, going out with my girlfriends and befriending them, even though they know how he abused me, using this abusive situation to his advantage to get to know police officers, luitenents, captains, attorneys, domestic violence programs, etc. He told me that if I move he will find me because he subscribes to a program that does background checks and uses his employers subscription to do this and he will track me down. I know he does subscribe to this. Therefore, it would do me no good to move because he has my name, birthdate and can get my ss# with this subscription and will be able to track me. I did block him out of my phone and I am trying to get an order of protection in the court he lives in and where he deals daily with the officers, captains and Judges through his job and where the incident occurred. He is now using my friend who took the pictures of my bruises to turn on me. She went out with him to the same function I was at. Since he has money--she is caving in to his charm and is being selfish. | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:33:03 AM | NEVER B OK, no matter what!!!
what kind of guys r u with???? it is never ok no matter what.
u got to find an normal guy who doesn't even think to hit women....
there r tons out there.... dnt b stuck to some crazy psycho dudes! | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:42:48 AM |
NO. If a lady attacks me, she gets whatever a man would get. Generally, raising a hand to anyone for any non-defense reason is completely abominably forbidden. Society would crumble if we returned to being savages like that!
That's easy to say....
But if I had hit my x back, it probably would have killed her. Plus, for people who are not wired to hurt a loved one, fighting back is not always an option.
I know for me it wasn't.
I saw her punches coming. I could have broken her wrist before she even knew what was happening.
Would that solve anything? No.
I could have left her right then.... but that's easier said than done in the first place. More importantly, I'm x military and I was raised very macho, so admitting that my wife was battering me was not exactly something I could do right away. In fact, it was only after my divorce that I got the clarity to call a spade a spade.
The damage was done as soon as somone I loved tried to hurt me - even if she really couldn't.
Intent is everything.
-8sf8 | |
|
tags
|
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 120 | |
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:56:39 AM |
I am asking because I pushed someone (NOT PHYSICALLY) too far with a confusing situation in a relationship
LMAO ..........I have heard this one b4 .....lemme geusse ....this confusing situation involves another man and you indicated that you MIGHT have feelings for him to and the being boy that he is he FLIPPED OUT . Right ?
To answere your question NO its never ok to hit some one . Especially a woman.
BUT is it ok to be angry( or even furiouse with some one ) if they play silly little mind games with you ...welllllllllllllllllll that depends . | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:02:38 AM |
this could be their only substancial flaw
Again, the cluelessness is appalling. It's not like he doesn't make the bed or burps too loudly. HE HITS HER!!!!!! This is not a 'flaw', this is a character defect - a MAJOR one. It is a deal breaker. You bet your a$$ she'll find somebody else if she leaves him - hallelujah! It would be the best thing for her - IF she finds a normal man who doesn't think hitting is an acceptable form of communication. | |
|
| |
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:30:16 AM |
NO , NO, not ever ! And is it a sign of control or more violence to come in a relationship? Sign ? SIGN? No, it's not a sign,.............. It's a friggen BILLBOARD !
I think if you even WANT to hit someone, not that passing I would like to smack you but you would really like to do someone physical harm, you shouldn't be with them.
Whether you are being hit or dealing with that level of smoldering rage, get the fuk out. | |
|
| Is it ever okay to resort to violence?
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:31:07 AM | Op Is it ever okay to resort to violence? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssss
If anybody is Violent towards me by Law I have the right to defend myself,
especially if the individual takes a knife or a baseball bat and starts coming
after me.
Words don't hurt me I can always walkaway or move on. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
