|
|
|
|
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:23:44 PM | | I see where you are coming from OP. You're disappointed and I don't blame you. It's something you planned and was looking forward to with your boyfriend. I don't think you are being selfish at all. If he can pay $1500 apartment now, why can't it just wait until after the trip, especially since there is no pressure from home for him to leave. If he isn't getting that, then I agree with the other poster who suggested to go with some girlfriends if that's possible. Go have some fun! | |
|
| |
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:33:30 PM |
Im not being selfish ,
I Just feel like yes i know he wants his own apartment which is cool and everything
but how long can a couple sit in the house and cook dinner and have movie nights . and play games in the house.
and then this:
guess i may sound selfish now for saying that will not pay for anyone's cruise or pay or anything for anyone (hey like everyone said we;re not married) so im not obligated to support or take care of anyone ....
Hmmm...so he pays for everything in so far as getting into an apartment, and for you as a couple? I think I see what's going on here, and it's not about him taking your advice or respecting your opinions. This is about you getting your own way. | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:34:39 PM | this is what i like about this board, there is so much wisdom. take these people advice, at least the first five. you seem bossy to me. i think your guy is ready to move on or see other women since he finally chose to get out of mommy and dada's house after all these years when he should have waited till next year at least with your trip coming up and xmas around the corner.
i will recommend the following books, a must read " why men fear marriage" by rm johnson (a dude); "no matter what ! 9 steps to living the life you love" by lisa nichols (she writes for the chicken soup books); steve harvey new book he has been promoting on abc goodmorning and on oprah.
please take the posters advice, give this guy room to breathe and take your trip alone. | |
|
| I'm In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:54:58 PM |
if your going not care what your mate has to say or take their opinion on anything
then whats the point of being with them.
Exactly, and I think he told you to take your opinion and keep it where the sun don't shine. He's made a decision, he can't afford to cruise with you now, work from there. | |
|
| I'm In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:15:39 PM | Anybody else here ever live as an adult in a basement apartment in somebody's house? The one I occupied for a number of years was larger, nicer and better appointed than I had any reasonable hope of finding. The people in the rest of the house were, for the most part, quite pleasant and I actually spent a sizable amount of time with them. In general, I had no complaints.
Except that from the very first day, I yearned to be out.
I can understand the guy's desire. My quickie check suggested that although $1,500 might be difficult for him, it is difficult to find anything cheaper. Apparently, vacancy rates there are also plummeting. If this place isn't a dive, he might be taking his best opportunity.
That doesn't speak to the lack of communication to which the OP alludes. The fact that he didn't side with you does not indicate that he doesn't value your opinion. After all, he did talk to you about it. Why would he, if not to listen? But he listened to his friends as well. Likely, he also listened to the news. Maybe checked the want ads.
He had to make a choice. The wisdom isn't in the choice that he made; it's in the fact that he made one. He did it in time to avoid any deposit/refund issues. What is the issue here? I don't really get it. | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:43:41 PM | Sometimes, I think is better to listen to what is NOT said......
"we were both putting money towards the cruise, "
Were you each paying for your own way? This is a very evasive answer. Were you BOTH putting in the same amount of money for this trip?
I actually have respect for this guy, wanting to stop sponging of Mom and Dad and be independant!!! Perhaps realizing his parents need and deserve thier privacy more than he needs this trip. | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:12:07 PM | This doesn't have jack to do with the cruise, his parent's basement, et. al. These are merely symptoms to:
Im seeing a guy for about 1 year half now, Everything was going smooth in the beginning it still is by the way, but im starting to have some doubts about how far our relationship will actually go.
Listen to your 'doubts', OP...no assignment of blame or guilt...just the fact the two of you crossed paths at the wrong time, different goals and priorities, etc. It's part of growing 'up'.
~ds~ | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:57:22 PM | He's a spoiled little boy.
Do you live in a big city that only has expensive apartments?
No job, just out of school and will only live in a $1500 apartment?
He's not married to you, nor engaged.
Put on your big girl pants and ask him where he sees himself 5 yrs from now. If he doesn't include you, buh bye!!!! | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 10:43:57 PM | OP he doesn't have to do what you say about his living arrangements, it doesn't mean he doesn't value your opinion just that his final decision was different to yours.
But in reference to this....
we were both putting money towards the cruise, we both put in vacation days for the cruise and were going to pay next week I would be almighty p1ssed at him pulling out of something like this at such late notice and not discussing it with you... | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 11:03:27 PM | You are in need of more than advice.
You are totally selfish
You are putting YOUR girlish needs in front of HIS attempts to get his whole life together
I WANT I WANT I WANT. You should re-read all your posts
a MAN wants to grow up and GET ON HIS OWN.
YOU want him to stay a little boy in his parents basement so you can have a vacation.
HIS priorities are NOT yours. and YOUR priorities are pretty damn selfish, self-centered and totally NOT any part of being a couple.
I read ALL the posts. You want what you want when YOU want it.
I wish I had HIS email address.. I feel really sorry for HIM.
To Dareto.. putting money aside for something is NOT the same as losing a deposit. You and this girl are sisters in LOOKING FOR something to get angry at a man about, just because of CIRCUMSTANTIAL changes.
You two CAN be pissed.. then Please Please Please dump the guy who pissed you off before you RUIN his life. Please set them free to find a kind, loving and appreciative woman | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 11:29:32 PM |
just feel like the relationship is not going to work out because there is no real parthership he does what he wants to do with or without my opinion.
You are being selfish here don't ya think?
You prefer a holiday where you have nothing to show for in the end and think oh it is not going to work out because he decides on the apartment. He is smart for investing his money into an apartment instead of a holiday. His priority is in the right place and he is building a stable foundation for his life so he has something to fall back to when you or other suitors don't work out.
Different if this is about you two discussing to get an apartment together. Then I understand why you are thinking this way.
Get over your selfishness and thank your lucky stars for bringing this good and mature thinking man into your life. | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/12/2009 11:51:43 PM | Ok, question?---been together 1 1/2 years, he wants to be out on his own, have you two talked about him moving in with you? sharing expenses?
I see where you are coming from, with the understanding you and his parents wants him to be financially able to go out on his own, pay rent, untilities, insurances, student loans etc, every parent wants that for their children, and so does a loving partner.
That is why his parents do not mind him living at home and give him the freedoms he has with out having to pay for anything. If that is the case, and he has a job and is now moving out, he should have quite a bit saved up then sinc he didn't have to pay rent, utilities, food etc. If not, how will he be able to afford that apartment?
1500 a month, plus utilities and stuff, it will cost him on average 2500+ a month to live there, so he has the income, if he doesn't have any saved by now with that kind of monthly income, how will he be able to support himself then? or has he only had this job for a couple of months and taking that leap with wishful thinking he will not get laid off or lose his job?
you only want what is best for him, and telling him to continue at home untile he is established in his career shows you do love him and you know what it is like to be out on your own and the struggles people go through with the expenses. If he has that option to become financially stable living at home, he should continue to do so.
He may want his independence, but it shows lack of understanding of what you and his parents concerns are.
As for the cruise, yes that would piss me off too. It was something you both planned and wanted, it was something you both were looking forward too. Now he changed his mind pretty quick about taking the apt and knowing it will put him in financial stress until he knows exactly what it will cost him monthly and get on a budget.
My ex lived with me for 6 years and never took my advice or opinions, he took his friends and mommy's over mine, which that also pissed me off, because in the end, he always said, I should have taken your advice and not theirs. When you are in a relationship for as long as yours, you do not have to be married to give or take advice or opinions. I take it his friends have more influence because most men see women as selfish and I'm sure his friends told him to look out for numero uno and not worry about you and what you guys had planned and looked forward too.
Besides, when I give my advice or opinion when someone asks, I give it because I have already experienced it, been through it, rised above it and learned from it, and if you can help somone avoid some of the struggles in life then you helped someone.
There will always be vacations to go on, but I feel since he made a quick decision, wants out on his own all of a sudden, doesn't care he made plans with you, my guess is someone else is in the picture and wants to have his own place to enjoy that other pleasure. Not like he can bring someone new home to his parents house when they know you are with him. When a man/women suddenly change something like that, and only looking out for themselves, that is usually the case.
If you love him, all you can do is support his decision, but also tell him how you feel about it. If he starts to see you less and less after he is out on his own, then you know he moved out for a reason and it wasn't to make his life better or be independant, it was because he found someone new and now wants to pursue his new found independence with her.
go take a few girlfriends and go on the cruise yourself, you just might find someone who isn't selfish thinking like he has been lately. If he doesn't value your advice or opinions, then he never will.
Let him take that leap into his independence if that is what he really wants, support him. But I would also take a step back next time he wants your advice or opinion too, ask him why he wants it if he never takes it anyways. | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:00:20 AM | OP
You can't force decisions on anybody that affect them financially unless you are willing to PAY UP for it, at least that is how I see it. What you think is important to you might not really be that important to him. Cancelling the cruise won't cause any deaths, in fact it might save a life! Good luck and plan around yourself instead of relying heavily on others, you will be disappointed for nothing. My sister cancels trips we plan on all the time, I don't get mad. I either go by myself or cancel altogether but next time I know how to handle her - with zero seriousness. | |
|
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:08:12 AM | | It may be that he discounted your plans with him for a cruise, but I would think someone living in his parents home wanting independance would choose that over a vacation. It sort of like taking care of priorites frist, even though he gets free rent from his parents, sometimes being independant puts a person on the road to responsability. I would think if the place is too expensive for him and you hope the two of you live together, by sharing the cost of the apartment might make it possible for a cruise in the future. I realize you were hopeing on a cruise and obviously you can afford to do that, but he has a opportunity for something more important than a vacation, a shot at independance and I am wondering who may be selfish, you wanting a vacation or him wanting to be self sufficient? I think you should sit down and discuss this so both sides can hear each other out. | |
|
| |
| Im In need of some advice badly ,
Posted: 10/13/2009 8:36:27 AM |
He's not your husband. He's not obligated to discuss his purchases or finances with you. .....So why does this guy feel the need to discuss his personal details with his friends and not the person he is intimate with?
This man has made arrangements with his lover and is now going back on those arrangements because he has listened to his friends and turned a deaf ear towards his intimate partner.
Personally I would opt OUT of this relationship.....he doesn't care about you...he only cares about himself.
 | |
|
| |
|
|
Home
login 
