|
|
|
|
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:03:45 PM |
You DO know.. instantaneously.. Masters and Johnson PROVED it.
psssst.. generally 3 seconds
Oh, I can decide in 3 seconds that I could jump his bones.
Then he opens his mouth and 3 seconds later I realize he's just another talking c0ck with nothing behind it. Sometimes I might choose to give him some slack and see if there's any redemption for him. It IS possible to get off on the wrong foot with me and recover. And there have been times when I haven't cared to explore whether a guy would be a good LTR prospect, for various reasons.
But for the most part, we women have a pretty good idea in a very short time...but not all of us are just looking for sex. A lot of us are looking for a reliable source of sex that won't eff up our lives. That can't always be determined in 3 seconds.
Not all women see Masters and Johnson as the polestar of their lives. Many have parental teachings, faith based learning, community standards, and past experience that affects their decisions.
If it was all just on sex appeal, I know a lot of good, loving men and women who are wonderful parents, grandparents and assets to their neighborhoods and communities....but because they were plain, or stout,or had a handicap, they would never have found a partner, were the '3 second rule' the only paradigm.
And here's another thought...what about all these threads we see, where a guy just cannot believe that women won't give him a chance...which way do you want it to be, guys? Are we to respond strictly to what our hormones dictate,and only date men who make us want to rip off our knickers on the spot? Or do you want us to also look at things like character, intelligence,stability, loyalty, dependability? Are we supposed to brush aside the plain looking good man, and only date the "bad boys" we knew we'd boink in 3 seconds?
I've pretty much decided to leave my romantic future, for whatver time I've left to go, in the hands of my Higher Power. If there is not a man I can love, respect and trust available, continuing to lead a solo life is absolutely fine with me. Personally, I see few single men who are my peers and contemporaries, that I'd let into my life to any extent further than dating(with or without benefits) because frankly, I've gotten damn fond of being autonomous. I can certainly maintain an open mind about finding a 2nd love of my life,but I feel little inclination to try and force it to happen, or "accept" or "settle for" or "realize" anything less than that.
Cindy O | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:05:15 PM | A lot of women would be VERY UPSET, if a man had been wining and dining her for awhile, and the man did NOT anticipate sex. Yeah true; but I don't "wine and dine" a lady if I'm not reasonably certain of our intimacy on many levels BEFORE we go out to a nice restaurant on my invite. Look at this as "wining and dining" is NOT my modus operandi in order to get laid for the first time with a particular lady--rather my invite to a nice restaurant is the natural outcome of a relationship that is intimate on MANY levels, not just solely or mostly on a physical level. IMHO That's where the OP of the other thread seemed to be missing the point. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:06:57 PM | Beach ... a woman should do not different to what I am suggesting the man do.
Decide the limits and take off if they don't suit.
Easy. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:21:27 PM |
For all the women out there saying they are willing to wait several months because they believe in courtship, oh please! You just don't fancy the guy well enough. Cuz if you do fancy him well enough your knickers will be going over your head... maybe not on the first or second or fifth date, but hell way sooner than three months and you ladies know it.... If there three months bullshite worked none of any of you would be here.
Well said! 
In fact the very thought of placing a time frame takes away the spontaneity of passion. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:29:04 PM | Landra is brilliant ~
I agree - the era of casual sex is over. If that's what you're looking for, hire a professional.
There is SO much more to a LTR than sex if that's all you're intereested in, you're limiting yourself (and me)
bottom line? I don't sleep with dinner dates.
No ring? no ring-a-ding-ding | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:30:07 PM | I meant the woman should do no different ... not .. *not
And I agree with Arabianangel. A plan only takes away the spontaneity ... and passion isn't passion if it is directed ... | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:31:13 PM | In fact the very thought of placing a time frame takes away the spontaneity of passion. Very true. However, women (and men too for that matter) who state time frames will likely also state that they enjoy and participate in certain forms of spontaneity. That may or may not be true, but it certainly is NOT true as it relates to their sexual expectations in a relationship. They can separate spontaneous passion on many intimacy levels from spontaneous expressions of pure physical pleasure--especially with someone who basically is a stranger to them. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:36:19 PM | Bikerman:
.... NOT my modus operandi in order to get laid for the first time with a particular lady--rather my invite to a nice restaurant is the natural outcome of a relationship that is intimate on MANY levels, not just solely or mostly on a physical level. IMHO That's where the OP of the other thread seemed to be missing the point.
What a load of BS. You are trying so hard to be a "gentle-man" that it is NOT funny! Spare us this soap opera!
Ruby Darling: Your post said it best!! Why would you want a guy you have no intention of sleeping with wine and dine you for 3months..? | |
|
| |
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:42:34 PM | What a load of BS. You are trying so hard to be a "gentle-man" that it is NOT funny! Spare us this soap opera! Sorry but this is true. I have NEVER taken a woman to a nice restaurant with the expectation of getting laid FOR THE FIRST TIME. When I've done this early in the relationship without having sex first, sure I want to have sex (what guy doesn't??), but the EXPECTATION isn't to have sex shortly after the meal or sometime during the next date. The expectation certainly is to enjoy a good meal and the lady's company. I ain't kidding--I try to feel confident of intimacy on all sorts of non-physical levels before going to a fancy restaurant with a lady. Why? Because generally I'm not going to fancy restaurants on my own volition.
Since you don't really know me at all, it's sort of bogus for you to call BS on me--you can't disprove my expression of my opinion about this--it's how I feel. Try to express make pertinent opinions to the thread topic instead of making irrelevant ad-hominem comments to any PoFfer in particular. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:51:26 PM | I abhor this topic so much, I can't even bring myself to read through the thread. I may well be saying something that's been said over, and over, and over. The only reason I'm making this post is because I want this topic to DIE. I want people (men AND women) to grow up, and I want to never see this kind of thing ever again.
Men have no right to expect nookie from women. I don't care if it's the first date, 3rd date, 50th date. I don't care if you're married. I don't care if it's your gawdamn wedding night.
If it makes you feel any better, your wives have no right to expect nookie from you. I know, I know, that doesn't really matter because whether she has a right to or not, it's probably a pretty safe assumption that no matter what time of day it is, no matter what you're already doing, you'd probably be having more fun if you got a little sumthin'sumthin.
Anyway.
If you're a guy and you've paid $1,000 over the course of a few dates on fancy dinners and entertainment therefore you think you're entitled to nookie, well, first of all you're a retard for spending that much. And if you think that entitles you to something, that just makes you a bigger retard.
By the way, what the hell is with that? Why do guys try to impress women with fancy expensive dinners on first dates? I bet these same guys are the ones who complain about women being money-grubbers. What the hell do you expect? | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:58:09 PM | The situation you've described differs substantively from the one in the referenced thread. There, the man said he'd taken the woman out "a few times" (no mention of wining and dining; it might've been to a Dunkin' Donuts for all we know; I checked his history) and that he "wouldn't complain if she was having sex with me." He also said, "I'm not a cheap man....I do spoil myself." Himself - not others.
Very few of us think of "a few times" as equivalent to "awhile." In fact "a few times" doesn't mean anything at all except that there may be mutual interest in getting to know one another. "Awhile," though variable in interpretation, nonetheless implies familiarity, such as that we do already know one another somewhat.
You put a couple of posts on that thread in support of the OP, indicating that you were getting very different responses here.
That is because you are describing a very different situation - and, you're not complaining about someone being broke. Take note that women who complain about a man being broke don't get a lot of sympathy either. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:58:36 PM |
Sorry but this is true. I have NEVER taken a woman to a nice restaurant with the expectation of getting laid FOR THE FIRST TIME.
The OP wasn't talking specifically about the first time but a succession of dates
OP, I agree with you--others can talk about STDs and morals, and such, but let's get real. If a man or a woman has an STD, it is NOT going away after a first date or a tenth date unless something is done about it. Dating someone long-term does not guarantee that a person is clean of STDs.
As far as morals--who defines them? Even within the realm of Judeo/Xtian morality, ideas about sex have changed. I teach college, and I have read in journals and heard Christian students who have premarital sex. I had a date with a self-professed Christian man who looked at me at one point and said, "I just want you to know that I am not one of those Christians who believe sex is only for marriage."
If I plan on being a platonic friend with a man, I'll tell him as soon as I know, and that will be early on, but if I continue to see a man without the platonic aspects spelled out, the relationship will include sex. I have male friends, but I don't date them! If I tell a man that I do not want a sexual relationship with him and he pursues one, he won't be a friend for long.
As far as women being offended or surprised because men want sex from them, they need to grow up. Women ALWAYS can say "no" and so can men (not to be sexist). | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:01:42 PM | a man who had wined and dined a woman for awhile, because was complaining that she didn't give him sex. Many of the women's replies told the man that if he expected sexual favors in return for dining and entertaining this woman, that he should get a Prostitute. Was he after anything other than the sexual favors? Was he also interested in her friendship? Did he look forward to conversions with her? Was he honestly trying to get to know her better as a person? Was he hoping it may lead to a potential long-term relationship
or
was he just wining and dining her in anticipation of sexual favors? If so: he should just get a prostitute. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:10:49 PM | {{In a current thread, many women have been jumping all over a man who had wined and dined a woman for awhile, because he was complaining that she didn't give him sex. Many of the women's replies told the man that if he expected sexual favors in return for dining and entertaining this woman, that he should get a Prostitute.}}
He had 3 or 4 dates with her, it was not considered 'awhile'...He also stated she told him 'she doesn't rush into sex with a new guy' ===He is a new guy that has taken her on 3 to 4 dates and expressed 'if he was getting sex he wouldn't mind paying for the dates all the time'. He got bashed by these ladies and some men on the forums for being expressing his 'p* r* i* c* k mode' character.
{{In this day and age, most men anticipate having sexual relations with a woman that they have been wining and dining, within a month or 2. They anticipate it, and most women probably do as well. SEX is part of a healthy relationship.}}
You are correct, it is anticipation...but to expect it on the 3rd or 4th date does state the man thinks he is entitled to sex in exchange for dinner dates.
Stop generalizing women, I would not be upset...I would turn him into the platonic friend and seek sexual compatibility elsewhere. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:12:20 PM | The OP wasn't talking specifically about the first time but a succession of dates Alright--I've never gone on a series of dates with a woman, inviting her to pricey restaurants, with an implicit OR explicit sexual EXPECTATION.
To get to a series of pricey "wine and dine" dates, don't ya hafta get to the first one first? I never even get that far, LOL.
Most often after a "wine and dine" experience with a woman we've developed intimacy together BEFORE so that the sex afterwards was CONSENSUAL, MUTUALLY SATISFYING, and pretty much A GIVEN. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:14:02 PM | A Quote from Wicked Cricket: " bottom line? I don't sleep with dinner dates.
No ring? no ring-a-ding-ding "
Would you care to repeat what you said in the other thread, something to the effect of : If a man couldn't afford to entertain you in style, he's not someone who you really would want to get serious with anyway ? | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:20:20 PM |
I abhor this topic so much, I can't even bring myself to read through the thread. I may well be saying something that's been said over, and over, and over. The only reason I'm making this post is because I want this topic to DIE. I want people (men AND women) to grow up, and I want to never see this kind of thing ever again.
I second that D. Coffman!!! This is the ONE subject that has forumites running on the hamster wheel and getting absolutely nowhere!
I don't know what the hell is wrong with caring for caring sake alone and why everybody has to "get something" out of every single thing they do in order to feel it's worthwhile. Sometimes, we do wonderful generous things like taking someone else out for a nice dinner (YES, even our FRIENDS) just because it feels good to be able to do that.
Sheesh people... Your spinnin' is making some of us nauseous.  | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:39:30 PM | beach bum I dont' even understand the question.
but um being 'serious' about someone to me implies some type of long term commitment and monogamy. THEN and only then would I be open to possibly someday having sex.
As far as I'm concerned if a man wants casual sex, he can get it where he's getting it now and until he's MY husband or fiancee, I really don't care. Just don't bring dates to MY house.
Not to get off topice but I need to know HOW are we supposed to know WHAT a man is expecting when he invites us out to dinner someplace with linen tablecloths? Should we ask - "is this invite for dinner AND sex or just dinner?"
See this is why I'm single .. I need a dating coach | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:40:01 PM | Sex (even great) does NOT keep a man around - I know that from experience in my younger days.  Ok - I'm ready for the name calling................
I saw very little wine-ing and dining. Whether or not a guy is getting sex or not getting it doesn't matter. If he is not capable of a meaningful relationship with a woman it won't make a difference if she is swinging from the chandelier in 4 inch stillettos and nothing else - he will have his fun with her and then suddenly believe he's all that and a bag of chips to someone even hotter.
A lot of women have a good sense if a guy is dead behind the eyes and they keep going out with him hoping he is just one of those "still waters run deep" bozos.
DATING (it's called) is where 2 people spend time together interacting, sharing information about their lives, what kind of person they are, their hopes and plans for their life so they can see if they are compatible enough to bond through intimacy. It shouldn't be where the guy picks up the tab after sitting there thinking about how he's going to "get it"- not hearing a word she says, or her sitting there like a stone night after night wondering when he's going to start being more open and sharing.
If you're going to keep taking a woman out, and know she doesn't believe in sex before marriage, you should know that when you first start dating. If she does believe there are circumstances under which she feels good about sex, find out what they are. If it's a committed relationship she needs, sh!t or get off the pot. If she is sending mixed signals, ask her to explain herself, or she really feels about you.
....and sex appeal is a faux illusion created by the media that very few women can even live up to anymore and men seem to buy into hook line and sinker. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:47:06 PM | | If a grown man (or teenager) asks you out, you don't have sex and he asks you out again, he wants to sleep with you. Or he wants a loan. Or both. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:53:23 PM | Only date those that are prepared to be flexible within your realm.
If it doesn't suit, they don't.
No matter what you may feel for that person, where you wind up is your own creation, based on actions you took. If it doesn't sit right, don't do it, if it does, do it. You have to live with the action and yourself. Not everyone else.
*gets off soapbox* ... I hate the man vs women thing. We are different, if we can't get along, find someone that does.
MAKE LOVE NOT WAR ... HAHA
 | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:54:36 PM | " I don't know what the hell is wrong with caring for caring sake alone and why everybody has to "get something" out of every single thing they do in order to feel it's worthwhile. Sometimes, we do wonderful generous things like taking someone else out for a nice dinner (YES, even our FRIENDS) just because it feels good to be able to do that."
Taking a friend out to dinner IS a wonderful jesture. I don't know of too many people who would take a friend, who is not a romantic interest, out to dinner repeatedly. Repeatedly taking a FRIEND ONLY out to dinner, over a period of time, or once because it feels good, is NOT what this thread is about.
People generally do things for a reason. As a previous poster said.. men don't walk up to a woman to start a friendship. A lot of previous posters in this thread have stated what they anticipate, and look for when spending time with a man for a month, or 2, or more.
And sheesh ... YOUR spinnin' doesn't make sense to me. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:03:05 PM | | Well, it's still October, and I muse over why you decided to capitalize the word "prostitute." Might be something Freudian there? Oh, to think, before one's head explodes....... | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:16:29 PM | | OP, so what you're saying is that the only intention of wining and dining a lady, is to have sex with her? I thought wining and dining a lady was to impress her, and to show yourself as being a gentleman. Why expect sex in return? Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I thought sex was something that is to be willingly and unselfishly given by both, and not something expected as payback for a meal. | |
|
|
| Page 3 of 16
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 |
|
Home
login 
