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 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 176
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

No its not ok to accept affairs.. you can split up and maybe live in same house as loggers if it suits the kids more ... but do not manipulate as I constantly see women on here are to convince them having a damn affair behind ones back is acceptable it is only acceptable if you are utter pondlife and a lying cheating me me me me me me me me me me me

Men are just as manipulative and cheat as often as women. (Higher percentage of married men cheat 28% to 18% of women, and women cheat more often in a non-marriage-long-term-relationship 29% to 22% of men.) It's not gender specific, some people cheat. JMO
 Kelpk
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 177
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 3/31/2011 7:20:06 PM
yes I know read my post again what im saying is men manipulating women into thinking affairs are ok.
Not the other way around..we know men cheat more and then go on about evolution...
 deepestdesire
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 178
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 3/31/2011 7:20:16 PM
I find those statistics rather satisfying... now,

why do I always manage to find that 30%... where are the other 70?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 179
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 3/31/2011 9:01:24 PM
you better have a set of strong prenupts, off shore accounts, undisclosed aliases, hidden property, and a team of lawyers - because you are going to get your azz handed to you in court.
shiate maybe even a marriage 'insurance' policy and a LLoyds of London performance overrider that doesnt exclude your moral preclivity to strange nooky.

your days of financial happiness and independence are about to take a beating . Your mistake was getting married to begin with. Your reward for that is just over the horizon. Enjoy.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 180
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/3/2011 1:29:08 PM

why do I always manage to find that 30%... where are the other 70?


Chances are that they are already in a relationship. Only a fool throws away a good partner.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 181
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/3/2011 3:30:08 PM
I think it makes more sense not to get married in the first place if you want to sleep around... or to make it clear to your intended and in your vows that you intend to have an 'open marriage'; if you want to get married but still have sex with other people.

If you decide to have an affair then you are deciding to jeopardize your marriage and the stability of your present two parent family - the stability you present in your premise, for your children.

Blaming the other person for not wanting to be with someone who's cheated is not accepting responsibility for your own actions. It would be *your* choice to cheat and therefore *your* choice to break up the marriage. If you decide to "jump out of the frying pan into the fire with yet another relationship, yet another marriage" that is also *your* choice - your responsibility.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 182
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/3/2011 4:16:33 PM
I would give all my worth to know of a married couple with children whose sex life doesn't lack it's lustre after a few years of marriage. If one partner has the time to seek another for an affair, they certainly won't have the time to devote 100% to themselves to the marriage anymore and the other partner is becoming too burdened with the responsibility of home and family.

What a thing to have to tell your adult children later..........mommy and daddy lacked any type of bravado in their marriage and found someone else outside the marriage to tickle their tonsils. Oh and by the way.........you have 3 or 4 other half sisters and brothers scattered around the continent.

Here is a hard cold FACT that everyone should know...........sex with the same person will loose it's lustre after time (about 2 years is my best guess) so if you need constant sexual excitement, don't get married or you will be getting divorced and married every 2 ro 5 years...........which will only keep the wedding planners happy.
 sukkatash
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 183
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/3/2011 6:19:26 PM

divorce verses affair... isnt it about time we accepted affairs.......as the better way forward...

In thinking about how this is worded, yes, yes I do think it's time we "accepted" affairs as a viable or better way forward.

Assuming someone is sitting down with their spouse and discussing something like "Hmmm...you know honey, this relationship just isn't working for me as it stands now. I feel the only solution is to either get a divorce, or start sleeping with someone else, or dating others, to see how that goes, and then we reassess our relationship and life situation here. What are your thoughts regarding divorce verses an affair."

I think neither divorce or an affair should be "accepted" as a better way forward if they are just sprung out of the blue onto a spouse, or the process is started without the others input. (assuming the relationship isn't abusive, or life threatening)
IMO that is usually the reason why affairs are seen as such a bad thing. Because the majority of the time they are started and done behind the back of the other person, not in collusion or with input from a partner.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 184
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/3/2011 6:39:41 PM

What a thing to have to tell your adult children later..........mommy and daddy lacked any type of bravado in their marriage and found someone else outside the marriage to tickle their tonsils. Oh and by the way.........you have 3 or 4 other half sisters and brothers scattered around the continent.

Who on earth feels the need to tell their children these details? And it may be hard to believe, but our children aren't oblivious, deaf, dumb or blind. (Once they are old enough to know how adult relationships work.) My Son was 13 when our divorce was final. He was 19 when he told me he knew about his Father's actions all those years ago. His Father didn't tell him and I certainly had not said a word ~ he knew, regardless.

Here is a hard cold FACT that everyone should know...........sex with the same person will loose it's lustre after time (about 2 years is my best guess) so if you need constant sexual excitement, don't get married or you will be getting divorced and married every 2 ro 5 years...........which will only keep the wedding planners happy.

Maybe you should have typed, "In MY world, here is a hard cold FACT ...." Not ALL people let their sex lives die a slow non-existent death. JMO
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 185
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/3/2011 8:10:33 PM
Here is a hard cold FACT that everyone should know...........sex with the same person will loose it's lustre after time (about 2 years is my best guess) so if you need constant sexual excitement, don't get married or you will be getting divorced and married every 2 ro 5 years...........which will only keep the wedding planners happy.


That's funny, because the only time it "lost its lustre" in my relationships was, well, the one who was cheating on me and "lost interest" in me (because apparently she was 'getting it' elsewhere). Well, ok, and one relationship that was just a mistake all around on my part, never should have gotten involved but I'd been single a while and was "lonely" (not a good reason to get into a relatonship), and it didn't last long, we were just 'wrong' on a bunch of levels.

Honestly, the statement of "if you need constant sexual excitement" says it all... that has *nothing* to do with the person you are marrying/involved with, that's entirely about you, and if you are that kind of person I will agree, you are probably drop-dead stupid to be getting married - because any relationship is about you getting what *you* want out of it, and has probably very little to do with the other person. Sounds a lot like someone who equates "sex=love" than someone who has any real concept what love really is.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 186
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/4/2011 11:37:13 AM

"sex=love"


I agree..........What's love got to do with it and people who lack maturity equate and confuse sex with love all the time. They think great sex during the early stages of their relationship is the most valuable component for a long lasting marriage as evidenced in so many of the forums. They never stop to consider that over time, one or both partners will eventually find the other bored of engaging in the purely animalistic activity of sexual behaviors. Animals have sex purely for procreation and only a few species engage in it for pleasure like humans do.

I'm just saying it's important to understand your own level of sexuality and requirement for non-stop sexual excitement..........BEFORE marriage and BEFORE throwing someone you love under the bus for not giving you the constant sexual excitement.

Sex and love are in a complete contradiction of each other because of the nurturing qualities of an honest love. There is nothing nurturing about the act of sex.

So, making affairs acceptable after marriage..........I say NO, don't get married if you think your the Charlie Harper type, nothing selfish about that.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 187
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/4/2011 11:53:47 AM
To lie, to cheat, to then live in that marriage with deceit. What future can those children have? Where is all the love then? What example is that going to give. When people have affairs it shows even when the other person does not know. Why live the lie. Better to end it than to live a lie.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 188
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/4/2011 3:37:19 PM
Side issue:
Do we REALLY know what the actual cheating statistics are? Isn't it true that we only know what the statistics are for who have ADMITTED to having affairs? I recall reading somewhere that someone DID look over the history of INVESTIGATIONS into human sexual behavior, and found that over time, the number of people willing to be honest fluctuated quite a lot.
Also consider, that plenty of people hide their behavior from themselves, and even when caught DOING it , will adamantly claim they are NOT cheating or having affairs, because they DEFINE cheating in a very specific way. Such as claiming that it doesn't count if there was no vaginal penetration, or there WAS, but there was no no sperm involved (that they noticed), or all kinds of things. I've even met people who claimed that it wasn't sex, unless they got COMPLETELY naked first, even though they managed to get pregnant doing it. People are endlessly fascinating in that way.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 189
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/4/2011 4:22:20 PM
^^^^^Does it really matter? This is a free forum on a free "dating" site. I think it's safe to assume that people cheat, whether or not statistics are accurate in their bean count. All too often ~ I've met men who've been cheated on more than those who are single today for any other reason (i.e.: death of a spouse, "growing apart", etc.) To me? It really makes little difference the statistical analysis ~ people cheat for all sorts of silly reason (mainly for lack of being willing to leave the safety of their relationship, in my opinion) and those "cheating" actions I have encountered are not said to consist of "emotional" cheating, they are of an actual sex act in nature. I personally could care less "why." But it is sort of alarming how many have been cheated on and how many admit to me to being the cheater. That's life I guess ~ statistics mean nothing to me. JMO
 kayla1963
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 190
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/4/2011 5:17:05 PM
Hey, it works for Jerry Weintraub, his wife and mistress!
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 191
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/4/2011 5:27:12 PM

Sex and love are in a complete contradiction of each other because of the nurturing qualities of an honest love. There is nothing nurturing about the act of sex.


True,love is second to compatibility. yet 60 % think otherwise or more. lol

When the honeymoon is over then one hopes compatibility takes over to even the playing field, when you look at the big picture of why & what your character,honesty,responsibility are for the family.
Most animals mate for life but fuzk on the side,weird I know.
 lynden65
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 192
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/4/2011 7:16:18 PM
My obvious answer would be to just remain single.. if you can not be faithful to your marriage... ... now .. for the reality of it... many people say that I should be a couple's counselor.. and explain to men ... that women are really not that much different in what they want... when it comes to sex... and the true fact of the matter is ... of natural human nature... !!! We want to be satisfied as well !!! Hello... is there anyone home !!! Men do need to realize that single women of today's world.. if they are going to have sex... as in casual sex... (not that I partake in casual sex.. my schedule is soo busy it does not really allow me to date at all .. )... but for me... casual sex would strictly be .. for "my"...own personal satisfaction.. it will be all about.. .me... especially if I did not "care" for him.. or have any real feelings for him... .. I would make sure .. it was only about me... men... are usually.. for the most part out for their own satisfaction... with little regard .. of her own needs.. . on the other hand.. there are many men who love to take care of their lady... (far and few between).. guys you also need to realize that women do get bored as well... nothing more exciting than having a new man touch me... "highly.. highly arousing for a new man to touch a woman... ding... ding... ding.. the bell went off ***... yes your woman gets bored.. with you... same old touch all the time.. for both parties.. male and female gets.. very .. very boring... !! True fact.. it is human nature... how do I know this... I am a woman.. and most women will not admit to you what I will tell you.. I am also highly educated.. the old cliche.... every time he scores.. he makes a name for himself.. and cheered by his peers.. us ladies on the other hand... the more we score.. we are called a whore ?? Where does that make sence.. keep in mind ladies.. there is nothing but disease out there .. so be careful... use a condom.. if you partake... always.. that's another thing guys.. use a condom... keep your own mess !!! We don't really want it..Unless she is in love with you... we don't want the mess ... !!! Keep your raincoat on !!! Us ladies like to stay clean !!! (This is for basic casual sex.. )... not for a real relationship... anyhow.. bottom line... if you are in a serious relationship... treat each other how you would want to be treated yourself.. it is simple.. if you want to play.. then just stay single... so you don't have to explain yourself... Best wishes to all... back to studying.. in the books.. current Med. student... with a minor in Psychology... be blessed.
 lynden65
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 193
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/4/2011 7:35:16 PM
Amen...most people.. whether be him or her... will not admit to it... when the truth of the matter is curiosity.. intrigue... sex in general... is human nature... bordom... sets in for both parties... the excitement of "a new touch"... is always.. there for both him and her... it is fact.. it is human nature... most people don't understand that... I like your post... very.. very true... very well said..
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 194
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/5/2011 4:28:06 AM

Amen...most people.. whether be him or her... will not admit to it... when the truth of the matter is curiosity.. intrigue... sex in general... is human nature... bordom... sets in for both parties... the excitement of "a new touch"... is always.. there for both him and her... it is fact.. it is human nature... most people don't understand that... I like your post... very.. very true... very well said..

And people you know think you should be a couple's counselor? I'd suggest you keep your day job. I'd not want someone "counseling" me or someone in my life with the "facts" as you seem to see them. At my age? There's not much exciting about someone new's touch. What's most intriguing? NOT being with someone new anymore. I think you're missing the reality that many of us have lived single lives for a long time. We've done the "someone new" route more than once or twice. Being with someone new???? OLD NEWS!!!! JMO
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 195
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/5/2011 4:35:22 AM

At my age? There's not much exciting about someone new's touch. What's most intriguing? NOT being with someone new anymore. I think you're missing the reality that many of us have lived single lives for a long time. We've done the "someone new" route more than once or twice. Being with someone new???? OLD NEWS!!!! JMO

x 100
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 196
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/5/2011 6:17:12 AM
Well now, it would appear that we men have to scratch our heads a little more about how to appeal to the women out there, give that the appeal of our physical novelty has waned.

So, this thread has gone from affairs happen due to creeping sexual boredom and the excitement of the novel to one of a lament of the comforts of a well worn pair of slippers?

How then do we keep our women happy and content? Shared reading of the Kama Sutra before bed each evening? Is the correlation between the rapid rise of marital breakup and the widespread introduction of TV into western lifestyles more than a coincidence?

I will say, however, that as an older, experienced guy, the prospect of getting used to a new woman in my bed does evoke a certain reluctance on my part. Until the slippers are worn in and comfortable, there is always a certain amount of chafing, the novelty of which has certainly worn off over the years.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 197
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/5/2011 6:53:51 AM

Well now, it would appear that we men have to scratch our heads a little more about how to appeal to the women out there, give that the appeal of our physical novelty has waned.

So, this thread has gone from affairs happen due to creeping sexual boredom and the excitement of the novel to one of a lament of the comforts of a well worn pair of slippers?


Very funny ! lol but so true.....

The sexes have waned with age which is especially true for the fairer sex.

And when you look at the disparaging % of men looking to date to women, it is like 80% vs 20% on dating sites.

So, in essence they are right, as the novelty has wore off. But having leftovers now & then don't hurt. lol
 salamander000
Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 198
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/5/2011 8:22:37 AM
I fail to see the humor of the above quote or response. But since everyone here is an expert, maybe someone can give me the answer to this question that came to mind while reading page eight.

If you have sex alone, are you cheating on yourself, your spouse, to your comrade in arms? All of the above? Lets say four, five six, and so on? Surely someones' denying someone~

Funny, that I don't hold those sentiments.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 199
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/5/2011 8:39:09 AM

And people you know think you should be a couple's counselor? I'd suggest you keep your day job. I'd not want someone "counseling" me or someone in my life with the "facts" as you seem to see them.


I agree here 100 percent. Also at different points in my life I've been from one night stand type of dating to long term relationships and when it comes to sex, the sex is about 300 percent better with someone you have been with. Sex with a new person, is a rush only in the sense that it brings discovery and discovery is always fun. But when you have been with a person for a given time, there's always discovery into what would turn them on, what new fantasies they want to play with you, what places to do it, what positions to do it, even how dirty or not to talk to each other. That is always better and so much fulfilling because you have communicated, and in the end the most important sex organ is your mind.
 lynden65
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 200
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/5/2011 11:27:52 PM
I think you might of missed my point... verygreeneyes... the topic of this discussion was divorce versus affairs.. isn't it about time we accepted affairs.... people..both men and women have an affair.. .. not solely for sexual reasons... there are obviously other issues ... that are not being dealt with by the couple... and yes.. I see sooo much of it.. from people you would least suspect to have an affair are the ones that are best at covering it up... what I was trying to point out.. was ... men fail to realize that women also get bored in a relationship... most women will not admit to having alot of the same feelings and desires men do... I certainly do not recommend to any couple to have an affair... that is the worst thing you could possibly do to each other.. and also quite immature ... to go around cheating on each other ... having a "new" .. touch... does not mean.. to go out every night.. and find a new lover.... I am just saying.. over time.. yes.. human nature.. true fact... everyone has a desire .. of a new experience... people that say they don't are definately not being truthful.. the bottom line is ... affairs would not be quite as frequent... if couples were just honest with each other... getting each other to open up and talk.. discuss things out... and be realistic... and yes... many of us here have been single for a very long time.... for me I have enjoyed every minute of it... I tend to put my education and my career first and foremost... and of course.. family... I only have one child.. who is now grown... so I have had the luxury of being able to enjoy my career... many people from what I see ... are tired of being single... as for me... if I found the right partner in life... that would wonderful.. however.. I am in no rush... part of the reason for sooo many affairs and divorce... is because people... tend to want to rush the relationship... instead of just letting it develop naturally... taking your time to get to know each other... enjoy life... tooo many commitments being made way tooo fast... and unfortunately the end result is usually divorce... for many couples.. not all but quite a bit... now I certainly do not see that as bad advice... I just can not understand... why sooo many women.. especially are in such a hurry to get married.. and find that special someone... many tend to marry as fast as they can for financial security... and of course they want to start a family ... I guess.. I am very fortunate.. that... the man in my future would be there because I wanted him there.. not because I "needed" him... ladies got to be secure with yourself.. and know what you want.. and what is best for yourself... have your own career .. your own life... will make for a much more solid future and will cut down on affairs and divorce.. .two of the main reasons for divorce is because of financial problems.. and of course infidelity... and of course lack of honest communication.... I am just one.. that is very confident in discussing things with my partner... and unfortunatley... most guys.. run.. when they meet confident.. secure.. emotionally and finacially... they say they love confident.. self sufficient independent women.. but in reality... most men want to be the one in contol.. they want to be head of household.. .but see that is normal.. for them.. this is how their genetics are.. this is how they were made.. they are supposed to be head of family... according to traditional values..etc.. and it is the way God designed it... it is in their genes... it is who they are.. not their fault... however.. today's times... the single women of today... are soooo much different .. compared to many years ago... I could never allow a man to be head of my household..??? That would not happen... too much education and career for that .. to happen... once again... not too well.. appreciated by the male ego... they run... once again.. the reason I suggest people to slow down.. take your time.. enjoy life... get to know each other.. for a good.. while.. before a commitment is ever even discussed.. it will result in more successful marriages and a whole lot less divorce... and of course be honest with each other... men are also .. .not exactly.... made to be completely soley... truthful... and faithful to just one woman.... they think about sex... wayyyy more than we do.... they desire sex wayyy more than we do... they also desire women.... not trying to say... all you guys.. want to go out and cheat.. but women need to realize.. how they think and why... it is not their fault.. they are designed to be that way.. it is in thier genetic make-up... don't blame them.. it is who they are !!! They are supposed to be thinking about sex and women ... it is called testosterone !!! It is what God gave them... appreciate them for who they are... this is the whole point what I was trying to say in my first post... men and women just need to understand each other.. talk it out... tooo many women blame men for sooo much.. when they fail to realize they are a certain way... because they are supposed to be that way... they can not change their genetics.. they can not get rid of their testosterone !! Well some of them try ...LOL>>>>> that's a whole nother subject...lol.... at the same time.. women also have a lot of similar desires.. and thoughts.. we were just brought up... that for women it is wrong to feel that way... the reason people tell me they think I should be a couple's counselor is because.. I do understand.. men and women.. both.. I don't take sides... and I am able to explain to her .. what he is feeling and why... ... and I am very much able to be neutral... at the same time.. point out where one party might be wrong... the whole truth of the matter is most divorces end up in divorce... 90 percent of the problem.... is the female... does that shock you guys coming from.. a woman... .. because she does not want to take the time to understand... what he is thinking.. and why he feels a certain way... .. and women are much tooo quick to put the blame on him... they blame him for doing manly things.. when they are doing what they are supposed to be doing ... !!! Hello.. testosterone !!! It is real... at the same time... men forget.. that women... also want the same things... you guys.. do.. when it comes to sex.. think about.. it.. !!! Tooo many ladies are just too shy to ask for it... anyhow.. it definately does.. .. turn me off big time... when you're just starting to get to know each other.. first or second date... they want sex !!! okay... that is a big.. red flag... when seeking out a relationship... guys.. .. keep your zippers zipped !!! would you really want a relationship with a woman.. who will sleep with you right away >>>> same thing... we don't want a relationship... with you either ..guys... if you are willing to have sex immediately... no difference there... unless.. of course.. you are just looking for a casual thing... if each party is just looking for something casual.. then okay... go with the flow... just remember.... the honeymoon does end even for the best of couples... boredom really does set in... true fact... that 's why marriage is work... talk things out... and realize... if you guys are bored with the relationship... more than likely she's been bored with...as well... best of luck to all... now back to the books..
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