|
|
|
|
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:17:35 PM | " I muse over why you decided to capitalize the word "prostitute." Might be something Freudian there? Oh, to think, before one's head explodes....... "
What are you trying hard NOT to imply ? Are you trying to make this a personal attack ? I don't have anything to do with prostitutes.
OH, to think before one OPENS THEIR MOUTH. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:22:46 PM | I have never gone on a date or multiple dates anticipating sex as the outcome......
I (even as a man who gets horny from time to time) don't beleive in premarital sex. I don't look for it....and I sure as hell don't want to date someone that expects it....
If you like a woman enough to have sex with her...then you should be prepared to marry her and if you aren't ready for that commitment.....go on your merry way.....get your vaseline out and cool the sausage down till you are ready to seriously look for a mate.
If you don't intend to marry....take care of your needs yourself......maybe with that mindset...you will look for other qualities in a potential mate first before you always think with your genitailia.
I consider those that flippantly have premarital sex (not that all do it flippantly...there are plenty that make mistakes) are little better than child molesters or rapists.
Premarital sex demeans both the man and the woman and puts a curse on future committed relationships. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:44:57 PM | " I (even as a man who gets horny from time to time) don't beleive in premarital sex. I don't look for it....and I sure as hell don't want to date someone that expects it....
" You are not the typical man, in that MOST men do not get horny ONLY from time to time. I'm not sure that it's healthy for most men to get horny, ONLY from time to time.
" If you like a woman enough to have sex with her...then you should be prepared to marry her and if you aren't ready for that commitment.....go on your merry way.....get your vaseline out and cool the sausage down till you are ready to seriously look for a mate. "
"I consider those that flippantly have premarital sex (not that all do it flippantly...there are plenty that make mistakes) are little better than child molesters or rapists."
It's a good thing that you don't write Laws. Remember, we are talking about SEX between CONSENTING ADULTS
"Premarital sex demeans both the man and the woman and puts a curse on future committed relationships."
Let's pretend that everyone who marries, stays married. THEN, maybe your theory would work. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:45:23 PM | Unless you happen to be going on blind dates and we aren't talking about Internet dating in this thread, isn't the point of this Internet dating to correspond with individuals a little bit beforehand? I know, I know...there will be all kinds of people who will say they want to hook up as fast as possible and meet for said wining and dining and get to know the person that way first, face to face.
My style when I was doing Internet dating was to get to the point of what I was after and what the guy was after even before we met, which included how I and he felt about expectations where sex and dating were concerned. For some reason, too many people like to leave that topic in limbo land and then get their collective snot in a knot when either the guy (if it's the guy) is pushing for sex too soon for her comfort or the female is appearing to show a disinterest in anything sexual in relation to the guy's time lines. Take your pick on whatever the scenario is about who gets bent out of shape for whatever reason. I say this time and again in the forums. What business do people have contemplating being in relationships (dating), being in relationships or continuing on in relationships if they can't discuss sex and expectations that surround it? By and large, the majority of people on dating sites aren't first time daters, have been in more than one relationship before, and are full blown adults. For those who constantly get bent out of shape about assumptions or expectations of the other party, the easiest way to avoid that is to communicate. If you can't, won't or don't, then by all means, continue the whine-ing and dining, because that's what it amounts to by both parties. Sex is a part of life when you reach a certain age. If you're old enough to have it, you're old enough to discuss it. If you can't, in my opinion you're sexually immature and you need to work on that before you even contemplate dating. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:59:17 PM |
Most often after a "wine and dine" experience with a woman we've developed intimacy together BEFORE so that the sex afterwards was CONSENSUAL, MUTUALLY SATISFYING, and pretty much A GIVEN.
Um, if men or women are NOT having consensual sex, there is something wrong with the picture--prosecution by the law wrong. Why would ANYONE have sex that is not mutually satisfying? Once, maybe twice, to see if it gets better, but more than that, get a new partner.
If you like a woman enough to have sex with her...then you should be prepared to marry her and if you aren't ready for that commitment.....go on your merry way.....get your vaseline out and cool the sausage down till you are ready to seriously look for a mate.
Hmmm . . . I see this is directed at men and not women. So, tell me, as a woman, if I like a man well enough to have sex with him, I have to marry him??? Yikes! You sound as if men are the only one who desire sex--you have a thing or two to learn about women.
And I prefer a lubricant made specifically for the vagina, not Vaseline.
I consider those that flippantly have premarital sex (not that all do it flippantly...there are plenty that make mistakes) are little better than child molesters or rapists.
Thank Buddha, Zeus, Inanna, Isis, Kali and Lao Tzu that YOU are not in charge of anything. To equate sex between consenting adults, even flippant sex (whatever the hell that is), with child molestation and rape is indicative of a mind that has a warped and unhealthy sexual outlook.
Premarital sex demeans both the man and the woman and puts a curse on future committed relationships.
NOTHING that YOU think can demean me. If I sleep with 1,000 men and/or women, it is not demeaning to me unless I choose to think so.
and I sure as hell don't want to date someone that expects it....
Durn, I was going to ask you out. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:19:23 PM |
I consider those that flippantly have premarital sex (not that all do it flippantly...there are plenty that make mistakes) are little better than child molesters or rapists.
I think everyone is taking this statement the wrong way.
I mean, it would take an offensively judgmental attitude to say that what two consenting adults do in the bedroom is akin to some of the most heinous crimes that exist, so clearly his real point is that he thinks child molesters and rapists are not all that bad.
It's the only interpretation that makes sense. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:23:05 PM | lol I think I used the word "hooker" with my reply to that other thread, but anyway.... I think the key words here would be "anticipate" and "expect". Although the two words are quite similar, they can be quite different as well. Anticipating, wanting, hoping, desiring sex after several encounters is quite natural, BUT expecting sex after several encounters because you feel it's due you, like a reward, like a payment is NOT ok... not for me at least.
As for your comment about women putting all that "effort" into getting ready for a date, women in general put a lot of "effort" into getting ready for just about anything, be it a date, work, funeral, or trip to the grocery store.... it's just what we do.
I do feel that sex is vital for a healthy intimate relationship, BUT it is quite possible for a man or woman to enjoy spending time with someone of the opposite sex and still NOT feel sexually attracted to them. I don't feel either party should feel the need to "put out" just because X amount of dollars have been spent in the process of seeing how things will progress over time. It may not be the 1950's any longer, but I still need to feel that passion with someone before I hop into bed with them. If the guy spends big bucks wooing me, and I still don't feel that spark, it's not going to happen. I'm sure that I would make every attempt to make myself clear on that fact as well along the way. He would always have the option of not seeing me further since it may never get to that point, or continuing to enjoy each others company on a friendship level. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:25:42 PM |
I think the key words here would be "anticipate" and "expect". Although the two words are quite similar, they can be quite different as well. Anticipating, wanting, hoping, desiring sex after several encounters is quite natural, BUT expecting sex after several encounters because you feel it's due you, like a reward, like a payment is NOT ok... not for me at least.
Totally fair.
Anticipating nookie, totally cool.
Wanting nookie, totally cool.
Begging for nookie, I do it every week.
Expecting nookie, get your head out of your ass. | |
|
| |
Savona
|
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 85 | |
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:55:18 PM | I feel your pain OP. You responded to another thread but did not get the recognition that you were expecting from your thoughtful posts. Awww I have also posted on threads also wanting a response but did not receive validation, I might try this some time.
But for the most part, we women have a pretty good idea in a very short time...but not all of us are just looking for sex. A lot of us are looking for a reliable source of sex that won't eff up our lives. That can't always be determined in 3 seconds.
There you go.
I have found over the past number of years that it takes mental lubrication to make things click for me. I could go into town on most given nights and have sex if that is the itch I need to scratch. Wow then a nice sweet man toy would be just perfect. No strings attached, nice buff body, no X issues and the list could go on. But just sex and fun. Let me tell you it is more than a little tempting after reading all the drama posts by the men my age.
I have accepted that I want something much more than that. So I have to look past that budding Buda belly, the age spots on the hands, the stray grays and the nose hairs. Looking for something more than skin deep is the way to make a connection with me for long term potential.
If a man takes me out (or vice versa) and I don't feel that "spark" that there could be a sexual connection, as in friends only ... well I already have friends, woman and men friends enough. For me it is impossible to see the future, so each "date" is the step to the next plateau. I am not commenting on who pays for what because I am so past that. I am only interested in DRAMA FREE dating.
Nearly impossible to find a drama free man here on POF.
I am not going to be intimate before I am fully ready. I don't care. Dump me. That is just so easy. It is not holding out it is not getting free meals it is not to use or abuse anyone. It is to take care of my own heart. I am entitled to protect my heart like I am entitled to protect my body from harm. I need to feel "the trust" .... Who knows when that will happen. It will or won't.
If I don't feel trust, care, emotional connection, happy, fun to be with him, comfortable, loving, intense, a match ...
Then I am going without. I have to assess what keeps my heart healthy.
I am going with Rock Man. If your are counting on sex in exchange for meals then perhaps your money is better spent on a person who understands the exchange of favours. That way no one feels that they are getting the bum end of the deal ... unless you like the rump roast.  I love threads like these OP they keep me on my toes of what type of men to avoid and what type of men are attractive to me ... over and over I have reaffirmation of avoiding dating Drama Queen Men.
If you're a guy and you've paid $1,000 over the course of a few dates on fancy dinners and entertainment therefore you think you're entitled to nookie, well, first of all you're a retard for spending that much. And if you think that entitles you to something, that just makes you a bigger retard.
AMEN And thank you so much dcoffman. You are brilliant.
Savona | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:07:32 PM |
I feel your pain OP. You responded to another thread but did not get the recognition that you were expecting from your thoughtful posts. Awww I have also posted on threads also wanting a response but did not receive validation, I might try this some time.
But no shet though. This does seem to be the new trend when someone seems to think their contributions are profound yet clearly over looked and under credited.
What false pride and ego's will drive a person to do for proper recognition. 
I've noticed that starting off as the minority generally ends up becoming the majority.
Just remember I got there first! | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:09:07 PM | " How do you tell that he is expectng or anticipating? "
By the size of his Belly, and the invitations to appear on OPRAH, and the cover of THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER ? lol
*****************************************************************************
" I feel your pain OP. You responded to another thread but did not get the recognition that you were expecting from your thoughtful posts. Awww I have also posted on threads also wanting a response but did not receive validation, I might try this some time."
Thank you for the complements.
With nearly 100 replies to my thread, I'm very pleasantly surprised. And only one poster lost her credibility with me, and others, by launching a personal attack... well, 2 seperate personal attacks, if you count a feeble attempt to hide that the poster was implying that I might like prostitutes.
Would DRAMA in your opinion include someone's opinion that, to the effect..... people who engage in pre marital sex, are little better that rapists and child molesters, as a poster implied ? | |
|
| |
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:26:35 PM | " It's just sex for crying out loud "
We're not talking about just SEX.
In this day and age, most men anticipate having sexual relations with a woman that they have been wining and dining, within a month or 2. They anticipate it, and most women probably do as well. SEX is part of a healthy relationship. | |
|
| |
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:33:36 PM | You know another consideration that doesn't seem to be discussed or addressed much when it comes to a woman giving it up to a guy after a couple of dates, has nothing to do with virtues, reputation, or obeying some stupid self imposed rules.
Women will ALWAYS usually be the weaker sex physically. If someone isn't giving a woman a good read on who he really is. she can just very well lose something besides her dignity. Watching the news. both local and national really tells me there's a lot of crazy fvcks out there. The economy is causing more stress, which in turn is a trigger for more sociopaths. The last thing I want is for a casual encounter to go bad and I'M the one who ends up on the 6pm news. A woman can't always be sure why a guy want's to get her alone. He mayhave a real rage towards women who don't meet his idea of what they should be.
Look at George Sodini - the gym shooter. He couldn't laid so he went on a killing spree. Do you supposed women could just sense that he was fvcked up & held resentment for women? That he had no social skills or ability to form a bond with another human being? So they avoided him like the plague. Many men who write about their sense of entitlement here in the forums think very similar to the way he did. To be honest, much of what I read here is scary.
There are religious nuts that would just love to teach a "free thinking liberal" woman a "lesson". So it's not just the demanding ones - it's also those who look down on women for not being virtuous enough.
I have a good friend who used to be carefree about casual encounters and sex. She knew the same people he knew, they went out a couple of times and then when he got her to the hotel room, he tied her to the door so she couldn't move, took out a board and hit her over the backside so hard the board broke eventually, and then filled the tub with scalding water and held her head under. She has permanent back problems now but she didn't lose her life.
If a woman doesn't trust you, she isn't giving you a damn thing, even if she's the whore of babylon. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:12:18 PM | I want to thank everyone for their thoughts, compassion, and contribution in this thread.
It's been interesting so far, to say the least.
Things I've experienced tonight :
Some people who I thought had class, have none.
We are fortunate that some people do not write laws.
There are some great people out there.
If you believe that you will attract someone , you probably will.
If you repeatedly question the validity of what someone else has accomplished, you might be secretly resentful of your own insignificance. | |
|
| |
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:29:15 PM |
Personally, I thrive for passion in a relationship. I expect the men I date not to be pigs, but as a woman I want to feel desired. Sex shouldn't be the entire basis for any relationship, but it certainly is important. If I was dating a man who didn't seem interested in knowing me intimately I would be VERY worried. Practice safe sex, and follow gut instincts... I don't see how having sex within 60 days could possibly be as dangerous as that one poster suggests... lol.
I totally agree with you. I think you can be reasonably sure that the person you've been dating in this time frame is not a whack job. It also depends on whether the both of you will be monogamous, i.e. defining what the relationship is -- whether it will be a LTR one and that means you have to feel some certainty that the guy is truthful. Of course, safe sex should be practiced regardless. Wining and dining is fine, but not necessary for a date. A date can be anything: a movie, visit to a museum, a comedy show, the beach if you're near an ocean, etc. I think it's a reasonable assumption for two people (in this case the guy in the other thread) to want the relationship to progress to a sexual one. But if that woman wasn't ready...well maybe she was seeing some red flags or had trust issues with men in general. Who the hell knows since we don't know her side. I don't see it as wrong that he would expect sex after several weeks of dating, but also since we don't know her, there is more to it. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:30:06 PM |
A lot of women would be VERY UPSET, if a man had been wining and dining her for awhile, and the man did NOT anticipate sex. A lot of women would wonder why the man did not desire them for sex. Most women would walk away unsatisfied from that situation. So, to all of you women flamers who feel that the man should get a Prostitute in this situation.... WHAT SHOULD A WOMAN DO IF THEIR ROLES WERE REVERSED IN THIS SITUATION ??
You have a huge sense of entitlement here.... just because a man "wines and dines" me does not give him the right to jump into my panties... no matter how many times he pays. However, I realize that a lot of men think like you do... which is why I usually pay my own way. Unfortunately, going dutch doesn't stop the sense of entitlement... men like yourself think it is your "right" to get sex after a certain amount of time, regardless of whether I paid my own way or not.
Most women DO put a lot of effort into getting ready for a date... they use make up, wear bras to show maximum breast appeal, dye their hair, and look as appealing as they can for a man. WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S COMMONLY CALLED SEX APPEAL ??? I wear make-up and dye my hair for ME... I look good for ME... no one else. It makes ME feel good about ME when I look good.... and no, I am not vain, by any means. AND... I wear a bra for support... that is what they are for, believe it or not... oh and yes, to avoid back problems. Now, where in there do you see any mention of my doing things for a man... LOL.... that concept went out with those 50s you were talking about.... so, maybe it is you that needs to get with the times, OP.
Oh, and yes.... as a good friend of mine said the other day "sex appeal is something that you have or not... and you can have it with one person and not another" ... it's got nothing to do with bras, make up and hair dye. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:39:20 PM | A lot of women would be VERY UPSET, if a man had been wining and dining her for awhile, and the man did NOT anticipate sex. A lot of women would wonder why the man did not desire them for sex. Most women would walk away unsatisfied from that situation. So, to all of you women flamers who feel that the man should get a Prostitute in this situation.... WHAT SHOULD A WOMAN DO IF THEIR ROLES WERE REVERSED IN THIS SITUATION ??
" You have a huge sense of entitlement here.... just because a man "wines and dines" me does not give him the right to jump into my panties "
There's a HUGE difference between anticipating and entitlement. And hopefully, you know it.
men like yourself think it is your "right" to get sex after a certain amount of time, regardless of whether I paid my own way or not "
Stop right there. You don't know me, and you're generalizing. No, a woman's body is NEVER my RIGHT. Wouldn't that be called Slavery, Prostitution, rape, or False Imprisionment ?
" Now, where in there do you see any mention of my doing things for a man... LOL.... that concept went out with those 50s you were talking about.... so, maybe it is you that needs to get with the times, OP."
And I don't know YOU, and have never pretended to. SOME women wear low cut tops, which I Am SURE are to attract men. That doesn't mean that YOU wear them, it means that SOME women are wearing them, and it's YOU need to get with the times. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:44:46 PM |
There are religious nuts that would just love to teach a "free thinking liberal" woman a "lesson".
I know what you mean , like those SOB republicans , Roman Polanski, JFK , John Edwards ,Bobby kennedy, Bill Clinton, O J Simpson, David Letterman... etc
Those "religious zealots" those "evil " rightwingers !! | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:13:20 PM |
A lot of women would be VERY UPSET, if a man had been wining and dining her for awhile, and the man did NOT anticipate sex. A lot of women would wonder why the man did not desire them for sex. Most women would walk away unsatisfied from that situation. So, to all of you women flamers who feel that the man should get a Prostitute in this situation.... WHAT SHOULD A WOMAN DO IF THEIR ROLES WERE REVERSED IN THIS SITUATION ??
Your thinking is very messed up here OP. In the context that you are using the word "anticipate" and then saying it is not the same as "entitlement" is BS. How am I to know if a man is "anticipating" sex? I am not a mind-reader.... but I can certainly read his actions... and in this situation, there would be "pushing" me to have sex before I am ready.... that equates to a sense of entitlement, no matter how you slice. FURTHERMORE, any woman who is upset that a man is not pushing (yes, "pushing" as that is the only way she will know he is "anticipating" sex) her for sex has some serious self-esteem issues.... her sense of self-worth is not connected to whether he pushes her into the bedroom or not.... and it never should be.
And I don't know YOU, and have never pretended to. SOME women wear low cut tops, which I Am SURE are to attract men. That doesn't mean that YOU wear them, it means that SOME women are wearing them, and it's YOU need to get with the times.
EXACTLY!... but in your original post you said MOST WOMEN.... not SOME. Just like a woman cannot read your mind in "anticipation" you cannot read the mind of MOST WOMEN re: their hair, makeup and bras.... so don't generalize with MOST. As far as I know, most women do the beauty thing for themselves... it is part of that self-esteem thing I was talking about earlier. It is about NOT needing some man's sex drive to validate them.... if they want to "get some" that nite, yes, they will often go out with the low cut tops, etc.
BUT... I have long maintained that this battleground of sex - men wanting it and women not wanting to give it up - it could be so easily solved if they made sex toys as good for men as they do for women. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:14:45 PM | | I know when I've taken the time to know and then date a man I would be upset if he did not find me sexually attractive. I enjoy men and having a sexual relationship. As far as religious nuts I'm a church going Christian and I am not judged by the congregation I attend because of it. They pray for me in hopes I once again settle down someday. That's their choice and I make my own as well. | |
|
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:17:05 PM | 13karat makes a good observation, perhaps there is a burgeoning business in improving the quality of men's sex toys ...
*goes off to research* | |
|
|
| Page 4 of 16
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 |
|
Home
login 
