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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:26:10 PM |
perhaps there is a burgeoning business in improving the quality of men's sex toys ...
*goes off to research*
Let me know what you find out.... we could do well in this economy. A good sex toy pays for itself within a few dates - especially if the guy is paying. Whoa - what a great marketing ploy! | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:26:53 PM | [In a current thread, many women have been jumping all over a man who had wined and dined a woman for awhile, because was complaining that she didn't give him sex. Many of the women's replies told the man that if he expected sexual favors in return for dining and entertaining this woman, that he should get a Prostitute.]
From what I read of the thread, people (not just women) were jumping all over the guy cuz he said he wouldn't mind paying for stuff if the woman slept with him. The comparison to prostitution came about from his own words.
As far as sex appeal, well that is simply attractiveness to the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with money at all. I admit, I can sympathize with the man who is seeking a SO, and being willing to pay for endless dinners knowing that their relationship will go somewhere, both physically & otherwise, but that wasn't the way it was presented. There is a difference between anticipation & expectation. Many of the participants in the thread being discussed suggested spending time getting to know this woman doing things that didn't cost money. One's willingness to wait (or not) for sex is a personal matter, but when you bring money into it, well, he deserved what he got.
Those are my thoughts! | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:49:53 PM | My profile states I have no interest in meeting anyone off a free internet dating site. That doesn't mean I'm not dating
Landra i don't blame you one bit for feeling this way. always knew you were a smart woman. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:05:35 PM |
I'm thinking we need to get out the prehump post date agreement forums and see what we can come up with!
Just make sure ya both agree on a safe word. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:12:33 PM | I'm thinking we need to get out the prehump post date agreement forums and see what we can come up with!
Ahhhh, how well do I miss the fun exchange in The Pre-Humptial Agreement. Twas a bright twinkle in a sometimes dark sky out here. Sigh.
However, Rocky, would you not agree that perhaps it would be a different document required here? More of a NCNCC (No Candy, No Candies Complaint)?
OT - I had trouble understanding the OP. But then again, English is my second language. Would it be possible to repeat it in my native language? It would be so much easier to read in Pig Latin. Thanks. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:19:58 AM | OK you buy a few dinners and you deserve sex..we get it.
No thanks.
So does a Taco bell get you to first base?
Applebees second base?
And so on? I mean if we are going to set a price, set a price.
Wouldn't a prostitute or escort just save you money in the long run?
This is about money, as I read the other thread.
SEX is part of a healthy relationship
Yes it is. Dinner or dancing is not a "relationship".
You could have 3 or 4 dates in 2 months. Still does not equal a "relationship". | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:48:11 AM | I think the problem is that both men and women have double standards. What women dont want men to do, many times they do the same thing themselves and vise versa. Men have a stronger desire for sex due to testoserone. Women usually hold out longer than men to get what they want out of a guy. See the double standard, different but the same no less. This occurs in many different ways, we see them in all the forums by what each sex complains about in the other and is substansiated many times with the defense of others in that group.
So it is not for others to judge you for what you want, but for yourself to find happiness in what you do. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:07:46 AM | | Even if he has been taking a woman out for three months, there should be no expectation that a woman will pay him back with her body. Period. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:23:05 AM | ^ There shouldn't be an expectation, no. But the hope is somewhat unavoidable... at least if it's working. Isn't it? The whole point of a romantic entanglement is to find someone to be with. These relationships usually do become carnal eventually. Perhaps the OPs use of the word "expect" was overzealous, but I'm not entirely sure his over all point is.
I'm more than happy to wait (or, at least, I'm patient enough), but at the end of the day even the self professed "nice guys" generally want something EVENTUALLY.
The question then becomes, "At what point in the waiting is the guy evolved? At what point are we suddenly (and possibly magically) not cro-magnon men for wanting to be with someone physically?" | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:50:41 AM | I have made a man wait two months, seeing him on average twice per week. By that time I knew he was going to stick around and was in it for a long term thing and was interested in me, not just a body to have sex with.
That is the key thing for me: wanting enough time together to know if we would be seeing each other long term.
There were times when it happened a lot faster than two months, but those times were when I knew absolutely that the man was really into me as a person and was showing and doing things that let me know he had feelings for me and was seeing me as someone to be with long term.
Some of these posters sound like guys who are taking women out because they want sex only. Men here is some advice: don't take out women expecting sex.
Take out women whom you want to have long term relationships with.
I can always tell on the first date if the guy is just wanting to see my body naked,
or if he is wanting to get involved with me long term and is seeing me as a person.
And if he is, then he does not mind several dates which do not end in bed.
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:59:54 AM | @.marc - I only wish the OP could see things as clearly and reasonably as you do.
From what I gathered, in reading this thread, most posters that are not in agreement with the OP are those who have a huge problem with the "sense of entitlement" conveyed with his "expectations." Whether I go to bed with a man in 3 dates or 300 dates is entirely up to me.... and he will know when it is happening. I highly doubt it will ever get to 300 though, because if it hasn't gone to the bedroom by then, then he is gone. HOWEVER.... I don't go to bed with any man who "expects" to go there just because he has taken me out to dinner a few times... NOT happening.
SO... you ask "At what point are we suddenly (and possibly magically) not cro-magnon men for wanting to be with someone physically?"..... easy answer to that one.... when he loses the attitude that he is "entitled" to sex just because he paid for a few dates. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 115 | |
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:04:07 AM | Here is one of the biggest reasons I don't date men on POF ...
Most, not all, men are so strung up on money and who pays that they miss the big picture of starting a REAL relationship. One that might be similar to dating in real life.
Paying for a date and wanting sex is one thing paying for a date and expecting sex is on the level of barter. An exchange of money for sex, food for sex, or vice versa.
Here is what kills me ... the men who whine about paying for a dinner. I am beginning to get a pretty good idea of why men are freaking out. They pay for dinner to get into the sack because they think they got the most talented Big Ben in their pants. They are sure that once they show the women their talents that the woman will be hooked on them and then no more dinner dates ... just free sex. (In the men's eyes) errr is that what is commonly known as Fuuk Buddies??? Yeaaaa that's the term.
Here is the problem with that, most men who think they have money are broke, and most men who think they have the magic wand don't.
Sex appeal is the whole man, not his chump change that he dug out of the cookie jar to pay for a Mackie D's nor the little limp noodle that most men can't see anyway as it is so far hidden below the bulging fat belly.
Call me dumb as a stump but seriously if most the men on pof think they are IT wahoo look down way down ... see that limp thing hanging there ??? News flash, you are not the only man on earth with a diick. Now look up, way up and move close to the mirror ... see your eyes ??? There you go; its what you see there that matters to women. The man in the mirror. Not your cash, not your diick ... its the real man.
Sexual attraction is a package. Everyone's idea of sexual attraction is completely different. Here is what I find sexy. A man who can pound a 6" nail in two swift swings. Make our place a home to be proud of. A man who sweats not from heaving himself out of the lazy boy chair to get himself another beer 'cause I am busy mowing the lawn .....
Gawwwwwwwddddd please give me a sweet svelte body pushing the mower, please let him sweat in the summer to show off his oh so fine chest ... and gawwwwd please let me not lose any of my fingers as I need all of them to run them through his fine hair on his chest all the while thinking .... yeaaaaaaa he is all mine tonight.
Savona
Post Script:
For me the number one biggest killer of sex appeal is men who are so full of drama that I would have to have a good inspection of the bulge in their pants to know for sure they are packing ...  .... How can so many men have lost their balls in the past few years? I sure do wonder where they rolled off to .... | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:19:47 AM | If I DATE a woman, that is for a few weeks, I consider it the start of a relationship.
I do not expect sex after a date or two, if she initiates it then fine,when I pay for dates I do not expect sex in return.
If it is the start of a relationship then yes , sex is big part of that, I would hope she would want sex as much as me. Its a 2 way thing.Who pays for what doesn't come into it.If she still doesn't appear interested in me that way after say 4 weeks, I would move on. | |
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PiggyT
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Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 117 | |
| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:20:18 AM | ^^^ I am so fat I break a sweat just waking up....
I was on a diet for 2 weeks and all I lost was 14 days...
The only thing I would be pounding that is 6 inches would be that nail, but I am so weak I can't lift the hammer. I would break a sweat trying to though...
SHEESH
That is one disenfranchised woman up there.
Sex appeal has nothing to do with your ability to purchase ready made food.
It sets zero expectations except whether you wish to see the other person again.
Sex happens between consenting ADULTS... and as ADULTS, you will choose when to discuss the very important issue of becoming intimate. This varies based on the two people involved.
This may be a shock to some but personally... I am turned OFF by any woman that wants to bump uglies too quickly. This reeks of insecurities.
When dating... The best expectations to have are NONE!
As for sex appeal. Some have it... some don't.
Results may vary.
vvv
Now I am surrounded by them. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:22:13 AM | Savona!
Hey Girlfriend!!! Its me down here in Sarasota :) Im LOVING THIS POST. I laughed so loud that I nearly pee''d my pants! You are RIGHT ON THE MONEY with this one!
.. I honestly think this with MOST men though, (not just POF men)
Nice One!
Hows things with you?
private email me and lets catch up ...
G | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:36:25 AM | Savona.... I love ya!!!
Excellent post!
Call me dumb as a stump but seriously if most the men on pof think they are IT wahoo look down way down ... see that limp thing hanging there ??? News flash, you are not the only man on earth with a diick. Now look up, way up and move close to the mirror ... see your eyes ??? There you go; its what you see there that matters to women. The man in the mirror. Not your cash, not your diick ... its the real man.
There are SOME men that actually understand this.... but most of the ones I have met are very happy and content in a solid relationship..... with a very happy partner.... gee, can't imagine why. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:47:40 AM | From what I gathered, in reading this thread, most posters that are not in agreement with the OP are those who have a huge problem with the "sense of entitlement" conveyed with his "expectations."
Early in this thread, one woman on this tread wrote,
"I'm interested in what people have to say about this as well.
I figure if I'm DATING someone (at least at this age) I'm
trying the guy on and hoping it will turn into a relationship
which in turn will be a sexual relationship."
I want to re state my opinions and values to make my position clear, before I respond.
Here's my response to an earlier quote..... If a woman has been dating a man for a couple of months, with the thought that they may develop a relationship, just to find out he was only interested in a little nookie of course she may get offended. On the other hand, if a man gets upset because his intended mattress mate blocks his attempt at a field goal, it just shows that he does not respect her. Such displays tend to prove he was only interested in having sex, not in having a relationship. "
I wrote...Thank you for your respectful reply.
I agree with you, if a woman finds out that a man is ONLY interested in having sex with her, then she should be offended. I've never had a woman date me only for sex, but IF that were the case, I would end the relationship. Likewise, I've never dated a woman only for sex.
In an earlier response, I also responded to an opinion with.....There's a HUGE difference between anticipating and entitlement. And hopefully, you know it.
"men like yourself think it is your "right" to get sex after a certain amount of time, regardless of whether I paid my own way or not "
I responded.......Stop right there. You don't know me, and you're generalizing. No, a woman's body is NEVER my RIGHT. Wouldn't that be called Slavery, Prostitution, rape, or False Imprisionment ?
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13 Karat, YOU just stated " Whether I go to bed with a man in 3 dates or 300 dates is entirely up to me.... and he will know when it is happening. I highly doubt it will ever get to 300 though, because if it hasn't gone to the bedroom by then, then he is gone. "
Yes, it's entirely up to you, if YOU go to bed with a man. No, it's NOT entirely up to YOU, if BOTH of you go to bed. YES, I've turned down sexual invitations in a relationship, because at the time, * I * was the one who wasn't ready. So whether sex happens isn't ALWAYS about the woman.
And again, what YOU just stated about doubting that a relationship would ever get to 300 dated without sexual activity IS REFERING THAT YOU LIKELY WOULD HAVE SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:53:30 AM | {{{{Even if he has been taking a woman out for three months, there should be no expectation that a woman will pay him back with her body. Period.}}
I would never date a man for 3 months if I was not into him. That would be leading him on and its not a nice thing to do. It is a waste of time for both parties. Waiting 3 months to have sex... just crazy. Men and women date to have fun and have SEX with each other. Hopefully, it turns into a LTR and sometimes it doesn't. Dating should be fun and exciting........ All these rules are silly. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:58:35 AM | " I have made a man wait two months, seeing him on average twice per week. "
WOW
If a MAN wrote that, he'd be blasted for it.
You may not realize it, but it sounds to me like a statement of control. I think that something to the effect of....together, we decided to wait for 2 months... sounds more effective, less controlling, and more of a couple's decision, as opposed to something that you claim that you MADE him do..
And if you MADE a man wait for 2 months, then YOU HAD SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS, at some point.
You stated " That is the key thing for me: wanting enough time together to know if we would be seeing each other long term. "
I agree with you, and that's what I happen to look for in a relationship. I wish that more people felt the same way. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 7:14:11 AM |
A woman can't always be sure why a guy want's to get her alone. He mayhave a real rage towards women who don't meet his idea of what they should be.
This is one of the few "truths" I have read on this forum. And what's scarier about the situation of which the poster speaks is that the man wasn't someone from a dating site, but a man with whom the woman had mutual friends.
I have made a man wait two months, seeing him on average twice per week.
Control, control, controlling! I agree, OP, with you on this.
"Making" is the key word there. Obviously, the poster knew the man wanted sex but "made" him wait--not that she "wanted" to wait, but a willful "I made someone do my bidding."
That is the key thing for me: wanting enough time together to know if we would be seeing each other long term.
It may be the key for you, but not for everyone. So the woman MAKES the man wait for two months, they have sex, and it is lousy. While some people might settle for a partner who is ok in other aspects but is not good in bed, I won't. I did--for 25 years, and history will not repeat itself. And by the way, I MADE him wait for three years, until I had the wedding band on my finger. Of course, I was 17 when I met him and 20 when we married, so I was just a trifle immature.
But back to the OP's first post: why are and why should women be anger or surprised when a man whom they have been dating expects or wants sex? Again, women still have the right to say "no" (barring the crazies will tie her to a bed). A woman who would be surprised is inappropriately naive.
Also, some men might whine about the wining and dining and their expectations, but I think other men see the wining/dining as a sign of "hey, I really like you and desire you and this is how I am demonstrating it." The show of continued attention is a compliment. Men often show their needs, desires, affections, etc., differently from women.
As far as projecting sex appeal--whether it is deliberate or unconscious, it is there in the way we dress and present ourselves. I want men to find me sexy and appealing, and I would be lying if I said otherwise. However, that does not mean that every man who finds me such is appealing to me, and no amount of wining and dining will accomplish what personality, attractiveness, and brains will accomplish. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 7:24:06 AM | | Just an observation that doesn't entirely make sense to me. There are women who have stated they will make the man wait until they are sure they are worthy of a long term relationship and that sometimes it's been as much as two months and sometimes a shorter waiting period. The part that doesn't make sense is, whatever period of time the woman has made the guy wait until they've determined that he is worthy of a long term relationship are people who have had "many" relationships (at least that is what is gathered by stating there have been varying timeS). Obviously then, that waiting period was not a determining factor of whether the guy was worthy of a ltr because those women who have stated that are not in a ltr. It sounds like a faulty barometer. Then again, perhaps their definition of a lrt is different than mine. I dunno, I suppose the other possibility was that the guys wound up being ltr material, the woman had sex with him but it was later discovered he couldn't pound a nail in two strokes and it was a turn off, or perhaps any of his other pounding abilities sucked, even if he could look down and see his dangly bits. There is yet another possibility why all this waiting to have sex seemed like a good idea to the woman but there's no ltr at the end of it all: she got to know him but when he got to know her, he got tired of her prima dona attitude and left. | |
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| That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/15/2009 8:12:55 AM | 13 Karat, YOU just stated " Whether I go to bed with a man in 3 dates or 300 dates is entirely up to me.... and he will know when it is happening. I highly doubt it will ever get to 300 though, because if it hasn't gone to the bedroom by then, then he is gone. "
Yes, it's entirely up to you, if YOU go to bed with a man. No, it's NOT entirely up to YOU, if BOTH of you go to bed. YES, I've turned down sexual invitations in a relationship, because at the time, * I * was the one who wasn't ready. So whether sex happens isn't ALWAYS about the woman.
And again, what YOU just stated about doubting that a relationship would ever get to 300 dated without sexual activity IS REFERING THAT YOU LIKELY WOULD HAVE SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS
OP - you are way off on that one... it is not about my having sexual expectations! It IS about there being "sex appeal" as Savona wrote about earlier... it is about the man that is on the inside. If I have gone on 300 dates and it has not gone into the bedroom yet, we are both wasting our time... me and him.... there is obviously not a lot of chemistry. See, OP, what you are missing is that I do not view sex as something that is "expected" in a relationship..... NOT AT ALL.
I tend to go with the flow, watch a person and see what he is about - get to know WHO he is. He will reveal himself in time, as you have done in this thread. WHEN I am comfortable with him, and am confident that he is not ALL about sex, and does NOT "expect" it, then I may consider him for more of a "relationship"... beyond just getting to know one another. HOWEVER.... sex is still not "expected".... but friendship, honesty and trust are..... if sex becomes a natural byproduct of that friendship, honesty and trust.... great, but I do not "expect" it.
I have many male friends that I originally started out this way, hanging out together, dating, whatever you wish to call it... then we realized, as a couple, that it was a better friendship than a romantic relationship, and we are still good friends. BUT... we talked about it, we came to this conclusion together (yes, it was about BOTH of us, in every instance) and we didn't go into the bedroom.... yes, it would have been easier to just jump into bed.... but I have never been one to take the easy road. | |
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