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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:40:12 PM | ^^^^Greyfeld: You think I should feel lucky that he allowed ME to drive up to see HIM round trip 3 hours?
You have mised the point entirely. The kids were just an excuse. He wasn't spending all that time with them. He was on the computer with one hand on the mouse and one hand on his c*ck.
And if the time with his kids was so important, he had no business on here shopping for a woman. There are, after all, only 24 hours in a day, seven days a week. Given that most people work Monday through Friday and have weekends off, and this guy had his kids on Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday, when did he figure he was going to have a relationship witha woman? Seems to me like a lot of the men I've encountered expect to have their cake and eat it too. Of course they want to spend time with their kids, but they also want to get laid. And we women can be such a pain in the a$$. The nerve of us, expecting to be taken out to a movie or a restaurant first. Honestly, I don't know why all you guys don't just become gay.
Seriously, I don't see how anyone could have "gone with the flow" more than I did. I never called or texted him when he was working or with his kids. He would call me though, when his kids were around, and talk for two hours, often about sex. In fact, I could count on one hand the times I even called him at all.
He told me once that no woman had ever dumped him, that he dumped them when he "got tired of their sh!t". Well, I'm tired of his sh!t, and I dumped his a$$ (I'll bet that won't be the way he tells it though lol). He'll start the whole process over with anew woman, and then another, and another one. Because this guy is never wrong. That's what he'd tell you, that he's never been wrong about anything in his life, and he would have all of his teeth and nails pulled out before he would apologize to anyone.
Thank you all for your input. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:51:56 PM |
You have mised the point entirely. The kids were just an excuse. He wasn't spending all that time with them. He was on the computer with one hand on the mouse and one hand on his c*ck.
So you absolutely, with 100% certainty, know that he was cheating on you. That he was talking to other women behind your back. You KNOW this.
No, I think you're making assumptions because it's easier to do that than accept that maybe you went off the deep end for no good reason.
And if the time with his kids was so important, he had no business on here shopping for a woman. There are, after all, only 24 hours in a day, seven days a week. Given that most people work Monday through Friday and have weekends off, and this guy had his kids on Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday, when did he figure he was going to have a relationship witha woman?
So basically, you're saying that if somebody has kids that they actually want to take care of, as a real parent, that they shouldn't be allowed to look for companionship as well?
You knew already that he had kids, and part of having kids is taking care of them. On top of that, he lived 70 miles away from you, meaning that any time set aside to see you would have to pretty much be an all day thing, taking him away from his responsibilities. And yet, this is all HIS fault for not giving YOU enough time, despite the fact that you stayed with him for 7 months? Yes, let's just continue to bash the man for the problem.
Ultimately, if you want the guy all to yourself, don't date men who have underage children. Otherwise, you have no right to complain.
Seems to me like a lot of the men I've encountered expect to have their cake and eat it too. Of course they want to spend time with their kids, but they also want to get laid. And we women can be such a pain in the a$$. The nerve of us, expecting to be taken out to a movie or a restaurant first. Honestly, I don't know why all you guys don't just become gay.
Now you're going off on a completely unrelated tangent. This isn't some jackass that met you, f*cked you, and left. This is a guy you had a 7 month relationship with. There are no reasons to make these sort of statements. You're speaking out of anger instead of dealing with the issue at hand.
Seriously, I don't see how anyone could have "gone with the flow" more than I did. I never called or texted him when he was working or with his kids. He would call me though, when his kids were around, and talk for two hours, often about sex. In fact, I could count on one hand the times I even called him at all.
First off, I think you're a f*cking liar. But, in the case that you're not lying... you're trying to say that essentially, he only contacted you for a piece of ass the whole time you were together... yet you stayed with him for 7 months. Either you're lying, or you're extremely stupid. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:59:06 PM | You're both in different places. Literally, figuratively, emotionally, and geographically.
I think you both had opposing ideas of what a relationship means to each of you and what makes it work. Sometimes a lousy hour can make a huge difference, no?
Whether he was using you or not is not the real issue. That's hurt and anger speaking.
Bottom line...you aren't compatible for many reasons.
Seven months isn't that long in whole lifetime hon. And I'm sure you had some positive memories and experiences with this gentleman.
You'll both find people who are much closer to who you both are as individuals. It's no one's fault. Buck up and leave him alone, otherwise you will look like an i-dot.
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:12:40 PM |
So basically, you're saying that if somebody has kids that they actually want to take care of, as a real parent, that they shouldn't be allowed to look for companionship as well?
Sure they can. What day? What time? Please tell me, when a man and awoman are in a relationship with each other, exactly how many times a week /month/year should they see each other? What should they do when they are together? How many hours would these dates last? Please tell me how you do it. What does a relationship involve to you?
Ultimately, if you want the guy all to yourself, don't date men who have underage children. Otherwise, you have no right to complain.
The kids (14 and 16 years old) were with him on most weekends. There are five other days in the week.
First off, I think you're a f*cking liar.
Why? You don't know me. And you don't know this man. You've made an assumption about me just because I'm a womam. I may have made assumptions about you also, based the things you've said. But I would not call you names.
You are right about one thing. I was stupid to stay with him that long. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:24:09 PM | You are right, he made absolutely no effort. If a person cares for you, they want see you more than once a month. It's really that simple.
i don't see it the same way... he may have had the same problem pulling away from you as you did from him.
as you said you did incite some hostility... well maybe more than a little. but yet you chose to blame him for your abrasive behavior...and the ladies console you.
If he's not available for whatever reason, he really is not into me. And that's not good enough.
but then you said you used too see him once a week... and with time and your man bashing the time between visits grew longer...and longer till you reached once every six weeks.
another important clue was the last minuet cancellation game.... think hard. what is the possibility that after hearing the tone of voice you used when you "talked" to him. what is the possibility it triggered a defense mode in him?
So he'll continue to wonder why he hasn't found a good woman after six years of searching.
possible because we are creatures of habit... and we seem to be attracted to the same kind of person... in his case a person needing space always finding a needy person. in your case a needy person finding worth in "helping" those not needing help.
well i can see where you are right. i also see where he has not found a good woman, and with every clingy women he finds.... he withdraws that much more.
so why don't you just admit the truth.... you are not the woman he needs. he is not the man you need.
wish him well. except the relationship was toxic, not the man. realize your needs... and in future do not try to change the persons character when it does not meet your needs. change the man before you become bitter! | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:54:49 PM | The kids (14 and 16 years old) were with him on most weekends. There are five other days in the week.
Oh, well, monday through friday, why didn't I think of that? It's not like he might have to WORK or anything during the week.
Why? You don't know me. And you don't know this man. You've made an assumption about me just because I'm a woman.
No, i've made assumptions about you, because your statements don't add up, are extremely contradictory to logic, and you're spouting a bunch of man-hate bull crap because a man with 2 children has the audacity to put them before the relationship of a woman who lives 70 miles away. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:34:50 AM | When you lose, don't lose the lesson. -Dalai Lama
You got had. Learn sweety. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/13/2009 5:29:35 AM | When you lose, don't lose the lesson. -Dalai Lama
You got had. Learn sweety.
rod 479
it looks to me like the words of the dalai lama... are just words meant to throw randomly. just like cheep bar tricks....entertaining for the moment, then quickly fizzle to nothingness! | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/13/2009 5:38:17 AM | You sound goofy to me.
Let him go.... you'll be doing him a favor. He doesn't need you chirping in his ear over everything. Maybe he's a caring Dad... what a terrible thing.
Go find somebody who'll pay attention to you 24/7. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/13/2009 6:04:09 AM | | 32flavors, keep your chin up, you did the right thing by kicking his butt to the POF curb. I still agree that something wasn't right to not only have time for you every 3 weeks, kids or not. I have been in a couple of relationships where my SO had children, actually that were younger and he would include me in whatever he was doing with them that weekend. Because he wanted to, and wanted to see me. I think he strung you along and saw you when he deemed fit and so you did the right thing by not settling. Hang in there and move on, you deserve better. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/13/2009 10:15:37 AM | Looks like you are much better off without that man in your life. If he makes you so miserable and angry, just let him go. Life is way too short to be so unhappy.
This man told you not to contact him. Save yourself the grief and remorse and do not contact him again. Nothing positive would come from continuing the current dialogue. It would only make you feel worse.
Delete his phone numbers and email address so you will not have a weak moment and make that call or send that email that you might regret later. This is the only way you can move forward with your self esteem intact.
I know how hard it is to let go when you care about him, but you need to do what is best for YOU.
Like others have said, find someone who fits your schedule and can better accomodate your relationship needs. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/13/2009 10:38:51 AM | | wait.... canada has a military? | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:23:29 PM |
wait.... canada has a military?
Yeah, the one that's lost 131 lives in Afghanistan supporting the U.S. initiative.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/afghanistan/casualties/list.html | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/13/2009 2:34:09 PM | To me, his actions show he wasn't that into you. People make time and have energy for what's important to them. Period, full stop. You got increasingly frustrated and disappointed by his lack of interest and you lashed out. Seems a pretty normal reaction to me.
To all of the high and mighty posters who have called you names and attacked you for getting upset and acting on it - shame on them!! I'm sure they are perfect humans who've never spoken in anger or hurt or done one bad thing to hurt another! No one except to you, right here in a public forum, that is! OP, just ignore those Azzholes!
You haven't lost anything with this guy, but you have gained important knowledge about what you really want in a relationship. Don't be put off by those trying to label you needy. Nothing wrong with wanting companionship. No one has the right to declare what quantity or quality is the correct amount. It's purely subjective. I'm currently living with my man who when we first met, we were together after work every night and all weekend long. And this was weeks before we had sex. We just were so into each other that we wanted to spend all our free time together.
Don't feel bad about the time you wasted. You needed to give this type of guy a try in order to find out he's not for you. Lesson learned. Happy trails!! | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:57:18 AM |
To all of the high and mighty posters who have called you names and attacked you for getting upset and acting on it - shame on them!! I'm sure they are perfect humans who've never spoken in anger or hurt or done one bad thing to hurt another! No one except to you, right here in a public forum, that is! OP, just ignore those Azzholes!
For the record, I don't have a problem with the fact that she let him go, or that she wrote him a nasty letter. I've done my fair share of stupid things in my time (though being 30 years younger, I have an excuse), and in all fairness, you should never stay with with somebody who doesn't make you happy.
What pissed me off is that she had the gall to assume that he's cheating on her based on not getting the attention she wants, and then trying to rally people to support her decision of being a b*tch to him, by only telling half the story.
What's even more frustrating is all the people actually buying it. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:16:25 AM |
For the record, I don't have a problem with the fact that she let him go, or that she wrote him a nasty letter. I've done my fair share of stupid things in my time (though being 30 years younger, I have an excuse), and in all fairness, you should never stay with with somebody who doesn't make you happy.
What pissed me off is that she had the gall to assume that he's cheating on her based on not getting the attention she wants, and then trying to rally people to support her decision of being a b*tch to him, by only telling half the story.
What's even more frustrating is all the people actually buying it.
Don't count me in on the masses of the people buying it. I also didn't have a problem with her breaking up with the guy. The situation wasn't working for her and she should have called it a day. Life is all about sucesses and failures. Relationships work or sometimes they don't.
But, I also had a problem with the "vile emailing" and then getting upset because he doesn't want to go crawling back to her begging for forgiveness.
You burning your bridges with bad behavior, cowgirl up and take responsiblity for it.
Admit to yourself, "I was over the top, but hey, lesson learned, I'll move on from it." and not "I've wasted 7 months with someone that was probably messing around on me anyway (eventhough I had no concrete proof of it)" | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:23:56 AM | "wait.... canada has a military?"
You sound just like Greg Gutfeld from Fox News, your head must be pretty far up your azz. Get a clue will you. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:29:13 AM | You're right!
I did a little research of my own and found the following evidence!
http://www.sixfivepony.com/gifs/canadian_navy.jpg
http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2008/6/16/633492552440829456-canada%27s-army.jpg | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:29:20 AM | Of course I am, sorry' don't feel like reading your childish links.
:
Btw if you are in Toronto feel free to stop in to see our Bn of Airborne soldiers whitch one has a medal of bravery and one was hit by an IED but he has recovered, and let them know that YOU had no idea we had a military infront of formation you might like it. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:36:46 PM | You did the right thing by ending it once and for all!
(vile emails prrrobably wasn't the best way to react, but I guess you reached your limit! lol)
You were ready for a relationship, and he wasn't.
I'm not saying people with children shouldn't date or are not to look for a relationship, but be prepared for a person who doesn't want to be ignored!
It's clearly obvious that you both are looking for different things, or just not compatible for each other.
Trust your judgement.
You're better off meeting someone who will give you the time of day. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:54:06 PM | Of course I am, sorry' don't feel like reading your childish links.
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Btw if you are in Toronto feel free to stop in to see our Bn of Airborne soldiers whitch one has a medal of bravery and one was hit by an IED but he has recovered, and let them know that YOU had no idea we had a military infront of formation you might like it.
Oh you looked... you couldn't help it. It's human nature.
I'd love to come visit your airborne BN... all three of them... and the two moose used to haul gear around.
But you did give us Shania Twain and Hockey. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:25:44 PM | Op, what's amusing is that the women mostly, see that it's an un-healthy relationship, full stop for you anyway.
Mostly, all agree the nasty email was a waste of space....
And, the men, (most) bless them, can't get past - kids & your nasty email...full stop and insist you are wrong all the way through.
He works from home (repeat), 80hrs a week, and on a Computer.
Whilst at his house, you have seen a site, probably My-Space, with 200 female friends, no male friends. You have also seen a suggestive picture of a half naked woman sent to him and then you have seen pictures, lots, of women having sex with men and this made you jealous.
You met the kids (first lady he states, that he has introduced his kids to) and that he has stated that things will change.
In 7 months, you saw each other every 3 weeks, so nine times in total, but he called you every day professing his love. In that time, you drove around 7 times, I bet he drove to you the first 2 times. You the rest. Sometimes you would offer to go up, and at the last minute, he would call to say he's busy... You wondered.
His children are 14, 16, and he only sees them on the weekend, not during the week and it takes approximately one and a half hours to get to you...
1.. What does he do for a living - computer only and 80hrs a week on it?
I can not see why a man whom wants to call it a relationship will not time management his work and get in that car and come and see you during the week, even once a week, or invite you over... His kids are only there on the weekend. There's a balance in selfishness and "trying" to add a little more into a relationship...
Who wants to see someone only once a month? It's hard. Compromise...
I can see if he's working 80hrs a week on a computer that he would be too tired and maybe that's what he meant by things would change, he's got to build something, a business?
But, then he has time, to go on web sites, check out naked women, receive naked photos and probably porn sites ( they were men and women naked engaging in sex), release? Un-winding? If he has his kids weekends, then he's working 16hrs a day 5 days a week.
So, I really am curious as to what he does for a living.
I appreciate "slow" but by 7 months' introduction to children, any man "should" try to compromise and start making a lady feel a bit more secure with her relationship.
I think you went "off" on all your tan drums because and you state "jealousy", but this stemmed from seeing the "porn" or similar photos that you found of men and women engaging in sex and the personal sexual photo sent to him of a woman and the 200 women friends on his computer.
Now, I'm not judging but I'm guessing that you "snooped?" to see those and If so, I have to say, that not all is always what it seems in that regard.
As, I said, he could be "un-winding", after all he only saw you almost once a month, and men have needs to...
The problem when people "snoop", is that they conjure up all sorts of ideas, including physical cheating, get all worked up and them bam let them have it.
If he showed you? Then your sex life over those few short times should have been imaginative and you would have been able to discuss why, probably got the answer above, "un-winding", I'm still very sexual just work my butt off, it's only pictures, see what I mean?
I am only bringing this part up and guys don't give her a hard time if that's the case, because it's not something you want to get into the practice of.
It's in-security on your behalf and will create an issue next time as well.
The fact still remains.....
He could have seen you once a week.. .Be it you driving there, or him to you.
He could have met you half way for lunch, taken time out. (40 mins)
He could have involved you a little more (7 months) and you've met the kids, means that there should be a definite relationship developing and in my opinion, if you've met the kids, then it's no issue to see you on the weekend with them around, even every second weekend.
You stated that the kids liked you and you them.. He's been on his own for 6 years, they are teenagers, so they would "get" girlfriend and boyfriend, even if it was 1 night, Friday and he then had Sat and Sun with just them, on that week.
I still don't think he put much effort in and made excuses because he is a bachelor and lives through his children and work and hasn't worked out commitment and relationships yet. He probably want's one, but the kids and work are still foremost in his mind and he shouldn't be looking 70miles away.
If you have a past problem, 30 yrs ago and feel the need to resolve this so you can move on, then send him a letter, tell him that you were out of line (because you were) and that you felt that you weren't good enough for him to visit more frequently and it got to you so bad that you conquered up all these cheating thoughts, to which you apologies.. Your letting it go, and will get on with your life, lesson learnt but you just wanted him to know that he made you feel in-secure and turn into a raging loony :) smile...
I appreciate when guys say " I love you", "Things will change", "It won't always be this way", month after month but you sit home 21 days before being with the person you love you can go nuts, over suspicion . So work on yourself, because there's no necessity to work yourself up to those emails, if your not happy next time, get an inclination, no emails, just walk.
Yes, there are two sides, but in each post the OP writes, she remains firm and repeats, he only has the kids on the weekend, she drove there pretty much all the time, and he only allowed her to do so every 3 weeks, regardless when she started to try to add a bit more in, he would call at the last minute and state "I'm Busy"... | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:38:50 PM | Yes, there are two sides, but in each post the OP writes, she remains firm and repeats, he only has the kids on the weekend, she drove there pretty much all the time, and he only allowed her to do so every 3 weeks, regardless when she started to try to add a bit more in, he would call at the last minute and state "I'm Busy"...
Of course she said that. Because if she said something like "Sometimes he had to work during the weekend too, so he couldn't let me know till the last minute whether or not we could spend time together" then she wouldn't look like the victim.
I'm not saying she's blatantly lying, but her story is WAY too 1-sided to be the absolute truth.
And, the men, (most) bless them, can't get past - kids & your nasty email...full stop and insist you are wrong all the way through.
For the record, I don't just automatically assume she's wrong all the way through. But I don't coddle people who try to garner sympathy by telling half a story. Not to mention, it rubs me the wrong way knowing that were the roles reversed, it would STILL be the man's fault for daring to be upset with the single mother of 2 kids. | |
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:51:24 PM | Greyfeld.
Your very attached to this particular thread so I am sensing that you've been through something simular.
Is it possible that, that is clouding your judgement?
He had the kids every single weekend, she has basically stated which is weird, that the kids would be on the DVD's or X-box and they would go as a family and eat at midnight. WT? So, yes, it appears he also worked weekends...
Could this be toxic seriously for any relationship? You don't have one if your whole life revolves around work and that's your life...
Lots of people do this... They have goals/dreams and they won't let up, it's important to them but doesn't stop them being lonley. Should a woman "settle" for such arrangements? Because he is a work a holic?
It's not one sided, you can see he works, (too much) you can see he then chills with the kids (but continues working), you can see that she did the driving to him but that he stood his ground after 7 months to only once every 3 weeks... I can see it.
People can live through there children and only want companionship or live through their work and only want companionship.. Everyone gets lonley.
He shouldn't have had a relationship if you can call it that, 70 miles away if he wasn't prepared to "have one" and she should have walked along time ago, instead of getting further wound up, because he would at least call her daily and state he loved her, hense she's in-secure, believed it, accepted it but in reality, "didn't accept it at all" and therefore, it all manifested.
It's not about the kids sweet, may have been with you, it's about him being a work a holic and set in his ways... No where in 7 months did he change the pattern even by one single "lunch date", 40 minutes to get to each other, not once.
She's not the victim, she "accepted" and therefore she has to take responsibility.
We're not all bad you know young man.
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| I'm an Idiot
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:59:53 PM | Your very attached to this particular thread so I am sensing that you've been through something simular.
Yes I have, but not in the way you think.
I was the "crazy b*tch." She was always busy with school and work, and I made up in my mind, eventually, that she must be cheating on me. I went over the top with it, and it sent our relationship into a spiral that we never recovered from. In hindsight, I was an idiot, and she's totally not the type of person to beat around the bush if she feels a certain way, she'll tell you right to your face.
My experience has taught me that there are two sides to every story, and usually the person complaining about it is doing a fantastic job of not telling the whole story, because they want somebody to agree with them and coddle them. I'm a firm believer in some people needing a firm kick in the pants to fully understand the effect of their actions.
It's not one sided, you can see he works, (too much) you can see he then chills with the kids (but continues working), you can see that she did the driving to him but that he stood his ground after 7 months to only once every 3 weeks... I can see it.
You obviously missed the part where she said they argued about it every month. | |
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