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 lynden65
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 200
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..Page 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I think you might of missed my point... verygreeneyes... the topic of this discussion was divorce versus affairs.. isn't it about time we accepted affairs.... people..both men and women have an affair.. .. not solely for sexual reasons... there are obviously other issues ... that are not being dealt with by the couple... and yes.. I see sooo much of it.. from people you would least suspect to have an affair are the ones that are best at covering it up... what I was trying to point out.. was ... men fail to realize that women also get bored in a relationship... most women will not admit to having alot of the same feelings and desires men do... I certainly do not recommend to any couple to have an affair... that is the worst thing you could possibly do to each other.. and also quite immature ... to go around cheating on each other ... having a "new" .. touch... does not mean.. to go out every night.. and find a new lover.... I am just saying.. over time.. yes.. human nature.. true fact... everyone has a desire .. of a new experience... people that say they don't are definately not being truthful.. the bottom line is ... affairs would not be quite as frequent... if couples were just honest with each other... getting each other to open up and talk.. discuss things out... and be realistic... and yes... many of us here have been single for a very long time.... for me I have enjoyed every minute of it... I tend to put my education and my career first and foremost... and of course.. family... I only have one child.. who is now grown... so I have had the luxury of being able to enjoy my career... many people from what I see ... are tired of being single... as for me... if I found the right partner in life... that would wonderful.. however.. I am in no rush... part of the reason for sooo many affairs and divorce... is because people... tend to want to rush the relationship... instead of just letting it develop naturally... taking your time to get to know each other... enjoy life... tooo many commitments being made way tooo fast... and unfortunately the end result is usually divorce... for many couples.. not all but quite a bit... now I certainly do not see that as bad advice... I just can not understand... why sooo many women.. especially are in such a hurry to get married.. and find that special someone... many tend to marry as fast as they can for financial security... and of course they want to start a family ... I guess.. I am very fortunate.. that... the man in my future would be there because I wanted him there.. not because I "needed" him... ladies got to be secure with yourself.. and know what you want.. and what is best for yourself... have your own career .. your own life... will make for a much more solid future and will cut down on affairs and divorce.. .two of the main reasons for divorce is because of financial problems.. and of course infidelity... and of course lack of honest communication.... I am just one.. that is very confident in discussing things with my partner... and unfortunatley... most guys.. run.. when they meet confident.. secure.. emotionally and finacially... they say they love confident.. self sufficient independent women.. but in reality... most men want to be the one in contol.. they want to be head of household.. .but see that is normal.. for them.. this is how their genetics are.. this is how they were made.. they are supposed to be head of family... according to traditional values..etc.. and it is the way God designed it... it is in their genes... it is who they are.. not their fault... however.. today's times... the single women of today... are soooo much different .. compared to many years ago... I could never allow a man to be head of my household..??? That would not happen... too much education and career for that .. to happen... once again... not too well.. appreciated by the male ego... they run... once again.. the reason I suggest people to slow down.. take your time.. enjoy life... get to know each other.. for a good.. while.. before a commitment is ever even discussed.. it will result in more successful marriages and a whole lot less divorce... and of course be honest with each other... men are also .. .not exactly.... made to be completely soley... truthful... and faithful to just one woman.... they think about sex... wayyyy more than we do.... they desire sex wayyy more than we do... they also desire women.... not trying to say... all you guys.. want to go out and cheat.. but women need to realize.. how they think and why... it is not their fault.. they are designed to be that way.. it is in thier genetic make-up... don't blame them.. it is who they are !!! They are supposed to be thinking about sex and women ... it is called testosterone !!! It is what God gave them... appreciate them for who they are... this is the whole point what I was trying to say in my first post... men and women just need to understand each other.. talk it out... tooo many women blame men for sooo much.. when they fail to realize they are a certain way... because they are supposed to be that way... they can not change their genetics.. they can not get rid of their testosterone !! Well some of them try ...LOL>>>>> that's a whole nother subject...lol.... at the same time.. women also have a lot of similar desires.. and thoughts.. we were just brought up... that for women it is wrong to feel that way... the reason people tell me they think I should be a couple's counselor is because.. I do understand.. men and women.. both.. I don't take sides... and I am able to explain to her .. what he is feeling and why... ... and I am very much able to be neutral... at the same time.. point out where one party might be wrong... the whole truth of the matter is most divorces end up in divorce... 90 percent of the problem.... is the female... does that shock you guys coming from.. a woman... .. because she does not want to take the time to understand... what he is thinking.. and why he feels a certain way... .. and women are much tooo quick to put the blame on him... they blame him for doing manly things.. when they are doing what they are supposed to be doing ... !!! Hello.. testosterone !!! It is real... at the same time... men forget.. that women... also want the same things... you guys.. do.. when it comes to sex.. think about.. it.. !!! Tooo many ladies are just too shy to ask for it... anyhow.. it definately does.. .. turn me off big time... when you're just starting to get to know each other.. first or second date... they want sex !!! okay... that is a big.. red flag... when seeking out a relationship... guys.. .. keep your zippers zipped !!! would you really want a relationship with a woman.. who will sleep with you right away >>>> same thing... we don't want a relationship... with you either ..guys... if you are willing to have sex immediately... no difference there... unless.. of course.. you are just looking for a casual thing... if each party is just looking for something casual.. then okay... go with the flow... just remember.... the honeymoon does end even for the best of couples... boredom really does set in... true fact... that 's why marriage is work... talk things out... and realize... if you guys are bored with the relationship... more than likely she's been bored with...as well... best of luck to all... now back to the books..
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 201
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/5/2011 11:39:49 PM
^Is anyone actually supposed to read that run on nightmare?
Sorry, I started, but then "boredom set in" and I had to go run to another thread.

For someone who is "highly educated", you really should learn how to write in paragraphs and how to avoid a gazillion ellipses, so people can actually read it without getting a headache.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 202
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:31:42 AM
I actually did read the run-on nightmare out of shock that the poster is so arrogant to believe that she speaks for all women and thinks that she not only knows what all women want, but what all men want as well! Newflash! All men are not the same and all women are not the same. While hormones may produce certain urges, we are supposed to be EVOLVED creatures, which means that we can CHOOSE. Just because someone may WANT to do something doesn't mean they HAVE to do it. Just because someone may think another person is hot, does not mean they can't control themselves and must f*ck that person.

As a woman, I have NEVER NEVER NEVER considered screwing another man while in a relationship. The reason why? I have INTEGRITY. When I make a commitment to a person, I stick to it. While you state that women have a desire for the new and that they get bored, I, as a woman, have NEVER experienced that. In fact, the more I've been with a particular partner, the more I want THAT PARTICULAR PARTNER. Maybe your sex life is boring without having new partners frequently, but many of us like to explore with our ONE partner and the connection that builds with one partner over time is so much more exciting than anything could be with someone new.

While SOME men may feel the urge to screw around, not all men do. Do not presume to think that you speak for all people. To do so only shows utter arrogance and ignorance.

BTW, a sentence ends with only ONE period. A comma cannot be replaced by an elipses. And paragraphs are your friend.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 203
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 9:54:57 AM
and unfortunatley... most guys.. run.. when they meet confident.. secure.. emotionally and finacially... they say they love confident.. self sufficient independent women.. but in reality... most men want to be the one in contol.. they want to be head of household..


Yea, the whole post was hard to read, but this bit resounded with me for sure.....

I have to agree somewhat with this statement. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I have an ego that needs to be stroked from time to time and these types of women simply don't have the time (or really the need) to put up with my male "isms", therefore I simply don't date this kind of woman.......

However, as women become more and more empowered and equal (or even superior) in terms of status, traditional males (like me) will have have a hard time adjusting to the new social structure and accepting a different role in marriage. I feel fortunate that I found someone post divorce who is ok with my male dominance in the traditional sense. My ex wife was certainly one of these women that were "empowered".....and it caused our relationship to go stale over time and we simply grew apart. I think there has to be some balance in the relationship but also some recognition of our genetic traits. There has to be an Alpha and an Omega. You can't have two Alphas or two Omegas and expect things to work out.........

In the wake of all this, I'm really not sure what I'm going to tell my son about Marriage. Clearly mine hasn't lasted and with the empowerment of women in society, I'm reluctant to tell him that marriage (in todays iteration) is a steadfast institution worthy of investment. He's seen the fallout from my ex's affair while in the marriage and is a typical product of a split family. Best thing I can do for him is to tell him to avoid marriage altogether and thereby prevent him from going through the inevitable affair and divorce until both men and women can come to grips with how families are supposed to function in this new era of "equality".

I hope it gets figured out before he gets hurt. Would hate to have him go through what I did......
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 204
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 10:19:39 AM

Is anyone actually supposed to read that run on nightmare?
Not me. Don't have the patience to try and decipher what the poster is trying to communicate.
 lynden65
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 205
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:41:50 PM
sorry...don't have time for proper grammar... not on this site... just a quick type was all it was... people evidently are not reading... my post indicates.. most not including all.. and no not trying to speak for all men and women... it amazes me that sooo many people.. are just tooo afraid to be honest... evidently the post was too much for some.. and obviously intimidated others... and yes.. most.. I say again.. "most"... men are intimidated by women who know what they want and are able to lead theier own lives... No.. sorry.. don't have much time for dating... and have the option and luxury to be very selective... when I do date... when guys.. realize how busy you are.. they seem to just run... they want you at home... they want you with them.. sittin at home with your man all the time.. surely is not going to get you ahead in life..
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 206
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:21:28 PM
^Is anyone actually supposed to read that run on nightmare?
Sorry, I started, but then "boredom set in" and I had to go run to another thread.

For someone who is "highly educated", you really should learn how to write in paragraphs and how to avoid a gazillion ellipses, so people can actually read it without getting a headache.

My eyes are bleeding.

I actually did read the run-on nightmare....

I'm impressed. I couldn't do it, so I'm going on your analysis.

As a woman, I have NEVER NEVER NEVER considered screwing another man while in a relationship. The reason why? I have INTEGRITY. When I make a commitment to a person, I stick to it. While you state that women have a desire for the new and that they get bored, I, as a woman, have NEVER experienced that. In fact, the more I've been with a particular partner, the more I want THAT PARTICULAR PARTNER. Maybe your sex life is boring without having new partners frequently, but many of us like to explore with our ONE partner and the connection that builds with one partner over time is so much more exciting than anything could be with someone new.



While SOME men may feel the urge to screw around, not all men do. Do not presume to think that you speak for all people. To do so only shows utter arrogance and ignorance.

So very true.

and unfortunatley... most guys.. run.. when they meet confident.. secure.. emotionally and finacially... they say they love confident.. self sufficient independent women.. but in reality... most men want to be the one in contol.. they want to be head of household..

Because someone else quoted this, I can effective get through it. Whew! There are SO many men who subscribe to an ideology (FLR Female Lead Relationship) it would make YOUR eyes bleed reading about such things. NOT everyone is like you are or thinks as you do. And for you to assume your way is the "right" way? SCREAMS ignorance to me, personally. (Google FLR if you have NO clue what it is.)

sorry...don't have time for proper grammar

LOL ~ it took you longer to type it with the "...."'s than it would have taken you to formulate actual sentences. Spellcheck and grammarcheck are our friends. The way it stands? I'm just assuming you've got no real rebuttal and love to talk to your own self. You may have a point or two mixed in there ~ but honestly? You are justifying affairs. My simple answer to anything you'd state? ENJOY!!!! I'll send anyone I personally know of that ilk to you for your personal enjoyment. I'll keep the rest for those people who value moral and ethical fiber. (Works out for everyone in the end.)

sorry...don't have time for proper grammar... not on this site... just a quick type was all it was... people evidently are not reading... my post indicates.. most not including all.. and no not trying to speak for all men and women... it amazes me that sooo many people.. are just tooo afraid to be honest... evidently the post was too much for some.. and obviously intimidated others... and yes.. most.. I say again.. "most"... men are intimidated by women who know what they want and are able to lead theier own lives... No.. sorry.. don't have much time for dating... and have the option and luxury to be very selective... when I do date... when guys.. realize how busy you are.. they seem to just run... they want you at home... they want you with them.. sittin at home with your man all the time.. surely is not going to get you ahead in life..

I tried. I swear I did. I did get this much "sittin at home with your man all the time..surely is not going to get you ahead in life.." Well, for me? I've been "ahead" all of my adult life. What that gave me? A bank account and a reasonably lonely existence. I'd be more than happy to be "at home with my man" having wicked/wild/hot sex everyday than in any office in Corporate America. If you don't get that? I do indeed feel so sorry for you. No bank account, credit card, title or other status symbol can compete with a happy, healthy, loving, home-life. And let's not forget ~ a healthy, active, hot sex-life? The end-all-be-all. Definitely something to treasure. JMO
 lynden65
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 207
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:52:15 PM
Where did the "office" come from ?? Thank God I do not have to sit in an office all day.. .. !! and yes.. I do put my Career and Education first. I am not one of those pathetic women who have to rely on her man to eat.. or be housed.. obviously you did not read any of the thread.. because I am in no way ...shape or form saying it is ok to have an affair.. it is the most immature thing you can possibly do to your spouse.. or loved one...
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 208
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:56:02 PM

men are intimidated by women who know what they want and are able to lead theier own lives... No.. sorry.. don't have much time for dating... and have the option and luxury to be very selective... when I do date... when guys.. realize how busy you are.. they seem to just run... they want you at home... they want you with them.. sittin at home with your man all the time.. surely is not going to get you ahead in life..


They don't really intimidate me....I've dated a few and certainly appreciated the intellectual prowess.....its just that I like being "doted" on. I'm still chivalrous, and enjoy paying for meals, opening doors, etc......but I also expect to get doted on in return for my chivalry, and traditional women are the ones that fit that role the best. Modern women simply don't want or need that.......I get it, and thats just fine.

I'm already well ahead in life.......now its time to share that success with a lady that has no problem being at home with me right by my side, having that wicked/wild/hot sex Greeneyes is talking about.............mmmmm......gotta go!

 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 209
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 5:57:59 PM

Where did the "office" come from ?? Thank God I do not have to sit in an office all day.. .. !! and yes.. I do put my Career and Education first. I am not one of those pathetic women who have to rely on her man to eat.. or be housed.. obviously you did not read any of the thread.. because I am in no way ...shape or form saying it is ok to have an affair.. it is the most immature thing you can possibly do to your spouse.. or loved one...

You aren't in some exclusive league of your own. Sorry to burst that bubble. Many of us have put career/education above other things in life. That's nothing unusual. That's pretty status-quo with ALL people I personally know. And who on earth stated anything about needing a man to house or feed anyone else here? (Me thinks you have some serious issues with independence and are projecting.)

I'm already well ahead in life.......now its time to share that success with a lady that has no problem being at home with me right by my side, having that wicked/wild/hot sex Greeneyes is talking about.............mmmmm......gotta go!

I know, huh?
 lynden65
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 210
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:39:58 PM
Ha... so much for the freedom of being able to express yourself and appreciating the views of others... I tend to enjoy hearing many different ideas from others... a great way to open up new ideas ... anyhow... back to work... be blessed all.. be safe.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 211
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:53:18 PM
Seriously, we could tweak the name of this thread a bit to say:

"Divorce vs. Alcholism... isn't about time we accepted alcoholic spouses?"
or how about:
"Divorce vs. Abuse... isn't it about time we accepted physical/emotional abuse?"

Those of course probably most people would think are absurd - it simply boils down to no, *I* make the choice of what I find acceptable in my relationships, and addiction, abuse, or an affair are things that I *choose* not to accept. Is it "about time *we* accepted them"? Um, who is "we", because "we" aren't in a relationship with the woman I'm with, *I* am, and I really don't see any reason why what "we" (ie, anyone else) thinks would matter.

Now, if you want to stay with a cheating spouse, that certainly is your choice, and if you're cheating and they choose to stay with you, that is of course their choice - I'm all for freedom of choice, even if I don't agree with yours. Isn't being able to disagree a great thing? As long as it doesn't involve me in any way, I could care less what anyone does in their private lives really.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 212
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divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 9:10:22 PM
Just listening to the Dr OZ show tonight and he said according to a recent survey that was done.....only 29% of couples in long-term relationships still consider their sex lives to be exciting.

Maybe the other 71% of men and women are too devoted to their careers and just can't find the right level of balance to have both....a great career and a great sex life in their relationship.

In the more traditional marriages, I often wonder if the women have affairs because their traditional husband believe the only time they should have sex is when he initiates it and he wants it. Maybe the traditional wife becomes resentful from being pushed aside when she initiates it and starts saying no to him more frequently, which of course gets the traditional husband thinking about a possible affair.

In any case, affairs seem to be more about resentment, anger and betrayal.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 213
divorce verses affair...isnt it about time we accepted affairs..
Posted: 4/6/2011 9:54:26 PM
Thank God I do not have to sit in an office all day....I am not one of those pathetic women who have to rely on her man to eat.. or be housed..


Hmmm....only your way of life is the right way of life, presumably? Seems your education was lacking in giving you the ability to see beyond your own nose.

I don't sit in an office all day, though there are times it seems quite desirable. As far as women who don't work outside the home, who, in your words are "pathetic" and "have to rely on [a] man to eat or be housed"..... I have never been in that position as I have worked all my life and supported myself. I also am a professional and have an advanced degree, etc. But I don't feel the need to put down those who don't. There are all types of lifestyles, none is the 'right' lifestyle. I have friends, smart, capable, educated women who, when they got married, began to have children and quit working to raise their children. After 15-20 years of raising their children, they went back to work, either part time or full time. Partly for the money, which was helpful but not necessary to the family, mainly because they wanted to, after the children were in college. Or, they could have chosen not to go back out to work but find other productive things to do. They most certainly are not "pathetic" women and never were. They made good marriages, which are still intact and successful, have raised children who are productive human beings, and have had and continue to have a good, even enviable life.

What's pathetic is someone who has supposedly had an education and still can't think.
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