| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:44:27 AM | I have never seen any friendships work out once someone within a group of friends started dating someone that one or the other liked. It always goes south of the north direction, and becomes a territoral pissing match.
It always ends up "How could you"? "You new I had feelings for him "(or her) "You know I liked him" (or her) but the other party never realize's that the other person just wasen't into them as much as they are into you, and defense mechinsims kick in.
Then the respect boundry comes into play, friends think that you should have passed up a chance with someone just for the sake of them, or just so that they could just romance the notion and not see it come possible come true with you thier friend.
I see this happening with more female friendships than males.
At the end of the day you have to evaluate your friendship with this person and decide what is best for you at the same time. Sounds like you get more of the attention from the fellas than your friend does, and she has a jealous nature about her. Thier is always a alpha within every friendship or relationship( male and female,) your friend is omega wanting to be the alpha. | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 10/12/2009 10:08:11 AM | Real friends don't fight over things like this...they simply wish each other luck!
Sounds to me like this "friend" is jealous of you since this isn't the first time. And like another poster said, or asked...is she gay? | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 10/12/2009 11:09:21 AM | Why in the hell would you want a friend that you have to **** foot around with the issue and then the person starts fighting with what, the air? If either of you value the friendship, which from an outsider looking in sounds retarded to begin with, you shouldn't date any of the mutual friends.
That said, if you really like the guy, this chick doesn't sound like a friend to begin with because she should be happy that the two of you might get on if she hasn't done anything about it.
I tend to agree with Carolann, this is such middle school bullshit it is incredible. | |
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Posted: 10/12/2009 12:16:00 PM | She's calling dibs on a guy she isn't even dating?
Ugh, yeah...okay.
What entitles her to call dibs on someone? Doesn't the guy actually have ANY say in this? WTF? | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 10/12/2009 12:34:03 PM | | Tough call. Being a guy, testosorone at times clouds my judgement calls when matters of the heart are at hand. Take this with a grain of salt while I give you what thinking with my big head has to offer regarding the matter. Since Yguy and your friend isnt happening, I cant wonder if its about her pride that would be injured if you and Yguy hit if off. I would think a friend would be happy for you if it worked out. My suggestion is to see how Xguy and her do. If it happens, I dont think you and Yguy would be an issue but either way you need to let her know she is being selfish limiting you when she is after Xguy. Does that make sense? | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 10/12/2009 4:29:01 PM | OP, I didn't look at your age before responding but let me give you some advice that has taken me a couple of decades to figure out. Friends, whether male or female, are priceless but there are times when we tend to hold onto friends because of the history we have with them and depending on the friend, even at 24 that can be quite a long time. My family was not close and I have always valued friendships more than many people so I am not saying what I am about to say lightly by any means.
We aren't friends with people for what we get out of it but in normal friendships there is a give and take at the very least and I have to come back to how Misscontemplative put this, the woman is calling dibs on a guy she isn't even dating, hasn't even openly expressed interest in. That's like grabbing all of the candy when you break open the piñata when you are a diabetic and can't eat the candy.
Sometimes friendships become one-sided, sometimes this is temporary and sometimes it is a permanent change. Sometimes our friends start doing shitty things, what people refer to as toxic relationships and a friend that would begrudge you potentially finding happiness with a guy because she is considering him out of the corner of her eye isn't being a friend to you or this young man and I would personally consider whether she is really being or has been recently a friend or if you are just respecting the history of the relationship.
It is okay to decide to end friendships. I have made such a tough decision with a friendship of 20 years before. It isn't pleasant but sometimes you just have to cut people loose from your life. You can associate with other members of the group without associating with her but from the vague description you give, again she doesn't sound like much of a friend. | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 10/12/2009 4:47:52 PM |
before all of this another guy asked me out and when I told her about it she didn't want me going for it So how many guys does she have "dibs" on?? It seems like she goes around putting her claim on all the guys she thinks are cute and thinks no one else is allowed to date them.
Are you only allowed to have the guys she wouldn't have? Why on earth are you letting her call the shots on who you are "allowed" to date? I suggest you get a backbone and stop letting your "friend" dictate your love life, then get rid of the "friend" and date who you damn well want! | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:16:41 PM | Look X and Y belong in the alphabet.
Not in posts.
And not in MATH.
So don't confuse my issues with letters PUHLEEZE.
he told me that she didn't want me to see X.
Why?
I wasn't really sure if she still had a thing for Y
Huh?
I have not really been attracted to a guy in every way since the guy I was head over heels in love I was in a LTR with ended well over a year ago
Would this then be letter U?
I don't want to lose a friend over something as ridiculous as me trying to communicate with her that we need to work something out.
Look it takes two people to be friends. Quite possibly she is choosing to not be a friend to you any longer over something so ridiculous. That's her choice and nothing you do will alter it. Do you really want to have to chase and persuade a friend to remain your friend? I don't consider that friendship.
Try to be respectful.
Try to state your case.
Then?
Accept that you can't control her choices.
And she shouldn't desire to control yours.
This sounds like you're both in love with the same guy.
But you've mentioned a couple different letters so possibly I'm confused.
Either way - what's it worth to you in the end?
You lose the friend, you lose the guys...
You're 24. Who you love now and are friends with now? May not be who you're with in 10 years.
Give relevance where relevance is due. | |
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Posted: 10/12/2009 5:37:29 PM | She does not get to tell you who you can date...friends don't do that. Quit talking to her, date who you want, and if she doesn't like it, screw her. Who is she to tell you what to do? Is she your boss? Your mother? I didn't think so.
Friends are supportive, love one another, help each other out, and are happy when one another finds love.
This girl is not your friend. Lose her.
Beth | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:57:13 PM | "Friends are supportive, love one another, help each other out, and are happy when one another finds love.
This girl is not your friend. Lose her."
This is the truth. | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:27:13 PM |
Friends are supportive, love one another, help each other out, and are happy when one another finds love
I'm on this ^^^^^^^^^ bandwagon.
When I've been attracted to the same woman as a friend of mine, we both step back and let the woman choose. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 4:08:09 PM | | how do you know if he likes either one of you? if a guy likes you he usually lets a girl know. if in doubt be bold ask him out on a date, he either saids yes or no. same goes for your girlfriend. | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:27:03 PM | Oh my, this thread is bringing back memories of life in my early 20's......
My girlfriends and I had a pact that we would never date anyone that our friend had dated out of respect, without first asking permission. It worked just fine for all of us and we never had this drama until.........I persued a guy my best friend had dated and thrown back into the pond (with her permission). Her nose got out of joint and it spelled the end of our friendship.
What I learned from that experience is that friends can be quite territorial and will even say what they don't mean and react later. Oh the games that people play.
Now that I am a woman of 43, I don't look to validate my actions anywhere but inside of me. If I am ok with what I am doing, I really don't give a rat's ass how anyone else feels about it. That is not to say that I would willfully hurt someone else because I may not feel "ok" with what I am doing depending on the situation. I know myself and am prepared to accept the consequences (good and bad) for any of my actions or I simply don't take them in the first place.
OP - There is a lot of truth to the belief that a true friend or someone who truly loves you will care about your feelings also...... This "friend" of yours seems concerned only with herself....if that is how you define friendship well ok. I don't. The care and respect must be a two-way street for me to call anyone a friend. | |
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| Not sure what I should do next ...
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:43:10 PM | | Exes or potential love interests of so-called friends are strictly off-limits and taboo. It's just as easy to fall for a strange ranger who is not part of your circle of friends. Good luck and leave your gal pal's fantasy man ALONE! Love, Titus | |
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