| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:35:54 AM | | Personally, I thrive for passion in a relationship. I expect the men I date not to be pigs, but as a woman I want to feel desired. Sex shouldn't be the entire basis for any relationship, but it certainly is important. If I was dating a man who didn't seem interested in knowing me intimately I would be VERY worried. Practice safe sex, and follow gut instincts... I don't see how having sex within 60 days could possibly be as dangerous as that one poster suggests... lol. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:40:13 AM | How long should we wait?
after you and your partner are through all the std tests and get certificates to prove you both are clean I guess lol | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:40:17 AM |
Let's hear your thoughts !
I thought you did a really good job at changing the issue to support your version and concepts of how you define words and situations.
But most of your offerings into the world you call your own have little to do with the context in which the comments you refer to were made.
You point out the difference in the way you define words, or how your conversation would have went with out thinking about how others use such terms and definitions.
But hey good for you that you feel and live the way you do. Live and let live.
I just feel bad for you because you seem to take the replies to that specific situation and have some how placed them as daily living replies for everyone to take to heart.
I as a man posted a comment on people just paying for whores. And it fit the conversation to a "T". As it would most conversations that includes someone whining about not getting laid after paying for a few dates, and admitting the issue wouldn't even be there is sex was involved!
So other then promoting your views on your version of how you read or took the replies made to someone else, I really don't see what the fecking point of this thread really is! | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:45:05 AM | Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
Any women out there who can disagree, without launching an unwarranted personal attack, as someone did earlier ? | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:52:08 AM | " I as a man posted a comment on people just paying for whores. And it fit the conversation to a "T". As it would most conversations that includes someone whining about not getting laid after paying for a few dates, and admitting the issue wouldn't even be there is sex was involved! "
This thread is NOT about someone expecting sex after a few dates.
You may not agree with the questions that I have asked, and that others have found value in.
We all have opinions; I appreciate your's and your thoughtfulness. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:02:04 PM | That' WHY I don't let my dates pay my dinner. I hate that feeling I owe him or something.
Separate checks! Problem solved! | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:02:32 PM | | I would not date someone for 1 or 2 months if I was not attracted to him mentally or sexually. I know within 3 or 4 dates whether or not I want to spend my time getting to know him better.... In all departments. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:12:32 PM | I have no problem with a fellow anticipating sex . However I am not sexual with a man I do not care for deeply. Further I would be anticipating having a relationship with him before having sex with him. If that is not what he wants then no matter how much he wines and dines me he is going home alone when the evening ends. I agree sex is a healthy part of a relationship but there needs to be a relationship if lovemaking is going to happen. Building a relationship takes a lot of time attention and conversation. Not to mention having some fun and some great kissing. I also think the" Hi lets F**K "is very seventies not to mention politically incorrect in today's social climate. I can be very sexually attracted to a man but I am not interested in casual sex or rushing to have sex with him. Also I will not
" give him sex "just because he wants or expects it. I will make love to him because I want to. I have no obligation to " give a man sex" just because he has wined and dined me. What he will get from me if he wines and dines me is a "thank you that was lovely" and if I like him I will invite him to my house for a home cooked dinner within the week. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:23:57 PM | I think that there is a severe comprehension issue between men and women when it comes to sex and why a woman may or may not want to have sex early in a relationship and what the thought process is behind their decisions.
I can only speak for my self in this regard and when I am interested in a man I do know fairly quickly if there is a physical attraction, BUT what I dont know is if that is all there is, and if I am thinking about having sex with a person its because I am intersted in having a serious relationship, not a casual one. So the fact that I may be physically attracted to someone that is only one part of the equation and that alone would not be enough to have sex with them.
There is also a large issue of trust in the sexual act as well that I dont think many men are even aware of. Most 15 year old boys are physically stronger than I am, so for me to put myself in a position of extreme vulnerability, which having sex does, I need more than a few dates to get to the point where I would trust someone.
The bottom line is that for me, chances are I am not going to be dropping my drawers very quickly after meeting someone just because my bits get all tingly.
Most women know that there is a sexual attraction, but there is a difference between being attracted to someone and only dating someone because they want sex. That is what many women are trying to weed out early in the dating process. Some dont care, some do, those that do care are a little more cautious than those that dont. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:41:46 PM | " There is also a large issue of trust in the sexual act as well that I dont think many men are even aware of. Most 15 year old boys are physically stronger than I am, so for me to put myself in a position of extreme vulnerability, which having sex does........"
A lot of men forget that women generally ARE more vulnerable than women, and that MEN generally do not have to worry about being raped.
You are smart to know your vulnerabilities. I hope that you have learned some disarming techniques, in case you should ever have to use them. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:44:43 PM |
My opinion is that any woman who's surprised, and angry that a man who's been wining and dining her for awhile might likely anticipate having sex with her, isn't living in the real world for this date and age.
In the thread you reference, the lady in question was not surprised or angry, she simply stated that she doesn't rush into sexual involvement. As mentioned in other posts here, given the very real possibilities of STDs, meeting someone who has a serious/dangerous personality disorder, or even just finding out that the guy is misrepresenting himself, not rushing into sexual intimacy is very prudent.
Actually, what the OP in that thread stated, was that he "wouldn't mind" paying the tab for dates if he was getting sex. Which begs the question, if you are just looking for the most effective use of your money as it relates to sexual gratification, hire a pro. Now, a nice clean hotlooking tight body ho might actually cost the OP more than what he's spending on dating this financially challenged regular woman, but he did say he likes to spoil himself.
Cindy O | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:47:42 PM |
In a current thread, many women have been jumping all over a man who had wined and dined a woman for awhile, because was complaining that she didn't give him sex. IMO a man who "wines and dines" a woman with the expectation of having sex with her because of the wining and dining has no leg to stand on if the woman does not decide to "put out" for him. In essence, he is "whining" about how his "wining" is unfruitful. He needs to either make better choices about his "wining" selections, or needs to improve his PUA technique--clearly he ain't getting the job done and whining about it isn't going to help his pick-up percentage.
My opinion is that any woman who's surprised, and angry that a man who's been wining and dining her for awhile might likely anticipate having sex with her, isn't living in the real world for this date and age. I dunno; if a woman I was dating expected me to continue to take her out on pricey dinner dates, it's really up to me to decide if the dates are "worth" either my financial contributions and/or my time. Personally I look for more than just physical intimacy with the women I date; I'd want equal levels of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy to match whatever physical intimacy we share. So if the lady seeks all the other forms of intimacy but isn't willing to match that on the physical side, I probably would discuss this with her and if the outcome wasn't satisfactory, I'd end the relationship. I wouldn't start a thread on PoF whining about how my lady wasn't putting out--that's for sure. Now if the lady I date is very physically flirty but isn't willing to take things further physically--regardless of the other intimacy forms I listed above--that's a big issue too--this sort of thing I don't really see being discussed very much in these threads.
In this day and age, most men anticipate having sexual relations with a woman that they have been wining and dining, within a month or 2. I don't look at dating as "wining and dining". I look at the "wining and dining" aspect of dating as "hmm let's see if I can find a woman who seeks intimacy with me or more than just a physical level--emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually--then take her to a nice restaurant to see if this amps up our romantic life". This method of thinking in a romantic sense has never failed for me. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:49:16 PM |
You may not agree with the questions that I have asked,
Other the what are your thoughts what the feck questions did you ask?
This thread is NOT about someone expecting sex after a few dates.
This thread has nothing to do with anything other then your difference in opinion of how you chose to define comments in another thread.
And my comment about the prostitute post was to put the comments you were quoting in to their original context! And point out that not only women made such comments!
Comments you felt required you personal definition. But yet again I will ask you what fecking questions? And what the feck is the point of this thread? Pretty simple questions actually. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:53:12 PM | My opinion is that any woman who's surprised, and angry that a man who's been wining and dining her for awhile might likely anticipate having sex with her, isn't living in the real world for this date and age.
Again it must be a comprehension thing. The vast majority of the women in that thread responded to the fact that the OP would have been happy paying of he was getting laid. This was the OP getting pissed off that he wasnt getting any, not the woman getting angry because he was attracted to her.
You can be attracted as you want,to any woman in the world. No one cares, BUT dont think that because you get a woody, you somehow deserve something and that because the female in question doesnt want you rubbing your woody on her, that makes her a sex controlling **** that is using you for dinner.... | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:57:27 PM | "Sex Appeal"
"the ONLY reason a man walks up to a woman stranger in an obvious social setting and starts up a conversation leading to asking her out"
Ladies.. pay attention. Men do NOT come up to you to inquire about a platonic friendship. The SOLE reason we walked up, smiles, introduced ourselves was
WE HAD ALREADY UNDRESSED YOU IN OUR MIND AND WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WANT TO WIND UP UNDRESSED WITH US (eventually)
Answer accordingly. You women KNOW at that very moment if it's a YES. You only deceive yourselves into the IF by trying to delay the WHEN.
ANYTIME a man comes up and starts "hittin on you" (a comeon) or says hello, quickly size him up with your "potential sexpartner meter", close your eyes and imagine it for a quick moment.. THEN respond accordingly.
You DO know.. instantaneously.. Masters and Johnson PROVED it.
psssst.. generally 3 seconds | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:12:38 PM | This is the most hypocritical thread I have seen so far!
Some self-righteous women who claim in one forum to have boyfriends, while their profiles say they are single, some women saying they never engage in sex for fear of STDs (some STDs can be transmitted by kissing... good luck!), some say they never have sex unless they are sure the guy/woman wants a relationship, what a perfect world.
I will say this... I will NOT get to know someone for three bloody months platonically for me to take them to bed AFTER three months, to find out three months later that he and I are sexually incompatible in bed and it is beyond repair. For those who see things only in black and white, I am not saying jump in bed with them, I am not saying contract a disease, I am not saying go out a couple of times then hop in bed.. I am saying that three months to get to know someone is kind of dumb! If you know how to play your cards right, you can learn loads about a person in way less time... otherwise take a year.. sounds about safe enough!
For all the women out there saying they are willing to wait several months because they believe in courtship, oh please! You just don't fancy the guy well enough. Cuz if you do fancy him well enough your knickers will be going over your head... maybe not on the first or second or fifth date, but hell way sooner than three months and you ladies know it.... If there three months bullshite worked none of any of you would be here. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:16:43 PM | It is up to each woman to determine how far she will go with her date.
It may take a few dates, you may not get in at all.
At the end of the day, you have to have your limits, just as she does hers, if the two don't match. Proceed no further.
It is not worthwhile, because once anyone else's desires hinder your own, you must ask - Is It Worthwhile ??? - whether that be money wise or time wise.
Just remember everyone has their own measure. And there is such a thing as 'free will' for us all to use.
I think the other poster erred in his communication of the issue. It is not surprising that women respond to a man that whinges he isn't getting what he wants and continues to invest. Especially when the return he is seeking is sex related. If you wish to attribute finance to sex, you are venturing rather closely to the topic of prostitution.
Sex is a base, survival need ... Money vibrates at another level altogether, and, unless you want to seem like a jerk, expression of such things must be done carefully. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:24:44 PM |
I have no problem with a fellow anticipating sex . However I am not sexual with a man I do not care for deeply. Further I would be anticipating having a relationship with him before having sex with him. If that is not what he wants then no matter how much he wines and dines me he is going home alone when the evening ends.
OK We may have common grounds here. What I'm hearing from the FlowerLady is that she has to have feelings for and expects that there would at least be hope for a relationship with the gentleman before having sex with him. I don't think it far from what a lot of men and women in both threads are also saying.
If you recall the man dating the personal trainer said he was infactuated with her. His underlying issue wasn't the sex as much as it was whether or not she cared for him or was just using him to go out. His criteria for her to show she cared was sex.
All of the timelines you all go by are really just silly check points you made up from your past. 3 days, 30 days, 4th date, 6 months. 42 was a good answer. Was that days or hours? 
How long does it take to know that the person is not LTR compatible? I would say I know 95% of the time, no later than the first meet and greet. Once you know, you shouldn't be letting that person wine and dine you in the first place. I think most people should know by the 3rd date. If you don't know then it might take you months to know for sure.
The trainer woman did tell him that she doesn't rush into sex. Maybe if she would have added that she likes him a lot and thinks there might be a future together to that he might not mind waiting. Otherwise he just wants to know if he's wasting his time and money. Although he would have been much wiser to leave the money part out of it. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:28:05 PM | The operative word being eventually. For me it takes somewhat longer than three seconds.
Perhaps masters and Johnson were using younger subjects? In any case there has to be a lot more going for me in relation to a man before I will want to have sex with him no matter how much sex appeal he has. I have no objection being some fellows sex object. In fact I am flattered if and when that happens. I also like to dress for an occasion and sometimes that involves a display of breasts, slit skirts, fishnet stockings and come f**K me pumps. ( I dance Argentine Tango and dressing is part of that.) I hope he enjoys it. However unless I specifically invite him into my bed which will not happen until after I have known him for a while all he is going to get is a nice visual. If that is self deception then so be it.
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:34:09 PM | " But yet again I will ask you what fecking questions? And what the feck is the point of this thread? "
I asked questions in my Original Post, and the point of this thread is in my original post.
Since NOT ONE PERSON voted to delete this threat, and others have agreed with some of the points and questions that I've made, as well as the contribution of others, it seems that your questioning the point of the relevance of this thread, puts you in the overwhelming minority.
Again, we agree to disagree, and I think that's healthy. Thanks for your thoughtful questions. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:37:31 PM | " Ladies.. pay attention. Men do NOT come up to you to inquire about a platonic friendship. "
What you said, speaks volumes. I happen to agree with you.
In case there are women out there who didn't know this, they should hear your message loud and clear. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:42:28 PM |
" Ladies.. pay attention. Men do NOT come up to you to inquire about a platonic friendship. " Generally this is true--it's definitely more true than it is false.
However, there have been some occasions when I was single and approached a woman with no romantic interest whatsoever. It's generally pretty easy to tell when this is so--there is no direct sexual talk from the guy and there are no sexual innuendos whatsoever. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:00:51 PM | A lot of women would be VERY UPSET, if a man had been wining and dining her for awhile, and the man did NOT anticipate sex. A lot of women would wonder why the man did not desire them for sex. Most women would walk away unsatisfied from that situation.
Again I ask of all of you women flamers who feel that the man should get a Prostitute in this situation.... WHAT SHOULD A WOMAN DO IF THE TRADITIONAL ROLES WERE REVERSED IN THIS SITUATION ?? | |
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